Well we are here to help.....wouldn't it be a riot if a bunch of MBers posted to a WS? LOL!! Can't speak for the others....but I might give it a try....need your permission 1st. LOL!!!

Btw, see you posting and helping a lot. That's good therapy. It certainly helped me.

take care,

L.

That's a fun idea (i am visualizing all kinds of remarks to be made). He'd somehow think it was me and blame me for more of his demise I'm sure.

I decided to post more. I was hesitant at first as I didn't feel like I "had the goods" that so many others do. I am in limboland so to speak, with expactations of my recovery only and a future for my boys. But when I got the guts, you're right. It's great therapy.

I joke with a few of my friends that I am addicted to an infedilty forum. I think they think I am going wacko. Onlly us MB's get it I guess. I guess you know it's bad when you start using MB abbreviations in conversations. LOL!

InTexas-

Oh Please.....I'm dying to see the site.....can you e-mail it to me if you don't want to post it here?? I promise not to leave a comment if you don't want me to. (Yeah I know, curiousity killed the cat).

God Bless,

-Caren

How about you make your own profile in that site and find a way for him to find it?

If it's a kind of site people look for other people he might find your profile.

A profile showing how strong of a woman you are? Moving on with your life?

He said he was on a relationship... well you say you're divorced... can you imagine him reading it?


I dont post much, I read a lot tho.
And I must say In Texas I admire you. And I have no doubt God has a plan for you and your lovely boys.

Ummmm... he may want to go back and review his notes.

1 Cor 6:13 "Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

1 Cor 6:18-20 18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

1 Cor 7:1-2 1 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2B but since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.

1 Cor 7:10-1110 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

These are just a few from 1 Corinthians. Paul was fairly explicit and verbose in condemning fornication.

I don't know your whole story, but from what I've read on this thread, it seems like a good time for a strategically executed Plan B. I suggest this because you seem to be losing steam for you marriage, and Plan B will help protect you from further loss of love. Also, I think he's at a point where a well thought out Plan B letter will knock him right on his butt.

dewt

Leviticus 18:20 " 'Do not have sexual relations with your neighbor's wife and defile yourself with her.

Revelation 21:8 But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."

A quick search of an online Bible yeilded about 50 references to sexual immorality throughout the old and new testements.

That's not 'nowhere' in the Bible... that's EVERYWHERE fer crying out loud...

I cannot believe my WH could do this.
I mean really.

He called. Here's intexas' recap of conversation:
WH: do you remember my GPA in college?
ME:no, why?
WH:I'm thinkking of joining the service.
ME: Like what, the navy? (said this b/c of his myspace account info)
WH: Why do you say that?
ME: because I can see you in long white pants.
WH: laughs a little.
ME: What about the boys? Where will you live? When will you see them?
WH: I'll see them on weekends.
ME: We don't live by a base, wh. Not a navy base.
WH: then I'll fly in.
ME: why the service. What would you do in the service?
WH: i'd be clergy--like a chaplain. (YES< FOLKS>I WAS SHOCKED AT THAT TOO!!!)
WH: OW is going to the virgin islands for vet school, and will be gone for three years. I'll stay in three years. This is the best idea for us being apart.
ME: oh
WH:does that bother you?
ME: no, i'm fine.just worried about my boys. I don't care to hear about her really. I once wanted to see what she looked like, but I am past that now.
WH: I can send you a pic if you'd like.
ME: (after gaining composure, fighting off tears) no, thank you. Listen, I gotta go.
WH: bye.

CAN YOU BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY ASKED ME IF I WANTED HIM TO E-MAIL ME A PIC OF HIS GIRLFRIEND???

I don't know guys--that one was hard to take.
And what about the man thinking he'd be a chaplain. Has he completely lost all sense of reality? I believe now that he really thinks he ahs done nothing wrong.

I just need to be done with this madness. It's sad--I really was good to him. Always was. And he does this to me.

I'm not surprised. My WH actually IS chaplain - not in the Navy, but for a motorcycle club, and a veteran's group.

I was shocked and asked him if there wasn't a rule about the chaplain being an active adulterer and living with the OW. Apparently that is allowed.

Do you think the navy investiagetes their personal life before they let someone be a chaplain? If that is the case, i will make sure the D papers say adultery, even if it costs me more.

wow...what a clergyman at that? what the one like the guy in Scarlet Letter? Let's all pitch in and buy the man his "A" now! should look cute on his wittle uniform!..lmao.

MORE FOG?

my xfil IS A DEACON...yea the man is a deacon. He has slept with numerous women in the churches they were members of...and two days after D Day numero whatever (been so many) after having a THREE YEAR AFFAIR with a client, he goes before his new church (any wonder why he and his W kept having to change churches?) and gets rebaptized...to show his renewed committment and how he's a new man... yea right!

and this is the man and woman who supported my xh in his affairs....after saying they'd be behind me 100 percent and prayed nonstop for my xh and I to get back together...for them, money talks. they WORK FOR MY XH...sad huh?

Let's all sing together!

In the Navy
You can Sail the Seven Seas'
In the Navy! (remember the Village People?)

Hey! btw I have a myspace account...wanna have me mess w/him? I AM A PRO AT MESSING WITH THE MINDS OF THE WAYWARD...

I can email him and say something about "who's the UGLY GIRL IN THE PHOTOS?" I sure will do it.

I can do amazing things..

I'd love you to mess with him. But would it do any good? I am not a revenge kinda' girl. I think of things to do and say that "might" make him feel some of the pain he is causing, but i don't. It;s not in me.

But I bet you could do some doozies peach. I love your spunk--could use some myself.

How is the job sitch going btW?

It must take a lot of effort for him to delude himself that much. But how would he live with himself otherwise????? I would think the guilt would just eat you alive, unless you somehow convinced yourself that you were in the right.

So does he think that joining the Navy will somehow help his relationship with the OW? What makes him think that she won't cheat on him while she's in the tropics and he's stranded on a boat somewhere in the middle of the Pacific?

-CSJ

Navy isn't commisioning officers right now, so he's off to try the airforce. That was what he said tonight.

Had my first tearful conversation with WH earlier today. Not even sure why I answered the phone. Even less sure why I let my tough girl guard down and let the tears flow. Even over the phone, I wasn't able to keep them corralled till we hung up.

I think I just needed to see if he cared any. He used a few words that seemed caring, but overall, it all boiled down to him hurting more. And he's off to houston with OW for the horse show. (OW used to train horses with her now XH).

I don't know what is up with me. I am having more and more tearful moments lately. Been holding them back I guess. I am sure lack of sleep isn't helping. I never was a pity-party kinda girl. I prefer to make the best out of the worst situations. Hopefully this is another stage that will pass in time. I just started wearing masacara (last time was my wedding and before that my HS prom) and I am learning that even though it says waterproof, tears have a special formula that still makes it run.

I'm gonna go cuddle the baby in my bed tonight.

Well, the lawyer called today. This is really happening. I knew it was. Hearing we have a date set is like much more real.

And WH is so WH.
After his weekend in Houston at the Horse Show thingy, he informs me that he and OW met up with his friend--best man in our wedding. That was a major OUCH! How can he meet her and be nice? How? Standing by a friend is one thing--standing by injustice is a whole other story.

He is on a rampage again--got plenty of e-mails today about how this is all my fault. Wants to know why I won't ever take blame for my part of this (huh?), etc. He says that until i accept her, i won't heal.

And you know what--I am angry with her. Have not been this angry yet. This is part of the process, right? Because I hate it. I hate how it makes me feel. I hate that another woman would do this to another. I don;t understand.

I just can't seem to shake these new feelings. I have been on a major oh-woe-is-me fest for like three days now. I've gotta shake this somehow. I feel like my whole being is taken over with rage/jealousy/hurt/anger you name it. My friend called and I couldn't even talk to her. I just kept thinking about WH introducing horseface to his friend.

I need to be free of all this. It's so crazy, because I thought I was beyond this point--or rather I had skipped it.
How long will this last?

((((intexas))))
I have no advice for you as I am in a similar situation. I hate all of this too. I don't understand how WS's can not only do this to someone they promised to love, honor, and cherish, but to justify it as well. My WH is involved with a married woman with 4 kids. What part of "she's not yours for the taking" does he not understand and vice versa?
I just went to Plan B tonight because I can no longer deal with the feelings of anger and betrayal and the way this has taken over my life. Hoping for some serenity. I will say a prayer for you.

It might be time to do the Dobson "Love Must Be Tough" thing. You can let him know that while you love him and hoped to save the marriage, you are not his jailer, and he is free to go.

Then start getting ready for Plan B.

Oh, tell him to stand up like a man and take his responsibility. He sounds like some whiney OW himself. LOL!!! Yea....tell him that's how OTHERS are preceiving him and if he asks who, tell him 'many that know'. No names....just make him wonder. That may give you some support from his POV. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I agree, time for a major plan B. Accept the OW? Is he nuts? Oh yea, he is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Plan B at this time? I have no clue how to go about that in our sitch.
I have to drive over 30 miles to bring the boys to see WH when he decides to take them, and i have to drive the same to pick them up.
And the D is weeks away according to the lawyer yesterday--date set and all. We have to talk concerning a few financial issues because of the house and still haven't agreed to a visitation schedule (he wants to come whenever he wants to, not be on a schedule).

Maybe a modified version so I can get away from these new feelings? I am afraid the way I feel for WH is not the same after all the developments. When I see him, I feel like he is a stranger now. He's been gone almost 20% of our marriage (I did the math last night).

And he said again yesterday--he would have come home, but he's really afraid he'd be settling for me. Will I be able to erase those words from my mind? Now he says I am the one who doesn't want him home--because at this point he doesn't even think it was really wrong since in his mind we were divorced after him being gone 60 days. He's not repentant. He has not worked on any issues that got him here. And he's still with OW.

I'm worth a lot more than "settling." Will he ever realize that? I don't know. Only he is gonna change him. His issues are deeper than any MB plan I am afraid.

Pray for me and my boys. Looks like we're gonna have a different path ahead in store for us. We can do this though. I just want to give them the most wholesome life I can.

Intexas..

tell me why you don't set boundaries and state your position clearly...

WS it is very very ironic to me that you want to be a chaplain...since you do not follow nor care for God's law...

ALSO
It is very riduculous and almost cruel of you to think of sending your WIFE pictures of all of your girlfriends...

are these not truths..
I think it is very very very important for spouses to speak the truth to those that have no idea any longer what the truth is...

WS surround themselves that believe in their lies as much as they do...

what is holding your tongue back?

ARK

Honestly Ark,--the threats that he is gonna kill himself. That he can't handle the truth. The truth is so harsh, and he has continually told me he is gonna just snap one day.

It haunts me. It scares me. I know he probably won't do it. I am sure it is a tactic. But I can't break free from this.