The real question here is why are your questioning your own gut feelings?

You have all these thoughts coming to your mind and yet you want to continue moving forward???

I think it might do you some good to figure out why your wanting to ignore your own instincts in this matter.

What is it about this man, this situation, that is different or even the same as the past that makes you want to ignore your own radar that is going off?

Thorned, Isn't as simple as we don't like being alone and we want a partner. We are willing to take a few risks. Maybe that is stupid, but it is also reality.

I dropped out of dating for a while for several reasons, one of which was to work a bit more on myself. It was a good decision, but no matter how much I work on myself, I still feel lonely at times. Maybe I need more work? Or maybe I am just human and want the company of a special person in my life?

It's all to complicated for this guy.

Well, TR, it's probably as simple as wanting to be with someone that appears to have the traits I find desirable.

I've allowed for the fact that I don't know for certain. How can I? I've not met the man.

I don't believe I'm ignoring my instincts, just questioning whether there may be wiggle room considering where he is & where he needs to be. Again, I don't know.

The reason I've questioned anything where this particular man is concerned is because so far he has gone about getting to know me (as best we can given we're emailing) & I getting to know him in a way that's comfortable for me.

He's not jumped to meeting, he hasn't even suggested we speak by phone. He's been open in answering any questions I've asked him. This has felt more like the process of getting to know each other slowly rather than what I've often encountered. "Hi, let's meet" "You sound nice & I like your smile, let's meet". This or a series of interview style questions to see if I meet stuff on his check list as if that's all it takes.

The risk I don't want to take is dating too soon. That would seem a waste of someone I think MAY have potential for me to want to date.

IMHO, three weeks is more than enough time to correspond without meetin this guy. You can build up a unrealistic expectation that no man can meet. Meet him with an open mind and see what happens. If you are taking care of yourself you should be able to handle whatever happens.

All this happens for a purpose. So you will become more clear as to who you are and what you want in a partner. Good luck.

What if I change this to:
"Maybe, he doesn't want to try different/many women, for he knows what he needs in the partner, for he doesn't like dating, nor adventures, and if it's nams what he needs, then he'd be happy to stop 'searching' and be ready to settle down with her, although she'd be the first woman he had after 24 years of being married to his x, for he's a family orientated man, and he functions the best when in family..." ?

I said probability is very low, but can you tell me these kinds of men don't exist at all??

We don't know him, we don't know anything about him, as well as nams doesn't know (and, yes, TRose is right, she should know all of that before really involved with, and you neglected? my previous post where I asked her not to involved her heart before her ratio is satisfied...)... maybe he's married and cheats his wife, maybe he wants just sex to compensate 24 years old celibacy (if he was faithfull), maybe a quite new world of freeedom opened in front of him and he wants to enjoy, maybe...
So, we can just guess, but considering all possibilities...
And that was my point - we do not know who he is.

And I spent tons of words to say the same...
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

OK, mea culpa, I thought he's divorced.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />



I still think there are men I wrote above about <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />, and no, I would not start even correspondence (in That context) with a separated not divorced guy...

But we are different; I cannot accept some things and other people can... and vice versa...

B2M - Peace <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. Of course there is that possibility, but we usually want to get more than a possibility - we want a probability (and implicitly, a decent one at that, not a "1 in 1000").

There are many possibilities - a possibility that a WS and OP are truly meant for each other and will live happily ever after, the possibiilty that two totally incompatible people can have a happy marriage, and yes, that a guy just out of a 24 year marriage (er, not even out of it, really) already knows what he wants, what he needs, and why his marriage failed, and that on top of that, that nams is the first and last person he'll need ot meet to be happy ever after.

Yes, this is all possible, but extremely unlikely. I am worried that nams will project her own strength and emotional health onto him, and he is not anywhere near the place where nams is. And she can't lead him there, no matter how much she wants to.

B2M, please don't misunderstand me, I am not trying to argue with you - I just believe that the chances of this being a good match are extremely low, and the chances of someone getting hurt are great. So, I just want her to be careful. And realistic <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. It is very tempting, after a 24 year marriage, to get right back to being married - but no one can skip the required legwork and the long path to being a healthy partner again.

AGG

If I accept (as I do <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />) peace, does it mean I have to be quiet now? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hehehe <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. Of course not - you can have the last word <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

"Yes, dear!" ? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

That was two words! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Jeez, I step away & a ruckus breaks out!

What I want: A man with the qualities this man SEEMS to have.

This doesn't mean I've [censored]-u-med he has them only that so far, with the limited knowledge I have, understanding the limits of the way in which we've communicated, he MIGHT. This means I'd like to continue communicating with him. Wiping my brow. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

What I don't want: To jump into a relationship with a man who isn't ready. Not only do I not want it I won't do it.

I can see I was fishing around for the probability this man might be approaching ready. My mistake, there's probably more than one, is I was trying to force something that simply can't be forced.

The odds are not in my favor. That's OK, I have time. That doesn't mean I'll wait around. I'll continue to communicate with him, maybe even meet him. If I find out he is indeed a bridge troll I'll have to re-evaluate how I interpret the information available to me. If I find out he's the man of my dreams, that's unfortunate timing as he's not ready. Time will tell, wait & see, blah, blah, blah.

I can't tell what the future will bring & will have to go along living my life hoping one day to find the man of my dreams who is ready. Of course I don't expect a man without stuff, hey, I've got some of that myself. We'll just do what we can to determine it's not insurmountable & we can work together to get what we both want.

Does that sound healthy? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Hey, Nams, I've been very busy and so I haven't followed this. I just wanted to say hello and let you know I was thinking of you.