Linda,

I don't remember the exact way he answered about still talking to the OW. I believe before I even finished the question which was, "Are you still talking to that bit**?" He answered, "No." I think that was all he said. I told him it was suspicious that all of a sudden I can't get on her webpage anymore and he told me to just e-mail her friend then b/c that would be just as good. He said it does sound suspicious but he's not talking to her anymore.

So who knows. But one thing is for sure I will find out if he is still in contact with her. I am a great detective and he knows this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />!

I may just end up e-mailing her friend. We'll see if I can find OW's webpage first. It is going to take me a while to come up with the e-mail I want to write anyway.

I hate not being able to just ask my H a question and know the answer is honest. I've never thouht it would come to this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />!
--Sarah

sarah
hola how are you, do you guys have any plans for this weekend i think i'll be going to sea world and to the beach.
good luck on searching 4 that email, 1 thing though do you think it'll give you any closure i always wonder if it will do me any good to go talk to the OM, i migt find something out that i dont or do want to know and leave.... so becarefull. and good luck hope you find what your looking 4.

Send me her url and I wll see if I can get in - you have my email - I will find her if she is on the web anywhere - my friends and I are the queens of research - I bet she has popped up somewhere else.

Linda

have you thought or discussed with hubby what your gonna do or how your gonna react when after she gets this e-mail and then tries contacting him to tell him about it or to tell him to tell you to knock it off?? most likely after getting it she will try to get in touch with him...you will have opened that door?

you ok?

nikko,

No, we haven't discussed if OW contacts my H. I don't think she will. I called her and talked to her a while back and she didn't call my H to tell him. I actually have his cell phone, so she can call all she wants I will be the person on the other end <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />!

My H doesn't work at the place he worked at when he had the A so she can't contact him there and I have the other e-mail address they contacted eachother through and I changed the password so my H wouldn't know it so I will get that too if she decides to try to contact him via e-mail.

BTW, I am ok. My H is upset with me b/c I won't get help for myself. Like I said before, I am going to call my pastor. I just don't want to do the IC thing right now. I know you all will say I need it. I just don't feel like going!!! I put so much time and effort into recovery after Nov. that I am done for now until I know my H is getting the help he needs.

This whole thing is just still so unreal to me. I can't imagine him planning a trip with OW. It is so crazy!!! I would never do that to him!!! I COULD never do that to him!!! What are these WS's thinking? What could he have possibly been thinking? I asked him, but he won't answer my question <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />.

And I know a lot of WS's built relationships with the OP. But my H knew her for a week before he planned this trip. It doesn't make any sense to me. I know it never will. I guess like we mentioned before it was all about the sex. What else could it be???

Ok, enough digressing about that subject. I did have a bad day on Sunday. We had a Memorial Day picnic. It was really hard on me to see all our "happy" friend couples. I know that was once us. Also, when my H talks to them I just sit and think, "If they only knew the real person he is." I just lost so much respect for him. I'm guessing this is normal??

I hate looking at my H and seeing someone I never thought I would see. It is so disappointing. I just want things the way the were!!!! Why did HE have to do this to US???? We were so GREAT!!!! It's amazing how things can change so fast with one stupid decision <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.

Well, I better stop or I'll be here all day complaining <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />!

How was everyone else's weekend?

--Sarah

Wow, where is everybody today? I came on to see if I got any new responses and there are none. I'm surprised. You guys usually post back pretty quick.

I hope everyone is doing well. I'll check back later.

--Sarah

CO,

Well, I'm probably the last one you thought you'd hear from today, but something told me i should respond to a part of your thread. Specifically,



He wasn't thinking. Not in the way of rational thoughts anyway. I have no idea why he would plan a trip with OW, but i can tell you the timing of it means nothing. WS's do WAY more bizarre stuff than that. It doesn't make it any easier, I know, but I just wanted you to know he is certainly not going to win any awards for originality.

It may have been the sex, but because your H and I seem to have similar personality traits (good and bad! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />), I highly doubt it. What else could it be? Oh, tons of stuff, but I think you already know this.



So does he.



Can you imagine looking at your H and seeing someone you never thought you could love so much? More than you did before? As you know, the Harley's believe strongly this can happen if you follow their guidelines closely. One of those non-negotiable guidelines is to receive good MC, and IC if needed. I believe you need IC in order to move forward in your recovery. Just MHO.



YOU CAN BE BETTER THAN GREAT!!!!

Please keep trying, and please give serious consideration to IC. Not feeling like going isn't gonna cut it if you sincerely want your M to recover. Again, just MHO.

Take care,

KJ

ok---you've got your bases covered...but it is a chance to talk to your hubby and poja a plan if she ever did. its an opening to that convo.....you should do it anyway. its like training the reaction in them if it ever does happen..so they dont stand there with that deer in the headlights look and do something stupid...lol

i understand the wanting to hang back and see if its for real this time...just dont hang back too long. then you become your own worse enemy.

the question your asking him has no good answer...that is why he is avoiding...he wasnt thinking and didnt care. he thought only of himself and the excitement of the moment...however looking into your eyes and saying that .....well, he isnt ready to do that yet. and sometimes they really are stupid enough to not know....LOL
i get what your saying about the losing respect, only he can earn that back. by consistent honesty and honor in what he is doing...i think he is on that road...it just takes time.
and i have to ask.....i know "you" were very happy with the way things were pre affair...but do you really want that back??? its not the marriage you want back...i think its the innoscence and naivete you are missing. here is a harsh reality...they are gone and aren't comming back...they were robbed from you....however you will come out of this much stronger and a better person for it. your marriage will be better than you can imagine...you have to be willing to walk through the fire for it but it will be better if you keep moving foward. you will be ready to take that step soon, i can feel it....

good morning sarah glad to see you atleast got out this weekend my W got sick and all plans we had went right out the door. oh well there is always this weekend.

well i think you have a pretty good head head on your sholders so if you think seeing a C isn't for you than dont do it, instead i suggest you go do one of your favorite hobbies what ever that might be? and if you need one start boxing or learn to shoot a gun something that makes you feel like rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr when you are doing it.

nikko,



Not funny. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

KJ

then as a fws explain it to me........you did stupid things and risked everyones life you supposedly loved...explain to me all the reasons why? sometimes there is no good reason why---just plain selfishness and stupidity.....you may not like the answer and it wasnt directed at you but if you want to have a go at it...go ahead. just because you dont like the answer doesnt make it any less right...

KJ,

Thanks for posting. I haven't heard from you for awhile. I thought you gave up on me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />!



Nope, can't imagine that yet. Someday maybe, but not now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />!

I am actually worried that my love keeps getting less for him. Will it die altogether?? Am I doing something wrong where I'm falling out of love? I actually sit at my job and look around and wonder which guy would be better for me. That's pretty sad, but true. Is that normal? I feel like I am losing my love for my H more and more every day. I know you will all say then get to IC. I will soon, I promise.

nikko,

I will talk to my H about if she contacts him. I think he already knows what to say.



Sorry, KJ, but I agree with this. I think nikko means more of a stupid as in the WS was lost in the moment. That is the way I took it anyway. Am I right nikko?



I'm not there yet. I am willing to walk through the fire but I have been burned two times already, so I am taking my time this time around. I am trying to keep moving forward. But it is so hard when I am scared something else will come out that I can't handle.

I know only time will tell. It's like getting to the point where I can actually answer my own questions......scary <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />!

--Sarah

your doing fine....and yes it was whati meant.

yoour pace your time....as long as you are trying to go foward. there will come a time, if you are still being reserved, you will be given different info....for now you are doing fine.

you have got to figure out a way to keep the love open...it is your responsibility to either say something to him and give him other ways to help you or you need to figure it out by yourself....your just so hurt your closing your heart off....DONT. open it alittle...see what happens....

Hi Sarah!

Nikko is saying pretty much everything I would say to you, so I "ditto" her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think you are doing well too. And you are answering your own questions and know what to do! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> IC and MC!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You will get there, I have confidence in you and your M, and even in Sorry! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

KJ, I too, don't get how you wouldn't be able to agree with the "stupidity" comment in being wayward. My H fully acknowledged even early on that it was purely selfish stupidity and that was the best answer he could come up with for why????? So I don't get why that would rub you the wrong way.

I wish I had more time to respond but I have a house full of kids wanting to get ready for the swimming pool. Summer is starting out with a bang around here....camp starts next week for my 5 yo, she will go half days Tues/Thurs for 6 weeks, she is so excited! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hang in there Sarah, good to hear from you, I will try to check back later.

Blessings
Michele

nikko,

I did stupid things. Stupid doesn't begin to describe what I did. But stupid doesn't describe me as a person. Many people have A's, including doctors, lawyers, etc. It doesn't make them stupid people.

That is my only point to your statement.

KJ

CO,



I don't know the answer to this. Are you doing things in order to stay in love? SH told my H and I on Monday, that I am responsible for my H loving me, and my H is responsible for me loving him. It's your responsibility to make as many deposits as possible into his love bank, and vice-versa. If you think about it, that is a HUGE responsibility!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

It's difficult to do this when all you feel is resentment toward your H. The IC can help with that. Then maybe you will be able to open yourself up, take dive #3 into the recovery of your M.

All my best,

KJ

kari----my concern with this exchange is.....i posted something to co----why and how did that become about you???

i never posted YOU were stupid. i never posted anyone's name along with it. why are you thinking i am targeting you? you should explore that......

i am trying to help co and offer advice....quite often you have an issue with what i say. i have no problem with that, i just think you are bringing your issues into it. this is about her and her husband. not your issues. that should be adressed separately......bring it into your own thread.

Nikko,

Excellent suggestion. Shall do.

KJ