I don't know, perhaps the situation is a trigger for you? Perhaps thinking about M, with anyone, will remind you of the one M you have been in...

It stands to reason that if/when you M again, so much of what you will take into the new M will be habits and attitudes you developed in your first M. The ghosts that will haunt you, your memories, your baggage...those unresolved feelings.

My guess, is these feelings will crop up with ANYONE who proposes...just something you have to deal with as it comes up...

Peach, peach,

You're holding on to the image of H, who is also the WH.. and the two are the same person... NOT DIFFERENT. Accept that. Then you'd be able to let go the person who had hurt you so deeply.

((((((peach)))))))

Hi Peachy,

I am the guy who is doing nothing to get a date. But, that does not mean I am doing nothing with my life. As you probably have guessed, I am out there socializing and doing things that are fun for me. But, getting a g/f is not my goal when I do them. Rather, I hope, my goal is to simply have some fun and enjoy life. It was while doing this that I found several women interested in me. I have not yet dated any of them, though there is one who I think I will ask to dinner this weekend. It's going to be very causual such as in "I want to try out a restaurant I heard about, would you care to join me?".

Like many of us I am bugged that our former WS's often seemed to have no problem finding a partner. Mine shure didn't. She is living with him now, for over a year and I assume they are happy together. So why is it taking us so long? Well, I guess because we are doing it the right way, starting from scratch, looking for honest people (not cheaters and liars), and so forth. Face it our former WS's had a huge advantage, they had us to fall back on if their affair partner didn't make the cut. That must have made things a lot easier for them, even if it made life ****** for us.

Oh, one more thing. Be careful of that resident. My lady friends tell me that single doctors (and all to often married doctors) are often horrible partners - arrogant, players, full of themselves, etc. It's like they believe the junk on the doctor TV shows.

Thanks everybody...I read and am taking in everything..best as I can right now...darn migraines and complete body aches.

I think this whole stuff is exacerbated by my being sick.

Just got in from my doc...did NOT get to be released to go back to work...went in to see my doc in my scrubs and labcoat...it was hilarious. anyway, am on 3 meds...have NEVER *except for after csection* taken anything for pain that requires a prescription but they have me on something very mild for the super horrible body aches (i have parts of my body hurting that I never knew existed before)....headache, and now...have really red throat. Plus on mega dose of antibiotics? Still find that kinda wierd as I have VIRAL issue..? Oh well. My doc is pretty good.

almost passed out...got really lightheaded when my friend was drawing my blood today. I was doing great...then when she and I were talking (took alot), I just looked down and got clammy. yuck. and here I am...somebody who deals in blood night and day getting clammy...wtf?

anyhow, it is probably a huge trigger whenever I hear the M word. It scared me. Reallly bad. super bad. and ruffled girl, you had an awesome idea...maybe it is NOT THE EITHER WS OR H ISSUE...maybe the real truth is he is NOW A MIXTURE OF THE TWO...and I gotta learn to deal w/it.

I am so angry at wistress...this am, xh called early to see if I was feeling better (wierd again)...and when I brought ds over to him as I had to go to doctor and he was taking ds to school, the wistress came prancing out at seven am in full workout attire, hair done and makeup ...any guesses for WHO'S VISIT? CAN YOU GUESS? . she asks "wow, is ds still sick with the cold? I am like..No wistress, it is THE FLU. and my son has the flu. wistress: oh no. the baby has BEEN SICK FOR 2 WEEKS NOW AND NOTHING IS HELPING DO YOU THINK SHE HAS THE FLU??? me: WHAT? Your baby has been sick and you've done nothing about it? did you tell darth? did you think possibly it COULD be the flu? b/c 2 days after ds came from your home, HE HAD THE FULL BLOWN FLU AND VOMITED OVER 40 TIMES FRIDAY...

grrrr. I was getting soooo mad. she is the most indifferent mother I've ever met...everything is "just a cold"...to her...or everything does NOT require a trip to doc...she operates in another whole reality imho. I still am fuming about last fall when SHE REFUSED to take MY DS TO EMERGENCY ROOM WHEN HE COULDN'T BREATHE AND HAD A SEVERE ASTHMA ATTACK. I rushed there to get him as I was AT MY OWN ER ON CALL SEEING PATIENTS...

I nicely told her to please take her child..both of them in fact...to doctor. she says <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />h it's ok...my son is going to his dad's...he hasn't showed any signs yet. %(

any wonder I AM SICK RIGHT NOW? I phoned and told darth later on that he needed to oversee things and MAKE SURE his almost 2 year old goes to the doctor right away as she probably has the flu and if a baby gets it really bad, they easily wind up in hospital...that it's more serious for babies and old people...he thanked me.
uuuggh!

I just really wish I could have my mind erased. Like the guy in office space. I just think I am at the mall all day shopping...or at the spa getting a massage or something? instead of remembering WHY I WORK SO DARN HARD...WHY I AM SICK RIGHT NOW...WHY I GOT CHEATED OUT OF A BLANKETY BLANK BLANK AMOUNTS OF MONEY, WHY I GOT A DIVORCE, WHY...

I wish the why's would just disappear!

and I told W, I am ONLY UP FOR DINNER RIGHT NOW. that a proposal will wait until he returns from iraq if it even seems that I want to head in that direction as I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM...I mean, he's cute? he's got a good job? he's got MORALS (unlike my xh), he's funny? he's brave?

but he could be wanting the picture perfect posterboard instant family for a campaign too. I mean, he has same eye/hair color as me...and so does ds. we'd look like a readymade family...like you ordered us outta catalog or something. so that could be an issue to...I mean...sure soldiers these days WANT TO KNOW their loved ones will wait for them...but AFTER ONE DATE AND BEFORE THE SECOND? I mean, isn't it a bit much for a ring anytime soon? He was dead serious about getting engaged before may. totally freaky.

Please keep letting me know what you think. I love you guys/girls so much.

Next to best friends, I love you guys and am blessed I ever came here in the first place.

and Justin...don't worry dude. all I am used to ARE DOCS..my bro in law is one (extremely talented surgeon WITHOUT any form of an attitude I must say...very kind, loving and awesome dad and down to earth), and one of my best guy friends in the world is one too. bad stuff in every profession. I mean, i must be the WORST PATIENT...as I was questioning my Pa today for about fifteen minutes on choice of meds for me...

oh...and the "DO NOTHING" mantra is WORKING! got more hits...more than I can even physically answer now...the pain med/acetaminophen is beginning to work so if i start misspelling stuff gimme a mulligan ok?

wierdly...I got an invite...private invite by my xbf...THE PA I USED TO WORK WITH...with whom I had a one week serious committment with after dating for several months...was an invite to a physician/pa only dinner for myocardial infarction/diabetes at the priciest steak restaurant in atl...he got me on the list to attend...and heck I do get a ceu for attending...then called me and asked "what are you doing this weekend peach?" I told him im' sick and on call thursday night. he said "hey that's ok. you're going to doc, will get on meds, and feel better by friday" (he's always silly and goofy)...he asked if we could go out...and see what's up? I think he misses me kinda sorta. He said "well I know that there will definitely be some cardiologists who will almost pass out when you go to the lecture and we sit together..." as we NEVER let our professional demeanor at work get in way when he and I started dating...we rarely saw each other, but even when we did, we always kept things in check. people at the old practice only FOUND OUT WE WERE DATING AFTER WE'D BROKEN up...silly I know.

then it gets wierder...he asks if I am going to my state convention in april? as he knows some of my compadres in crime who do what I do and are attending. I say yea...he says "well...let's see what's going on w/us...I have missed our talks..and your being your goofy you." I told him that it was HE WHO WAS THE GOOFY ONE...

SO JUSTIN'S DOING NOTHING THEORY HAS SOMETHING TO IT!

Peachy, Stop holding back. Tell us how you really feel!!!!

You know those old triggers keep on coming, don't they. Last night I was going through an old closet looking for something when I come upon a shoe box full of notes that my WW took during a college class. All of the notes had her name on the top, that is her maiden name and my last name. Talk about a trigger. We had such fun in those days. No kids. Growing and playing together. Triggers, triggers, triggers. They seem to pop up at the most undexpected times.

I kept our house and sometimes I see why people recommend moving. But, gosh darn it! It is the house my kids grew up in and in many ways is still the family house and I won't be duped out of it.

The one things that I probably should do is buy a new bed. Yes, it's the one WW and I spent most of 20 years making love in. It's still in good shape and I sleep very well on it. So, really, there are good reasons to not replace it.

Maybe I should just make a few new memories on it - over the next few months have a few encounters with about 6 different women on it. That should make some new memories. Right??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, girl, I can tell you one thing ... reading your posts as just another fellow MB'er, I don't know what you're thinking even trying to date anyone right now. You've got baggage an airline couldn't lose. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I should talk. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Ok, I probably wouldn't use six women just to make a few new memories. On the other hand, as a reasonably healthy and fit guys in his 50's, I think I have been used a few times, so maybe...... ?!?!?!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

xpb...that's hilarious...yet believe it or not..i was given the high sign by a phd professional that said considering what I'd been thru w/xh, i was the MOST sane person after all of it....and that she thought I should get on w/life as fast as I want to. that's what she said. in fact, she could NOT believe that I was cool after it...when she dismissed me as a patient...she said..."well, just look out for stress...that's all I have to say. call me from time to time if you think you need me? I think you're gonna be good".

justin...one can always use their imagination...heckuva lot safer than six different women...,lmao.

as for me, just gonna wait until a committment...

my bp was very very high today at doc...he asked if work was ok? I said that it was stressful as we're down three people and they're not really relieving us with hiring new ones...just gonna get (and haven't gotten yet) temps.

he's so nice.

i am feeling yucky. gross even.

going back to grindstone tomorrow.

interesting development with the xbf (pa I used to date)...he asked me out for friday night. I said sick. he said "so what? I am a health pro and if you fall out on me I'll do cpr"..he giggled again. he said I was in good hands. said he'd take me out to nice spot for some chicken noodle soup...and flat ginger ale...and he'd have a steak...he was funny.

we'll see.

got 2 calls from W the eager beaver marrying man. i didn't even want to answer them...

why is dating difficult...it was never difficult before. i don't get it. it was soooo easy in college. just went to a party..or went to class..or went somewhere..and met somebody...was never wtihout a boyfriend it seemed. this is the longest in my whole life ive ever gone without a siggie person in my life...and it's fine really.

Maybe it is difficult because you are trying so hard.

OH yeah! My divorce isn't final.... yet. Needs a month. But I have scheduled a dinner date for Saturday. Nothing serious, just dinner with a woman. But I'm worried about expectations. I have women hitting on me.... REALLY! I like to flirt, but am concerned about more than that now for fear of confusing my son that I have custody of.

Go SLOWLY. Take baby steps! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Peachy,

How are you today? Hope the cold's getting better.