It hurts and it is very difficult when he is around because I just want to shake him and ask if he does not see what he is doing.
Of course I did not wait for your advice and asked why he bothered to lie to me about the dinner. He said he was going to meet her but they canceled and then he met his other friend. You are right, it did not help at all. His mother is trying to call him. He is not taking her calls, but eventually will have to (I hope).

Which is exactly the way I felt. The WH is selfish, does not think of you or how it is affecting you or his family. Orchid gave you some excellent advice on dealing with your WH when he starts talking to you about OW. Set your boundaries and be firm about them.

Let your WH know that in no way is that R acceptable, that there is no 3rd person in a M. Continue to expose......Do they work together?

Kim

Not anymore, they are both looking for a job. I think he is helping her make contacts and stuff.

I just spoke with his mother. She told me that if he does not pick up her calls, she will take a plane and come to NY.

I will set my boundaries. I just trying to find a balance between "everything is say/are reminds me of her and I just don't want to deal with you anymore" and "be friends". I try to remember the carrot/stick thing. I am trying. But this A has been going on for 3 years, so basically everything he did was related to her and I feel it is thrown in my face all the time (ex.: paintings they he bought in his trips with her are hanging on the house and things like that).

Also, his older kids know now (his ex-wife told them). I don't want to use them to pressure him. Today he is spending time with his 16 year old. He loves me and his small brothers. When WH realizes they know about A and him leaving the house, it will have a big effect on him. I hope.

The more family to support you, the better. The more to let him know how they don't approve. Them knowing is definitely a good thing.

Your WH knows that you want the M to work, right? You've told him that him being in contact with OW is unacceptable and it hurts you to know that they arein contact?

Kim

I told him I was willing to make the M work, go out more, move closer to the city, whatever it takes. I am taking better care of mysef (lost weight, dressing better) and I see how all this is important to him.

BUT he still says he needs time for himself to figure things out. And this means staying with her. So I told him nothing will work while they are still together, but he could not respond.

We are going to MC on Thursday and I plan to address this issue again there. Right now, he went to take his son to some activity, and I know he is planning to leave in the evening (he mentioned that a friend wants to see him). So I am dreading the moment I will take him to the bus stop (I am keeping his car, bc I need it to go to work) and see him leaving.

HELP!
I am a mess!
He went to take his kids home and is coming back to get ready to leave. He said a friend invited him to see the Oscar together. I told him I don't want to know. He does not care about the Oscars and he knows I love to watch them. I am so miserable. He is killing me with his double behavior. I want to be strong when he comes back but I don't know what to do. And tomorrow is my birthday.

Well it is already your birthday here in the KSA so, Happy Birthday!

If you have pictures on the wall or anything else in your house that he bought while on a trip with the OM. If there is any memory of the A at all in your house. Gather them all up, take them out into your back yard, put them in a pile, pour lighter fluid on them and apply a lit match. Burn it all right now (of course while fully complying with local ordinances). Get all of it out of your house and your life today. If WH asks, tell him why.