Has anyone attended a MB Weekend Seminar? I'm hoping to convince H that we should attend the next one in April. Input/feedback regarding your experience would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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I'd like to know, too.

After speaking with MB personnel I learned that MB Seminar participants have access to a PRIVATE forum, much like this one, except that only those who have attended the seminar have access to it, and posts are answered by Dr. Harley himself. It's going to be difficult finanically but H and I are probably going to attend the Seminar in FL in April. I've already got pricing for airfare & hotel & am going to call for prices on transportation to/from airports, rental car in FL, etc.

We have the two home-study courses and they're helping, but I'd like more. I want access to Dr. Harley, I want the followup that comes with the seminar. Info shared on this PUBLIC forum is a mixed bag, some very good, some not so good & the last thing I want is to be confused by incorrect information. Maybe we'll see you there...?

angellica, I hope you do manage to go. It could be a really important investment in your marriage.

Have you attended? I suspect that most attendees probably choose the PRIVATE Forum over this public forum. I'm surprised more couples don't attend.

H is very uncomfortable with flying but we're going nevertheless! He says that if I NEED this (MB Seminar) we have no choice but to go.

It's been six months since D-Day of his Very LT EA w/XW and quite frankly I'm impatient. I want to feel better NOW! While I realize that the MB Seminar isn't a cure-all or quick-fix I fully expect it will be beneficial, as will the accompanying follow-up and access to the private forum.

I'm really looking forward to this! Plus, a few days in Florida in April doesn't exactly sound like a bad thing! Since we're going all that way we might as well take advantage of it, so we're staying an extra day & booked Seaworld reservations to swim with Dolphins! I've wanted to do that for ages!

Post deleted by Cherished

Angel,

FWH and I attended the MB seminar...after Plan B #1 aka as false Recovery #1. It was extremely educational and helpful....it helped to lay foundations that gave us a chance for recovery. FWH did not do many of the assignments as part of follow-up...but it helped give him a push start and mostly it helps me.

If your WH is at all interested in recovery..it will help immensely...any investment with MB is worth the peace of mind...the chance for happiness. Good luck...ss

Cherished:

Do you mean April's seminar in FL...or did you already attend? Was the private forum helpful at all? If you've already attended the seminar do you think it was worth it? It's going to cost a bundle between seminar fee, airfare, etc.

Do you honestly believe there can be 100% recovery?

At the moment our marriage isn't that bad, although I did see an attorney last month for a pre-filing (for divorce) consultation & to familiarize myself with my rights. Although we've been together 11+ years (and the A continued during the entire duration until D-Day in August) I'm not entitled to much since we've been married only three years.

H is willingly doing the Home Study courses with me and it is definitely helping. Its the triggers which cause depression that I want to learn to overcome, as well as trust issues. Although in some ways our marriage is getting better than it was pre-A, we still have a long way to go. I think H is mostly content b/c he sees an improvement in me. He sometimes forgets that I still carry a burden as a result of his choice to deceive, lie & cheat for 11+ years.

Post deleted by Cherished

[color:"blue"] Cherished:

I'm so sorry for what you've endured over the years at the hands of the one person who was suppsed to love you more than anyone.

I so wish I could buy into the private forum - that's why we're attending the seminar - because I want to be able to address my questions directly to Dr. Harley. I've just learned that I'll be having major surgery mid-to-late March but my Doctor assures me I'll be up to travel by the end of April. I sure hope so because I'm very much looking forward to the MB experience.

I don't blame myself one bit for H's actions. Instead, I blame him for choosing to engage in something that deep down he knew was wrong. Why else hide it from me? Why else lie about it? According to him, he "was just keeping in touch with an old frind." He justified his actions to himself and therefore felt he was doing nothing wrong, but he's since accepted the fact that his actions WERE wrong and very, very damaging to our relationship.

Healing for me was finally able to begin to take place when he finally told me the truth about his relationship with his XW and since then he continues to learn from the MB home study programs and continues to practice what he's learning, as am I.

I saw my shrink/counselor today for the 2nd time. He's a very highly rated & recommended doctor in our area, who who last month, at our very first session, told me I should leave my H because of all the pain he had caused and because he can no longer be trusted. Today he (Dr) saw a completely different person. The difference between now and then is four completed MB home study lessons and corresponding behavorial changes. Like I said, we have a long way to go but we've made great strides since beginning the series.

When I say I'm inpatient, I mean that I want to be completely healed NOW. I no longer want to deal with triggers that set me back and/or make me sad & depressed. I no longer wish to continue dealing with insecurity. I realize healing from a particilarly Long Term EA takes time but there must be something ELSE I can do or H can do to help speed the process. I guess I'm ready to move on NOW and am not quite sure how2 accomplish this at this time.

As for expenses, the seminar is going to cost us around $3,000 which we don't have, so it will be done on credit and from what you've said it sounds like it will be worth it. It's too bad there aren't MB trained counselors available in other parts of the country as that would be an easier and less expensive alternative - and insurance might even pay for it! [/color]

Does your statement above mean you’ve achieved recovery? Partial or 100% recovery? Is your marriage as you want/need it to be? If infidelity was the issue, have you been able to rid yourself completely of the associated pain, distrust, etc?

Post deleted by Cherished

Oh my gosh ~ I didn't realize anyone would recognize me! I was so nervous about being on the radio that it took two calls before I would do it! LOL

I had wondered if Dr. Harley would suggest H leave his job. He's been @ his job for 26 years and there is NO WAY he would leave. He's the senior most Firefighter and LOVES being in that position (Senior most FF) because of the perks it offers.

Aside from that, Dr. Harley didn't provide any other ideas other than to say it will take approx two years for me to recover and quite frankly I'm very impatient. But I suppose there's nothing I can do about it.

When confronted, H had said it was his XW who was making all attempts @ communication & that he hadn't reciprocated, but that just didn't make sense because who in their right mind would continue to send cards & letters for ELEVEN YEARS if there was no reciprocation? According to H, he lied because he feared he would loose me because of the ultimatum I had given him early on, namely he could either be friends with his XW or be with me, but I would not stand for both. He SAID he chose me but you and I both know what really happened.

I AM tired of hearing regular reports that he & XW didn't speak or attempt to communicate, but what's the alternative? While I don't want to hear it I don't (yet) feel confident that I can trust him to volunteer the information if they DO attempt to communicate. I feel stuck between a rock and hard place and haven't been able to come up with an alternative... BECAUSE, the other day I asked if he had spoken to anyone on his day off (while I was @ work all day) and although he truthfully said "no" he neglected to volunteer that he called his Mom twice (we have ongoing issues with the fact that until very, very recently his Mom was THE priority in his life.) If it weren't for the fact that I stumbled upon the fact that our phone remembers the last SEVERAL numbers dialed I wouldn't have known. And although it's not a real big deal, I explained to him that I NEED him to volunteer any and all EXTRA information otherwise I will never regain trust. He apologized for withholding the information and agreed to provide more details. Sometimes I wonder whether he's truly that thick and/or slow, faking it, or hiding things. Either time will tell or I'll never know, and the latter is not comforting.

I wrote to JHarley@MarriageBuilders.com asking if the Seminar will truly help given the particulars of our situation AND the fact that we're successfully completing the MB Home Study Courses. If the seminar is a duplicate of the home courses it may not be worth the expense. I haven't rec'd a reply yet.

We went three years ago and it was a good experience for us. We did the followup exercises which achieved further growth and helped put us on the right path toward recovery.

That said, I know of another couple who went when the WS"S A wasn't yet over. It didn't cause them to recover.

So, I'd say that if you know that the affair is over then it is a great building block from which to launch your progress in your recovery and hopefully affair proof your marriage from a possible future A temptation.

I suppose every situation may be a bit different in some ways so what worked for some may not for others. I wouldn't say that it could hurt to go at any stage...I would just want you to get your money's worth and have the best chance of recovering and rebuilding your marriage.

Hi Trix:

Many thanks for your input. It's nice to hear from those who have attended the Seminar & to know it worked.

I question whether or not we should go only because we're successfully completing the MB Home Study Courses and that normally comes AFTER attending the Seminar.

Would you say your marriage is 100% recovered as a result of the entire MB experience? Is your marriage better than it was prior to the A? Is the BS 100% recovered? Does any doubt or insecurity remain in the mind of the BS? I'm assuming an A was the issue at hand. Please forgive me if I'm wrong.

I would say yes to all your questions. Of course, we are only 3 years into our current recovery. My H was a repeat offender....per-MB. 3rd A over that I know of over the course of our 31 yr relationship. I want to believe that we are 100% recovered. Dr. W. Harley said that we should never expect to trust our spouses 100%. I will never return to my pre-all-A naivitee. Our marriage is much better than pre-A(s).

He is and has been saying and doing all the right things since...not one wavers or incling of entitlement to any privacy etc. He really got it this last time.

The A before this last one lasted 4 yrs. I kinda thought he got it after that, but like I said...that was pre-MB. We also had other Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy after the last A.

Our kids are grown and out of the house. I don't feel particularly insecure anymore. I know that I would recover if my H chooses to violate our marriage vows again and we DV.

I can't say that going to the seminar will be that different than having gone through all the tapes and exercises from which you've already benefited, I am sure. You don't really have much, if any actual time to talk to the Harleys personally. We didn't talk to them at all. Most of the seminar is well scripted. Aside from the meals or a couple of breaks you barely speak to other couples. Much seems repeated in the tapes. A good part of the fee may be in all the followup materials you already have in the homestudy course, I would think.

If you have the money to spend and a free weekend then it certainly wouldn't hurt your recovery to attend the seminar.

Post deleted by Cherished

ONLY three years into Recovery? I'm approaching seven months since D-Day and I'm so ready to be past this, but I suppose that's very unrealistic.


I hadn't realized trust would never again be complete. I suppose its best and safest that way. I have a feeling I'm expecting too much of myself. Or maybe it's just too soon. But I can assure you that I so wish I had known BEFORE I married him that he never gave up his XW because we would NOT be married, period. He knew this ~ that's why he kept it secret. Regardless of marriage, if I still had my home I would not have hesitated to end the M because from the beginning our relationship was conditional upon his ending his "platonic friendship" with with XW.

For the record, H & XW had divorced years before he and I met. Sometimes when I preview my post I fear it sounds as if I stole him from her, but that's not the case at all.



May I ask in what way(s) your M is better?



That's exactly what "Lori" @ MB said & that's one reason why I want to go - to have access to Dr. Harley via the private forum. I have questions that my shrink/counselor answers contrary to MB concepts and if I'm going to give this recovery attempt my all I want access to the person whose guidelines I'm following, if that makes sense, because, as Dr. Harley suggests, during my very first appt with my highly respected shrink/counselor he strongly recommended I leave my H.

We've completed four lessons in HNHN and one in LB home study courses. Just that little has been a great help & made such a difference. When I went to my 2nd appt with new shrink/counselor he said I looked like a completely different person, and I FELT like a completely different person. Granted there is still much to be accomplished but at least we seem to be on the road to recovery. Although now that I think about it, the fact that I'm scheduled to have major surgery in a few weeks is probably causing some pre-occupation. I suppose in a way that's a good thing.



Actually, we're going to have to use credit and it's going to cost a bundle with airfare et al. I want to attend, but sometimes the cost factor sways my desire. At the same time I'm almost afraid to NOT attend. We seem to be on a roll, heading in the right direction and I feel the need to do anything & everything to keep heading in that direction. Make sense?

I understand what you're saying but at the same time shouldn't there be accountability after what has transpired? How else is one to begin to rebuild trust? I foolishly trusted him without reason to do so. Now I want reason to trust him.


But I'm the one hurting, not him. He doesn't feel the need to attend MB Seminar because he feels we are doing well with the home study course, and we are, but I am far from "over" what he chose to do. He seems to forget that what he did will take years to be undone IF it can really be undone, so to speak.


The ability of WS to make light of their actions never ceases to amaze me. Are they really so totally clueless as to the depth of emotional pain and scarring their actions cause? I guess because they're so wrapped up in themselves and their own needs they DON'T realize it, otherwise infidenlity wouldn't be so rampant.