thanks, I'll take note of your opinion.

FWIW, Just the other day Mrs Lane told another poster something to the effect of: "If you can't handle an argument on a forum you have no business being on the internet."

It is of my opinion she still agrees with that statement.

Comfortable Numb,


If you can’t parse the point after all that has been said so far, well….


Red herring.


Total straw man. Read my post to Smidgen above.


You assume the Mel was being rude when she was just not appeasing some of the posters on this board. Many, including me, do not share this assumption. And without this assumption, your whole point about the purpose of MB does not work here. I think you may be confusing the unwillingness to appease unsupported opinions with being rude.


Red herring again!


And again.

Ba109,

.

I was presenting a counterexample using the same logical form of your argument. I assumed you were aware or could understand elementary logic and thereby comprehend the point I was making.

bleh.

I find the noise on this forum (in particular) pretty deafening these days (I appreciated ark's and Susan's comments, tho.). If you want to sit around and flame each other, take it to slashdot.

These boards are here to discuss and support marriages, especially through the use of the MarriageBuilder methods. This place used to be a more respectful environment---2x4s were used with much more grace (and probably more effectiveness). People weren't run off or shouted down. Longtime contributors who weren't getting the MB principles right were challeged respectfully, and this thing we called a "discussion" was respectful. I'd suggest many of you could learn something by sitting and reading through the older archives.

This issue that Temptest brought up is one of respect. It's something that is central to the MB principles, and it's being ignored as of late. As mentioned before---we are all guests of the Harley's here. When I first came to MarriageBuilders it was before a discussion board was in place. It would be no surprise at all to me to see these boards removed, if this current state of behavior continues.

It's a shame, that when there are marriages to save and that people are in so much pain, that some of us choose to behave in this fashion.

I think I'm starting to come to the conclusion that our behavior here could be a clue to the problems we have with our spouses...

Low

Well said K.

When I first came on here as an FWS it was because I'd read all the material on the site first and saw that MB was for ALL people involved in infidelity, the BS and the WS. It never occurred to me for a minute that only BSs would post and I was right.

I was treated with respect and understanding right from the start and this board and the people on it were a major force in the recovery of my marriage.

Fluke, I have to disagree that it is politically correct to be respectful. If I'd been flamed right at the start when I was particularly vulnerable and a real newbie at internet boards, I'd have disappeared forever and wouldn't still be around 2 years later telling people that their marriages can be saved, just like mine was.

Yo K, Low - howzit?

Man, I'm glad I've stayed outta this sandbox.

Sheese.

Hey, I hear the tailgating before the Olympic curling matches start is pretty good. Shouldn't have any trouble keeping the suds cold.

WAT
---------------
Just imagine if he had shot Scalia!

From the LoveBusters section of this MarriageBuilders site:

[color:"blue"]When requests don't get you what you want, and demands don't work either, our instincts and habits often provide us with another stupid and abusive strategy -- disrespectful judgments. Without a doubt, demands are abusive, but disrespectful judgments often make demands seem merciful in comparison...

A disrespectful judgment occurs whenever one spouse tries to impose a system of values and beliefs on the other. When a husband tries to force his point of view on his wife, he's just asking for trouble. When a wife assumes that her own views are right and her husband is woefully misguided -- and tells him so -- she enters a minefield....

When we try to impose our opinions on our spouses, we imply that they have poor judgment. That's disrespectful. We may not say this in so many words, but it's the clear message that they hear. If we valued their judgment more, we might question our own opinions. What if they're right, and we're wrong?...

I'm not saying that you can't disagree with your spouse. But I want you to respectfully disagree. Try to understand your spouse's reasoning. Present the information that brought you to your opinion and listen to the information your spouse brings. Entertain the possibility that you might change your own mind, instead of just pointing out how wrong your spouse is...

That's how [color:"red"]respectful persuasion[/color] works. [/color]

I think this applies outside the marriage as well as in.

TA

UVA,

One of the things I've always appreciated about Tempest, was that she doesn't single people out for chastisement on the open board...ever. If she has personal criticism, she sends it through email.....goodness knows I've gotten a few from some of the mods! *eek* Anytime a GENERAL statement is made....he/she does so because a GENERAL reminder needs to be made (because a distingquishable PATTERN of disrespect is emerging) so that everyone knows they're being held to the same standards that would apply to any of us....no matter their status, post number OR popularity.

Until you made it public knowledge....no one would have had any idea that another message was addressed privately also....but my guess is that there were more of those too!! The private message was supposed to be private. The general message did NOT single anyone out....no matter what the private message said.

Sure....nobody's stupid and if we're paying attention....we can read between lines, connect the dots and count the missing.....but there's really no way to avoid that some people will have the background knowledge to do that. These dynamics have been going on a long long time, and it just so happened that some of the participants in some of the more controversial threads took a little heat about it <right now>....other times....it's been <other> people. After being here for as long as I have.....the same exact thing has happened to me MORE than ONCE. I didn't take my ball and go home either! I didn't leave the board because some of the comments on the open board PROBABLY were about me!

MB is bigger than me. It's bigger than any single poster even our most respected ones. There of those of us who donate an incredible portion of our time to help other people....unselfishly....but as much as we'd like to think so....MB has a life of it's own and none of us are indispensible....once we start thinking so....we usually misbehave LOL.

You think this is about hard truths and "style"....and that's the farthest thing from the truth. It's about stuff like pot stirring and bullying which any one of us can get sucked into from time to time. When I've done it....I got my hand slapped. I'm not exempt from being chastised....and nobody else gets a free pass either.

What we decide to after that....is our choice.

I've also been chastised (one was for saying "nyah, nyah" to someone - REALLY mature of me.) It feels awful but it also made me see that I'd crossed the line.

First off...I never presented or started an arguement, I politely and respectfully responded to your thread.

Secondly, you assumed correctly. I found your comment to my original response to be a very poor comparison and a twisting of words and logic to suit yourself. i.e.(So what your saying is...)

Thirdly, I again responded politely to you and received the above response. It is probably childish comments such as these (of which I am occasionally guilty) which cause the moderators to refer to the board as a playground.

Ba109,


Point taken and you are totally right. I apologize for this quote. But the rest of my position stands.

Things are good---until I read your signature, and then milk came out of my nose. Oh well, I should have known better than to be drinking and reading stuff from you... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Curling is great. Have you ever played broomball??

BROOMBALL...many many times...

I just didnt think it was something a lady discussed here... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

really k..
how cheeky...

ARKie^^^^^^^^^^^

Hmmmm, maybe you play the Québec version??

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hi WAT,

Just hangin' out today. I have no car to wash, and no house to clean. All I own fits in two suitcases and a carry on.

Watching TV on a laptop gets old.

Prolly just go take in some local blues and beer tonight. One of my friends plays bass...

Wassup wit u?

Hi K - no, can't say that I've played broomball. Is that summertime hockey?

I grew up in the south and don't like ice or cold weather, so never took to hockey.

Horse shoes! Now there's a good slow game like curling.

WAT
-------------
New Olympic Figure Skating Rule: All figure skaters have to perform their routines in those big Seven Dwarfs costumes. Because let's face it, in terms of future job prospects...

OK, can't remember - where's local?

There's a cool blues joint near me that's run by a Thai guy. Get Thai food and hear good blues. Strange combination, but both very good. Called Bangkok Blues .

WAT

Who saw the snowboard cross last night? My husband thought it was boring, but I really liked it!