I just saw this post for the first time today and, as Peachy says, if both posters are for real, I feel extremely concerned for notcheating! I was in an abusive marriage. Before I found out WH was cheating and came here, I went to a website called
verbal abuse. I immediately recognized my husband in the descriptions there. I asked him to read what was written, hoping he'd understand what he was doing to me and to our marriage. He did check it out, and then did exactly what notcheating's husband did here. He wrote a barrage of hateful e-mails that hurt many of the other posters, all abuse survivors themselves, and began accusing me of being the abuser! I was too ashamed and embarassed to post there ever again as well as afraid to post since he knew about the site and would check on me there.
Like many others here, he accused me of having affairs, especially after he moved in with MOW and his own affair(s) came out into the open. My WH's self-hatred, because that's what lashing out at me the way he did really was, is fueled by alcohol and drugs.
If he is an abuser, nothing he reads here or anywhere is going to change that. You, notcheating, need to take care of yourself. The last thing I had on my mind when WH was being abusive was cheating on him. I wanted him to understand that I loved him and to stop hurting me. I hope, even if you aren't posting, you're maybe still reading here. If your husband is abusive, you need help! As Peachy said, it can escalate to physical violence if it hasn't already. Your husband needs help, too, but he is very unlikely to realize this until you take care of yourself first. Take care, and be safe!
