Dear HinOK,

I read your account and see your did super!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Very proud of you.

I tried to put myself in the mediator's shoes and I am sure this was a topic of convo not just w/the WS and OP but also with the mediator's office. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I mean really....to hear such babble.... all his answers were all about him.

Anyone with any sense can see how selfish he is.

Not give you alimony because you are working?!?!? That has nothing t/d with what is already due to you.

A part of my secular job is to setup child support payment plans for companies who get notices from various state agencies..... sometimes....some of these deadbeat parents have more than 1 type of chlid support to pay..... I have seen up to 3, in different states w/ 3 different mothers. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Makes more work for the employer as well.

Just that alone is bad and that may not even be A related but I thought I just share the story.

He owes what he owes.....no less. The OW had better go buy herself that ring. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Good job!!!!

Hugz,
L.

Orchid,

Thanks, I was proud of myself as well ... There were a few times i almost lost it when he answered so foolishly but I held my tongue and shut up. I waited until the mediator asked me my response and I said what I needed to in a respectful way. But boy my anger was floating right on the edge. You know the need to defend myself was high. But I stayed on task.....

Yeah I can't wait to see how he is gonna react when he gets all the attorney fee's ... Not gonna be pretty for sure....
I for one would have never agreed to that without knowing how much they would be.... I am sure his attorney will probably tell him what a fool he was for that one.

Anyhow that parts over now its all up to a judge and who knows when that will be. The govenor still will be replacing our judge by March 24 as he has taken another job. Then they have people on the docket from August still waiting to get in. So who knows when we will get a date.


Thanks again all for the support ....


Hurting

Post deleted by Cherished

Cherished,

I think you may be right about this. I know she has mentioned to me about how she would never allow this to happen to her. I think its easier for her to side with him because she can use his justifications and believe why he walked out.

Of course the kids saw the stress and tension in the house, and they saw the depression and its affects on all of us. So for her its easier to say its mom's fault without understanding all of the dynamics of the situation.

She really baffles me though sometimes. Because she waffles just like him, she says what dad has done is wrong he should have never left. I don't like OW and on and on, but thn in a blink of an eye or just a phone conversation with him and she goes the other way.

Sometimes I feel she plays both of us just to see who will give her what she needs at that moment. So I just pretty much keep things to myself and don't tell her anything.

As far as the mediation yesterday she asked how did it go, I told her it w ent fine and gave her no details at all. I know she would go to her dad with anything I said. So if she finds out anything it will be through him and of course he will spin it to make him look like the victom here. So who knows how she will react to me.

So with her its a day by day thing, depends on who she likes the most for the day as to which side she is on....


Hurting

Post deleted by Cherished

I agree with you totally.

But up until this last year we had a good loving marriage and my children saw that as well.

But all of this really has pushed all the good to the back burner. So they have seen what a good marriage can be. I just hope and pray they can remember that part of it and get past this bad part.

I think with me becoming happy again and showing them life can and will be good again will go a long ways with them...

They see their dad isn't happy or himself because they comment on it. They know the difference between the real dad and the WS dad. Which is a good thing they can distinguish the two seperate beings.

In fact DD has been a different person herself the last few weeks. She has calmed down alot and really has backed away from her dad. I think she is really starting to see what truly is happening. At least I hope so...


Hurting

Well the day has gone fine. So far nothing from WH or has he called anyone to tell them what happened yesterday.

He did pick up DS from the bowling alley and they are spending the day together getting WH'S stereo put in his car and such stuff. I have no clue if OW is with them and I didn't ask. All I wanted or needed to know is that DS is with his dad.

I spent most of the afternoon at my MIL'S, we ate lunch homemeade Lasgana and salad. Was very nice the whole family was there.

DD'S boyfriend came over here a few mins. ago and said his uncle who is in the military saw me walking down the street asked him about me. He wants to meet me because he was attracted to me. I told him I was flattered but that I was not interested as I am a married woman. He said but he just wants to be friends, I said there is no such things a just friends and I am not ready for anything like that. So in a way it was very flattering that someone finds me attractive but I still love my H and I know right now it would be way to easy to get myself in WH'S shoes and I don't want to be there.....


Well I have to work tonight so everyone have a great evening......


Hurting

You know as I sit here reading so many people's pain and hurt it just really boggles the mind at how much all the WS'S say and do the same things.

I guess the one thing that sticks out the most is how we the BS become public enemy number one. The person who used to love us the most now dislikes or even feels hate for us.

I find it hard to imagine how that happens. I for one have seen my WH become angry with someone who he thought was friend or someone who treated myself or someone in our family wrong and he became their worst nightmare. But as I think on it he has treated me worse than he ever has anyone who hurt him.

I suppose its from guilt and shame from what they are doing that causes this effect. Sad part is they don't realize thats what it is, its not the anger at us or even the hate or dislike of us, its their own personal guilt that eats at them.

Look at how many of the WS can't even look at their BS in the eyes because they see the pain and hurt they have caused. So they shut down and start accusing or justifying again to be able to walk away.

I can't even begin to imagine what turmoil they are feeling inside. I for one never want to experience that. The shoes of a BS are hard to be in for but I bet the shoes of a WS are even harder to live in...... Because one day those shoes will fall apart in shreds after so much wear and tear. It's then the walking on pieces of glass and burning lava with bare feet will happen as they try and cross back to the right side.

Anyway just a kinda thought thing going on today.....

Probably made no sense but its how I picture it in my mind...


Hurting

Hey Hurtin',

Did Dr. Harley make any recommendations on how long to stay in plan B?

Just wonderin'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
L.

Orchid,

Actually te only thing he said was to give myself 2 years post divorce before closing the door.
I am not sure if he meant stay in plan b or just don't get involved with someone for two years....

I can't see being in plan b for two years not with the kids and all.... And to be honest I don't want to be in planb for two years. I don't see the point..... and to be honest I know WH seeing me puts a pressure on OW because she can't stand the thought when he see's or speaks to me... She is so insecure ... Not only that seeing him the other day really didn't bother me at all. In fact I wanted to laguh at him so much because he was such and a$$. I have not cried or felt any withdrawl from seeing him. I find that strange as well ... I think i have detached very well now.... Maybe putting myself out there and in full view will cause him more guilt and problems that can be used to my advantage against the OW..... I really don't know anymore.....
Plus I don't try and contact him and he does not contact me so actually planb still happens .....

Hurting

So the question is now.....r u ready to come out of plan B into plan D with all it's trimmings? This means limited communication but this c/b a powerful tool.

L.

Orchid,

To be honest I think i am ready for that.....

I am to the point contact does not bother me much at all....

Ok. Now if you like, we can help you use those selected opportunities and turn them into concetrated punches through the fog.

L.

orchid,

I know I am ready.....

So rock on with it all......


Hurting

hurting.....

WOW, look how far you have come! Amazing! I am always here cheering for you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />......

I bet you your WH sees how much you have changed; just how much strength you have in you! I tell you, these WS have no idea that if they came back to the M right away, we would have done ANYTHING to take them back......now, HE will have to do a LOT of work for you to TAKE HIM back! I think he knows it.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />...

Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Daisy,

He has no clue how much it will take. I am willing to allow him to try and do what is required but he better hurry is all I can say.

Not saying I won't allow it in the future but as time passes the requirements raise more and more.....

I;m ready to move ahead with or without him. I do believe he is seeing that and it makes him mad and sacred at the same time.

In fact he talked to my ODS today and was asking him if I said anything about the mediation. ODS told him nope mom said nothing. So he asked WH what happened and WH would not tell him anything.... I feel like WH wanted to se what I might have said so he could spin it in his own way to make me look bad. He wants to talk to someone about it but is not sure who at this point...... I hope his brain is on overload right now........


Anyhow things are good , I am good ..... Life is good

Hurting

EXACTLY!

He should be scared......you are not at home wringing your hands over this.

Enjoy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Life can be good........I went to a baby shower today. I bought this really nice wrapping paper with faries on it.......Just trying to enjoy the little things.......it can be done <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />!

Take care!
Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Ok I have a something disturbing to say and I need some input. This will be quick as I am on break from work so any questions please ask.

After spending the weekend with WH, DS comes home and tells me that he is thinking of moving with WH.

He says that he is tired of living with his sister and hearing others talk about his dad and what he has done. Now I understand about DD but as far as talking about his dad none of us say anything about WH in front of DS. If anything is said it has to do with how much we miss him or love him.. I don't allow bad things to be said and I don't say anything either.

So with ll of this said my belief is WH has put some crap in DS'S head over the weekend. I think some of it stems from the mediation and how badly it went for WH and he is going to use DS as a way to get back at me.

I have custody and I will fight if he tries. Of cours eI can't se a judge allowing this seeing how WH is on the road all week and DS would esentially be living with OW.

ODS also told me that WH was asking him what I told him about mediation. ODS told him I have said nothing about it at all. So he asked WH what happened and WH would not tell him.... So now what do you al think? Is he running scared now and trying to get back at me ? I am going to talk to my attorney tomorrow and see what I can do......

I can't imagine DS came up with all of this on his own as he has said over and over he does not want to live with his dad. I can't imagine what WH said to him and I don't want to push him to find out. I believe thi has to do with CS and just getting back at me..... Help me please.....


Hurting

My first instint is just don't worry. I think you are right that DS living with WH is not an option since he is OTR.

Have you heard of a book called "How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so you kids will talk", or something like that. It talks about "active listening" (I learned about it last week in parenting class <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

Try this, next time you can talk to DS about this, play therapist. Now, if you went to your therapist and said something silly, she would not jump down your throat in an emotional tirade. Try to remove your emotions and just listen to DS to see if you can get to the root of the problem. Practice some leading questions, think therapist or lawyer. There is info in there about his feelings, so play detective.

I wouldn't worry about him moving to WH's. That just isn't going to happen. BUT, you need to find out what his real message is. They say children learn who they are by seeing who their parents are. Your DS may just be trying to idolize WH to make himself feel better about who he is. If Dad is a shmuck-than what am I?

Post deleted by Cherished