You think that went well.... Thanks for the support but I don't see any silver lining...

The sorry POS OM knows how week she is and how easy he can manipulate her and she fell right back into his trap. After we had the best week end in nearly a year spending every moment together, went out and ate dinner in public twice, went car shopping, she proposed we move, we went to a school function together, she wanted to sleep in the same room, we were talking great, we watched movies, everything was great until OM got a hold of her again.
Now it's all back around...

That guy sane.... PLEASE...

Me, I am kinda numb right now. I feel like the rug has just been pulled out from under me. I guess I don't even know what to think.
I bet if she comes home tonight it will be to through some clothes into a bag and leave.
The typical OM demand was to just forget about getting anything and just don't go back. She may just do that this time.
I don't know if I am ready for another round of this. I need some time to evaluate where I am. Really not sure if I am ready to do anything.
She has no idea and I don't know if she ever will.

You're exactly right dazed....she's been brainwashed by him again.

And its hard to see, but there IS good in this situation. OM's bluff has been called. (what a bunch of dramatic BS by the way..<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)

I still stand by what I've told you before. Let her go to him -- and shut her out. Let him destroy the rest of fantasy land. It simply will not last. She already KNOWS this.

Surround yourself and your daughter with peace and quiet. Do you have a Plan B letter ready?

Dazed,

PAIN = PROGRESS

If she goes let her go. Not with a smile, don't help her pack, etc. but just let her go.

You can not shield her from her pain...it is simply to painful FOR YOU.

BIG QUESTION: IS YOUR LOVE SLIPPING???????

IF SO, DO YOU THINK IF SHE LEAVES IT'S PLAN B TIME?

You don't need to call Jennifer or Steve to know that YOUR answer to that question is indicative that it may be time for Plan B, if she leaves. (call them anyway as planned)

I've said this before, but recovery someday, when OM and WW are finally over (and they will be sooner than later) requires you to maintain a little love for WW in your lovebank. Do not underestimate how much you are going to need. She is so broken down and lost that you'll need tremendous patience as you await her recovery first. Your situation has been particularly brutal on you. Please consider your answer carefully. It is not UNMANLY or WEAK for you to give up and say "I'm done", then Plan B.

I'm not pushing Plan B just cause you had another bad day. But, if she leaves, in my opinion, IT IS TIME.

Whachya say, Dazed?

Mr. Wondering

She keeps richoting between the two of you.
If you remove yourself from the situation, you have raised the bar so high, OM can NEVER reach it.

It won't take long for the whole thing to crash.
She'll be back.

And she'll be back in a whole different way than the last rebounds where she's come back to you. She'll come back mortified at what she's done. She'll want to make amends.

Right now she's still to conflicted and guilt-ridden over that POS that she's not even close to recovery-material.

OM having to meet ALL of her needs will INCREASE the speed that she will return to you.

((((hugs))))

There is still the possibility that she was lying about OM threatening suicide. Otherwise, if he had, why would she be so afraid of him being embarrassed by the concern for his safety.

I don't know how you can keep going back and forth emotionally this way. You certainly are on one huge rollercoaster ride.

It will be interesting to hear SH's take on this.

If you haven't read Dobson's 'Love Must Be Tough' it may be a very good time to do so.

Lexxxy- I agree. He has once again brainwashed her.
That POS is about nothing more than games. I knew he was bluffing... I knew it... Get this... Tuesday he told her that he could not stop crying and his life is worthless now. He gave up his entire life for what he thought was happiness and she just threw him out like trash. He told that she destroyed him.
I called his work five minutes after she gave me that email and he was there working like normal. I heard from another guy that seen him at work a week ago and he was joking around with a co-worker just like nothing in the world was wrong. You talk about a conman...

She never went back went to work this afternoon. After blowing off work, she may just not have a job left to go back too.

I did not really want to go back either but I am in deep at my work too.

If she takes her stuff and leaves I think I am done. Either way I will have to stand back and get away. Even if she comes home tonight all sorry, I am not ready to deal with it. I will need to take some time to cool down and see what I feel like.

I agree with the posts here.

Dazed, she may go...for awhile. If she does, then you go straight to Plan B and shut everything down. So, that scenario we all agree on.

But I am still holding out a little on her not going. I think that he has scared her enough that she might not want to go all the way. Scared that he IS crazy and you wont be there. This is why I said go get the order (you will need it either way) and start doing the things listed above. You have to do them anyway Dazed, no matter which way she goes.

She will either use them to take off...or to hide from OM under. Either way, that is good for your marriage. That relationship cannot last. What you heard and saw last weekend is the REAL Mrs. Dazed. So her going to him will spell disaster for them.

So, all of the things that happened last weekend, today, etc are all GOOD when we are talking about the longterm goal of saving your family. Remember, you need to think about the war...not get hung up on every little battle!

Get the order. Keep the pressure on this thing. You are now on the offensive and the OM is reeling. You really are. Do not back down now, Dazed. Finish this guy off!

In His arms.

Precisely MM

But Dazed must keep his job...without it he may jeopardize everything (custody and the families financial security).

Do what you can...but don't do nothing. You made your Plan earilier...stick to it despite her resistance. What she says and does now is irrelevant. No matter what you do she seems to keep coming back anyway. You don't need to POJA or tell her what your doing, in fact, it would appear less manipulative for you to just do it without her involvement.

Mr. Wondering

HI Dazed,
You're getting some GREAT advice here.... These guys here at MB are really coming through in the clutch for you so listen to them...

Key points:
Don't get caught up in the battle... remember the war plan (MM)
GET SOME PROTECTION FROM OM WITH THE POLICE!! Either way you will need this… this guy’s elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top!! (EVERYONE!!)

My 2 cent echo.....
Get her AWAY to her aunts… her mother’s her sisters…ANYWHERE where the person there understands to keep her away from contact…(I hope they fire her for not showing back at work today…unless it will hurt you guys…) If YOU can go maybe SIL will take DD for a week… probably not going to happen but GET HER AWAY….

HERE ARE SOME GREAT POINTS!!!

I still stand by what I've told you before. Let her go to him -- and shut her out. Let him destroy the rest of fantasy land. It simply will not last. She already KNOWS this.
(LEXXY)
GREAT LEXXY!!
Go to her right now. Go to her office.
Tell her:
"WE" need to help him...He needs "professional" help..."WE" need to call for help for him...
LEXXY… Brilliant!!!

I don’t know what I want. I am such a mess...and just wanted you to know because I know that you are the only sane person in my life right now and I deseperately need your help."

(MM) ALSO BRILLIANT MM!!



Mr. & Mrs, Wondering… you’re usual solid advice (congrats on the Delta vouchers!!)

DAZED…. You are SOOOO close right now…. The car is incredibly hot…. BUT the engine is STRONG…… you built it with your own two hands....YOU are exhausted….there is someone right on your tail… BUT…. YOU ARE STRONG....and have been here before... same situation.... only... it's the HOME STRETCH!!! LAST LAP MY FRIEND.... You can SEE the CHECKERD FLAG… it’s right smack in front of you…. MAKE THE MOVE..... and....Take this home!!!!


GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS FRANK

Dazed,

SITREP??

{For you non-military types, SITREP means Situational Report}

So, I'm asking: "What's up?"

In His arms.

Sir yes sir...lol

Well Mortarman you were right again.
There was no contact at all between me and the wife until she came home at 6PM.

She came in the door sad and humbled. I was setting on the couch watching tv with daughter when she came in and stood in front of me. I ignored her until she reached out and grabbed for me hand. We went into the hallway and she said she was sorry and wanted to hug me.
I stood there motionless and quiet for a few moments. I asked her what she was sorry for. She said for saying I hate you. I don't hate you okay. I said, so does that mean that you are not sorry for anything else? She said, I am sorry saying those mean things to you. She was now crying and wanting to hold me.
I stood quiet again. She figured out really fast that I was upset with her and not going to just say okay this time.

I walked back into the front room and set back down with daughter. Wife came out asking to cook us dinner. I said, just get something for daughter okay. She went back into the kitchen and started dinner.
After a few minutes I went in to talk to her. She started crying again and telling me she is sorry and confused. Asking what is wrong with me why do I do this. I told her that I feel like the rug was just pulled out from under me. You know I have done my best to not burden you with my pain and hurt from all of this. I know you have been hurt and are still lost and hurting. I know you are week and need help to see your way threw this. That is why I have been strong and I don't want you hear out of pitty or sympathy like others do. I want you here because it is your choice. However, I want you to know that i can not take much more of this. We can not take much more of this... It is time we start working together. I can't carry our marriage all by myself. I know your confused and week and I don feel like I am expecting too much from you.
She said, do you want me to leave? I said, no i don't want you to leave. I want you to realize that we must do a few things to protect you and us because you are so week right now.
You need to figure out that you are not responsible for him only yourself and your family.
We can not continue this cycle. She was now crying with her head in her hands setting on the floor and holding on to me.

We ate some dinner and I went to go get my hair cut. While I was out our dish lost signal... REALLY WEIRD...
So the wife clicked onto our DVR and started watching Dr.Phil that I have been recording. The episode she found was two days ago when the topic was "CHEATERS". They interviewed two couples and on tv proved they were having affairs with out there spouse knowing.
Of course Dr.Phil pointed out the damage they are doing and made them feel really bad about it. Also, mentioned that they can save there marriages but need professional help and he will point them in the right direction for that help if they wanted to save there marriages.
This got the wifes attention. When I came home and finished watching it with her she was asking for me to come hold her with tears in her eyes.

I have a mountain of work to knock out this morning before I get in really deep with $hit here at work. My plan is to go get the RO's in place today.

Also checked and found out that OM was at work like normal today. Wife was thinking he would not be there... He is just playing her like normal... Idiot...

You guys were right about calling his bluff yesterday. That is also his third run in with the police now.
1) Pulled over for circling our house.
2) Cops went to his place for the threatening phone call and possible violence against WW.
3) Now cops at his house for suicide threats to WW.

oh dazed -- I cannot tell you how happy and excited I am to read that SHE WAS HOME LAST NIGHT! You have no idea what a statement to your marriage and future that is!

I would have very confidently placed a big bet that she would stay with OM last night.

It is time for you to start putting some boundries in place for yourself. It is so damaging for you to have your hopes raised only to be crushed over and over again. And she simply CANNOT make a choice and stick with it.

Its going to take extreme measures for her to break away from the addiction and drama with OM. And she's not able to do this willingly. I pray she will recognize this and allow you to protect her. If she won't come into the fold of your protection, you're going to have to leave her outside of it.

OM is playing dangerous games, and you need to separate yourself from it. Good move on the RO!

Dazed,

You are right on script. You are right on the right path. You are so [email]d@mn[/email] close, my man. So close.

Get the RO. Dont discuss it with her (as Mr. W said, by just doing it, she wont see it as manipulation). As I said before, she needs a hero now, not an educator.

Your talk was excellent. When you said that you didnt know how much more you can take (which is honest!!), she again began to feel things slipping away. That is why she asked if you want her to leave. of course, you said no...but let me help you understand what she is thinking about that now.

She knows that you are still there. You didnt want her to leave. But she also knows that you cant take much more. Which means she also knows that one of these trips out the door will mean Dazed gone forever. It means that she is beginnign to see Dazed start to move on...and he is darn close to moving on without her. She is beginnign to see that if she goes, she may not be able to turn around later.

Dazed, she wants you! She really does. She is an addict. She wants to stop, but cannot find out how. Cannot find the will to overcome the pain. That is why that Dr. Phil thing hit her. She was hearing from Dr. Phil that things can recover with help.

So again. Get the RO. Set out information on Steve Harley again and let her know that you are prepared to start counselign together immediately. Begin to shut things off with OM.

And one more thing that I know Lexxxy will like. Notice how you werent LBing, but you werent clingy last night. THAT is what we have been talking about! Not being silent. But being a little standoffish. Notice what she did when you did that? She practically could not keep her hands off of you.

Dazed, if you pursue her directly, she will run scared. If you stand there like a lighthouse, she will come to you.

Take care of business, my man. This thing is just about done. Stick a fork in it!

In His arms.

Wow...

Looks like Someone might be lending a hand here...

Indeed. I forgot to add that Dazed. Please make sure you are praying...a lot.

In His arms.

Dazed...

Is she at work today? I just shot her another email, and I'm still not getting a reply...still hoping...

Mrs. W

Dazed...

Nevermind...she just emailed me...I've sent her two more emails in response, so we will see-she is just really confused, I understand...call us if you need to chat this weekend or anytime...

Mrs. W

Mrs.W-
Yeah, she is working today. She had called and emailed me from her work this morning. Not sure if she is there right now.

I had to stop and go..hmmmm last night as well... The dish going just long enough for her to turn on the DVR and click on Dr.Phil was ironic.

Has anyone on here heard of and OP as persistant and ignuts as the one I am dealing with???
It seems to me that this guy is one of the worst OP's I have ever heard of...

Dazed...

We cross posted...see mine above yours...YES, your OM is a complete insecure LOON!!! She'll see it one day...

Mrs. W

Nope I haven't dazed. He may need to be jailed! Justice be done.

God is working on it.

Lady