I thought the snowboard cross was amazing - like a Playstation game in the flesh!

And all that new terminology - 'burms' indeed.

TA

I loved the way that guy who won "sling-shotted" around the leader using the high part of the track....it was so dang cool!!

Good on you, UVA. You have correctly interpreted Tempest's words in her post. Tempest used DIRECT quotes from Melodylane's posts in her (Tempest's) little article. There is NO doubt Tempest was directly attacking Melody. Anyone who questions that needs to review the applicable threads.

The odd thing is Melody is being attacked for quoting Dr. Harley and her critics are given a pass for petty, personal attacks on Melody’s character and motivations. How very strange.

It’s a shame Tempest has apparently decided to chase away one of MB’s most proficient experts in helping couples regain their marriages. Several other individuals with irreplaceable expertise have been chased off the forum lately. Together, those with expertise have, between them, saved dozens, if not hundreds, of marriages. Now they are gone. Lemon has said he’s not coming back, and Melody sees no point in continuing to post on a board where the administrator publicly derides her. If the administrator will not support MB principles, who will?

*****edit**********

Unfortunately, that is what I see has happened here. Tempest might well have had a good point in addressing some of the rudeness existing on this board. Unfortunately, Tempest interprets refusal to pay attention to posters with no appreciation of MB principles for condescension. Quoting from Dr. Harley is seen as rudeness.

Tempest made her point invalid by deliberately pointing the finger at someone who was only supporting the reasons this website was established. How ironic is that? Actually, it’s depressing, because now many couples who desperately need help will not get it on this website.

I’m not going to stop posting on this website voluntarily, by the way. If I disappear, it will be because Tempest has decided to ban me and I suspect she will. I don’t know how…perhaps she’ll find a bylaw somewhere forbidding criticism of a forum administrator or something like that.

Instead of a plea for her to apologize to Melody, Tempest is going to view this as a personal attack and she won’t like that at all. Well, Tempest has the power to make sure I never criticize her ever again and if she’ll would actions she had to have known would chase away one of MB’s most intelligent and caring posters, she won’t hesitate to ban my IP. I don’t matter much, but Melodylane sure as heck did. How very, very sad.

This sounds a lot like a couple of emails I've received from Tempest. I don't think the word "condescending" used, or "rude", but definitely a selection of other words pointing out that my posting style raises hackles on a lot of people despite the fact that it also helps a lot of people. And Tempest acknowledged that this holds true while I'm making points that are very valid MB stuff.

I don't see why this is a problem. I didn't take it personally -- I took it as feedback. I replied with some exposition on the reasons for deliberately creating and keeping a certain posting style, and general acknowledgement of personal choice and personal responsibility was had by all. Sounds like a perfectly acceptible use of moderator time to me.

First,
Shame on ya'll for Purposely thread jacking someone's thread.
Whether you agree with UVA himself, or his thread in General .........Not cool indeed.

Next,
Long horn .......very interesting info.

By the way,
where is this PM???
Now that I know its not really Private, my interest is peeked.

edited:
Never mind, its not mine to see anyways.
Sorry sometimes my curiosity just gets the best of me.
Fingers ahead of Brain syndrome!

MOS, the difference is Tempest admonished you in an email to you, but decided to go public with her dislike of Melodylane's posts.

Ok, I see. I missed that -- where was it?

Longhorn,

The only time a <private> warning to me resulted in a general board announcement....you can be completely sure that everybody knew I was one of the reasons it was there! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> And you can also assume that at the time....I thought it was unfair. It was a little embarrassing....but not a tragedy. I have enough self esteem that I didn't need to leave the board because of it. I didn't assume the mods were out to "get" me. Of course there were other people involved who I have no doubt (just like now) also got private warnings for their participation...but I took the brunt of it...I think...who knows...it was private and I didn't circulate it around trying to create even more trouble. ML has tons to offer....but this kind of tactic.....is the exact kind of thing that the warning was about....picking the most inflamatory way to address an issue instead of mutual respect...and stirring the pot. You don't really think this stengthens her position do you? Did she want this?

Star, Melody has specifically asked this issue be allowed to die. I have the utmost respect for Melody, but I can't do that. This is, btw, NOT Melody's tactic, as you put it. It is personal with ME. I (me, myself, without anyone else knowing about it) have brought this up because I am personally aghast an administrator would do something like this.

I have no idea why you were chastised. You are apparently persuaded you were at fault and accepted it. That's fine.

However, I see clearly that Melody was chastised for standing up for Dr. Harley's principles that work to get couples back together. Melody refused to accept some people's assertions that other methods were more viable. That isn't rude and it isn't condescending. Somehow, the other people can mount personal attacks, but Melody isn't allowed to remain steadfast in defending the precepts this site was founded to promote.

Don't you think that is terrible, Star? Where is your sense of outrage?

AGREE,
Wholeheartedly LH.
Jerry

Since my name was mentioned in the initial post of this thread I guess I am considered one of the "attackers" of Melody Lane. I went back and reread what I posted in that thread.

Basically I didn't attack her personally anymore than did she me. I think anyone can see that if they want to waste anymore time and go back and read what I typed. In context, my wording was no more harsh that her's were to my replys. I even included a coupla winkys trying to make things nice.

At any rate, I for one, being one of the "bad guys" here who spoke my mind on a public forum, suggest to the mods just delete my account if that will help keep the family intact.

Longhorn,

Now that I think about it....<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> it could have been twice (omg....I can't believe I'm such a trouble maker....yikes)...once on the EN board, and once on GQII. Those who were there will remember. Mainly, both times, what started out as a disagreement between me and another poster denigrated to a kind of board war where folks started jumping in on either side of an issue and even though I didn't say anything specifically out of line....it sure got ugly and because I was one of the main posters, a long time poster....I was like the "oldest kid in the fambly who gets the whupping". I could have stopped it....but I was too intent on being right....proving I was right....that I fueled and stoked the fire and let it disrupt and undermine the purpose of the board.

I was NEVER persuaded that I was "wrong"....what I accepted was that I didn't have to have the "last" word in order to be right. Now you KNOW mel is a "last word" kinda gal. I didn't have to "one up" anybody to prove my point or my own resolve to that rightness. And I didn't have to prove that BECAUSE I was right....I had to prove somebody else was WRONG. Peoples feelings get trampled on threads like that....they get "belittled" and it can easily become mean-spririted. Being one of the authors....made me somewhat responsible for the tone....if not the result.

It was never about my thoughts being invalid....it was the dogged way I couldn't let go of being right. I was standing up for MB principles....and my own....but that didn't mean that the framework I presented those thoughts in....didn't need some adjustment. It was combative and disruptive....and *sigh* on a rare occasion (I hope) less than compassionate.

Yes....it knocked my halo askew for a while....but I don't claim to be a saint....only caring and strong.

In fact....it sounds frightenly similar to what happened to Melody.

My outrage right now...I will reserve for those truly suffering....the forgotten ones...and I know....mel is going to be fine.

You're not doing her a favor by going against her wishes chere....this is just like the other threads now.

Eldente, I haven't gone back to review your posts...but I think you can see there WERE some who did get personal, but you know what? I don't even mind that. They can be put on "ignore" with no problem. What I DO think is reprehensible is a poster who posts "harsh" truths being publicly vilified by an administrator and, apparently, for personal reasons. After all, the only thing Melody did was post quotes from Dr. Harley and refuse to be swayed from the principles this website is dedicated to. Aren’t you outraged also?

Hey, Starfish. I remember when a poster was very offended when you called them chere. That is how silly some of this stuff has been. Anybody can take anything the wrong way. If there is a way to misconstrue intentions, that is what will happen.

Longhorn, if what you are saying is true then yes. I don't like admins/mods abusing power to settle a grudge. However, I don't know the story. The emails. The past. Whatever.

I do know I've spent lots of time on various forums over the years and always see this happening. Hardware forums, game forums, AA forums, you name it.

But yes, I agree with admin or mods not abusing power, I just didn't see that on the surface of the post made by the admin you speak of. It just made sense to me. It seemed fair.

To be honest, I really didn't have much objection to ML's idealogy and quotes and the whole MB shebang. It was just her way of speaking down. I guess I do that as well from time to time and maybe shouldn't be so hypocritial of others.

Anyway I'm rambling now and need to decide what to do to make my wife a happy woman tonight <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

******edit******* Actually, in my opinion, Tempest should have been actively supporting someone who only tries to get across the MB principles...but I can live with that. I guess the owners of this website are willing to put up with it and they have the right to do so.

You know, I suspect Melody comes across as "talking down" because she is so adamant in her defense of MB principles, and she has a ready answer for every protest other-minded posters can make. I'm so sorry others don't see how intense and how dedicated she is in her belief of the MB system.

Again, it's a shame she's being chased off because she could help SO many more people. THAT is the tragedy of this whole thing.

I don't see things quite so "clearly".

I am one of the posters referenced in this thread, as having caused a couple of posters to disappear. I would like to put on record that my only "assertion" was that the exposure, in my case, was not necessarily a completely good thing. My H "asserted" the same thing. This was our marriage, our situation, we lived it and we were attacked for our beliefs concerning our marriage.

In some of her first posts to me, ML called me a "liar and a cheater" who "screwed" and kept "sleazy little secrets". It's coming up on 5 years since I ended my A....on my own. I never put my H through the pain of withdrawal - I never had any, it wasn't that kind of A. I came to this site...on my own for *support* after telling my H the truth of the A. I am beginning to see that may have been a mistake. It seems that there are quite a few posters who feel that a "2x4" is better for a FWW than support. So be it.

And, "other methods"?? Nowhere did we try to get people to accept any "other methods". I didn't *have* any "other methods" to offer, so I'm not sure what you are talking about. I was simply relating the facts in my case, as was my H.

If you want to defend ML's behavior in this case, that is your right. And if you sincerely believe that this is how posters should relate to each other, you are welcome to your opinion.

I suggested that ML put me on her ignore list since she had a problem with me. She declined. My H and I left the thread, only to find that she had brought us up as a topic, again, a day later, in an effort to show how wrong we were....about what had happened to us.

I do not appreciate being made the scapegoat for a couple of adult posters who have decided to leave of their own accord. If you are privy to the messages that ML receives from Tempest, then surely you have her email address. Why don't you email her and tell her that you miss her input here?

Perhaps she will return.

Boyyyy,, do I ever hate to intervene here but I feel I must.

We can't post info from personal emails any more than we can copy & paste from other forums. Just not right without the concerned parties ok's. Therefore the edits.

Please,,let's all just take a deep breath and see what happens. ...........

This right here was the ONLY reason I even posted in that thread to begin with.

This is a support forum, not a judgement forum.

Analogy:

I've been to many AA meetings and they don't bash you in the rooms, they listen and support you. They don't point out your past actions so harshly with words, they try to point you to a new directions instead.

If you fall off the wagon(have another affair) they may be harsh, but not for past deeds. It's about growing for the future.

BTDT is what most people in AA believe and see no reason to bash a newcomer for his/her past deeds and called them low bottom drunks, sleazy boozehounds etc etc.

Most people in AA already know why they are there.


End Analogy.

Think a trip to Outback would be nice for wife tonight?

To all,

This is all so sad, isn't it? Or perhaps I should say that it makes ME sad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Also, makes me think Tempest was correct to use the term "playground" in her original post. Like a junior high playground complete with bullies, outcasts, cliques, and various other forms of juvinile behavior. If the rudeness that started it all hasn't driven anyone away, the continued petty nonsense surely will.

May I respectfully suggest, as a relative newbie who is here for help, that we all:

1. Nip this entire conversation in the bud.

2. Do as tempest requested and recommit ourselves to respectful discourse.

3. Speak for ourselves.

4. Allow others to do the same.

5. Get back to the business of posting to those (including me!) who so desperately need and value all your help.

Thank you,
--SC