I know the chest hursts feeling. I really do. I thought I was having a heart attack.

My best friend was my wife.

Losttiger, this too shall pass. Adultery leaves a lasting scar; suicide leaves a lasting wound.

I am praying for you. You can get through this.

God has surrounded you with angels, even though you can't see them.

it hurts to talk about my kids...i love them so very much. I thought that ....never mind stupid...stupid..

i thought that we would be together forever and that we would raise our kids together to be the wonderful kids they are...

we are going to destroy them

why cant people think about someone other than their own stupid self satisfaction...that their actions affect the whole family

WHY

Welll...if my timing isn't just a bit OFF!!!!

Inside you is what it takes to make things work for you.

The work on yourself is so worth it......no matter where the road leads, you come out the winner. I am a testament to that.

My WH has been having his A for 5 years. This I just found out last week from WH himself. Five years of lies.....as far as I know.....probably so much more.

It took me 2 years to finally pick myself up, dust myself off, and decide that I wanted to live the truth. Not WH's lies. They are HIS problem.

But I had to go thru a lot of pain and self examination and growth myself before I could see that. It takes time. Step by step.

Talk to someone you trust....someone who will listen. God also listens. We will listen.

Kathy

Your children look to you for their security. That will not change whether you stay married or not. You can do this for them. They need you.

Even if it hurts, can you tell us something about them? What do they like? Are any of them ballerinas? Wrestlers? Mini-Martha Stuarts?

We have felt what you are feeling. Many other people here are in the middle of it right now. You are in the right place.

Just give it to God. Do you pray? God will take your fears. He will help you. He made everything. He holds the universe in his hand. And YOU - LostTiger - He is intimately concerned for. You are important. He made YOU to take care of those kids. Most of us do not do a job we feel is worthy with our kids. But God put us in charge. You can do it . YOu can show those kids love. They need YOUR love. Love those kids. LOVE THOSE KIDS.

Breathe slowly. Nothing is gonna happen tonight. Time is your friend in this matter.

You can change YOU. It is a slow process. I had a problem with internet porn. For several years. January 1 was my 1 yr anniversary of being released from that bondage. I never thought I could be released.

You can change to make you better. And you will.

he's not going to change is he? He is going to keep lying to me and cheating..

so how do i move on...

how do you know that is really is over and not going to work out...


oooh just found a bright side...this will cause me to go back on the infidelity diet...yeah weight loss

ok here is a question..

i want H to disclose the password to the email account that he has with this "friend"

he says no good will come of it

should he give it to me and allow me to read it?

For my kids is the reason I fight for this marriage. My D will be final March 29.

But I will remain the daddy of my kids.

My son came to me today and hugged me, and said "Daddy - I sure am glad I have a daddy like you."

OH MY GOD - that is the sweetest thing to hear! And I would not have heard it if I gave up. but I WILL NOT GIVE UP.

LOSTTIGER - YOU WILL NOT GIVE UP!!!!

Do you talk to God? I am curious where you are....
there are secret weapons if you have the right team....

He can change if he chooses, but it will take time and lots of observation to see if he has changed.

You don't necessarily move on yet, but you do need to take care of yourself.

The Infidelity Diet.....hmmmm. For some reason they don't mention that one much in Vogue, though it's the most efficient diet I've ever been on, by far.

His changing is not what matters.....YOURS IS.

I found out you can't change someone else....only yourself.

You know it when it hits you......sometimes slowly, but one day you just know you have to move on.

I am at that place right now. I won't live a lie anymore....

I am in the process of D right now. It's been hard to get to this place, but my feelings for WH are gone. No matter what he says or does now has no effect on me. I wish him well.

But I have gone thru the fire to get here.

We all know what it's like...

.......and that Infidelity Diet! Someone needs to write a book!!! It works that good!

Kathy

LT,

Tell me about your kids......

Btw, that suicide feeling of despair is temporary and will pass...... it may want to cling to your guts but it is like a bad virus...... u give into that and the OP, the WS and the A have won.

How do I know? Been there, done that..... took mine to the edge of the Pacific Ocean.....started walking in fully clothed. Made sure I took off my valuables. LOL!!!

I felt worthless and useless..... sound familar? Guess what, you are among a whole bunch of BS' here. Small delegation and part of a unique community of those who actually understand. Now I will tell you that we need posters here who can explain their feelings as you have then help us help them work them out. So can you do that for us?

If you need to talk in person, let me know. You know I am way out stuck in the middle of the big blue in my own time zone. LOL!!! HST - Hawaiian Standard Time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

here's my addy: mborchid2@yahoo.com

Just let me know on here when you've sent an e-mail. Yea, I do work but we can squeeze in some MB time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Now I expect you to keep communicating with us.

You realize that if you are gonna give your all over something it ought t/b something of value. The A is not valuable. Certainly not worth your life.

Think about it.

Will be waiting to hear from you.

take care,
L.

I think if you read it at all you should just hack in yourself, but not tonight and definitely not alone. And if you already know he's in an A it may not be worth the additional pain at this point.

Yea - I have done that diet. The weight loss is nice... But we digress.

I do not have the answer to your question.

Have you exposed his affair? To the OW's parents? To his parents? To your friends?

You are not anywhere near the stage of knowing it is over. You just walked in the front door, babe.

Is your husband open to counseling? Get him on the phone with you and Steve Harley.

i have been talking to God...

my strenght has been tested so much the last couple of years, and i have found a strenght in me that i never thought i had

but what i do know, is that i am spent
i cant do this one, i cant face this

its not that i have lost my faith in God, i just cant find the strenght anymore...i am so tired

LostTiger - I hear orchid's voice. She is the person you need to talk to for a while.

Thanks for hanging here with us. Please stay here. We all have been E X A C T L Y where you are. (with differences, of course.) We all know what you are feeling. FAR too well. (double entendre accidental)

Talk to Orchid. She will steer you right.

G'night.

far

U realize, you haven't hit bottom yet. You are just very spent and tired but not ready to give up......nope, you think you may feel like it but you aren't...... just crying out for help and hoping someone will listen.

Now listen up..... if you don't watch out, this is a time when you could catch a tinge of that selfish A virus the WS caught.

When one feels desparate enough to consider suicide, it is the selfish side in them wanting to take the easy way out. WHAT!?!?!? Where's my compassion? It's there but not in favor of anything which devalues your life.

Now tell me about your children.

L.

Anyone who knows me as a sweet little church girl would be surprised to know that murder was far more tempting to me than suicide. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I don't look like someone prone to violent urges. But we all understand being so tired we don't want to go on.

Please believe me, it gets better.

I, too, am spent.

I am staring D in the face. IN THE FACE. I never was going to be in that statistic.

Keep coming here. Give it all to God. Pray without ceasing.

Know that when you give it completely to Him - He becomes the one responsible. And HE will not mess it up.

I, too, wonder sometimes - is He really there.

But you have to get very, very quite - very, very still - to hear Him. And you will.

yes, I am.