Nkay, how are you doing?

Hi Jennifer,

I'm not doing real great. I haven't heard from WH since Wed - I have moved into Plan B and haven't called him. The only thing is - I'm not sure he realizes I am plan B'ing him as he hasn't even tried to contact me. Does that count? I will continue with NC for a couple more weeks but will have to speak with him b4 April 15 so we can file our taxes. Right now, I am not even sure he is still staying with OW. He may have moved to a friend's house as he said he was going to do. I only think this because I have seen his cell phone history and it seems things may have cooled a bit with him and OW.

Plan B is really hard and very painful. I know it is time but I feel so helpless.

You have been so great. Thanks for thinking of me.

Nkay <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I know this is sooo difficult, Nkay. As hard as it is to do this, it is for the moment, the best thing to do. This will give you strength, for whatever direction this takes. God is preparing you for the outcome of this situation.

I want you to know, that you are not alone. There are MANY here with similar situations. They truly understand your pain.

I prayed for you on the prayer thread I started. Hang in there, and hold on! You never know what the Big Guy upstairs has planned for you!

Take care, and keep posting! This is a GREAT place for support! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer

Jennifer,

I haven't spoken to WH since Wed and he suddenly called this AM and came by to see me. He told me he loves me and misses me and wants to come home. I told him the conditions: NC at all with OW, MC and total honesty. He has agreed. Is it too much to hope that we are on the right track? I know you said it was too soon. He has admitted that it will be tough to maintain NC but he will do it. I have been adamant about that. I have also told him that I will help him through his withdrawal.

If this works, it will be only because of the advice and support I have received on this site. It has kept me grounded when I wanted to go crazy and scream and yell. It has helped me to understand what my WH is feeling even though I still believe an A is never justified.

I will keep you posted about his homecoming and how it goes.

Nkay

Nkay, All I can say is to proceed with caution. I would say, watch his actions. Actions speak louder than words. Words are too easy to come by. Not to mention that he has used his words before, to get his foot back in the door of your heart.

I'm not sure what the best advice would be, at this point. I think the experts should come forward, to give you a little better direction, on this. I just want you to know it's ok to hope, as long as you keep it balanced with logic.

I do think you should establish a plan of some kind, and make sure to follow thru with it. Be consistant. Good Luck with this. Stand your ground, and don't settle for anything less! We only get out of life, what we settle for.

Please keep us posted, Nkay. Take Care...

Jennifer

While this 'sudden change' sounds hopeful, it is also a bit strange. It is important to do as Jennifer suggested and watch his actions. He is still a WS and could reverst back just as quickly.

Stand your ground. Know and enforce your personal boundaries.

I hope he is sincere. I can tell you that mine tried t/b sincere but the WS in him was still alive and kickin' so false recovery set in several times.

It took a lot out of me and when I was ready to give up, he came home 4 good.

While that sounds good, I must tell you that I now keep plan B in my back pocket. You see, H is home but my trust factor is heavily dmaaged. It is up to H to repair that damage and restore my trust in him.

H no longer has an attitude and looks after us instead of us owing him an apology and a life.

L.

Well, I let my guard down and got clobbered. After Sunday's visit, I was sure we were on the right track. Yesterday, he said that he was going to tell OW that he was going home. I was his wife and she would just have to deal with it. More words of love and missing me. He was supposed to stop by last night. I rushed home so I could show him that I was not a workaholic and I was commited to being home on time. Never showed. Tried calling him cell phone - no answer. He calls me this morning and I asked what happened. He said he ran out of time - went over to OW house to tell her he was going home to his wife. Didn't go well - she is very upset (poor girl). I pointed out that I understood that concept as I have been very upset as well. He said he thought he should move to his friend's house and not see either of us for a while. Needed time alone. I asked him where he stayed last night and he admitted that he stayed at her house but on the couch. I told him it seemed that he was much more concerned for her feelings than mine and that seemed strange since I had done nothing wrong. I told him I was feeling like the OW in this triangle which also seemed strange since I was the wife he had vowed to be with until he died. I told him that it appeared that he told OW and she cried and begged for more time so he decided to stay with his friend so he could see OW whenever he wanted. I was calm and not angry. I told him he needed to be more honest with himself. So here I am again. Back to Plan B just a few more battle scars. What is he doing? I asked him what Sunday was all about. He said he missed me. Am I the stupidest woman on Earth? I think so.

No, Nkay, you're not stupid, just vulnerable. Next time he wants to come around, don't let him. Go to Plan B. Have NC with him until it's over with OW.

Now is the time for him to speak with his actions. His words have no credibility. It's just basically air, blowing in the wind, (as he has proven it to be). He can't have it both ways. And YOU are his WIFE. I'd say, until he figures out where his committment BELONGS, then NC. That will at least stop him from having the best of both worlds. He'll only have the one life, and I'd put my last dollar down to say, he WILL NOT be satisfied with "that" option. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Also, by having NC with him, it will turn up the speed in allowing this thing to burn out. It will get REAL old, REAL fast!!

I know it's difficult, but I really believe this would be the best way to go. Plan B...NC.

Keep us posted!! And be TOUGH! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer

Thanks, Jennifer! I will be tough. I won't fall for this again. He has said he is interested in MC but I have my doubts that he will follow through. I have gotten authorization for the MC and found one nearby. Should I go alone? With NC, should I even entertain the idea of MC together? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I think your planning way to far ahead thinking of MC. And that can scare the WS right back into the arms of their affair partner. This happens all the time in plan B.

You need to stick to the rules of plan B. He needs to know the requirements for him to get back into your life. Go black, so he has no contact with you. If he keeps breaking down your plan B wall then eventually plan B won't even work.

Good luck.

nkay.....

The best way to save your M is to stick with NC! DARK Plan B!

He is not committed to the M. Part of Plan B is that you "negotiate" the movement towards reconsiliation WHEN he shows that he is interested in negotiation.

At this point, he is still cake-eating and you are letting him. Plan B has a chance if it is dark!


Like Jennifer said, you are vulnarable......

Don't intertane any discussion on return unless he commit to a NC letter! So, if he even suggest moving back in, refer him to the Plan B letter....he knows what he has to do to get back home!

You don't want a false recovery...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Did that come out of his mouth? If so, then do NOT believe it! Those, again, are just words. And I'm sure they're words you love hearing, right about now.

MC should be farther down the road, once Plan B is completed. Right now, MC would mean "contact". I think IC would be ok for you, though.

I think you should put together your Plan B letter, and serve him with it. Then come HERE, for all the feelings and emotions you will have. You'll be on the famous "Roller Coaster", but so are alot of us, here! We can ride the ride, together! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> We'll just pretend we're at the amusement park! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

This is not an easy thing to do, Nkay, but you CAN DO IT!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Have faith, and the rest will come.

Jennifer