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Mimi,
If nothing else today I got the answer to the question and I let him know its not to late and there is a path home if he chooses to take it.
Maybe it went down th wrong way I don't know but at least now he knows..... Me to Mimi I hope he does think of me and something tells me his does more than he will ever admit... It was obvious he has been since the mediation just by things he said.... Oh and I just have to mention not one time was OW'S name mentioned by either of us....
Hurting
Last edited by hurtinginokla; 03/12/06 05:22 PM.
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Well I got our income tax return in the mail today. So now I have to let WH know and set up a time on saturday to go to the bank to cash it.
I hate the fact I have to use my half to help support myself and DS and he can just blow his half. Maybe he can buy OW the ring she wants so bad...... Sarcasam is allowed right?
I just hate this whole mess.......
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Sounds like you did well with the conversation Hurting-
You kept your independent and strong attitude, while still
reminding him there is path home.
It isn't very fair about the income tax refund.
I feel the same way about WH having much more income than
I do (even though I had a good, stable job for 18 years
and WH has changed jobs 10 times in 11 years !)
I'm always frugal with purchases, use coupons, buy things
on sale, etc. and WH just buys whatever he wants.
I didn't mind as much when we were really together and felt
like partners, but now that we're more seperate, it really
bugs me. Him spending on anything to do with OW really BUGS
me too !
Slammed
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Well I got our income tax return in the mail today. So now I have to let WH know and set up a time on saturday to go to the bank to cash it.
I hate the fact I have to use my half to help support myself and DS and he can just blow his half. Maybe he can buy OW the ring she wants so bad...... Sarcasam is allowed right?
I just hate this whole mess.......
Hurting Ok, my 2 cents (tax free) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> When you meet him at the bank and in front of the teller or whoever, give him the check with a list of what he owes.....there s/b a list of stuff he HASN'T paid for..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Give it to him with the check. Make comments about it so others can hear. Let him squirm and if he offers to give you the entire check....take it and ask him to sign a note that it was of his own free will and will not be part of the d settlement. Have the ears around you be your witnesses....ask them if they w/b willing to sign to attest in your behalf. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Hey, it's worth a shot so that OW won't get your family's refund for her cubic Z. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> You know that's all she's worth. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> L.
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Orchid,
You my friend are one smart cookie. That is an idea fr sure...
Not sure what I could put on the list but I bet I can find things.... Especially since he stopped giving me money in Oct and it was Dec. when he was ordered to pay....
I think I can come up with some stuff ......
Thanks for the idea ...
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
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Orchid ,
You have mail ..... 2 of them in fact lol
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Posts: 17,837
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U 2! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
L.
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Orchid suggested: When you meet him at the bank and in front of the teller or whoever, give him the check with a list of what he owes.....there s/b a list of stuff he HASN'T paid for.....
Give it to him with the check. Make comments about it so others can hear. Let him squirm and if he offers to give you the entire check....take it and ask him to sign a note that it was of his own free will and will not be part of the d settlement. Have the ears around you be your witnesses....ask them if they w/b willing to sign to attest in your behalf. I disagree. I wouldn't go this route right now. You told me that Steve suggested that you PLAN A him when you see him. Your conversation with him was about how you can rebuild. I think you should get what is due to you financially. However, I don't agree with this public display which would humiliate him. You see what I mean? At this point, after your conversation this weekend, he might be willing to accomodate you... BE CAREFUL, HURTING..what you do now is crucial and needs to be well thought out, IMO... You want to be viewed as a positive alternative to the OW.. If he viewed you as being DISRESPECTFUL..You do not want to DISRESPECT him at this point... My opinion...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Mimi,
I am treading very careful now. I have thought about it and the only thing I am going to ask from him is the money to help me get the phone bill paid which was cut of in Aug. since he didn't give me the money and the money to help pay for drivers ed. for DS this summer and some other things DS needs. I do believe he owes me at least that much and he owes it to DS. I don't think thats asking to much. The phone bill is in both our names so its both our credit at risk with it. He had told me he would help pay for drivers ed for DS so asking him should not make him mad. This is his son to....
So those are my plans. I don't want to disrespect him at all. I just want what is due me and DS. I did leave him a VM yesterday telling him the tax check came and to let me know when sat. he could meet me at the bank so far no response.
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Posts: 15,310
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I guess you and Orchid were kidding..
I was referring to the stuff about saying stuff to him "right in front of the teller..". That is like "shaming" him..which I agree he might NEED to be "shamed" but that is what a WS fears about RECOVERY..so this might make him feel like RECOVERY wouldn't work..
See what I mean?
Of course, I think you should ask for the money that you need...but not in a "shaming" fashion...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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I agree Mimi, I don't want to shame him. He has shamed hinmself enough. I don't need or want to do that. I can only imagine how he could fear recovery but I also fear it if the time ever comes. I wonder if I would have the strength to do it myself, so I can imagine what he would feel.
I believe he may be getting now how much he has hurt me, but not enough yet to try and fix anything. He still has a long ways to go in just seeing what this has done to me and our family. His pain is just beginning so its still a long ways off to really count for anything. I just have to be patient nd continue to live my life.
I did get one thing from our conversation this past weekend. He said in a round about way how he see's and respects me for working two jobs. He sees I am making it on my own and I feel like he is in awe of it. I don't think he ever expected me to work so hard and is shocked by it. So I think I am earning some respect from him. At least I hope so anyway.
I am off to pay some bills......
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Ok so why is it in all of these months I have not seen or had any contact with the OW and just here in the last month I have seen her like 3 times.
As I was out paying bills who do ya think I saw? Yup her and driving WH'S car on top of that. It just makes me sick to know she is driving his car like she owns it. it just makes me feel like their so called relationship is cemented. I just wanted to get out a smack her one..... Instead I drive on and ignor it....
Man taking the high road is so hard sometimes, I just want to take a detour once in awhile......
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Posts: 15,310
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Hugs to you Hurting... Man taking the high road is so hard sometimes, I just want to take a detour once in awhile...... Not to long ago..I saw the FOW and wanted to rear-end her car.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by mimi1254; 03/14/06 12:03 PM.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Posts: 3,609
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Mimi,
If she had been driving her car it would have been very tempting to hit her... Rip her stupid bumper sticker off WH gave her .... LOL
Instead of saying my heart belongs to a trucker it should say my heart belongs to satan ....... lol
Ok sarcasam is really coming out in me the last few days..... I gotta stop it......
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Posts: 17,837
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I wasn't kidding. That's a tactic which c/b used with a WS, NOT your H.
That was babble pure babble.....seems t/b what a WS understands through the fog.
Also don't expect others to like it because if said to a sane person, they w/b insulted. WS' already walk around with their heads up their be-azzes so giving him the list isn't even an LB. She w/b trying to get back what he has unlawfully withheld from the family.
In fact he s/b thanking her for showing him and the all around that he needs to pay up. Howz that for babble.
BTW, you can't shame a WS. They have no hearts.
L.
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I just wanted to say hi and hope you are doing well.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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Jean,
Thanks for checking in on me. I am doing fine. Nothing is happening. Very quiet around here. DD has been with her g/f she is planning on moving in with and DS has been with WH on the road all week. So I pretty much been on my own and just working....
I have talked to DS a few times, I miss him but I am glad he is spending some time with WH. Sometimes the silence here is deafening....
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Posts: 2,197
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I forgot about DS being on the road this week. I hope you can find a little enjoyment in the quiet.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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Hi hurting. Glad to hear you're doing ok. I know what you mean about deafening silence though. I was combating that with loud music until my neighbors complained lol.
Try to find something fun to do tonight. I don't know what you enjoy but anything to get you out and stop the silence will help.
Stay strong!
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