hey everyone Im back. I feel down and out though. Just comin in for some more help or suggestions.

Well first off a horrible day. she told me it feels right when she is with him and she wants a divorce.
me what for.
she i dont want to be married to you.
me you dont want to be married to me!?
she yes im going to get papers
me I already have papers written up all i have to do is say file
she can I see them.
me you'll be served all you have to do is sign them
she I sign when they get here
she so you get everything? thats fine I don't deserve anything
me you deserve me and your family back.
she no im done not trying

Ok so thats not the whole convo but the rest was pretty much a repeat process ya know. First of all I don't really have papers written up. I have spoke to a lawyer and I have chosen one but havent given any money or anything. I said this to maybe by us some time. But. what should I do? I don't want to serve her yet. I feel its not time. I honestly don't know when that time is. I cant hardly sit here and watch her keep going to another mans arms all the time either. I feel like now that I said that I have to follow up or she will. and its not i don't know standing up to her if I dont? That sounds dumb huh. I don't know I feel if I don't go get papers like I told her I have she'll think Im still a push over ya know. she kept tellin me to send her papers and I just said I dont feel right doing it yet Im sorry. I shouldn't have to be sorry. Why I keep saying that to her I don't know.

Another thing I cant seem to keep my mouth shut lately when she frustrates me. I say things like " oh so your not going to see your daughter tonight because your goin with the more important people in your life out to the bar?" I know I cant say these things but sometimes you just want to shake them awake. Whats there deal????

Honestly I feel pretty hopeless about the whole situation. I think she is to far gone. I probably pushed that far too. Just by asking to many questions where she was who she with ya know the regulars.

My heart hurts just as bad today as it did the day she told me. im crushed. I feel like ive lost the only thing I wanted in my life and that a happy family. Gone. never to return. why me why us. Its so sad she cant even try.

Once again she said we could still be friends.
me what is a friend?
she no marriage just friends
me someone you hang out with or someone you know?
she come on stop it.
me so what you doing to night? come over watch a movie.
she no
me already booked
she yep
me thats what I thought. thats how it would always be. no time for me.
she stop it

I told her I was sorry but I still have to many feelings for her to just be her friend. I want more. we can be friends like we were before ya know hang out together do things together. She just never replied.

She and her roomate spent the day looking at apt. and houses to rent I guess. What is she thinkin. Is that really what she wants? maybe. its just not right. I don't under stand it I guess. I dont thiink there is anything I can do anymore but go file and let her get on with her life.

Dunno!

Welcome back, WA...

You were missed. Thank you very much for your update. For you.

Can you see how not being here is like missing your vitamins?

Okay, my belief.

I hear you want to file to insure you get custody and the house, is that correct? That leaving her to file would endanger her getting 50/50 or more and the house?

Help me out here...all you got in your update is a test of wills...I need truth. I hear you don't want to be seen as a pushover, as someone who doesn't follow through with a threat, have I got that right?

Boy, you have missed some 2x4's, haven't ya?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

(((((((((((WA)))))))))))

You can't be friends with someone who is an enemy of your marriage.

Goes against your code, right?

From your conversations, you have really twisted around Plan A...asking her for plans, telling her to come over, saying "always" and DJing...whoa.

WA?

Where's my Plan A star? What about exposure to her work? Being obsessed with her and her choices; taking on her actions as if you caused or controlled them?

You do feel freshly crushed again. Bet you didn't expect that, huh? Feeling neglected, rejected, tossed aside and insignificant? You know what I'm gonna say...I feel your pain right now, and am driven to say...

Where's your part? Where's your power of choice? Why are you believing a WW?

"she no im done not trying"

This is the most truthful statement by a WS I've read. Wow. She is done NOT trying. And yet, she still doesn't see it. That's her...not you.

What happened to Plan B after a stellar Plan A? Your supportive family? Your choices, darling, WA?

How many questions can I ask in one post? Could be a record...ya think?

You lied to her...for what purpose? Saying you had what you had not. And not choosing hope...that every day you know you want to save your marriage that there is hope.

God has your back, WA. He doesn't leave or abandon. He doesn't do it so you'll love him or need him. He just does it. His choice.

You know this. I'm reminding. I know you'll get and lose it; feel better with clarity; and feel down, murky...trust me that it is human, part of the process...growth isn't easy or everyone would be doing it.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

DJ!!

Here for you...but there's a catch. You gotta show up. Just show up.

You've got a family, a future, and happiness. What you don't have right now, what has changed, is your perspective. Invite it back, 'k?

LA

Gosh, and now you're missed. I'm back from vacation. Wish you were here.

LOL

LA

Bumping, bumping, bumping...rawhide...

I don't get lyrics right very often...

Thinking of you.

LA

Still here...gonna say hi?

LA

hey LA, gosh sure is nice to be missed by someone. Well where to start... I believe I might have to move my thread once again. Where well to the handling of Divorce. Yep, I filed. I poured my heart and soul out to that girl and she finally realized she still loved me and told me she wanted to work on our relationship and our family. I let her move back in and we wrote him a letter telling him to not contact her or anything. Things went ok for a couple weeks. She invited me out after she was with some friends and I went to meet her just to see her sitting at a table with him. I turned around came home and blew my temper when she came in right after me. I never once touched her but I put a hole in the wall and was yelling.

How could she do this. I just don't know. She left that night and she hasn't wanted to try anything since. It wasn't even a couple nights later they were together again witch leaves me to believe it was never over.

I guess im tired, wore out and exhausted. I want nothing more than things to be good with us but in my mind I ask myself could you ever really forgive her for the things shes done??? Maybe with time, maybe. But on the same hand it would always be on my mind. I don't know if I could live like that and I don't know if I would want to ask her constantly who, what, where, and when questions.

So sadly I did go and get the summons for a divorce. I also wrote WW a letter telling her I was sorry for the things that have happened between us not only recently but things that have happened in the past and that just b/c we have this letter doesn't mean we have to give up on our marriage and family.

Really all she does anymore is ask you get those papers rewritten. We were supposed to sit down together and figure out what we wanted for our daughters sake. visitation physical custody all that stuff. Well since I filed I have full custody. so kinda what I say goes. she is willing to let me be the primary caregiver and here getting her everyother weekend. I don't get it. Im still confused how she doesn't want to be with her baby girl?? Am I really that bad of a person that she wont be with her girl cause im there?? Hard tellin. I was told a few weeks ago by a lady, love the child you have together and do everything you can for her and her mother will see that and she will love you again. Some truth to that I guess.

I just don't know. Life has been such a rollar coaster the past few months but now it seems to have leveled off. I know its gonna get worse before it gets better. It must thats what they all say. its really to bad. In my mind I can start to say shes gone. but in my heart she is still very much there. If that makes any sense. Everytime I see her I want to reach out and hug her. I miss her eyes and her smile so much. We used to just lay and look into eachothers eyes like we have never seen eyes before. I want that back. I guess I have to let it go and start to move forward. i need to get my life back together for my girls sake. They're really missin there happy go lucky daddy and I need to be that way for them. There lives are going to be tough enough.

so its good to be back. Im going to try to stop by more often.

Thanks again LA for bein such help. and everyone for your suggestions. We had to try and we did. I just keep praying god will work this all out in his will. might not be what I want right now but I just have to remember he knows best. god bless.

Oh, I don't believe it's over until the judge signs the decree...and even then...

but that's just me.

I'm holding you to stopping by more often...still a lot to learn about yourself...how's your daughter?

Completelylost is in your shoes...want to check up on his thread? You matter, WA...you helped a lot of people here without knowing it...maybe posting to others in your recent shoes helps with the forgiveness process, eh?

I learned something while you were gone...three legs to forgiveness...and I learned it with my folks...

You own what you did. (And you did.)
You commit to not doing it again. (And you really did.)
The other person forgives you.

In our cases, the other people didn't own and wouldn't stop doing the same stuff; so we have to forgive and protect ourselves by not allowing them to continue doing it again and again...

Still takes forgiveness...inside and out, don't you think?

Still in my prayers...

LA

well today would have been our 5 year anniversary or I should say is our 5 year anniversary. I asked her to dinner and a movie and got a very heart striking response.

are you f****** serious! is what she said.

Yeah im pretty sure its over. obviously she has bigger and better things in her life than me and our girl. So today is the last day I've promised myself I would ever try to initiate doing something together. I just keep opening myself up. I knew in my heart she would say no but I didn't expect that kind of reaction at all. I hurt. not so bad anymore but it still hurt.

Its really time for me to get on with it. I cant sit and wait and hope and pray that she'll grow up anymore. She has to grow up on her own and wont do so until her childish little home wreckin friends do. sorry just how much I think of her friends.

My baby girl is growing like a weed. she is such a little sweetheart. I cant wait to see her everyday. shes what keeps me goin. I have something to look forward to. She loves her daddy atleast.

Well good to hear from you LA. I will stop by more often.

With the divorce going, have you gone dark? No contact except through a third party about DD?

I ask because you taking care of yourself has been at issue...not doing the self-stabbing and mixing it up with her own stabbing.

And yes, her friends are homewreckers...no DJ in that. But hey aren't real friends, now, are they? True friends point out when you are being your worst and support you in being your best.

Proud to be your friend, WA.

Please keep updating...and yeah, dark as night...'k?

You're worth it. You're worth every keystroke hit to convey love, every breath to utter a word, and every 2x4 I can lay my hands on.

((((WA))))

LA

LA do you really believe this?????

Yes, I do. I learned about honesty from a friend. I didn't grow up with it, didn't date it, and certainly didn't marry it.

Thought I did.

Took someone to befriend me, in a mother role, to raise my level of awareness; she could tell me when I was bunked up, acting out, and love me, anyway. She would repeatedly highlight what I said and did that got under my own radar, my significance I took for granted. I dodged this friend in my most wayward state, even as she lived in my house at the time...her new dependency upped her fear and our friendship failed us at the time, for awhile, until I came clean again...

This isn't training or conditioning. This is being reality bringers for each other; no turning a blind eye or helping to drape fantasy as a pacifier. It is not stating disapproval as control, rewarding for intimacy; it is living honestly with a deep trust we know our way home.

LA

I guess Im a little confused by gone dark?? What do you mean exactly? Yeah Im sad and im most definetly lonely as [email]H@#!.[/email] Yeah sometimes I dont believe this has happened and hope I wake up and it was all a horrible dream.

Its over. I've tried. I cant stand the lie and the DJ's from her anymore. Even if she did decide she wanted her family back I don't think I could accept her back into my arms. She disrespects me every time I talk to her she lies to me about everything. I know I could never trust her again and she doesn't deserve that if we were to get back together.

Im movin forward without her. She has the one she obviously wants to be with. So like one wise soul on here said "the best revenge to a man who stole your wife is to let him keep her!" Maybe someday i'll be able to thank him for doin it.

God obviously has bigger and better plans for me and my girl. I know in my heart there is someone that wants to be with me and be the happiest girl alive because I know now alot of things I should've, would've, and coul've done from this. I will never let it happen again... To bad my wife doesn't want that in her life.

Hopefully someday she realizes the things and people she walked away from. But at the same time she would never admit it. She to stuck on herself to say that she was wrong.
oohh well she has to live with that not me. I did everything I could.

hello.

i hope you and your girls will come out of this okay. Just pray for strength. And think about all the things that you should be grateful for. That's what keeps me going nowadays. I count my blessings. And so far, this gives me peace.