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LemonMan, we miss ya terrible, my friend! Come back soon! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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***wilfully breaking my vow to stop posting here**** Lem - HEY!!!!!! I was thrilled to hear from you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />I hope you are doing great! Thanks for your kind words....And the encouragement. I forget sometimes how far I've come. You have reminded me of that. Keep rooting for me, o.k.?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Jean - what a journey. I am feeling better today - thanks! Mel - If this doesn't test someone's patience & will power, I don't know what will! Thanks for standing behind me!! On another note - I got another note from WH. He let me know when he is available for SH next Monday. So, I will call tomorrow to see about scheduling. Mel - Check your e-mail. I am sending you something shortly. Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Kim-
Just stopping in to say Hi, and see how you're doing.
God Bless,
-Caren
Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.
BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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Caren -
Hi! I'm o.k. - right now nothing has changed.
WH & I have a session with SH tomorrow morning. I plan on taking the first 5 minutes to brief SH before conferencing WH onto the call.
SO, will see what SH's take is on all of this.
On my way home from work today, I had almost resolved myself to put an end to all of this. I am at that point of knowing that I will be just fine. It was almost a feeling of "nothingness" - no anger, no love. I wonder if that's what my WH felt when he chose to have an A. Nothingness. But, I know that if I end it right now that I wouldn't have given it 100%. I have to see it through a while longer.
I do know that if the session is positive I will put 100% into this M. Even if my LB is pretty much empty right now.
Take Care!
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Session w/SH today -
It was positive on the most part....
One of the thoughts that SH wanted to know was were we thinking "It'd be great if we got back together, but I just can't imagine it." OR "I can imagine it."
We both said that we COULD imagine it.
The session was quite long, a lot of info. I couldn't write half of what happened down.
SH focused more on concepts of the actions that WH needed to take. He didn't actually coming out and list the things that WH needed to do, but more focused on the goal & the concept of how we were going to get there.
He said that working on the M won't happen until the A is resolved. The NC lettter is more symbolic than anything & is a declaration of intent.
There was SO much that he covered. I am still digesting it!
He really is very talented. It's so nice to have someone really trying to shape a Recovery than just trying to find out "how you feel" about things!!
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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kim, I am so glad you counseled with him. I agree very much that your H needs to focus on the GOAL rather than tactics. He seemed to be concerned with signing form letters and completing a check list instead of restoring the marriage.
What was your H's response to his sugestion that the affair has to end before you can work on the marriage?
What is the next step?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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WH agreed with MOST everything that Steve said. Knew that a NC letter needed to happen in order for my wounds to begin healing. Steve said there needed to be a strategy in place to make sure NC happened ( but we didn't get far enough to talk about that)
There is so much for WH and I to work through. Steve said that working on the M won't happend until the A issue is RESOLVED. It sounded like SH believed WH"s sincerity and that WH really does need a lot of direction in reaching the end goal.
I still heard a heap of FOG talk in that session. I did a lot of listening.
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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What was the fog talk?? What are his biggest issues and what was SH's response?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Kim -
It's really nice to hear that you and H are counseling with SH. Sounds like you're on the right track, even if it may take a detour or two along the way.
Congratulations on the good work and holding firm!!
Georgia
Formerly G.G. and Jeb
Me: BS 50
She: xW 50
Jeb: Mini Schnauzer
Married: 29 yrs
Children: MM25, MM23
Plan B - 12/06/04
Divorced - 11/17/05
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The whole abuse story. SH made it a point to question WH on that. Asked me what I knew of the sitch. I told Steve that I only knew what WH had told me about it. SH asked me if I believed him.... I said no.
SH didn't really argue it with WH & moved on to focusing on the GOAL. It just makes me sick to hear WH continue to be so pulled into that story. It makes me wonder at times if this is all worth it. I just keeping thinking that if WE do it make it through that one day WH is going to look back on this and realize what a fool he has been.
When will that ever happen?
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Georgia -
Thanks for checking in! Hope you and Jeb are doing great! Just have to keep believing in this --- sometimes its hard.
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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The talk with SH sounds very productive. Does WH know that he needs a plan now and will he put one together. (I still don't get the "protect the OW and not let OWH know that the A is over. If OWH's didn't beat her when she was rutting around, he is going to beat her now that she has stopped?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />)
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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Ok, I too have a difficult time with that excuse, but for those of you not familiar with domestic violence, the abuser is not always rational in his/her outbursts or in how he treats the abuse victim
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It is likely a lie given that the OW is apparently not concerned about it. This is a typical lie we hear on this forum all the time.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am at my wits end here. I am confused over what to do right now. The counseling with SH was great, but I don't feel like I know what I should be doing!!!
He said we need to gather info from a financial advisor. He said that WH also needed to give me a reason to let my guard down. No specifics on HOW he needed to do that.
So, note from WH comes up asking when I'd like to see a financial adivsor with him.
I AM SO NOT READY to sit down and discuss finances, even if it does not involve refi. It will involve exploring other ways to improve our finances.
Am I missing something??? Does Steve really want me to do that without feeling safe?
I feel like I need to call WH tonight & just lay it out on the line.
That I want to take these steps with him, but I don't feel comfortable moving in that direction. I need to feel like it's "right" --- THAT I AM NOW CONFUSED.
HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Kim, why not call your WH up and lay it out? Start a dialogue and give him a chance to prove himself to you. You don't have to make any decisions about finances, this can be just exploratory. You don't have to commit to anything.
In the meantime, what if you email SH or call him and ask for a more detailed plan?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Mel - I sent an e-mail to his attention through the the e-mail they give out for MB radio. I didn't get a reply.
I am trying to figure out exactly what it is I'd like to say to him -
Hey - got your note. What do you think SH want's our next step to be?
He said that I needed to feel comfortable in letting my guard down - how do you think that will best be accomplished...
Is this too hard for a fogged out WS??
I swear, everytime he mentions finances it pulls inventory out of my Love Bank. But Steve said that he didn't care what got us to the call, even if it was finances. So if I start discussing finances our M is going to start coming back??
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Alright, I'm gonna call him shortly. Any other suggestions??
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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