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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970 |
Barking,
While waiting for my WH's decision to recommit or divorce, OW called him on his cell a few times. After the first time, I said, "It is unacceptable to me for you to bring your A into our home. If you decide to speak with OW, then you must do it outside."
May not work for you, but it was my boundary. You could try it.
I didn't have boundaries before, so this was tough. Part of the improving yourself is to have boundaries and enforce them.
Feel for ya...
LA
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 174
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 174 |
LA,
I've actually tried that in the past. The A is a long distance thing. We are in IL and he is in CA so because there is a 2 hour time difference, she winds up talking to him long after we are asleep. My biggest concern is she is doing it in my 6 y/o daughters bedroom while she is asleep. What if she really isn't asleep? there's no way to be sure and as I've told her before, I have no idea what they are talking about and for all I know it's all phone sex and I don't want either of my kids exposed to that at all.
I guess it boils down to consequences. What can I do if she doesn't respect the boundaries I set?
There is a clock on the wall ticking. I don't know where it is or what time it is but she's waiting for something. Actually, I think I found the clock. I can't see it clearly enough to read it though....
BH (Me) 46
WW 46
Married 15 years
A began - 6/05
DDay - 7/30/05
Exposure - 8/1/05
D papers served 8/10/05
A continues....
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 174
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 174 |
There is a clock on the wall ticking. I don't know where it is or what time it is but she's waiting for something. Actually, I think I found the clock. I can't see it clearly enough to read it though....
BH (Me) 46
WW 46
Married 15 years
A began - 6/05
DDay - 7/30/05
Exposure - 8/1/05
D papers served 8/10/05
A continues....
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 174
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 174 |
Well, I have an appointment to speak with Steve Harley on Monday. I don't have any intention of asking WW to attend at this point but I was going to ask her if she would complete the Love Bank Inventory. Based on the state of things at the moment, is that a good idea? or, should I just let it go for now? I'm afraid she would take that as pushing although I drafted an e-mail that is simply asking her to complete it for my sake. Anyone??
There is a clock on the wall ticking. I don't know where it is or what time it is but she's waiting for something. Actually, I think I found the clock. I can't see it clearly enough to read it though....
BH (Me) 46
WW 46
Married 15 years
A began - 6/05
DDay - 7/30/05
Exposure - 8/1/05
D papers served 8/10/05
A continues....
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,620
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,620 |
Bark,
I see no harm in asking her, but I would do so ONCE and w/out EXPECTATIONS. If she will she will and if she will not then she will not. Don't press her to do it.
I hope that SH can shed some light on your situation on Monday.
Hang in there my friend.
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 174
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 174 |
HAP,
I just spoke with WW. I explained that I have a session Monday and it would be helpful if she could fill out the LBI. She was a bit hesitant although she didn't say no. I read off some of the statements and she seemed to be OK with it. She doesn't want to be put "on the spot" which I think is typical fog babble for a WW. We'll see...
There is a clock on the wall ticking. I don't know where it is or what time it is but she's waiting for something. Actually, I think I found the clock. I can't see it clearly enough to read it though....
BH (Me) 46
WW 46
Married 15 years
A began - 6/05
DDay - 7/30/05
Exposure - 8/1/05
D papers served 8/10/05
A continues....
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