I called this morning at WH's apartment to see how DS3 was doing. Over the past couple of months, because he was trying to come back home, he would have called back, but today he did not call me back at all. I really think b/c I refused to pay a half of his debt, he got ticked off and does not want to reconcile anymore.

I know, this is good that I find out the true WH and his true motivation, but I am depressed today. I am trying very hard not to look back and look forward instead, but it's hard.

Ever since my job situation occured, I have been extremely stressed out as you can imagine, and that is makeing me miss WH more than I should. I wish I had someone I can come home to and someone who could tell me "it's okay, we'll get through this" to comfort me. I have friends, yes, but you know what I mean - I wish I had a partner who could truly share my happiness as well as sadness and bad news. WH used to call, while he was trying to come back home, and would say "I am calling for DS3.., and for you, to see how you guys are doing". Even though it often sounded like fake, I could tell that he was trying to give me the impression he was calling to talk to me as well. Well now, he (as if he now challenges me b/c he is upset that I am not helping him financially) clearly states that he is ONLY calling to see how DS3 is doing. He obviously knows that these statements hurt me greatly.

I should not let these things affect me, but because I am in a weak position right now because of my career situation, they DO let me down. And I hate that.

I have another interview coming up this Friday - please pray that it will go well! I need to believe I will have a job and can support DS3 and myself.

((milkshake))

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you Friday.

Thanks Jean. I need that.

Milk

Good luck & I'll be praying for you also.

Hi Milk-
Replied to your post on my thread, but wanted to post to you
here as well.
Sounds like things are improving some at your current job
and that you've also got some new possibilities going- way
to go !
In my case, I have realized for some time now that I need
to make more money, just haven't known in which direction
to go because all my experience and "skill set" are in my
same career field and doesn't seem to cross over easily
into anything else. I wouldn't mind going to school or doing
some training for something new, but would have to still
work to have money , so it'd have to be night or weekends.
If we D, I'll really have a problem because right now I at
least still have a place to live and financial support from
WH.

Has your WH said anything or you asked whether or not he is still wanting to try to reconcile ? Did he ever set up the
counseling ?

Hope you are hanging in there today.
Slammed
wanting to reconcile

Thank you Pepsi and Slammed. I am now nervous about tomorrow, and am trying not to think of WH. He hasn't helped me when I needed him the most emotionally and physically. So I should not let the thoughts about him ruin another phase in my life. For now, I will focus on my interview tomorrow, and really hope that I will do well. Then at least I do not have to worry about one of "what if"s, which would be wonderful.

This may not be a healthy thinking, but if I feel good about tomorrow's interview, say, I get good feedback from the company, then I feel that I would have courage to contact WH to see where he is (b/c he is so upset about me not helping him financially that his attitude changed completely - now I feel I am dealing with the same WH who moved out a year ago). I need to do this, but I don't have the courage to do so tonight. I need to prepare for tomorrow's interview.

Thanks for your prayers.

Milk

Just wanted to wish you good luck at your interview tomorrow. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Stay Strong!

The interview did not go too well. I met with four people, and with the first two it went well, but the third person was very aggressive and tough. He kept challenging my thinking process and I got very nervous, which is not a good thing. With the fourth interviewer, we did not have much time left so he did not ask me too many questions. So I don't know how to take that one. But since they already had bad experience with two previous analysts for this position, my guess is that they ALL need to agree to hire me, so I don't think this is going to work out. In my past experience, interviewers or HR always called me back either the same day or by the following day when it was positive, and it's already Tuesday, so I am pretty sure this one did not pan out.

I know I have to stay strong and positive, but it's been very hard. I can't sleep well at night, because I am so scared and worried about my future. I do not even have any family members in this country. How am I going to raise my son all by myself without a job? Since I am in finance, most of jobs that are relevant to my experience are located in NY, but I am here in Chicago. And because WH will not allow me to move to NY with DS3, I can't get those jobs either. I feel hopeless.

By the way, on Sunday morning, WH called and left me a message saying "happy Mother's Day", which made me slightly happy, b/c I was not sure if he would have even remembered the day or even bothered to call for that. Then in the evening, he called back and when we spoke he said the same thing and then said "I left you something in the mailbox", which turned out to be a card.

Now, I was happy, yes. I know it's small, but the fact he actually went out to the store, picked the card, and dropped it off at my place meant some "work". I wanted to believe that he did that b/c he still has the desire to reconcile, but he stopped talking about it and also hasn't mentioned the MC at all. Should I just see this as him being friendly and trying to be "civil" but has already decided (b/c I refused to help him out financially, which I can't anyway as I might not have my job soon!) that we are "done"?

Is there such thing as "momentum" in recovery? I lately feel that I might have "missed" the momentum and now WH may not have the same level of enthusiasm for reconciliation...

Theoretically, there should not be such thing, if you want reconciliation, you should maintain the same attitude, but in reality, I can see how he may feel like "burned out" and does not wish to make any more efforts.

I am new to this forum. I don't know how to ask for help with a new question so I'm just tagging along on yours. I,too, don't know if I can trust my husband again. I found out about the OW in Oct. He broke off the relationship, we went into counseling and everything was wonderful. In March, he went by her aoartment to'talk' because she wanted him to know she was getting a divorce. Her husb was there (outside) and he threatened my husb and really scared him. He called me immediatley crying ( or was it because her husb said he was going to call me?) I'm not sure if he was crying because he knew he had messed up or because he was scared for his life. He then confessed to trading emails and occasional phone calls because she was still his 'friend'. I let him stay. 4 days later he lied to me about his where abouts and I caught him.........he wasn't doing anything bad, he just couldn't tell me the truth. We've gone back to conseling for couples and he sees one by himself. I just don't feel the same, I'm scared I'm married to a habitual lier. I keep waiting for him to mess up so I can say 'GO'! He's so good to me now, it hurts. I just don't know if I can ever trust him.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it hurts so much. You don't know what to believe anymore... You found the right place, though. People here have a lot of experience and good advice. Why don't you start your own thread? Click on "Post" under the "Main Index" to start your own.

Hi Milk-
Have been keeping up with you even when I haven't had time
to post-
I've been staying very busy at work, as I'm tryiing to push
every sale, follow every lead, and do all I can possibly do
to get my sales production up and try to keep my job.
I've been trying to think of other options, jobs I could do with my current skills, or something that might require some
classes but not be too long-term or expensive, but haven't
come up with any real ideas as of yet.
Talked to my IC about it last night (she has apparently
done some career counseling in the past) and she gave me a
few thoughts and some encouragement.
How's your job situation going ? I read that you didn't
think the last interview went too well, but it also sounded
like your boss was still supportive and encouraging, so does
that mean you may be able to stay at your current position ?

Nothing really new with WH. We are basically in no contact
now, at his doing, although I was prepared to go to Plan B
myself. Guess I will still give him the Plan B letter after
our land sale closing, which has been re-scheduled for end
of next week.
Don't know what happened or changed, but things "feel" odd
and different at my end lately. WH used to call almost
every day, but no longer calls. He used to ask me to go to
dinner or do something once in awhile, and no longer asks.
He used to stop by the house once in awhile, but hasn't been
over for several weeks now (has a pile of mail waiting for
him). He used to also ask me to go to his IC and Dr appts.
with him, but went last week on his own.
I assume OW is still staying with him, so don't know if the
change is the result of her keeping close "tabs" on him now,
if they are getting more "serious" lately, if he's just
busy, or what... but it's a very odd feeling.

I understand what you are asking about as far as "momentum".
I have wondered sort of the same thing about the short time
when WH was home, expressed regret over the A, and desire to
reconcile, but then went back to the A and moved out again.
I wonder if I missed the "opportunity" to get to a real
recovery by doing or saying something wrong, not showing
enough change, pushing too much or not enough, etc.....
Of course, it's much easier to think of it now, after the
fact, but seems like I had a brief window where things could
have made a difference, and for whatever reasons.. didn't.
I don't suppose there's anyway I'm ever going to really know
an answer to this, because no way to know what the other
person is thinking or really feeling- I would suppose that
is true for you too. Guess all we can do is our best at
the time based on what information we know, see, and what
the WH is telling us- ?
((HUGS))
Slammed