Please help me come up with ideas.
I just gave birth a little over 6 months ago and just learned I am pregnant again.
My husband is demanding that I abort it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
This by a man who makes over 60K per year (and is anticipating a salary increase).
A man who just bought a Mercedes (Without MY permission).
A man who just refinished the basement (Without my permission).
******, a man who proclaims to be of deep Catholic beliefs.
He says he doesnt want it nor can afford it. He wants it out.
I am thankful I demanded him to work out of state this week and he was cleared to do so. It will give me some much needed space to think.
I am such a mess.
I have a lot of debt <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> and will likely have to quit my job (Heavy lifting).
I have nowhere to go and noone to turn to.
I have the baby and a 12 year old to think about too, right now.
I want to leave him, but I just dont know where to go.
He is so selfish.
Are there programs for displaced wives/mothers out there? Are there shelters We can go to??
How do I protect this baby to be??
I am already suffering from Post partum depression and a lot of crap has been happening in this marriage.
I feel almost suicidal <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I feel no hope anymore.
What can I do? Who do I contact?? Please, i would desperately welcome any feedback.
Emma

If you have the abortion, I can promise you that you will lose your marriage - you will have anger and zero respect for him. I was in your position many years ago, in an abusive relationship, with 2 young boys and pregnant. I got a chance to work as a pipefitter, and decided to get the abortion. I have regretted it every day for 21 years.

There is always a way, although you may not see it. Your husband has an obligation to support you and your children.

Having babies that close together is a challenge, but you can do it. You must not let your husband browbeat you into having an abortion you would regret the rest of your life. You would feel guilt for not standing up to him, since it's obvious you don't want the abortion, and you would despise him for not wanting your child.

Your husband is very selfish.

Do you mind saying what state you are in? That might help in finding shelter/program info.

Don't think of killing yourself. Your poor baby that you already have would be left with no mother. Do you have living parents? It would destroy them.

Tell us more about yourself.

Given the choice between another sweet baby, and a selfish, immature, extravagant (but only toward himself) "man", the baby would win, hands down, every time.

I don't know if this is the right kind of comfort, but each time I had one of my 3 children, there was at least one mother in the neo-natal class that had a 9 mo baby at home. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Try to get some counseling. Whatever you decide, you have problems with this man. You must get some boundaries for yourself, and let him know that you will not tolerate disrespect and his lack of care.

Emma,
Your choices not his!!
DD was born 18 months after DS, and DDs TWINS were born 10 months after DD#1. I had 4 kids age 3 and under at age 21. You can do this, its amazing what your body can do. Do not let your selfish, selfcentered, H tell you to abort. I aborted when I was younger because FWH wasnt ready, didnt want it, etc and I have regretted that decision of HIS since then. I look at our 4 beautiful children, and think what a horrible thing I did. I did it because he told me to. I made the choice to do that. It is awful and a horrendous thing to go thru. Please take a look at you child you have now, that child needs you as does the one inside of you too.
JE

if he HELPED YOU MAKE THE BABY...HOW WOULD HE FEEL KILLING A BABY?

it is something obviously YOU do not believe in...abortion that is.

it is YOUR BODY.

why does he have any say in destruction of the baby? why? isn't he a Catholic too?

i have a deeper question..IS HE A WS? why the callous attitude?

sure, I see his behaviors..says "entitlement" to me...sees him not wanting more stuff to tie him down...but why/what are his issues?

is he in an affair? or is he a self absorbed marriage partner?

what's going on here BESIDES THIS?

to help my dear friend, we need insight, background...

and yes, BABY WINS OVER SELFISH MAN ANY DAY. I am so happy I have my ds. he brings me so much joy and selfless love. he is a gift from God. my sis had an abortion...and she totally regrets it..hurts her sometimes in the dark of the night. she cries still sometimes. and she is happily married with two lovely and wonderful kids. I remember crying after I found out she did it. somebody special is missing in MY life too...I wished I could have known them.

DO WHAT YOU BELIEVE IS RIGHT AND WHAT YOU KNOW IS RIGHT.

we'll help you with the marriage issues...you just stay strong and do what you believe in.

and congratulations...

IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMEBODY SAID THAT TO YOU...CONGRATULATIONS!

my girlfriend back home had babies back 2 back literally. we called them "twins the hard way"...

and they're very much loved. her H got used to the diapers...and he realized HE HELPED THE SITCH...

if you two do not want any more after this one, let him go get the snip and tuck. my bro in law did after the last baby was born. he said his dear wife had enough work done down yonder...his time to have a teeny bit of discomfort...and he's a doc. said labor is well...labor and it's about time a man helped out and took off some of the pain. so he had the snippy and tuck. and was outta there in about an hour.

tell your H if he wants no more kids to go get it done.

Post deleted by Cherished

Thank you everyone for all the wonderful replies and encouragement.
Not a single one of you said have the abortion <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Thank you.
I have lost a lot of love and respect over the past few months; but this situation just mortars that feeling into brick now.
We were dealing with small but recurring issues.....like his coming home late every night so he can play ping pong. My demand was to call and make sure we were fine. I never said no, you cant play. My boundary was always call first and ask. He just kept violating and disrespecting that simple, basic request; night after night, month after month.
Another thing has been the very selfish lovemaking. He doesnt know how to please a woman because he doesnt WANT to. He climbs onboard, rides me like a train, then departs when he has had his satisfaction. I cant get a decent kiss let alone have an orgasm with this man. He just doesnt CARE. I had had enough, and has been an issue for over two years, but more so the last few months. Nothing I do or say registers. He told me the other night that he thought he was the greatest lover....I wonder if that was an attempt at just manipulating me by changing the subject of actually pleasing me and playing stupid.
If I owe him a dollar, by golly, he wants that fricken buck back.
I am in debt up to my eyeballs, while he is financially stable and able to purchase the mercedes and crap like that. His nit picking on me about filling up the gas tank and giving him the $2 that ebay took out of our joint account makes me want to scream.
He is always purchasing himself and the baby new things like clothes....he will on occaision purchase me clothes, but very rarely....and I do wear the same outfit over and over again.
He is not from this country and I am really beginning to think he married me to get the green card. I just dont feel too much love there or care anymore. And I stupidly married him out of love <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I feel I have been played like a card.
Sure, when he wants to manipulate me, he knows what to say to quell me and make me think things are fine. BUt, I am really guarded that he NEEDS me rather than LOVES me.
I feel so foolish for trusting that he loved me....nothing about this marriage feels like love anymore. The only good things that remain are the baby and the one on the way.
I am afraid he will get gutsy and just take the baby back to his country one of these days. He actually threatened it one day. So, I wonder if I would be safer to just begin divorce proceedings now and take that threat seriously and protect my child.
This man is a professed Catholic. I thought Catholics were against abortion. I am Christian and am against it. But, he keeps at me to get it out.
I am a complete mess.
I would move out now if I could.
Where to go, what to do? I have about $200 of all my own <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Not much you can do with that....
Thanks for the support so far <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Love, Emma

How long have the two of you been married?

We will be married 2 years this coming September. We have been together/lived together two other years prior to the marriage. So, a total of 4-41/2 years.

Definately a ton of love busters going on. Now I know why they are referred to as such...my love is almost gone now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Emma, I don't know where you are, but in some localities, some attorneys will take on your case without asking for a big retainer up front. Try calling around to see if you can find one. I think you filing for a legal separation or divorce might just shock your husband out of whatever dream world he's in. That might give you an opening to revive the marriage while protecting yourself in case of a divorce. If you don't want to abort your baby, clearly reject every suggestion your husband makes on the subject and don't back down.

You haven't said, but are some of the other problems in your marriage related to infidelity? If so, outline them and some of the pros on this board (in addition to the ones who've responded to you already) will be chiming in to help.

Talk to us. You have complete anonymity to lay your entire situation out, okay? Take advantage of that so we can help brainstorm solutions with you. Hang in there, Lady.

I would never cheat on my H.
But, things just have not felt "Right" and I have the 6th sense that something is going on that I dont know about. Would explain a lot of behaviors.
Thanks for the support, everyone.
I still am not sure what to do <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
He is beginning to tell me what I want to hear, but the actions behind it just dont match the words.
I told him words dont mean anything anymore.

Are there programs for displaced wives/mothers out there? Are there shelters We can go to??
How do I protect this baby to be??

Contact TODAY....Catholic Charities through YOUR counties local diocese...

look in the phone book for the Catholic Diocese of _______

they have will help you..

pack up your baby and go home to your mom and dad...

I'm serious..

go to a relative that will take you and the baby in..
and get away away from this man...


ARK

Let me just stick my neck out here, and say that even a neglectful husband will not normally blow off his family for a nightly game of ping pong. At least not that kind of ping pong.

Your instincts are usually right on, and it won't be that difficult to find out. A small amount of snooping (he will be very angry if he finds you, so be careful) will tell you everything you need to know one way or the other.

Give me just a second, and I'll post a link that hopefully can help find a shelter. If you would like to email me and let me know what area you're in I will see if I can find out more. Let me know if I can help.

you_neak@yahoo.com

List of Women's Shelters

Having no idea what part of the world you're in makes it hard to narrow down, most of these are Canadian with a few from the US. Ark's idea was very good.

bonk on the affair...

affair or no affair this man is dangerous to the welfare of women and children..

get out NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he has no idea of what it means to be married..
to raise children in a world where the greatest giving is the loving of the childrens mother...

safety first...

hopefully he will get struck by lightening...instead of the stupid stick he keeps getting hit with...

get safe...
then see where he is...

ARK

I live in Maryland, USA.
I cant really go to any relatives <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> They are not the kind to kindly take me in <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> always have been, always will be.
Geez, I ended up so depressed after my divorce from my 1st husband, that I ended up nearly taking my own life several times....well, I planned it. Once, I intended to. I was checking into a hotel and when I got my money to pay, i saw pictures of two of my kids and I couldnt go thru it.
I told my parents how deeply I felt, but they never offered. I did ask if I could stay with them for a while and they encouraged me to find my own way <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I did, but still, if it were my own child, I would take them in a heartbeat; especially in that state of mind. I am rarely if ever in that state of mind. I am normally so happy and bubbily and free spirited. Not now, though <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I was so bad off then, that I checked myself into the hospital for a few days. That really helped...1st and only time I ever did that.
I almost feel like I need that again. I am so desperatly depressed again.
I hear you all that something doesnt seem right with my H. I cant install anything on his computer as it is a business computer. What makes it worse, is that he NEVER touches our home computer. So, my hands are tied there <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I am happy he went out of town this week. I cant believe the relief I feel from the seperation. I felt instantly happier and less tense.
So, really, bottom line, is I dont have too much support via relatives. That is just not going to happen. They didnt even ask me to be with them knowing I checked myself into the hospital. What love.
Thanks for the loving support you all have been extending to me. I feel safe here.