I do want to visit him, I just don't know how I will stay strong in front of him again. He has been my whole life and he has flipped my world upside down for a third time. When I see him I get angry. I don't want to fight, but I will take the kids to visit and just try to be nice. I hope it goes well. Please pray for me!

-CO

You have made it this far, you'll find the strength. This will be difficult, but I think you will feel that you did the right thing by visiting him. I would NOT get into any relationship discussions though.

Prayers going up.

I will try my hardest. I'll have to bite my tongue.

(((((((((((((((((CO))))))))))))))))))))

So, so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. Just know that you are not walking on this road alone--so many have felt these same feelings and gone through the post-DDay revelations. And it does make you want to throw in the towel--I know. I went and looked at housing options for me and my kids twice--once at DDay and again several weeks later after some more things came out. The distinction I finally had to draw was whether the new revelations dealt with CURRENT contact between my H and OW, or were just bits of information that were new to me, but about the PAST.

No matter how much your WH tries to lay it out on the table, I think there will always be things left out. "Small" things that he glossed over because he didn't see them as important, and big things that he was too afraid to tell you. Obviously some of these omissions are selfish and thoughtless--meant only to hide some of the ugliness. But some of it, I believe, is motivated out of a sincere desire to reconcile. He probably recognized that certain disclosures could very well be the nail in the coffin for his marriage. So the fear thing I understand. Still wrong--still hurtful. But at least understandable.

Give it some time--divorce is so final. Make sure it's truly what you want before you take that step.

We are all right there with you, okay?

-C

This is what he says. But I asked him numerous times if there was anything else and so did our pastor at counseling last week. Also, I warned him if it wasn't, I would find out and I was right as usual <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />. It is so hurtful and devastating all over again.

My pastor told me not to take the kids to the mental ward and I decided not to go myself. I don't want a confrontation there. I guess it will just be his mom visiting him.

-CO

Somebody please help me. I can't keep going on this way. I am getting no sleep, not eating and my stomach and physical being is a mess. What do I do? I am planning on calling my dr. today to setup an appt. but I really don't know what else to do. I have IC tonight too. I was sitting here thinking this morning, you know what, my H is in a mental ward and STILL HAS NOT learned his lesson. I talked to him about 4 times yesterday and not once did he ask how me or the kids were. It's like, "Hello, I am just as bad as you if not worse." All he is thinking about is himself again. He just figures, Well, she'll take care of the kids b/c he knows I will. Here I am a mess and it is so hard to keep myself together and get my DD to school and watch my 4 year old. When will he focus on me for once???? When does this pain go away? When can I be me again??

-CO

Hi there, CO,
Just wanted to check in with you today and encourage you to keep breathing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

If you haven't yet made a decision, my thoughts on the hospital visit would be to go myself but not bring the girls. Instead, ask them to draw pictures for daddy and write him a little message. Then you go to deliver them and to tell him you love him (I know you do, the anger, sadness, digust etc is real, but so is your love for him, i can tell) and desire to work this out and he needs to pull it together for you and the girls so you two can try to begin repairing your marriage. Say this in a non-LBing tender way. And I agree with believer that it is not the time to be discussing anything further. You don't need to stay long, but I think that showing your support by going to visit will go a long way in helping him to fully see what he was sacrificing for his stupidity and bring him fully to his knees.

My husband now cannot stand to think of his stupidity and what he almost lost. It was like he was insane or something. In your other thread where you talked about talking to him on the phone over the weekend he was with OW and just not being able to comprehend that...I understand that because I experienced similar things. We took a family vacation during the A and drove to FL. We had three girls at the time ages 4, 2, and 11 weeks and she was calling him all during the drive and he would talk to her and I just thought it was business calls! Our anniversary was on this trip and it was very difficult to think of how much he talked with her on OUR family vacation! I just share this to let you know I so completely understand your devastation and your incredulity in the depths of stupidity and betrayal of the situation. They are truly insane. My husband now cannot believe he was capable of the double life he was living and again the potential loss he almost faced.

Well, I just really wanted to check in with you today CO and encourage you to stay committed to believing in a positive outcome for your family. I see so much hope here and I see a successful and healing outcome. I will pray for your precious family CO and for you specifically to believe that God has a special plan for all this yuck because if you believe in Him, He promises to work ALL THINGS together for good. Rest in the Lord, dear.
Blessings,
Glad

Me again CO,
Just wanted to add that I encourage you to see your doctor and talk about anti-D's...I ended up going on zoloft about 2 months after d-day as I was sinking into a blackhole of depression even as recovery was moving forward and we were making decent progress. It really saved me and got me to a place where I could concentrate and participate in the recovery process and counseling. What you are feeling right now is so painful but also very normal for where you are at. I still have twangs of guilt for how I was not there for my kids and just barely going through the motions of getting them fed each day.

I know it seems that he continues to be selfish with his current breakdown and that just helps to fuel your discontent, anger and hopelessness. Just as you are in a process right now, so is he. It sounds like you both have a faith in God. Let God deal with him right now. I prayed ceaselessly for my husband in the early weeks. Praying for him helped me to feel more tender towards him and to think about how much God loves him even in all this ugliness. Also I encourage you to just hang out in Psalms. There is so much encouragement in the Psalms and so much of the crying out to God by David is exactly what I was feeling too and its comforting to know that God cares about these painful feelings. Imagine crawling into Jesus' arms and letting him hold and comfort you, just as you hold and comfort your precious children when they are hurt and scared.

(((((((((((((((((((((((CO)))))))))))))))))))))

I just pulled out the actual piece of paper that I wrote several scripture on to comfort me just days after d-day. I wanted to share some with you:

Psalm 30:5b
Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Psalm 30:10
Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me; O Lord, be my help.

Psalm 31:7,8
I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place.

Psalm 31:9
Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.

Psalm 31:14,15a
But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, "You are my God." My times are in your hands.

Psalm 31:16
Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love.

Psalm 33:20-22 (My Favorite!)
We wait in hope for the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you.

Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:21
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 15:5-7
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

1 Corinthians 1:9
God, who has called you into fellowship with his son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.

One day at a time, CO,
Blessings,
Glad

Glad,
Thanks so much for those scriptures. I will be printing them out as soon as I'm finished writing this.

I did go to the dr. She put me on anti-depressants and has me off work til monday, thank god!

Today I am feeling 75% on going forward w/the D. I know it is still early, and I don't plan like acting on it, but I'm just letting you know what I am feeling today. I just don't think I will ever trust him again. And I think my main problem is fear of being w/out him after he has been everything I've ever known. Maybe that is that the only reason I want to stay and work on it. I fear change, I always have. I can't do change. But it makes me question, do I really love him anymore? I know I don't trust him and I will never believe another word out of his mouth.

I decided to not visit him. I am in no emotional state to visit him. I am still too angry and I will just start a confrontation if I do. I don't want that and I know he doesn't need it either. Look at me, here I am thinking of his needs again. I do agree w/u about going and showing him just what he was sacrificing. But I would hope by now he has figured that out. I doubt he has yet or he would at least care how I'm doing through this. God, he's so thick-headed!

Sorry to hear about your family vacation. It is all just so unbelievable to me to hear these things and that they are so typical in infidelity. That is why I started that other thread for FWS's to answer if they felt any guilt. It is just beyond my comprehension.

Thanks for checking in on me. I will keep everybody infomed. This MB forum is becoming addicting to me. I am so glad to have found this site.

-CO

Just wanted to write again. I just ran into MIL. I was out w/the kids walking around the neighborhood while the kids rode their bikes. I am pretty upset right now. First the good news, his parents FINALLY yelled at him!! Thank God! Nobody has yelled at him yet. But she made sure to tell me she did and FIL too.

Now, to the bad news. MIL continues to tell me "And he didn't love her. It was just for the sex, just so you know." Do people think this will make me feel better? I mean, I'd actually feel better if I knew he actually did have feelings for her and had sex w/ her. I said to her sarcastically, "Oh, is that all it was. If I would have known it was ONLY that, I wouldn't be this upset." I guess she took offense and I realized I wasn't trying to offend her so I said, "Sorry, that just doesn't make me feel any better." She said she understood and she can't believe her son was so stupid.

So now I sit here and imagine in my head all the sex they had that weekend and wonder if there was OS, condoms, different positions, diseases. And the sad part....I would have done it whatever he wanted if he would have just asked <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

-CO

you should get your mind off everything for alittle while what of done lately was take the kids to see a movie, that for me a great help i sink into the movie if though i was a character in it.

or go to a family members house and hang out for alittle while.

jump on treadmill i've lost 15-lbs. everytime i got feeling sad or mad.

or just play w/ the kids, my 2 crack me up there very good for helping forget the pain.

heres my 2 cents....im going to give you my (male) perspective (which may be blunt)

a couple of questions that i would ask, is what is the rush to divorce???

you already said you are an emotional/physical/mental wreck...in my opinion you are really incapable of making sound judgements and clear decisions...

just so you know, i am a BS, i chose not to return to my Xwife, based on a number of reasons, that included my having to take stock of my life and address some DEEP seeded issues...(im a cop for over 21 yrs, yes...i have some issues) that being said, i also believe that human nature is really fairly predictable....

YOU STILL LOVE YOUR HUSBAND...to say otherwise or deny that, you are notg being true to yourself....

your posts are ALL over the place, just like your emotions...you are NO more ready to divorce than he is, but thats your way of lashing out and trying to put a wall up, circling the wagons so to speak....i know, i went through it also....

YOU NEED to see your doctor, have him check your blood pressure, get you some sleeping pills and you need to DECOMPRESS!!! even though your pretty young...you whole system is out of whack...your surviving on adrenaline and YOU WILL CRASH!!! its gonna screw your mind up more...

all the bible versus and positive words right now are bandaids...i AM a christian BTW) but what you need to do is EMBRACE this trial and hardship....for without hardships in life, you cannot mature or grow...

your priorities are all screwed up..IMHO!

you need to take care of yourself...first and foremost! then you need to take care of your kids!

just think...if something happens to you, what chance do your kids have????

you need to get your finances under control and start protecting yourself!

*** a word of advice*** once you involve atty's in your process..the only winners are the ATTY'S!

just slow your roll and take a breath....you need to get your mental state under control before you even start filing paperwork....

when you finally reach the point of being ready to divorce...you will be COLD and DEAD inside towards your husband...you ar still HOT and ANGRY....

you need to control your emotions, not let your emotions control you!!!

bottom line....i see you as acting like an out of control emotional wreck...you have 5 pages worth of advice and helpful tips from people who have been through your same sitch and yet your still at square one...

C'MON....getta a grip and sit back anbd think things through...make a plan and stick to it, whether you truely want a divorce or your heart still wants to save your marriage....you need to have a plan! and then set it in motion....AND STICK WITH IT!!!

i personally got to the point that i was unwilling to wait for my WS to return, the pain of recovery and reconcilliation was not worth it to me...YOU need to come to your own conclusion....BUT.......it took me 2 yrs to finally divorce....by then i was DEAD inside....

i stil need to work on forgiveness....not for my XW but for me....thats my demon im still trying to conquer...so just go slow....God allows certain things to happen, they shape us and make us who we are...

also dont forget about "unanswered" prayers....sometimes God says Yes, NO, or Be Still....when your running around like an out of control train...YOU WILL NEVER HEAR HIM SPEAK!!!

thats just my opinion...

hang in there...i promise, it does get easier as soon as you start to see clearly!

kevin

There is no rush. I have already stated I'm not going to file right now. I had just said TODAY I am at a 75% on getting a divorce.


Yes, I realize this. My H has decided to drag me through he// and this is the outcome <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />


I went today. My blood pressure was high when I got there and then it went down when I was getting ready to leave.


Totally agree. That is why I went to the dr. today.



I actually work at the Courthouse and know almost all the attorneys. I sit in on these cases all the time. I know exactly how it all works. Very true about the atty's being winners.

Thanks for all of your advice, Kevin. I think it was a little harsh. I felt as if you think I don't realize where I am at right now. The problem is I do realize where I'm at, I'm trying to figure out how to deal w/it. Also, you make it seem like it is me putting myself through this when it is my H deciding to be untruthful over and over again. But I do appreciate your input.

--CO

Hi CO, you are on my mind each morning <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Just had to chime in on Kevin's post. I agree that it came across a little harshly, but trying to read it realizing it is written from a man who by nature is not as ruled by emotions as we are, he actually had a lot of good things to say. I am glad to hear that it sounds like you were able to set aside the style and hear some of the input.

Where I think we are different as women, is that you are still in a raw shock. IMO, you have only been dealing with this for 13 days, that is when you really had clarity on the nature of the A. So your volitle emotions are very normal at this stage. I was a wreck, mood swinging by the hour or even minute for the first couple weeks.

That said, the most important thing Kevin had to say was that you need a plan and then you need to do it. I realized that is exactly what I/we did. I made a DECISION early on that I wanted this husband/marriage/family....I think you want the same CO....and then with that decision in mind I made a plan and presented it to my husband. Nothing, of course goes smoothly all the time. I would say we were two steps forward one step back for awhile. But in the step back, I would remind myself of my DECISION, pull out the PLAN, and focus on the GOAL.

I am glad you have the support of your inlaws, even if they did and will say some foolish and unhelpful things. I let my family know what was going on and my parents and my sister and her husband were so loving and supportive to my husband even as they were so pained and angered by what he had done to me and our girls. That was HUGE for him, he couldn't believe the acceptance they were still willing to give him. That ultimately made him want to be the person they valued him to be...(we have been together since we were 17 and my family considers him a son/brother and were not willing to let go of him even in his stupidity, as as christians, God gives us a HUGE capacity to give grace (undeserved kindness) and forgiveness when we call upon the Holy Spirit to help us).

Anyway ((((((((((((CO)))))))))))))) blessings to you today. Do take care of yourself today and love and enjoy your children. The possibility of a crash is very real...I had a devastating one 2 months after d-day that hindered our recovery for a bit until I got more stable. Thankfully you are already on anti-d's so that will help immensely in avoiding a terrible crash. And please please get in a consistant counseling schedule immediately with a christian pro-marriage counselor. Use your pastor, call upon your church! Please do this, it is a first important step. And Pray, pray, pray...IT IS NOT A BAND-AID! The Lord is not a crutch or a band-aid, ever! He is the great Healer and Giver of Life. He will sustain you, He promises this and He NEVER fails!

Your takeaway from my longwindedness needs to be this:
DECISION...PLAN....GOAL

Lets discuss this further. Go hug your girls and give them a tickle. You are strong CO and there is so much hope here. Breathe.
Blessings,
Glad

Decision - Work on myself getting healthy and keeping my girls healthy through this.

Plan - Take time and think it all through while going to counseling. Take things one day at a time.

Goal - Come to peace w a firm decision to stay and work on our M or divorce and move on.

How does that sound? I'm not sure if by decision you meant to decide to work on our M or divorce. I am not there yet, so that is why I chose what I chose for the decision.

Thanks for checking in on me. I went to my pastor last night. And he gave me a lot of insight on what he thinks of my H and what we are both going through. My pastor is such a great communicator and he can read people like no other. God just shines right through him. My brother says he is the closest thing to God we have here on Earth. I thought that was cute.

But he said he believes my H is truly remorseful even if he is still lying. He said he has counseled so many couples through this where the WS could care less about the M and working on it but doesn't have the decency to file for D. I just keep saying if he would have just come clean from the start, I would have decided to work on the M. Now that it happened like this, I just don't know. I can't believe anything he says. I'm waiting for the next revelation to be that she's pregnant. If not that, then what is next? I can't take anymore.

I know I am still early on in this. My girls are at my SIL's today so I am going to take a bath, relax, do some housework. Doing housework is how I keep busy. I might even go for a jog to relieve some stress. We'll see where the day takes me. I think my H might be getting out of the mental ward today. My MIL said she thinks he is. I wonder how long till he calls me about seeing the girls. I don't even want to talk to him or see him right now. Easter is going to be so hard on me.

--CO

hi.....

i may have sounded harsh, (it was outa love) but...what i said was from the heart....i have walked in your shoes and know how you feel....

as this goes on, and when your world stops spinning out of control, you may change your mind 500 times throughoutthis ordeal, i know...i did....just keep taking care of YOURSELF ok...

i made some poor decisions early on, i hit the booze really hard and kinda lost my way at times, i was not fortunate to know about this site when i was where you are at...for that, YOU are lucky....lots of support!

hang in there....i promise...it will easier once you fromulate a plan and stick to it, whatever outcome you choose. just make sure to take care of yourself....i still have remnants of high BP....and its been over 2 1/2 yrs...

talk 2 ya L8R..

Just wrote this on another thread too. This is the update:

I'm not doing too well. I was finally sleeping for once and H called at 12:00. He called to say sorry and he loves me. I told him I'd put it on the list and decide if it was fact or fiction (b/c that was the name of the e-mail address for OW). Then he hung up and I called him back and said, "So when I called you that night to tell you I missed you, she was laying right next to you, huh?" He said, "Listen, stop with the questions. When you called, I got off the bed and went into the bathroom."

So I am just fuming again. I didn't even want to talk to him and this is why. Then he hung up on me and I called him back and said, "How could you do this to me??" He said, "Listen, I shouldn't even be talking to you right now. I shouldn't be exposed to this kind of situation." I said, "F U" and hung up. As if it's ok for what he's putting me through but god forbid I put him through anything. Know what I mean??

So now here I am not being able to sleep again. Then I came to the computer and text messaged him three texts about stupid lies he told and then told him not to contact me anymore. I just want to move forward. After talking w/him again I just realize I want NOTHING to do w/him. I just want to move forward.

I was actually sleeping for once and now I'm back to this state. I am going to try to get back to bed soon.

I just called him again and told him not to call me anymore unless it has to do with the kids. He said, "I thought you wanted me to get better." I said, "I do. But that doesn't mean you have to contact me." Then he said "ok." So I call him back and say, "You know, I just want you to remember, I am going through all of this too, not just you. I need to get healthy too. You just don't get it." He said, "I know." So then I just said, "Ok, then do me a favor and leave me be." He said "OK", and that was that.

It makes me feel better to at least have gotten that little bit out. Now I don't want to talk w/him anymore. Wish me luck. Gonna try to get back to sleep......

-CO

Oh (((CO))) it is so hard, I know. I am so sorry. I think I understand where you are at with this. I will tell you how I addressed and started to overcome the issue of all the unknown details. It sounds to me that this is where your paralysis to move forward is coming from. All the unknown. Here is what I did and maybe you can figure out how to apply it in your situation with your husbands current state....

Just a couple days after d-day he went out of town for four days on a previously scheduled trip. A total blessing for me because I needed to be alone but didn't want to tell him to leave. During those four days I found MB and read everything and then walked around with a yellow legal pad and wrote down every question, statement, thought I had on everything and then organized it into a 15 page "presentation". When he got home from the trip I told him I wanted to have a very lengthy discussion that would be hard and we planned a time to do this...it ended up taking about 3 hours. CO, I literally read word for word the pages to him. And I did not LB at all, this is key! I did not yell or act angry, this was key to keeping him in this very hard conversation. It started out with a long page about total honesty, what that meant and that I had to have a committment of total honesty about everything, including any other discretions in our years together, everything he could think of that he had lied about, this was the time to come clean...incidently this is a lot to ask of a person, it puts them on the spot and the mind can shut down, so during our nightly talks during our recovery, for a long time I would respectfully ask if anything had come to mind that he needed to share with me ( I am not just talking infidelity related, my husband had a history of lying to me about everything from money, to purchases, to the color of the sky!) I had made a committment to myself after seeing that he was genuinely trying to come clean with me, that if something new came up that I would thank him for being honest with me and then we would discuss it calmly. This was huge in rebuilding trust and communication and safety with each other. NO LBing and anger was Key! And CO, I spent years filled with bitterness and anger at my husband before this happened. I realized when this hit that I had nothing left in me and that anger wasn't working and God so graciously took the anger from me. I will pray for this for you.

Okay, so after reading my page on honesty I asked him to make a verbal commitment to me of trying his best to be totally honest with me. There was some other stuff and then I led into the "question/answer" portion. I prefaced that I would be asking tough questions that I expected him to answer. It was not for him to judge whether this was information that I needed. I thought I needed it to move forward and somehow understand better. So I asked him (all written down and read word for word so I wouldn't get off track) many, many detailed questions. It was a humbling and humiliating conversation for him, but to his credit, he took it and he answered. I had talked to the OWH a couple times as well as the OW the day she and her BH showed up at my door, so I had some detailed info that I asked him about and then asked him other questions too, some that he honestly had no answer for except that he was stupid. And that is an honest answer. Here's a tip for you...don't bait them. If you know the info, tell them, don't ask them, ie: when you were together at such and such a time why did you, or what were you blah blah...don't say Were you with her at such and such, when you know they were. That makes them like a deer in the headlights. Just tell him what you know and ask questions based on the info you know.

Am I making sense with all this? This was a good initial conversation to help me to understand the nature of his affair. How long it was, how many times, where, feelings involved, things said, etc. This helped me because then I had movies in my head based on reality, not on my own freaked out mind. Some things were not as bad as I feared, others were but at least my head movies were based on what really happened and then I could start dealing with stopping the head movies.

I think this is the place you are at. You need a purging conversation. But you need to write it all down because otherwise the conversation will be all over the place and you won't get anywhere. I see that you can't take a new step until you have the actual details of the affair somewhat sorted out in your head. I was like this too, not everyone wants/needs to know details, but I did, and I think you do to.

CO, you have to find it in yourself to release some of the anger. I say this with love. Of course it is a normal feeling to have in this, but it is not at all helpful. Not to you, not to your husband, not to your marriage, not to your kids. The LBing and anger and hanging up the phone, it is not helping. I know you know this CO. Oh, honey, I am just so sorry for the intensity of your pain right now.

I wanted to tell you that I was proud of you for thinking through your decision and goal yesterday and it sounds just perfect for where you are at. It is little tiny steps. It is SO HARD. Hang in there for today, and start carrying around that legal pad <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> and do not allow anger to get a foothold. Ask God to help you to see your husband as He sees him. I was able to engage better in the recovery when I looked at my husband as a whole person with many wonderful qualities, instead of defining him as an unfaithful man that destroyed me and our family.

You are doing well CO, you really are. I think we are a lot alike. Hang in there.
With blessings,
Glad

Glad,
Thanks so much for your advice. Unfortunately, I gave him more than enough opportunites to tell me the truth. My pastor even gave him an opportunity. Not only that, I am now at the place where anything he tells me won't be the truth anyway, so there's no point in asking. I agree w/u about the LBing. That is why I don't want to talk w/him at all.

I just want to let you know that I made the decision to Divorce and move on. I had 5 months to learn my limitations and I have gotten there. I know I will not be able to stay with my H. What he has done to me has toatally crossed the line and I will never be able to stay married to him. I know that a lot of people on here don't agree with this decision, but as I said before, I had 5 months of this and I know how much I can take and I know I cannot take anymore. It is time to move forward and stop dwelling on the past. Yes, I will eventually forgive him, but I will no longer be able to be married to him.

What it came down to was the only reason to stay was the girls and I know that is a lot, but as Dr. Phil says, it is better to come from a broken home than to live in one. All it would be would be us arguing constantly. I would never be able to stop LBing. It is who I am, just like when he called last night, it was the first thing I wanted to do and I did.

This, of course, is still going to be such a painful process. I hope it goes as smooth as possible. My family is totally supporting me with this decision and they are finally in agreement. Up until this morning they weren't, but when I explained to them my position, they agreed. And my mom said she would leave too. I can't even trust him anymore. I don't feel I could ever gain that trust back again either.

So sad it has to come to this.

--CO

figured, i would say hi over here on your thread being that mine is already a 5 star thread. thats right only the best for me, my kids and friends.

keep your head up and just smile <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

and if this helps any 1 thing i try to remember ok 2 things 1) god wouldn't put us threw this if we couldn't get threw it.
2)there is always someone else out there who has it worse than us. so i can just give myself alittle smile and say it could be worse.