Here is an e-mail I got from WH this morning.....I never thought to check before now......

"I think you might have misunderstood my reasons for meeting with you. I just wanted to apologize for some things and wanted to keep our relationship as pleasant as possible. I meant everything I said in the first e-mail and I wasn't trying to sway you in any way. I have not lied to you about anything. When you told me you were "pretty much done" I was telling the truth about not having contact with OW. Since then I have and I'm not trying to hide that.

The things I said about getting relief from God was the honest truth and you know how serious I am when it comes to the things of God. I was not telling you that to try to sway you in any way. DS called me the other day and we talked for about an hour. I think we got things ironed out. What I said about having things clear in my mind about you is the honest truth and I have never promised anything to you during our mending times but if you should ever decide to have me back "I promise you and God " that I will make our marriage work and I will not ask anything of you in return. I will always be ready for you and I will eagerly do anything you ask. The only thing I will not do is be shunned by you and be expected to scrape by and be unhappy. I know I can make you happier than you have ever been so please just consider it and I promise I will never let you down again.

WH"

Please note the line "I was telling the truth about not having contact with OW. Since then I have and I'm not trying to hide that."

Also...."I have never promised you anything during our mending times.."

So, as soon as he left, he ran right to OW. Go figure.

It makes me think of what he said one time when I kicked him out "If I'm not going to be with you, then I've got to be with someone".

Guess he can't stand to be alone.

And yes, he's honestly never said the words "I promise" to me.......but he has said "I will" do whatever......used to think he was a man of his word. Go figure....

What a load of crap!

This is just an update.........

K <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Gosh, he sounds so sincere. He reminds me of my WH.

Watch for actions.

Hmmm. So, he expects to still be able to talk to you when he wants to, keep his standard of living, and do whatever makes him happy? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

K,
I don't know what to say................. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

What in the world is this man thinking?????

hugs
bb

K,

I beg to differ than the rest of the posters. I know you have seen his tricks b4 and are not sure if this is it or just another ploy. Can't blame you.

However instead of cutting him off at the knees and 'never really knowing', why not find out w/o exposing yourself?

R U interested? If so, read on....if not stop here.

Think about how you can make him show you what it means. Listen, my Xws did the same thing. One thing I learned was his anger was my gauge. The more anger outbursts, the quicker I went to plan B. Still carry it in my back pocket.

Here's an example:

WS: I would like to speak with you.......

BS: Hm.... well that used t/b something I'd want but now it scares me to hear from you. What if you are just trying to toy with us again?

Reaction 1:
Ws: WHAT!??!?! U think I am toying with you? I told you I've changed.....prayed and everything. What else do you want from me?!?!? BLOOD? No way.

....ok, if you get a reaction like that.... RUN!

Reaction 2:
Ws: I guess I did mess with you. I am sorry. I don't want t/d that anymore.

BS: Really? How would you plan t/d that?

WS: I don't really know how, can you help me?

NOTE the 2 extreme reactions. Maybe yours w/b somewhere in the middle.

This is why you knowing your boundaries is soooo important. IMHO, this isn't the time for plan B. It is the time to let him prove himself so both of you know whether where this is going. Then if you choose to walk away.....you can walk away w/o regrets.

Why? Because you haven't D'd him yet. Why? Well..... I've got my hunches but you know better.

JMHO,
L.

Orchid,
I agree with what you are saying and yet in this situation, it's been going on like this for 4 years.

K has Planned B and her WS's reaction was always kinda the same.
She let in and gave him the opputurnity to "prove himself" only to find out that he was NOT sincere.............

Gosh, I really can understand what you are saying and I'm the last one to agree with divorce (even in this situation)

Wouldn't it be a good idea for K to talk to Steve Harley about this?????

I'd truely love to see this marriage ending up to be a success, it's worth it!!!!

bb

(YOUR WH SAID):
I will always be ready for you and I will eagerly do anything you ask.

Wow that funny didn't you ask him to stop running to this other woman that keeps invading your marriage, and causing you great pain, pain that causing you to be done with this man and this marriage.


(YOURWH SAID):
The only thing I will not do is be shunned by you and be expected to scrape by and be unhappy.

So as long as he is happy with you laying and down and taking his disrespects harmful action to the marriage, and not accepting that if you should shun him it is by his own doing, you know don't bother to heal from his affair and his emotional attachment to some one else during your marriage. On and feel quilty, because he has to give half of the marital belonging, because of his choices and he has to scrape by (with her help of course, siince he is already talking to her yet again) and be unhappy even though you have stated your unhappiness with this relationship he has with this woman.

(YOUR WH SAID):
I know I can make you happier than you have ever been so please just consider it and I promise I will never let you down again.

He had this chance to make you happier than you ever been like what 100 times and he blew it, yet he does not change his M.O., what you know is that he will yet again let you doewn like he did the last 100 times.

Good Morning to you all, and good night to some (bb).......

I agree with what you are saying Orchid, in theory. But all the "times" before, WH has acted and said the exact same things.

He is still trying to ride the fence. Well, he's not riding mine anymore. The last time we talked about the A, he said "I will answer your questions. Go ahead, ASK!"

This was not said to me with any need on his part to heal the breach. It was said with resentment. And all of my questions were answered with "I don't remember".

The fact that he has run right back to OW, and is not hiding it is proof enough to me that this is something that will never end.....until I end it.

He is talking to God, and say God has relieved his mind on a lot of things. Translation......"God has relieved my conscience". Of course, we all know that God does not relieve our conscience....HE IS OUR CONSCIENCE.

Believer, watching his actions (running back to OW) just shows me what I need to know - he's still a cheater and a liar.

It is a terrible shame to lose a M of 33 years. It was not my choice. I did my best. And at the worst, I am guilty of trying to believe in someone who is no longer the same person. Trying to keep hope alive.

My hope for this M is no longer alive. Truly, when I examine my feelings, I have none for this man.

It's very sad. But I must move on.

K

Hi Swan....

We were posting at the same time.

WH does not want to be shunned by me, and made to scrape by, and be unhappy.

WHAT DOES HE THINK HE'S DONE TO ME THESE PAST 4 YEARS?

Besides which....he makes a third again more money than I do. He pays half the house payment, the car insurance, and for the car he insisted on buying me.

When he moved out (to save on gas <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ), we paid for an apartment, utilities, and 4 -6 hundred dollars a month spending money for him.

I have scraped by, and am still doing so. I am considering taking on a per-diem job at the hospital so I can eat. (Please know, I am by no means poverty stricken) Things are a little tight tho.

My feelings for WH are gone. His attempt at reconciliation are amusing.

He makes me think of a scripture in the Bible "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways."

He's that man. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

K <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

K,

how are you??

hugs
bb

K,

If he isn't making you feel safe, then don't hang onto the M. What concerns me is you are speaking strongly that the M is over but not showing progress of the D.

What type of message r u giving to the Xws who may or may not want t/b an H again?

I sense future regret and don't want to see that. I realize those are my radar senses going off and this is not my sitch for me to decide. What I can tell you is your posts rings a similar bell to what I went through. It took 3 years for my Xws to see the light and a even a couple of years later, we are still having trust issue discussions. They are now where we can have calm adult discussions but my trust factor can go into the toilet quickly.....even now. Should it be that way? Well.....basically yes. Recovery from the A may take 2 - 3 times long than the A itself. Why am I still in this M? Despite his sometime setbacks, he is trying. He needs periodic reminders when he does things where I don't feel safe. We have learned to communicate these issues and work on reolutions. It is a work in process and he is seeing his progress.

There is not much for me t/d at this point but let him know when my trust factor feels threatened. I bring it to his attention in a calm way, babble back when I sense babbling, point out that he is babbling and once he gets it, he works on a resolution..... sorry for the long run on sentence but life's been a bunch of run on sentences. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hope this helps.
L.

K, I'm not on GQ much, but checked in and saw this thread. I actually thought things were over several months back because of your H's continued bullcrap. K, my wish for you is peace and happiness. I just can't see that happening with this man that used to be your H. Several times I've suggested you call the OW or send her a card saying, "I am giving you this gift, my H. Have a great life!" You are a wonderful W and have deserved so much more than all of this crap. Enough is enough! I hope you have a great lawyer and get an excellant settlement. Stay strong! CV

Hi K,

just wanted to know how things are going??? How are you??

hugs
bb