Somebody set me straight. I am having a bit of a small anxiety attack here. I'm not driving WH further away by refusing his advances, right? I have this crazy thought going through my head that WH is going to just give up on us. I know these are crazy thoughts right now.

I tm him today with Mimi's suggestion. I did not get a response & no note from him either.

I guess if he "gives up" our M wasn't worth having back anyway.

ARGH!!!!!!!!! I'm doing the right thing, I'm doing the right thing, I'm doing the right thing.

Kim

You are doing the right thing..You are doing the right thing...

You want him to come back WHEN HE IS READY..when he is ready he will DO EVERYTHING that he needs to do...

This will prevent a FALSE RECOVERY...

Plus, responding to him now is likely to ENABLE him and keep him out there longer. I learned the HARD WAY.

He needs to SUFFER and come begging and pleading...

That's when TRUE RECOVERY begins...

Hang in there, Kim...

Kim, you are SOOO doing the right thing!! You are not allowing him to come back and keep the OW on the line. THAT IS WHAT HE WANTS.

He is hoping to be able to keep his options OPEN and get the benefits of home at the same time. Do you see him knocking himself out to show his committment to his marriage? NO!

It is because he is still hanging on to the hope of the OW. He is really starting to suffer, so don't give up!

I just had this awful feeling that he hunted down OW last night or early this morning.

And it was b/c I have not fallen for his tricks.

I keep believing that he will do the steps I am asking when he is completely ready. And I don't want him home before then. I will keep believing that.

I don't want a false recovery.

Thanks Mimi & Melody!

Kim

GREAT!!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi KIM,

quote:-------------------------------------------
I don't want a false recovery.
-------------------------------------------------

That's right KIM...you don't...I think you should just keep gently reminding him of what needs to 'happen'...whenever HE initiates contact....

I am mostly here for support....you are getting good advice.

Thanks Mimi & Luna!

It will be 6 months on April 11th of Plan B. Luna, you have been in Plan B longer than me. I am considering some changes soon(not filing for D) but just some steps to continue moving forward with my life.

I am considering putting the house up for sale late April. I don't really see myself staying here whether or not WH reconcile or not. I love the shcool that DS is in though. I am considering moving 2 hours south. I have mentioned this before, but my Dad and brother want me in on the family business. I don't know if I will like it as much as what I am doing now though. But the opportunity is HUGE.

Just some thoughts.........It would be a big change.

I am feeling a bit depressed today, but could be that I am tired and hormonal.

Kim

I don't know if you know my story but I put my house up for sale, too.

I didn't want to live there anymore...

Mimi -

Yes, I remembered reading before that you had done that. How long into Plan B were you when you made that decision? Was it just that you didn't want the memories or was it that you wanted to show WH that you were moving on?

I will have to be at a school function Friday night. WH will be there too. Not sure how I'm going to handle that as I think we might end up seeing each other.

Ugh.

Kim

Hey Kim;

When we discussed this before, as I recall, you were going to check with your lawyer about how many miles you could move away without court approval. Wonder if you looked into that.

If that wasn't you I discussed it with, then you need to check. You don't want to have a house all picked out and have WH file to stop you from moving so far away with his child. You might have to pick a city or town in between.

Good luck,

Mr. Wondering

Mr. Wondering -

It was me ----- I have not consulted a lawyer. I dread the thought of that & have been putting it off. My sis said she believes that in our state you just can't move to another state...but I won't take her word on it of course.

Thanks-----wish I could get away without the lawyer thing!! But I will consult one if I make a final decision to do so. I might just put the house up for sale first. Of course, I will have to get the o.k. from WH to do that.

Kim

what state again, perhaps the information is on-line.

Many divorce attorneys will give a free consultation in hopes of retaining your business. You may need one anyway so when you get nearer to the time of actually selling your house you could attorney shop also and ask that important question as an ancillary query.

Mr. Wondering

Georgia --

I keep hoping and praying I don't have to go that route. WH is so wishy washy. I wish something would knock the washiness out of him.

Been a while --- have had company in town so I have not been able to be around. Hope everyone is doing o.k.!!

Me? Well, never got a response from WH on the tm. So I texted him again with the same message. He called & said he just wanted to know about tax stuff & said something about DS's play.

I tm him back asking what he meant by his note then: There is nothing between OW and me. I told him to not to contact me again until he was truly done.

I feel like I have taken steps backwards.

No response.

He is no longer "pursuing" me. His last note asked about us seeing a financial planner. My thoughts are that he & OW are back together. I have no proof. Just a hunch.

So, I tm OWH to see if he had any news. He has not responded. So I e-mailed him last week. No response. E-mailed him again today. No response.

What's going on??

ARGH. Have been trying to get a hotel on the beach for Friday. I need a break. I am tired.

DS went home with my Mom today so I am all alone....

Kim

So sorry, Kim.

But the loss of a battle doesn't signal the end of the war.

Go back to your Plan B. I wonder if other wise owls here might think your tm and e-mails are a bit too much to constitute a true and pure Plan B?

Hang in there..

So sorry, Kim. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> But I hope you know you are doing the right thing. I wonder if they are back together too and wish the OWH would call you.

Georgia - Believe me, no tm will occur for a while. I THOUGHT I was in the negotiation stage. I was under the impression from WH that the A was over, but he was having a hard time with the letter.

I know a NC letter is suggested. Are there any here who recovered without a NC letter?

Kim

Kim, the NC is just a BELLWEATHER of his sincerity. The more accurate question would be: are there any here who recovered without ENDING CONTACT with the OP. And the answer is NO.

As you can see, he is not sincere. He is not avoiding you because of the nc letter, he is avoiding you because HE IS NOT DONE WITH HIS AFFAIR.

If he were sincere, not even wild horses could keep him away, much less a simple thing like a nc letter. He did not want to send it because he feared it would fall into the hands of the OWH and expose him and give him ammunition for a divorce that your H is HOPING will come about.

The letter would ruin his affair and his potential with the OW.

Mel - I don't want to be pushy with OWH, but now I am really dying to check in with him. Funny how that NC thing works, huh??

I might call him in a few days........perhaps he's on vacation.

Guess I'll have to adopt that attitude back of "I hope they are in contact so they can LB each other again."

Kim

Mel - I'm just trying to find things to question. What if this, what if that? I just need to go DARK again. Get my mind off WH.

I'm saving up for another session with SH. This time by myself.

Kim