The approximate timeline (let’s not get caught up in EXACT times and places unless YOU want to go back and document 75 pages of posts…. I don’t!!)

09/26/05 Dazed registers on MB This date is EXACT… LOL
That my friends was ONLY SIX AND A HALF MONTHS AGO TOTAL….. TOTAL….

His first post says it all….. WIFE WANTS TO LEAVE ME FOR OM…..

Wife is at home at this point…. She hates Dazed and is FULLY committed to the affair…

10/05.… After a number of arguments…. Pulling W out of OM’s car… exposure at work… etc…
Wife moves out (for a 2 week trial) with OM….and files for divorce……she’s back in a week but the divorce is still on…..

MARITAL STATIS:
She HATES Dazed…LOVES OM… and is FULLY committed to the affair

Early 11/05.…OM gets Wife an apartment to get her away from Dazed and DD…. She moves out again…..
MARITAL STATIS: She hates Dazed and is FULLY committed to the affair


MID 11/05 Dazed starts his MASTERFUL Plan “A” (even though MOST people are SCREAMING to get her stuff on the porch and “Go Dark”)

MARITAL STATIS: Something starts to change.,… SHE STILL HATES DAZED… BUT…. NOW it’s not for leaving her alone while racing… SHE HATES HIM BECAUSE SHE LIKES THE CHANGES!!!…. Her cry now is….”WHY DID YOU CHANGE NOW… WHY NOW… she’s now CONFUSED…TOTALLY CONFUSED.. NO LONGER….FULLY committed to the affair she stops the divorce….

12/05 Dazed’s Plan “A” is less than perfect…After OM gets his fog machine going again… telling her she better leave since he divorced HIS wife for her…. Mrs. Dazed re-files for D and moves back into an EMPTY apartment….


MARITAL STATIS:
Mrs. Dazed is TOTALLY confused now… OM starts his CRAZY MENTAL actions… she’s afraid…BUT she still doesn’t trust that Dazed has “Really Changed” she lives at the apartment one day… home the next;… back and forth….

LATE 12/05
Dazed starts to hit his stride… His Plan “A” is near perfect by now… and around Christmas… Mrs. Dazed is starting to confide in Dazed about OM…she SPENDS CHRISTMAS OPENING PRESENTS AND ALL THE NORMAL STUFF… except… still has the apartment.,.. And stays there off and on….


MARITAL STATIS: She is REALLY starting to be intrigued with the “NEW DAZED” and starts to spend more and more time at home…holds his hand… hugs him… still sleeps on the couch but..is home more than not….

1/06 Dazed has a Plan “A” going that is becoming LEGENDARY… His W is spitting venom again but it’s different somehow..

MARITAL STATIS:
She’s back home again and the divorce is still pending but something has really started to change… they talk more about their Marriage (out of withdrawal back into conflict) and she’s home most all the time other than a couple of OM kidnappings on the weekend ,

02/06 Dazed is MAGIC… perfect…OM blows up…OVER AND OVER.,… Mrs. Dazed is still home and less angry BUT more confused than ever…..she starts to ask her sister and others (that she KNOWS will tell her to choose the Marriage) for advice. She confides more and more in Dazed and the trust is starting to come back again… she’s spending more and more time with DD.

MARITAL STATIS: The apartment is gone…. The divorce is on HOLD…OM is now NOT a safe place to be…. Mrs. Dazed and DD are “reconnecting” she’s starting to lean more TOWARDS the Marriage than away from it….

3/05 TO PRESENT Dazed is still on…. Wife is home hasn’t been overnight with OM for quite sometime….Mrs. Dazed is starting to “nest again… buying things for the house… asking dazed to help….decorating her “Home” and talking about how stupid she has been. She talks to EVERYONE that will listen about her confusion and looks for reasons to STAY rather than GO….First signs of remorse start to peek out of the fog…


MARITAL STATIS:
Divorce has been stopped…. Final bills from Lawyers….Mr. & Mrs. Dazed actually go places together in public for the first time in almost 10 months…MRS, DAZED IS OFF THE COUCH AND BACK IN THE MARITAL BED….OM is still OM but she has blocked his email address… stopped taking most of his calls….and told Dazed she wrote him a letter (at least she’s trying LOL) W and DD get along much better….etc,,,,etc,,,

NOW PEOPLE….. IN 6 ½ short (but long) months… Dazed has brought his Marriage from his W LIVING with OM… Divorce pending….NO CHANCE of reconciliation….sleeping on the couch when she did come home…. Being nasty and almost kicking DD to the side for OM…

To…. She is HOME sleeping in the Marital bed….fixing up their house…. Spending time together as a FAMILY…..and NO DIVORCE IS PENDING….

PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE…. This is the challenge….NOW try and prove that there is NO PROGRESS????? That is a CHALLENGE……….. ANY TAKERS?

GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS FRANK

Yep, I am up for the challenge. Let's go back and dissect YOUR own story... Seems to me that it is almost identical to Dazed's story to me...





This was good and a start. Becoming friends again is key.
I notice that you spent time together. Sounds just like Dazed's relationship. I bet people told you that things were going good for you then as they are Dazed now huh? I bet you thought things were progressing huh?




HHHMMM, similar yet again. Seems again like the same thing Dazed is going through to me.


Where else have I heard of a flawless PLAN "A".. HMMMMMM..
Did it bring her back at THAT time FOR GOOD?




So, DESPITE you near "flawless PLAN A", she STILL had to find out for herself didn't she? She STILL had to be let go. Seems to still be running almost along the same lines as Dazed's thread is running...




HHHMMM... YOU LEFT her alone and did NOT reach out to her in yet another PLAN A attempt, and then SHE called you?
Another coincidence that this is the same thing some of us are telling Dazed will happen when he LETS her go and leaves her alone and gets a life of his own?





This is what I HAVE TOLD DAZED to do. Get a life of his own. You were becoming more and more attractive to her at this point BECAUSE you were leaving her alone (which showed self respect and confidence) and you were finding other interests and things to do to show a man who is going somewhere with his life. These are all things that women are attracted to.




AAAHHH.. And all on her own initiative too. No pressure again raises it's ugly head. SHE WAS doing the pursuing. Looks again to me that what LM and I have told Dazed to do is what was WORKING for you. This will also work for him in the same way. AND ONLY when he lets her go and not before.



Sounds yet again like the same advice I give to people on here to do. Don't play all your cards. Make them come to you. Looks like she was stepping UP the pursuit once she FELT you had really let go. I fail to see where your Plan A brought her back. It looks to me like what brought her back was AFTER the Plan A. HHMMMM... Are these the facts you were talking about with Dazed?

.



HHHMMM, yet AGAIN. This is what we are telling Dazed to do. Did this STOP her from wanting you back? No, quite the opposite. It showed her again that you were respecting yourself and that YOU WOULD NOT SHARE her with another man. YOU were LEADING her to dump in on her own free will.(which almost ALWAYS works better to bring them back)



There is that little thing again by holding back your cards and NOT telling them how much you love them and WANT to work it out. Same thing again we are telling Dazed. It doesn't look like NOT TELLING her how much you loved her was hurting your case and stopping her from coming back does it? Matter of fact, it looks like it could have been HELPING you to me...





Man how quickly they dump the other person without a no contact letter when you let them do it without one bit of pressure from you. AND they do it out of CHOICE and because they want to and not because a person requires it. I wonder if she would have been so quick to let go of him if you would have been doing what Dazed is doing now? I wonder if she would have been "cake eating" if you would have been selling yourself and telling her how much you loved her and how you could repair your marriage and that she COULD love you again if she would just break contact with him.. HHHMMMMM.. Very interesting..





Sorry Frank, but I must say that your very own situation applies BETTER to what LM and I are telling Dazed than what you seem to be telling him. Looks like it worked pretty good for you ONLY when you allowed her the freedom to leave and then got a life of your own when she did. THEN when she did contact you, there was NO pressure from you on anything and you were just a happy man who treated her nicely..

HHHMMM.. Seems again like just what I have told Dazed to do...


Oh well... It is up to Dazed. He is a big boy and hopefully he will shortly see that the faster that he lets her go and STOPS trying to "sell" her on their marriage and how great it "can" be and instead backs off and reverses direction and suddenly just becomes a happy man with no agenda and tells her that maybe it would be best if she went with the other man and that Dazed and her can "only" be friends, is the moment that the clock really starts ticking FOR him to get her to do what he has wanted her to do for a long time.

Same kind of thing you wanted huh?


Ok, that IS my response to your challenge.Cake eaters almost always get you thinking that things ARE progressing.
That is what makes them a cake eater. I think he would see RECOVERY much faster and one that will last much longer when he stops pursuing her and gives her a chance to feel how it would be without him if he let her go..

Just my opinion of course <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I've said from the start of Dazed's threads that I believe it will take her living in reality with OM before she will see the light. Its his game to lose.

I encouraged Dazed to EMBRACE that instead of fearing or delaying it. Every time Dazed convinced her to stay home or move home or not move out; I was disappointed. Because I only see that as delaying the inevitable. I see it as prolonging everyones pain.

Dazed -- you Plan A'd your tushy off. It was spectacular. However, there comes a point when you have done all you can do. You've changed, you've proven those changes, you've stayed consistant. Now she's just using you up. She is in a prolonged cake-eating phase because she really doesn't want to lose all the benefits and EN's Dazed provides. And she isn't being forced to give up OM. And OM isn't being pressured to live up to Dazed's standard.

She isn't just going to climb down off the fence on her own.

When you both dismissed your court case and she wanted to come home -- I advised some extreme measure to separate them and end contact. It was to break the addiction. To remove her from OM's grasp while she was willing. I advised you to take away cell phones, put her on a plane to go visit family with a supervising family member who would prevent her from contacting OM. In the meantime, you were to get the restaining orders in place. You did none of them.

Now she's back in contact with him and you're back to where you were when you first posted way back when. She's cake-eating, she gets all the benefits of living with DD and you, no loss of custody in sight, she's repaired the relationships that exposure damaged, she's back to seeing him and lying to you about it. You are back to "start."

Now you're faced with re-exposing. Filing a new case against her (with probably less strength than the previous one) Trying to get her out of the house. And she has a new justification to add to her others -- she "tried"

And I doubt you have the energy for all of it. I can't imagine how you must feel. Do you have the energy to climb this mountain again?

keepmovn4wrd,

As I expected…. Better to discredit me and blow smoke than face the REAL CHALLENGE………
First of all... you say HMMMM WAY too much.....

And second of all....THE ONLY REASON SHE CAME BACK is because OF THE PLAN "A" I did.... the ONLY reason....THE………ONLY………..REASON……..PERIOD………………

IF I DIDN'T PLAN 'A' THEN THE LAST THING MY WIFE WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED WAS THE PAIN SHE HAD BEFORE SHE MADE HER BAD CHOICES.....AND ME THROWING HER OUT,,, SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN GONE FOREVVVVVVERRRRRRRR

BTW.. the situations are SOOO different because.... actually.. I DID WHAT YOU and Lemonman and peach and a few others are telling Dazed to do...

I exposed....yelled.... made her "accountable" and.... I THREW HER OUT... before I came here....
THAT...is what caused the Divorce.....

It was the Plan "A" that made her ABLE to think well of me and miss me..... NOT the things above....


And I DID sell "Our Marriage".... Me.... the future.......FOR ONE YEAR.... before we divorced....
You people would have had Dazed Plan "B" after a month....

Hmmmmm.....

The other difference is DAZED has his W HOME.... Mine was GONE..... BIG Difference.....My ignorance about “cake eating” made me “Throw her out” and made my situation end in DIVORCE…..

As you are probably about to do to discredit me next by saying… my wife is gone again…..what do I know…Well…..I came back just to tell MB that my wife was gone and sorry to let everyone down that gained hope from my situation… and leave…..but,.. Was told by a few people to stay and try and help because although our “success” was for only 4 years…. It was textbook Harley and because I KNEW the mistake I made letting W still contact OM when he was jumping off bridges……

I CAN HELP FROM BY MAKING SURE DAZED AND OTHERS DON’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES I MADE….. (like throwing her out in the first place for one)

The other BIG difference....is my wife has SERIOUS MENTAL problems..... she has been institutionalized TWICE in the last 6 years.....5 time total in her life….and is on EVERY med known to man....... Dazed W has issues…. No doubt…. We talk about them all the time….. BUT…..she’s NOT as unstable as mine…..can’t image ANYONE’S SPOUSE being as unstable as mine……

So…. Instead of dragging up my situation why don’t you answer the real challenge……my situation is not the issue it’s Dazed we’re talking about…

Frank -- I'm sorry to hear your story. Its all so painful.

I am a huge supporter of the MB program. I can see why you support Plan A so strongly. And I wholeheartedly agree that you MUST do a good plan A. Dazed has.

But I believe just as strongly in the rest of the processes. Exposure is critical. And there is a time for Plan B.

I don't think every WW will respond at the same points. For some, just discovery is enough to end the affair. I truly in my heart believe that Dazed's WW is one of those that will have to experience ALL of it.

She won't come to appreciate what she has in dazed and their family until she comes close to losing it.

I'm worried Dazed isn't doing enough to protect himself and DD. DD needs protection from OM. Dazed needs to protect himself from WW's abuse. I'm worried he will one day snap and say "screw this, I deserve better" and then he won't have enough left to fight with.

Thanks Lexxy...

Yes it WAS painful.... and thanks to my "friend" I got to re-live it again... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

But.. I'm OK....
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


I agree....and I fear you may be right about Mrs. Dazed she MAY need to run the entire gambit... "Feel the pain" as we say....

The thing I don't know how to advise Dazed about is WHAT ACTUALLY to do..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Remember... my wife was out of the house... his is home...

I just can't see her reacting positively to Dazed telling her to leave.....

I mean the whole idea behind Plan "A" according to Harley is to leave the WS with the LAST MEMORIES of a loving gentle BS...that.... they CAN return to....

I mean... she's HOME... isn't that he point that 90% of the BSs here are trying to get to?

Also.....we aren't dealing with a "Normal" OM here... this guy is NUTS!!! Do we really want Mrs. Dazed tossed to this MENTAL CASE? What if he HURTS her? What if he... (I can't even say it) What then.... will we say... "Well.... she made the choice"? What will Dazed tell his DD?

So yes.... I agree Lexxy... and as you know I respect your opinion.... but I just can't see the right way to proceed...it's uncharted territory for me..... because she's home <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

The ONLY thing I can come up with is.... he MUST get the RO....MUST.... and MAYBE then..... OM will blow the roof off his little head and Mrs. Dazed will "get it"

I know you think she needs to "Feel the Pain" and maybe she does... BUT..... Maybe just maybe... this ONE MORE STEP will be enough to open her eyes and let the "remorse" in for this mess....??? I don't know..... Please reply..... GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS.... FRANK

Frank:

I wish you would show the same concern for Dazed then you show for Mrs. Dazed. What happens if he harms Dazed? What happens if he harmes Dazed DD?

You seem to be saying it is Dazed responsibility if anything happens to Mrs. Dazed. Dazed is not the one that went outside the marriage and started sleeping with a scumbag. She is responsible not him. To even hint if Dazed grows a back bone that it will be his fault if anything happens to her is disgusting.

Plan A is fine but not for too long and certainly not for a spouse that refuses to commit to the marriage and still is having an affair. When Dazed takes this abuse his wife will learn she can always treat him this way when she gets angry. Dazed needs counseling if he thinks that kind of treatment is OK.

Frank so much of your advise is to live in fear. Don't confront or do anything no matter what she does. She might "leave" or she might get "angry". The problem if you accept behavior like this that is how you will be treated. Dazed will be far better off for her to leave if she does not commit to him.


The real tragedy here is how Dazed has let this drag on. This OM threatens and stalks his family and he does nothing. You need to have more concern for his daughter.

The fact of the matter she has brought a nut job into their marriage and Dazed just accepts it because he might lose her. He is also a father and he should be protecting his daughter. There is no other person in this marriage that can protect his daughter except Dazed and he is too afraid to do it.

At this point his daughters and his own safety are more important than having his wife in the house. I know you are critical of people that say anything but take the abuse but Dazed is the only one that can protect his daughter. His first priority should be that and not his wife.

She needs to held accountable and she needs to commit or she needs to leave until she agrees to those conditions. She should be exposed and he needs to protect himself.

Frank - even you say this guy is dangerous. She brought him into the marriage so she gets rid of him now or she goes. This is not even a close call I don't understand why we are even debating it.

Maybe what DD really needs protection from... is her mother. Sorry, Dazed, if that seems horribly judgemental. Your wife may very well have been "mother of the year" material before all this started. But now, her behavior is as bad as any crack or heroine addict I've ever heard of. She is not well. And the terrible toll all this turmoil MUST be having on your darling, precious, daughter -- who's at such a vulnerable age right now -- really, really worries me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

--SC

EVERYONE~

It is apparent that there are many many perspectives on the way to restore a marriage from infidelity....
I RESPECT THAT.....

I have a question for you all.....Has anyone ever seen a successful team that fought with each other and pointed fingers and took cheap shots at each other during the game????? I have not....

Apply this to everything in life... A medical team trying to save a peronsons life.... A legal team trying to win a case for a client.... A business trying to fill an order for a customer.... A sports team trying to win a game for a championship....

The thing is the game / good / person that is at stake here is my marriage....

Where is the team work???? What good is this site for any BS or WS that has a team (YOU GUYS) that can't work / play together with tact or respect for each other for the common good.

I will step up and take responsiblity for myself here. I come here and at times vent, ramble and do not always ask direct questions or even share my entire game plan, which by the way I have....

When I come back on here I will define what I'm doing with more clarity and sense of direction. I expect respectful and tasteful support (if you choose to comment). This crap of digging into peoples backyards to sling dirt on each other for there failures or mistakes has NO place on my threads... NONE.......

If you have a peronsal issue with each other take it out side.... NOT HERE... GOT IT!

Everyone says... I want Dazed to save his marriage, yet most of the advice is how big of a punch we can land on the last poster that is suppose to be on the same team helping (DAZED) save himself and his family....

Okay I will step off now....

I have to say I am very disappointed in ALL of US on this site....

AND YOU'RE GONNA DO WHAT DAZED?

Are you gonna keep acting out day by day Einstein's definition of insanity?

Are you gonna figure out that the present course is not holding? that it is time for a change? if not, I am worried you're too late.

sorry, I had to jump back in.

you did a great plan a. but time's up. b time.

i will not post as i am going outta town.

PEOPLE POSTED TO YOU DAZED B/C THEY'RE WORRIED AND THEY CARE. don't scold us for telling you what is in our hearts and minds. we sincerely see this. we see this confusing lifestyle and potential danger for your precious daughter.

your ww is a grown woman...and she has endangered her family and for a year now disrespected her family and overtly disrespected her H with no end in sight.

she can make her own decisions...and they've been quite poor.

again, only real movement that was measureable was when she was on brink of lawsuit...brink of losing custody.

again, one tactic of a ws legally is to BUY TIME IN THE FAMILY HOME AND TAKE AFFAIR FURTHER UNDERGROUND..but she's not even really underground dazed at all. my xh did this...all the while he was getting his ducks l ined up b/c he had NO INTENT OF STOPPING THE CAKE EATING...he was just lining his ducks up b/c he knew he had to do something legally. and yea, I did my plan a TOO LONG..but back in the day, they said to do it a bit longer...and it was a fatal flaw.

if you can't take the honest words of somebody who was there, did that, and saw the err in their choices, then so be it.

but my xh is/was the worst of the ws. he never pulled his head outta his [censored]. not ever. and your ww...she's soon to find herself on the ws MB hall of shame...she's a pretty bad one hon.

do what you can...JUST FIND A NEW PLAN OK?

Dazed has boundaries...I'm torn between cheering like a mother, and going to my room. Privileged to be here, Dazed. Seeing you grows me.

LA

Ihadenough,,,,,

I posted just to you on the forum to answer you last post... as dazed requested see you there...

Oh... and keepmovn4wrd ,,,,, I DOUBTED you'd answer my last post to you as usual.... BUT... if you change character somehow... do it on the open forum OK??

Sorry Dazed... you're right....but like with any team..if players always start in the locker room.... TRADE'M!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Did you try and "boss" your wife around and bully her like you think you are going to get away with me? If you want me to answer you in the open forum, then YOU start the thread. I am beginning to see and understand how you must have interacted with your wife when she disagreed with you, but If I remember correctly, it was you that "challenged" everyone and anyone who even wanted to attempt to show you another viewpoint to go ahead and post. Well, I DID post my answer.
You just didn't LIKE my answer. This is probably the same type of things you put your wife through. Instead of asking yourself why I DO have such a good relationship and KNOW how to make them work and what attracts one person to another, you go through a crisis of your own and come on here and now are an expert. You need to move into the advanced course when you can accept and learn from others what you haven't been able to accomplish as of yet on your own. Once you do that come and talk to me. You are leading dazed down the wrong road. You keep telling me how "great of a Plan A you did and it was the Plan A that brought her back. Plan A should be a lifestyle and not something you did to pat yourself on the back. I don't teach anything near what you are spouting off about me teaching. NOWHERE NEAR. I don't recommend "kicking your spouse out" and I don't recommend "yelling". One doesn't need to know about plan A to know that DOES NOT WORK. You found out that it didn't. I ALREADY knew. Kicking a woman to the curb in anger and yelling and screaming is not how a mature man reacts to infidelity> It also usually doesn't bring the WS back with glee either.

Some people have to learn by experiencing things before they realize they are making a big mistake. Some people learn from the wisdom of others.

I DO know what I am talking about and I DO know relationships and I DO know how to get a spouse back AND KEEP THEM BACX. If that offends you then so be it. My advice does and will work. Dazed needs to get to the place where he
can see that he will and can be happy with OR without her. Until he can realize that very key ingredient ot a successful relationship then he is only going to go through the same thing that I see a few others have gone through on this site. His happiness is within. His happiness is not and should not be in whether she comes back or not. That would only be a side benefit to enhance his happiness. Nothing more. He is putting too much importance on this.


I may say HHHMMM too much, but you need to learn to accept that other people also have opinions and that maybe, just maybe, their opinions have some merit and just maybe they could be right. In this case, I believe I am.

He did start the thread before you posted...

Here's the link:

PLEASE HELP's RESPONSE THREAD

LA

Dazed, can we get back to the topic of your plan and your progress?

You specifically called out several of us to ask our opinions. Have you read those between the other emotional outbursts?

I'd love to hear your plan.

Lexxxy~
Here is the plan... I have done my best to love her back home. I feel this had to be done. I had to prove to her how much I love her and believe in our marriage. As you know she is pretty much (walk a way wife)... She gave up me and our marriage because of many reason mainly my neglect and her not being able to communicate to me. We both failed each other right.. ok...

That is a really short summary as to why plan love... I feel that I have shown her changes and a way to a future with me that would be so much different and better than our past. Yes, many boundries have been as week as the US/MEXICO boundry... Many don't agree with me about this and there are things that in hind sight could have been better. However, the point was to prove my love to her, to die for her, reach her threw the fog... Project my own fog if you will to her so she can see that I really can be an option that she would want to be with...

I feel I have completed this part and I feel that I have placed my self so that now boundries can be implimented and enforced... This is just the next step of my so called plan... You can call it what ever you want.. Plan boundry to me...

So this morning I wrote and delivered the boundry letter...
Here is the letter---

Mrs.Dazed~
My wife. I love you. I have so much hope for us and our future together. I want to grow old with you, retire with you, and dream with you. But I simply can not do it as long as you continue to be in a relationship with another man and flaunting it in front of my face.

I cannot continue to act as if this is all OK with me. It is NOT. I wanted to be sure that you know how much that I love you and how much you mean to me. All the changes that I have made and are willing to make for us to have the best life together that we possibly can.

I feel I have shown you all those things and how much I believe things could be great for us. I now have to consider my own feelings as well as what is best for us. I have no words to express to you how much your continued contact with (HIM) hurts me!

Yet, I am anxious to move forward in our marriage! I am anxious to start living a fun life with you, enjoying life together!!! But as long as you continue to remind me of my past failures, and continue to flaunt your relationship with (HIM) in front of me, I find that we are simply stuck in a rut that I cannot be in any longer.

For that reason, I would like you to decide, finally, for once and for all if you are going to commit to 100% no contact with (HIM) or not. It is your choice. I have made my choice, and you know what it are (US). But for my sake, and for the sake of DD, you need to finally decide and get on with it.

If you want to be married to me and explore all the possibilities that we can have together, then if you need to be 100% committed to giving up (HIM) forever. If you cannot do that, if you cannot commit to NC, then I respectfully bow out of this relationship with you.

It simply hurts me too much to watch you give yourself to another man. I understand how hard this must be for you. I actually feel sorry for you. I am here to support you with open arms, but only if you are responsible for your choices and I simply cannot go threw the pain of sharing you any longer. If you truly feel that he is the one for you, it will hurt me deeply, and I will miss you terribly, but I will let you go.

__________________________________________________________

Not a text book Harley letter and not a GO DARK letter either... It is a boundry letter... She has the choice to make. Then I have a choice of how to enforce it... I figure she will push me to see just what happens... Why would she not?

I'm personally at a point where there is no more gain in Plan LOVE with out boundries. I have died for her many times now. Loved unconditionally my heart out. She now KNOWS with out a doubt how much I care about her. She also knows how much I will do for her, also she is now very dependant on me.

It is time. My love bank has been really taxed... Of course if she comes back and wants to really try no contact I will have a plan for that too. If she chooses to run off to and toss the rest of her life down the drain I have a plan for that too.

The bottom line is this: I have now attached a no contact boundry to being with me. This is not asking for a full committment and 100% wife action.. Just plan and simple attempt for no contact. The addiction must be treated or allowed to run its course.

Thanks for the SITREP Lexxxy....

I feel like I really need to give a shout out to our friend Mortarman... Good luck man.... Come back soon...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{DAZED}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} (Brotherly hug)

You seem to be at the end of your rope brother....You did a HISTORIC Plan "A".... but now you're tired.....
Just wanted to LYK that I support YOUR decision to "lay the hammer down"

I think it is TIME..... because YOU think it is time.....

You are a smart strong man and I respect your opinion to move in this direction.... NOT because you want to "Wake up" your WW but because YOU decided to it was time to do this.... YOU know your Wife better than we do......

AND.... You "GET IT" SO if you think it's time.... it's most certainly time.....


I haven't finished your letter yet so I'm going to do that now....

I'm here for you brother...
GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS...... AS ALWAYS FRANK

Good luck tonight Dazed. It may be a very eventful evening.

Have you made any arrangements for DD to be with friends / realatives tonight? Just in case of course.

Just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and that I hope things go well for you tonight.

Stay Strong!

Dazed, my take is that she will simply skim over this letter, toss it over her shoulder and forget about it two seconds later. She's heard it all before. In her WW state, it's just more blah blah blah to her.

Unless and until ACTION is taken, WORDS will continue to mean nothing to her.

P.S - I would submit that this is not a "boundary letter." It's just a very, very weak ultimatum.

It's not a "boundary letter" because boundaries are about what YOU will tolerate and about what YOU will do when YOUR boundaries are disrespected. In this letter, you are still trying to get HER to do something.

That's why it's not a "boundary letter" and you can be sure she will do nothing but ignore it.


Mulan

Dazed,
IMOHO, one thing I don’t see in this letter is that it does not make much room for the possibility of her leaving and only then realizing that she is better of with you and committing to NC and returning home for good as a standard Plan B letter does.

Best wishes, this has been gruelling on you.

DLK21