Hi, thanks Soon. I know and agree that is part of coming out of the fog, but my gosh, the reality of it hurts so BAD! I guess I was in denial about it being physical and now the reality is such a jolt to my system. I am trying my best to deal with all these emotions. This is the toughest thing I think I have ever emotionally had to deal with.

The trip is this week. Wednesday to Sunday. As everyone said, this is my family we are talking about. That and my marriage is what I am trying to save.

I'll take whatever thoughts are thrown at me. I appreciate it everyone! I mean it!! Thank you all.

Has he mentioned to you about coming over and "talking" some more? If so, before the trip or afterwards?

No more mention of "talking" - we talked yesterday for 3 1/2 hours. And then I called him last night and told him what you see in the above post from this morning. He just called me and is coming over later this afternoon to see DS - but there was no mention of us talking.

I would'nt mention anything to him again. I think what you said to him was enough. Keep practicing tough love. Definitely wait until after the trip IF you do bring it up again. You are doing great Thankful. You are doing wonderful. Stay strong and firm with an open mind at the same time. Remember, he is still in the fog. He is slowly coming out. I know you want this M to work. I know that you are absolutely going crazy and feel like you are on the verge of losing it any minute now. I say give him a little more time. A little. Set a deadline. Dont LB, don't beg or anything like that. He is starting to come out of the fog and only time will tell if he will fully come out or just fence sit.

I am so mad at your H right now I could bite nails. I just don't understand what the heck he is doing. If he is willing to make this M work then he should be willing to do whatever it takes. Clearing his mind is a good thing. but I don't understand why he didn't go ahead and end it.

If he ends it with her...and works on the M. Is he still going to work with her? What does her husband have to say aout this?

I agree. I am still being tough and am going to let him stew about what I said last night. I am not going to mention anything to him at all. And I am going to remain calm, cool and collected while he is here this afternoon. I was very cool while we just talked a few minutes ago.

As for your q re: the work situation...it is hard to explain without really getting into it, but it's not like they work side by side on a daily basis. There is very minimal contact on business relations. So, severing that tie is easier than a typical work setting would be. KWIM?

I know what you mean, I am mad at your H right now too.

Sorry, but what does KWIM mean? And what about her H? Where in the heck is he at in this picture?

KWIM=Know what I mean <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Her H, I am not sure. I know they are separated and that she has an apt. somewhere and that my H stays there a couple nights, so he has said. Evidently, when he came clean the other day, he called her H & told him everything as well. I heard her screaming in the background that my H has f*&^ed up her life by doing that. You can imagine that I just wanted to throw up. She and her H have 2 kids - where they are, I do not know. I don't ask about that stuff b/c I really don't give a rats a$$ about her and her kids.

By your H calling and telling her husband, he probably did more than you ever could in killing the A. This is a good step. Maybe his world is crashing down around him. Stay tough with your love.

I agree about not caring about the OW, but her kids are victims in the trajedy also. They probably didn't want anything to do with this either.

Very true Tired. I agree that her children are victims as well. And that is sad.

He called her H? That is a good step. A very good step! You said that you heard her in the background...does that mean he called her H while he was there with you?

No, my H was with HER when he called her husband. Then he called me...I heard her in the background screaming (in the most trashiest of voices I might add) "You can have him back, I don't want him! He just f&^%ed up my life by calling my husband & telling him everything"

It seems like my H is trying to bring this all to a head. One way or the other. In my mind, I will assume his decision is made, unless he ends it with her. If he does not end it, there is no chance for us. The thing is, do I let him in on my mindset or do I not?

I would not. You told him everything you could have already. It's all up to him now. It's his decision whether to pull his head outta his [censored] and get it together or keep on acting like he has been. Aliens. I'm getting mad just thinking about it. Aliens.

You are doing great Thankful! Really you are. I just want to keep saying that cause I know how used and down I feel sometimes, it makes me feel better for someone to remind me that I am strong.

Thanks - it does mean alot to hear that - b/c most of the time I feel like I am not doing so great.

With the reality of it being a PA, I am now having a hard time getting images of them together out of my head. It makes me SO sick. I just try to change my thought as quickly as possible. Is there a puke icon?

That's one of the things that our MC told me and my H. So, when you find yourself with those thoughts in your head change your thoughts and whatever you are doing as quickly as you can. Don't let yourself think about it. And it will be hard but you have to do it. She told us that the BS will have those thought creeping into their minds constantly, but that is the devil working on them. And it is their choice as to whether they let the devil tempt them and keep on tormenting their minds, or change their thoughts and activity and think of something positive...or atleast something different.

Don't let the devil torment you. Don't let him win. You are stronger and better than that. And don't think of it as your H becuase that was not your H, that was the alien. I don't know if that'll help or not...just trying.

That makes sense Soon. I will keep trying to remember that everytime it happens.

He hasn't gotten here yet to see DS. I wish he would just get here and leave already - I am not in a good frame of mind to see him. I am feeling very angry. My frame of mind is NOT good. My thoughts change from hour to hour. Right now it's 'I deserve so much better than him' 'My kids deserve so much better than him' 'How could he have committed that act' 'Did he ever really love me?' 'Do I even want him anymore?' 'If he was able to do this, what kind of man is he really?' 'Who is this man?'

OK, last post for the day. Calm down. Breathe. I know you are upset. I know what you are going through. Be nice. Be cordial. That's all you can do. No he doesn't deserve it. But remember, you are trying to win him back. STAY STRONG. YOU CAN DO THIS.

Thanks Soon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

All went relatively well this evening when he came to see DS. He could tell that I was being a little cold towards him and so he asked why I wasn't saying anything to him. I just calmly explained that I am going thru such a range of emotions right now and that he has to remember that this is all 'fresh' to me, where for him, it's not new. He said he understands. Then I said (again very calmly) "I didn't deserve what you have done" And he said "I know you didn't" I also told him that in my mind, I feel like his decision is made already" and he said a real sarcastic "ya think?" (And I know what he means when he says 'ya think'?) It means that I am wrong. He told me that when he came clean the other day, it has been a very mind-opening experience for him. He couldn't continue to live with the lies anymore. And he said that if he decides to stay (for us) that the 'other' would be so far gone & out of the picture. We left it at that. He stayed for a couple hours and is coming back again tomorrow afternoon.

I think I might be able to sleep tonight.

Thanks for your support Soon.