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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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"Dear OWH,

Hope you are doing well. Just wanted to let you know that WH was in contact with OW as recently as a month ago so the affair still continues. Even though the affair continues, however sporatic, WH is attempting to come back home but has said nothing about ending his affair. Just thought you would like to know.

Take care, Kim"


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Jean -

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I don't want him to think he is doing me a favor. Like Caren said in one of her posts, our BS's should be kissing our butts!!

Kim


D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Kim-

I'm actually a little jealous, because I do think he is moving in the right direction. Just be smarter than I am girl!!!

I really see some improvement, but, I agree, he does seem to be narrowing in on the NC letter.

I don't think it would hurt to wait a while to send him another copy of the Plan B letter out....maybe he lost it....maybe he got P.O.ed and tore them up. In any event he probably at least knows the general idea of them.

When will he have your son again??? Will it not be until later in the week?? Wait to see what he *does* when he picks him up.....he'll probably send another letter up....and your not responding to this letter, he might get the idea that you mean business.

Wow...if only I could follow my own advice. Someone needs to just handcuff me to my bed or something (keep the phone out of reach!!!).

God Bless,

Caren

P.S. Thank you Jean.....following the link now.


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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Kim,

I reread his lastest letter to you with my FWW decoder glasses on. What I read was:

Kim,

This whole affair thingy is not panning out for me as well as I had hoped. People keep telling me I am a fool for letting you go. I don't think that you can satisfy me, and I don't think we can ever be happy. But, I am willing to act like I am trying, knowing that you will fail. That way, maybe I can have a clearer conscience and you will be nicer to me. If you see that you don't have what it takes, maybe you will feel guilty and stop giving me such a hard time about being a dog.

WH


Me-41 BS (FWS)
DH-41 WS (FBS)
2DD's- 10 and 12
Married 15 years
Separated for 2 years after my A
Reconciled for 1 year before his A
D-day for his A 8/23/05
WH moved out 9/16/05
Divorce final 1/23/07
Affair ended or month or so later
My Story
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MelodyLane - You are one to get me to stir up some action here, huh? You know I am going to have to sleep on the thought of contacting OWH again.......

I am trying hard to keep myself from feeling anxious. I have this little nagging feeling that if I don't act now & respond to his earlier letter that he is going to take it as a "no" from me.

I know this is not true, but I am feeling a bit anxious.

Kim


D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Quote
MelodyLane - You are one to get me to stir up some action here, huh? You know I am going to have to sleep on the thought of contacting OWH again.......

I am trying hard to keep myself from feeling anxious. I have this little nagging feeling that if I don't act now & respond to his earlier letter that he is going to take it as a "no" from me.

I know this is not true, but I am feeling a bit anxious.

Kim

Don't respond because your answer *IS* NO. Rather, it is HE11 NO.

He is the one who needs to feel anxious. NOT YOU.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Caren -

Thanks -

Quote
I don't think it would hurt to wait a while to send him another copy of the Plan B letter out....maybe he lost it....maybe he got P.O.ed and tore them up. In any event he probably at least knows the general idea of them.

When will he have your son again??? Will it not be until later in the week?? Wait to see what he *does* when he picks him up.....he'll probably send another letter up....and your not responding to this letter, he might get the idea that you mean business.



Belive me, it's VERY hard not responding to his earlier letter.

Jean - OOOO!!! Good job decoding. I am laughing right now!! Thanks for you FWW decoder glasses ----- You are so nice to check in and give me some support. How are you doing??????

You guys are awesome!!

Only time will tell here.

Kim

Last edited by kimberly234; 03/05/06 09:00 AM.
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Hey Kim, I think two letters is quite enough for any person. He knows damn good and well what is required and I wouldn't send another letter giving credence to his claim that he doesn't remember. The truth is that he doesn't care.

And if he had the slightest bit interest in knowing your conditions, don't you think HE WOULD ASK??


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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If he wants to know your conditions, let him ASK for another letter. Otherwise he will just throw this one away like the others.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Kim-

I understand the tingly feeling all too well......AND I just had a realization.....that tingling sensation I get is officially my Kryptonite monitor (*Sounds of alarms going off* because Caren is lowering her Plan B shields for the umpteenth time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> )

It's so hard, but you do this so much better than I do Kim.

H*ll EVERYONE does this better than I do.

But I won't beat myself up about it. Imagine if I was the WS....LMAO, I have no willpower, how would I ever break the fog's grip.....Good thing I have morals, eh?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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On 2nd thought....good thing I don't have any malady to overcome! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God must have known this when he created me, because I'm skinny and loyal. If I had to diet or try to break an addiction, I'd be screwed...LMAO!!!


God Bless,

-Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,200
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Quote
If he wants to know your conditions, let him ASK for another letter. Otherwise he will just throw this one away like the others.


Very good point. Back in Plan B mode then.

Caren- You make me laugh! At least you also have a great sense of humor through all of this!!! My WH made it kind of easy for me to do a good Plan B though. He was AWFUL. The WORST. Cruel. But what WS is not??

Plus we have great coaches here!

I am rooting for you.....

Gotta go put DS to bed. Past his bedtime. Will be back later!

Kim


D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Yeah, I think I'm heading off of here too.....I'm going to take a hot bath.

My shoulders get CRAZY tight when I'm stressed out....and I'm all stressed out today (as I always get...which is probably why I break so easy!).

I get all caught up and romanticize EVERYTHING. I see the guy I do homecare for and his wife....how she's sticking by him through all of this, and taking care of him, and it makes me SO sad...he doesn't think of things like that.

I also have this incredible grudge against couples in the store..LMAO!!!! I swear to you, I don't even care what these people look like....if they are married and in the store together I absolutely HATE THEM...LMAO...I am so not right in the head.

I honestly sit there and look at a couple and think "OH....look it must be nice, your husband is with you.....I wouldn't know what that was like!"

Sheesh, I need to be medicated LOL!!!

God Bless,

-Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,200
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Quote
I get all caught up and romanticize EVERYTHING. I see the guy I do homecare for and his wife....how she's sticking by him through all of this, and taking care of him, and it makes me SO sad...he doesn't think of things like that.


Caren - that's such a sweet story. You know what - One day maybe people can see us as "heroes" too for sticking to what we believe in and standing so strongly for our marriages. Perhaps one day our WH's will see us in the true light.

Have a good night Caren -- Rest good!

Kim


D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
Joined: Sep 2004
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Kim-

I think that our husbands will eventually figure it out. In fact, my husband has already said that he knew I had been trying so hard (before I moved) to make our marriage work.....but he was bucking me every step of the way. So I believe he already views me as a strong person to stick through this.

People who aren't in MB don't get it AT ALL. I can't even find anyone who even wants to hear about my marital problems anymore (a year and a half later). They think I should be *over it*. Even the youth minister at my church (who divorced because her husband cheated on her, about 2 years ago)doesn't fully get it. She said "Yeah, I remember having those feelings, but I just prayed that God would give me peace." And I'm honestly glad that she's found peace, but that doesn't really help me much.

I can't even talk to my Mom about it AT ALL. She's so disgusted with the whole situation. During the time that the *A* was going on she said "Caren, Mark just doesn't want to be married anymore" I guess she thought that would help me deal with it........It didn't! I'd protest...."But Mom, *I* don't want to be divorced" She'd say "Caren, you can't force him to love you...you can't force him to stay married to you" which, of course, wasn't what I wanted at all....I didn't want to force anyone to do anything (With the possible exception of forcing OW's head underwater..lol). I simply couldn't let go of the man I married....I knew he was in there somewhere.

I think you're doing really well Kim. I only hope I can follow your example.

It's hard for me to deal with how much I miss my husband....so I keep taking these pseudo olive branches all over the place and setting myself back 6 months.

I wish I had a time machine that could take me back to pre-D-Day, when I knew in my gut what was going on.....I handled everything so wrong. I moved out because I didn't think I could live with someone who "Loved me but wasn't in love with me".........I didn't know about Marriage Builders then, but looking back at his behavior in the weeks preceding my move, he was NOT sure about any of this....he held me so tight all night long and we had SF every night. I could have nipped this in the bud before it had gone physical.

Ahhh but hind sight is 20/20.

Sometimes I think about what it must have been like when people didn't divorce over these things....that husband's had affairs and wives just accepted the fact....not that I could possibly accept this, by any stretch of the imagination.....but marriages didn't use to break up over this.

I am so glad for this site. I think that it's so wonderful. I hate to see someone new come here, because I know what's in store for them.....but I'm glad, also, that they are getting the knowledge they need to get through this.

Wow I'm profound at 3 in the morning aren't I?? LOL!!!

So much for resting well <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Nice thought though Kim!!

God Bless,

-Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 846
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Quote
I reread his lastest letter to you with my FWW decoder glasses on.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> You crack me up Jean.

I know this hurts Kim. Just remember, you da bomb and he da boob for giving you up. Eventually . . . . he will realize this. Hugs.
S.


Me/BS 48
Married 16 yrs/together 23; 1 child
Dday 4/05; WH "needed space" and left 5/05
WH Filed D papers 6/05 - Divorce final 12/05
WH moved in with OW 11/05; moved out OW 1/06
12/06 His 3rd and strongest attempt at reconcilliation (I believe OW still in picture)
2/07 Affair over, begging me to take him back - it's too late.
WH has tried numerous times to reconcile.
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Hi Kim,

Just dropping by to lend support....you're already getting good advice.

Take care.


XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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Kim-

Stop working and post to us LMAO....I'm bored!!!!!!

I am dying to hear the latest, I figure he's gonna start texting anytime now....you know, trying a different route.

Maybe he'll wait and do the note thing tommorrow, I dunno.

I think I would definitely tell OWH about the most recent contact, just to add some fuel to the fire, if nothing else.

It might initially tick your WH off, but we're not really interested in the WH's feelings so much as our husband that's in there somewhere.

Did you read my most recent revelation? I'm actually going to mark the Plan B days on the calendar so I can go and look at the calendar and factor that into my decision making....heck I've got to do something, I suck at this...LOL!!!

Okay, so post already!!!

God Bless,

-Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,246
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Sorry if this was mentioned in the end section of this thread.. (it got a bit mushy so i started just scanning past those) ...

Uhm, you are in plan b, right? You have more contact with your WH than I was able to have with my WW while I was in plan a. See the irony there?

If he is telling you the truth, and OW has dropped him for a month now... I'm sure he is feeling all conflicted inside. I bet he's scared of what his future is about to become. I would like to see what happens if you actually went dark on him... Send him a note like this: "You know what, I'm tired. I'm tired of the fight. I'm tired of the money. I'm tired of living a life as a single mom. I' tired of my son's father complaining about having to earn some money to help pay his bills. Contact me only when you are done with your affair, no more silly game letters. You KNOW what you need to do, no more game, just do it. Then, and only then, will a discussion be available for you and me to go forwards."

It's really not that confusing...but, he sure is doing a fine job of confusing you. I am amazed at your strength and patience so far. Some day, when it's all said and done, the Lord will smile on you, and say 'well done.'

-hang in there


9 years now ... and some days you still say grrr!
Hang in there.
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