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And I will try to swing a session with Steve again soon. If I feel like I want WH involved too I will ask to do a split session where I can talk to SH for 30 minutes without WH on the phone.
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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He says that he misses his family. I point blank asked him a couple of conversations ago (probably 2-3 weeks) if "he was done chasing OW." He said yes, that it caused too much pain and that it just wasn't worth it. Orchid: Yea, mine tried that line to come back also. It turned out t/b 1/2 truth because it was my H talking but then he allowed the WS back in control and that reason went out the window. So my advice....be cautious, very careful. And yes, it appears that OW has dumped him. WH said that he recently (which I don't know what his definition is of that) learned I had sent OW a letter --- The only letter I sent her was back in Oct. which was a copy of my Plan B letter with a note telling her that I loved WH & I would wait for the chance to show him that again & that DS needed his daddy home. WH said that this is the reason why OW wouldn't ever return his calls - b/c of my letter. OW is doing what I asked. Orchid: Right....did you know you had that much power and could have written that letter waaay earlier? I think not. He is still babbling and let him know you are aware of his babble. I came right out and said to my then supposed Xws: U do know u r babbling again? Again, WH is blaming me for yet another thing. OW won't call him b/c of me. But, I know this is all part of the process. Perhaps one day he will take some responsibility for all of this and stop blaming me for everything. It's like he blames life in general for everything that is happening -- nothing is b/c of him. Orchid: Yes, that's the WS in him trying hard to get back in control. Let your H know you can see his dual personality and it aint purty. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Know w/b the time you can reverse babble good and teach him something. What? Teach a WS? No, teach your H. Reach down there while he is showing signs of H life and enpower him but giving him ammo against the WS. If you attack the WS from the outside and your H kicks from the inside....that's a duo fighting team.....given enough chances, your odds of winning your H's freedom start looking better. I got a new name for you and your H duo A fighting partner....will tell you at the end of this post. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> The reason I say he is on the fence still is b/c of he recent attempt to contact her - 13 days ago. He says one thing, but his actions show nothing. Orchid: Yea, that's the WS out there being an Azz. Just let him know his crotch is showing or something similar. And I will try to swing a session with Steve again soon. If I feel like I want WH involved too I will ask to do a split session where I can talk to SH for 30 minutes without WH on the phone. Orchid: Now I copy and pasted 2 of your threads because I felt the need to answer both..... remember you still have a WS on your hands, don't try to do tooo much for the WS. You go make your session with Steve and let the WS wonder what u r up to. He will make an appears if you keep him wondering. As to your new name: Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> L.
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Orchid!!!!!!!!!!! I am laughing so hard right now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> As to your new name: Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable. It is SOOO great to have people throw you a funny line when in the midst of this crap!! And thanks for your input. I do see recovery on the horizon. I can just feel it. I need to remember to distinguish between the WH and the H. And to continue staying dark until the H surfaces a bit more. I'll try to do some reverse babble the next time we talk(which won't be for a while .....) I really didn't know I had so much power in me to MAKE OW stop calling WH. Wow. I am pretty darn powerful, huh? If I look at this whole thing that way, I really am Kim Possible!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Thanks Orchid!
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Kim- Hey girl!!!! Okay, now I could be VERY wrong here, but I'll post my opinion anyway..lol. Could SH have possibly meant that your should go and seek the counsel of a financial advisor because your WH needs to feel safe too??? I mean they do, they need to know that the changes you made during Plan A to meet their needs are permanent, and financial support is obviously in his top 3. I guess I would call SH back and ask him to clarify the order he was asking that these things be done. That's just my take on it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> God Bless, -Caren
Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.
BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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Hi Caren -
I think his need right now is financial b/c he is doing so poorly for the time being in that arena. This is just what is making him think of reconciliation.
Since I didn't get an answer back via e-mail I might call & leave a quick message for SH.
WH sent up another note - "There is nothing between OW and me and I want to be in DS' life more. I can't be by myself any longer."
He also had a tax question & told me he couldn't give me any money for the gas bill.
So, I repeat: WH knows what he needs to do. I just told him in a phone conversation on Wednesday. How many times does this message have to be repeated before it finally sinks in?
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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WH sent up another note - "There is nothing between OW and me and I want to be in DS' life more. I can't be by myself any longer." U C how this is still all about him? Send a note back: Got your note, it said: "There is nothing between OW and me and I want to be in DS' life more. I can't be by myself any longer." Let me know when you are willing t/b a part of our family's life. DS and I are 1 pkg. Can't have only him. Also, let me know when things will stop being all about you and when you will start looking out for the welfare of others.....like your family? Luv, Kim Possible.
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It is SOOO still about him. There was nothing in there about ME. I do remember what SH said though - SH doesn't care the REASON for the WH wanting to come home, just that he wants to. BUT, I would still think that some safety steps for the BS must be established before that happens.
Right?
Orchid - Your note is very straightforward and bold.(for me that is). I like, I like! I am usually to chicken to send a note like that....I usually do just the "Please don't contact me until you have ended the A" type of note.....
Hmmmm......That might possibly knock a bit of sense into him.....
Thanks!!
Kim Possible!
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Please don't contact me until you have ended the A" type of note..... I think that type of note..simple without any sarcasm is best...Steve told me to KEEP IT SIMPLE.."Get rid of the OW".. WSes, trying to recover..are EXTREMELY SENSITIVE... My FWH was like the "WALKING WOUNDED" for months..coming out of an alien world..You don't want to send him back there for comfort although you want him to make it back on his own...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Mimi -
He is telling me that there is "nothing between OW and me." So, in his "words" the A is over. But, he is not putting any action behind it.(the No Contact Letter)
Would it be best not to respond at all to his note?
Or tm him: "R u ready to send the letter?"
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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How about: "then let me know when the letter has been sent."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I agree with Mel..."We can TALK about being together after WE send the NC LETTER"..Period...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Kim -
I just wanted to let you know that I am following along and "listening" to the excellent advice you are getting here.
Souds like you and the Mr. have a real chance at recovery...congrats on standing your ground.
Side note: have you heard anything from tdr?
Georgia
Formerly G.G. and Jeb
Me: BS 50
She: xW 50
Jeb: Mini Schnauzer
Married: 29 yrs
Children: MM25, MM23
Plan B - 12/06/04
Divorced - 11/17/05
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How about: "then let me know when the letter has been sent." Mel - I need to send the letter, right? Otherwise he could just say he did it and it would never happen - How about - "U R ready to send the letter then?" or would it just be better to not respond until he comes right out and says "let's just send the letter." Is it that I have not made myself clear enough on this?? I don't know!! Somewhere about 20 miles from me. Out in the "woods." I agree with Mel..."We can TALK about being together after WE send the NC LETTER"..Period... Mimi - did your WH go through a phase like this?? Side note: have you heard anything from tdr? Georgia -hey there! I have not heard from tdr....Hope she's o.k. Do you still have an e-mail for her? DS & I rented the movie "Because of Winn Dixie" the other night. I'd never seen it....Made me Cry!!!! Cute movie, the dog(s) were fantastic!! Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Kim, I agree with what you said about my comment. If you use Mimi's comment that makes it clear that you expect the letter to be sent TOGETHER. I like hers better.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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O.k. - I guess repetition for some people is just a necessity. I will tm him tomorrow with that.
Kim "everything's possible!" Possible
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Kim -
I dropped tdr an e-mail about a week ago and asked if she was okay. She didn't respond.
I'm going to send you her e-mail address. Perhaps you can check on her.
Georgia
Formerly G.G. and Jeb
Me: BS 50
She: xW 50
Jeb: Mini Schnauzer
Married: 29 yrs
Children: MM25, MM23
Plan B - 12/06/04
Divorced - 11/17/05
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Formerly G.G. and Jeb
Me: BS 50
She: xW 50
Jeb: Mini Schnauzer
Married: 29 yrs
Children: MM25, MM23
Plan B - 12/06/04
Divorced - 11/17/05
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Got it - Thanks GG - I will send her one -
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Posts: 15,310
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Mimi - did your WH go through a phase like this?? Yes...there's a WS HANDBOOK somewhere..I know it... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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