Well I am not very convienced by my solicitor, cause most of the time she send out what I email her. and everytime where I need any legal assistance, I have to dig it out. I am keeping records of all the corespondence I am doing just in case if I have to change my solicitor later on I will be having all the case history with me.

My family is not in contact with my inlaws, before going on holidays my mom and dad tried to contact my BIL and MIL but they insulted them saying that I have done a shamefull thing (blaming WW having an A) after that my mom & dad again tried to contact WW on the phone but she didn't come on the phone to speak to them. and when I went on holidays I asked my mom & dad stop contacting my inlaws as well as WW, as they are feeling that we are in need of their daughter. my mom has made it clear that we are still open to reconcile but now we will not move forward to request my inlaws or WW to try to reconcile. they must have to made their own mind. from my family non is in contact with my inlaws anymore.

this is the good point to write a letter to kids and say I am trying my level best to see them soon. I will do that.

I think I have forgotten to mention, before going on hols, I had a call from police station telling me that WW has complained about I am harrassing her and I must not try to visit my kids before getting any contact order from court. and I must avoid to harras WW. I explained them that I have never attempted to harras WW, all I have done in past to write letters to my kids I have not even send any written letter to WW. the police told me that thre no harm writing letter to your kids but try to avoid refering anything to WW in your letters. I explained the same to my solicitor and she told me that try to avoid visiting your kids before anything settled down.

I am keeping myself cool, and doing the thing that I can. now adays I have made myself so busy that I can't find time to do some study at home, which is good that I dont have time to think about WW but on the same time start getting problem with my study. I am not having any kind of lonely feelings or feeling that I am missing something.

KFH

I know you're caught in the place of no contact with your kids, except through letters. Put your love into them for their sake, not from your feelings or no feelings.

Resentment, anger--both for others and yourself--cover over our emotions, not letting love through, or sometimes, hope. Self-protection that does a lot of damage for the temporary relief. Look inside yourself, KFH, and know your beliefs give you your emotions...and they are just information.

You are recognizing you only control you...if that's what you meant by keeping cool...so that you are not kicking yourself for what you can't be making happen now, anyway. Beware the old anger, though, towards yourself for leaving the home...hindsight seems true when it isn't. You only did then what you knew; now you know better you can do better. Doesn't help our brains, which don't know time, to think we could go back to then and know what we know now. Recognizing this helps with the staying cool...calm...and seated in reality.

You are doing some great self-care with taking notes and being prepared if you must change solicitors. I have no experience, and from my layman's point of view, this one sucks!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Maybe BobPure or another UK person could help? I don't understand why a family's demise isn't higher up on the concern change, legally. That's me and my belief. No help there, just sharing.

Are you saying that you are doing well not to focus on WW, yet also, no time to study as you need to? I understand that. I remember how distracting I could make life not to feel the pain or obsess. The quiet time you need for studying might be too vulnerable in it's quietude to thoughts of WW...shifting your focus off her and onto you, each time there is a thought, an image, will help you manage that. We didn't know before, but we choose our thoughts, feelings and beliefs. We have the control. Just have to learn how to use it.

Make time for those letters, with bright pictures, and you will refill your own heart for them...and you won't hurt as much as you think, because you are being the Dad you really are...connecting to your children, who haven't stopped missing, loving and needing you. No WS can change that.

LA

Dear LA

I admit that at some point I do try to hide myself but now its not very often. most of the time I try to remain as normal as I can. in past 4/5 months. I have adopted one bad habbit that I stay at work late most of the time, sometime I stay until 8:00pm or more. as you have correctly said I need a quite time without any distraction to do my study and thats the most difficult thing for me. to handle this situation I have started to do joint study, I go to my friend's house once a week where I concerntrate on my study. and its helping me to get back to track.

today I have posted a letter to my kinds. I took a cartoon picture from BBC website and did some colors. then just said to kids, hi, how you doing and I will see you all soon.with lots of love your dad.

Thanks
KFH

You're a pretty darn good problem solver, KFH...knowing your limits, finding a study mate, knowing you'll get back on track and not freaking over it.

And your letter to your kids with the cartoon pix...how did you feel doing it? Hurt, happy and okay?

Trust yourself more...you are doing better than you think you are.

LA

Now there is only one thing that I really miss its my kids. can you belive it that I haven't met my kids for last 4 months and I am living just 15 min. drive away from them.but I know one thing, may be it will be another month or two before I will start seeing my kids independently without any noncense reasons.

today I received a letter from my bank saying that my standing order has been cancelled (the one that I setted up to send the money to WW as child maintenance) due to the accounts been closed by the beneficiary. I dont know why WW is doing all these kind of things. first changing the tel no. and now changing the bank accounts so that I cannot transfer the money directly to her account. is she trying to hide away from me or trying make troubles as much as she can. I have got no clue whatsoever. probably this is why she is trying to get her brothers involve in child contact, so that whenever I go to see my kids she will not be having any interaction between us. whatever she do I can't be bother now.

KFH

Please get the bank to put in writing that the standing account was cancelled by WW not you. In the event, not the likelihood that WW is attempting to set you up as not paying, not doing your share, then you want the institution's backing in writing that there was an account, for how long, which directly paid to her maintenance for her and the children.

You are doing really well not to wonder, tie youself up in what you don't and can't know...give yourself deep breaths and focus on more letters to your kids (note the dates sent and make copies to keep), your school, work and yourself.

Your choice remains your choice.

LA

Thanks LA,

I have got the bank letter saying the recepient has closed the account therefore my standing order has been cancelled.

have a nice weekend and catch you next week

thanks & regards
KFH

Last night I was comming back from my friend's house after spending my weekend there and while I was driving to home, I was thinking about my kids then all of the sudden a thought came to my mind, why am I not talking to my kids on the phone, because my wife has changed the phone number it does not mean that I am not able to talk to my kids anymore. I can ask my solicitor to send a letter to WW, requesting the phone number so that me or my family (my mom & dad) can talk to my kids on the phone while we are in dispute on physical contacts.

the very first thing I did this morning was sending an email to my solicitor, to request the contact number from my wife so that at least I can talk to my kids on the phone. I dont know why I didn't ask this long ago. I believe that there is no excuse WW can find to stop me contacting my kids on the phone. and if she will do this it will be recorded before going to the court for child contact.

I also have received a letter from Child Support Agency (CSA) telling me that they have cancelled the application they received and there is no further actions required from me. I was not sure why I have received this letter therefore I rang to CSA and asked them why they sent me this letter. they told me that they received an application from my wife but after investigating the case they feel that there is no need to action anything therefore they cancelled the application and informed the both parties. on the same time I have sent a copy of this letter to my solicitor to look at it and let me know if I have to do anything further about it.

KFH

Dear All

I have been served a divorce petition from the county court at work.

Though WW had made all the false statements to get her application stronger, i.e. I was not looking after my kids and family financially and was never been there when WW needed me. in my reply I have attached my bank statements showing all my income and expenses where I was the only one who was paying house rent, council tax, house bills and rest of the expenses. I did mention that I was always there whenever WW needed me to support her emotionally.

I have responded to the court, saying that I am not ready for a divorce and therefore me and my wife should be allowed 2 years to think about our decision, future as well future of our kids.

KFH

I am sorry to hear that.
I've been folowing your thread. I wish you good luck.

Hi, KFH!

Great to see you again. Big kudos on your reply to her petition.

Now, tell me how you feel?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Any progress on getting to see your kids? Still sending letters?

In my prayers, and I remain, in your corner.

LA

Dear LA

Thanx for your email. I have been keep sending the letters/ cards to my kids. with a very little messages on. and I am not even trying to address WW in my correspondence. still haven't managed to see the kids.

sometime I still feel love for WW but when I think of what has happend and what WW is doing I feel bad that I still have a love for WW.


regards
KFH

I have also submitted an application for contact order and residence order and now waiting for a response from the court.KFH

Dear KFH,

Love feelings rise and fall...anger, resentment, pain, longing, frustration...a lot of other emotions can get in the way...

I believed you'd kept up with the letters/cards to your kids. In the states we have special court orders we can obtain to see our childnre...is there anything equivalent in England? I mean, separate from your response to WW's filing...an injunction...which you appear before a judge, briefly, saying why it is urgent that you see your kids.

Self-evident, I'd say. However...they miss you and long for you, too, KFH. Do not doubt that one bit. God gave us a built-in magnet for our parents...no matter how they treat us, how much we feel loved...we love back, beyond imagining.

Know and believe this, KFH.

Accept your feelings whatever they are...they are yours. They aren't good or bad...they just are. Your beliefs remain...manage those carefully!

Keep posting...ask for what you need, share who you are, and know you're on a hero's journey, 'k?

LA

Dear LA

Thank you very much for your reply with a great advise. it really boost me up.

does anyone else get this error too "The form you have submitted is no longer valid. "

regards
KFH

Yes, KFH...they changed the forum...while you were not posting...

It's a better system, I think. You can now hit the "back" button and copy your post, then refresh the page and paste your post...and continue on with the submit.

Oh, wait...that message is the old one. Are you using MS Internet Explorer, or another browser?

I used to get that message...and it was the kiss of death for a post...now I get something about time elapsed so I do the steps I just told you about.

Gosh, I hope fixing my problems with posting in the forum didn't create new ones for you guys in England...because Nagrom67 has been having post problems, too.

Ack!

Don't let it keep you from posting, please, KFH. Create your post in a word document, then cut and paste it over when you're ready...that way, if it doesn't go, you can just paste and try again.

LA

Every time I try to write more than a para or so I am keep getting the error message and when shorten my message there is no error message. its very strange.

KFH

Can you email Tempest and ask about it? Are Canadian servers ticked at the British ones?

Anybody else besides Nagrom and KFH having this issue?

Hmmm...you think it is that brevity-is-the-soul-of-wit hack script going around?

Ack. That was awful of me.

LA

its really frustrating, when I finish writing my reply and its not letting me to post it.

KFH

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