How long has it been on the market? What is average time on market for houses in your area? Make him a lower offer anyway. All he can do is say no and you get him to start thinking along those lines. How many offers has he had? Any way of finding out?

I got your email. Almost missed it because hotmail put you in junk mail along with the 378 emails for expanding manhood, granny sex, cheerleader web cams, etc. That's why I don't check the account very much. On the other hand, maybe I should consider expanding my manhood - would that meet an EN? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Myrta,

If I buy OM house, he moves 1,500 miles away. As traicionado can attest, it will not solve the problem. I would still perfer it however.

Todd--its very apparent that you loved your MIL a lot. Did she know you hold her in such high esteem? I hope she did. Those are pretty memories a deceased takes with them from people that they leave behind. Your wife must miss her terribly. I feel bad for her. Losing the mother, no matter what age, is a sad thing. My parents are still alive.thank God!

It was sad how much your mom suffered before she died. Being a diabetic is something terrible too. There are so many bad consequences from that disease. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Were your mom and MIL friends? Is that why their close deaths make you think?

What do you take to help you sleep? My MIL takes Ambien, and she sleeps soundly the whole night. She loves those [email]pills@![/email] Why was it a tough day for you today?

I am going to assume you are not working because of your illness? Do you have other family close by other than your sons? AM I asking too many questions? sorry if I am. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Stanley loves to play golf, I am sure he will love to get autographed pictures by golf players. Do you play golf still?

Try to catch some good sound sleep tonight.

Take care Todd

Myrta

I have been meaning to talk to you about that...

OM house has been on the market for approximately four to five months. I don't know the statistics. I called OMXW today but could not reach her. I will ask her those questions. She is ready to move on.

Is better to keep your enemies close by, to know what they are up to! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Myrta,

Yes, I agree! There is a saying: keep your friends close; keep your enemies closer!

Of course, I cannot control what OM does. I certainly am not going to buy his house. Even if he moves to Australia, there is still the telephone and email. WW has to make a decision about the future and what she really wants. Even if we divorce, I hope she can find herself again. For her benefit and for the benefit of our sons. Somewhere buried under her affair disguise is one great lady!

Take care.

Hey Todd...did you see my previous post? I had some questions for you there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Yeah!! I have heard that saying...and its very true. YOu want to know what your enemies are up to.
When they are far, you don know what they "are cooking" in their sick minds. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I hope for your wife's future sake, she wakes up soon from the mess that she is in.

Myrta

Hi Myrta,

I answered your post earlier. I must have neglected to send it the final time.

Yes, MIL knew full well my love and affection for her. She told WW that she could feel my love for her just by the way I looked at her. I admired her greatly. She was a saint here in Earth! WW will never get over losing her Mother. She and her mom were the closet of any of her siblings. Losing her Mother cut a big hole in her heart.

My Mother and MIL were friendly but not close. FIL and MIL moved to Florida a number of years ago, so the physical distance created a gulf between them.

I can take nothing to help me sleep. One of my specialists said no to any sleep aids. I was never that interested in taking sleeping pills anyway, but after three weeks with very little sleep, I was suffering. Good news! I took a three hour nap yesterday and sleep for six uninterrupted hours last night. It made a huge difference in how I feel today.

Yesterday was a tough day because our separation is starting to affect our sons. The youngest is 23, but it still takes its toll. Our sons have always been so proud of our marriage and our family. The thought of WW and I getting a divorce crushes the mental image of everything about our family. It breaks my heart to see them go through those emotions and fears.

I am not working because of my illness. The headaches were debilitating enough, but I am still not at full memory and concentration capacity. Work would help occupy my time and keep my mind off “things”. Work is good therapy.

My brother lives two hours from Atlanta. He is the senior systems manager with a major insurance company. He is very bright and thoroughly enjoys his career.

So, Stanley plays golf? Good for him. I do play but have not played since I became ill. I simply lack the stamina to play the front nine, let alone the entire course. I will return to it as soon as possible. For several years, we owned a lake home at a full amentized resort. Large lake and we had a nice boat, five golf courses, tennis, swimming, hiking, etc. It was the best fun our family had ever had. WW had talked about moving out there permanently. I was all for it and told her so. I tried to always paint a bright future for us when I (notice, not “we”) was trying to R. It seemed to have pleasant effects on her, and two hours later she would sneak off to call OM. It was very confusing to me.

And, no Myrta, you are not asking too many questions. No problem.

David

Todd...thats so sweet that you refer to your MIL like that. I am glad that you had the opportunity to know her and admire her like that. I am sure she showed you too her love and admiration for you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
I am assuming then, that by your mil and mother dying so close in date to each other, you think that should had drawn you closer to your wife? You have that in common, that same grief for a loved one that is gone.

Why can't you take anything to sleep? Is it contraproducent to do so,because of your tumor? Lacking sleep is horrible for your health. It debilitates you more and make you more prone to headaches. Iget cluster migrane headaches, and if I dont sleep well, they get so much worst!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

So Todd, what do doctors say to you? Whats your long term prognosis? HOw do you spend your days at home?

I am sorry about your worries with your sons. It affects them so much, I know that. YOur youngest is 23, how old are the other two? Do they talk about the A to their mom? They have to try to be strong right now for your well being. YOu dont need added worries now. But I know is too tough for them not to worry for their parents. Things have changed so much for all of you. I am sorry.

Myrta

Myrta,

MIL was one of those special people who when anyone met her they just loved her instantly. And yes, MIL shared the same love and affection for me that I had for her. After MIL died, WW withdrew from me. You would have thought that WW and I would have grown closer because of the deaths of our Mothers, but WW had problems coping. She did not work at the time and work for me became a real chore because of the emotional toll of losing both my Mother and MIL and the emotional closeness of my WW at the same time.

I cannot take anything to help me sleep because one of the specialists on my care team does not want me to take any sleeping pills. I don’t know the reason because I did not talk to him directly about it. I am improving however. I just awoke from a three hour nap.

My days at home are spent mostly inside. I am limited in the exercises I can do. I walk a lot through the neighborhood and do some stretching exercises. I am not able to drive however and that limitation has really impacted me. I have given up a lot of independence and I miss it very much.

As for my prognosis, I will simply say that I choose to be positive about my future.

Our other two sons are 35 and 28. The oldest did talk to his Mom about her affair. She denied it completely. He told me it was obvious she was lying. When WW lies, she tends to either over or under emphasize her responses. In fact, WW has become a chronic liar. For example, a friend calls while we are at a restaurant. When WW calls her back, she doesn’t simply say Todd and I went to eat at X. She launches into a huge story about she took the dog out and was rearranging the patio furniture and it was so pretty out that she stayed out longer than she thought, etc. She started lying about such things after she began her affair. Does she lie because she can no longer distinguish the real from the fantasy world? What do you think?

More good sleep in the past 24 hours. Three hour nap yesterday, followed by six hours last night. I feel much better for it.

DS3 continues to be in great pain. He is the youngest, the closest to WW and I and the most sensitive. That combined with WW telling him she was going to commit suicide has taken a toll on him. I can hear the stress through the phone when I talk to him. He calls her 10-12 times a day to ensure she is okay.

Still NC with WW. It is clearly time to stay away from her now. The sting of exposure has brought some reality to her life according to DS3 and DS2. She stops short of admitting her affair to them, but no longer denies it when asked. That much is an improvement.

WW continues to communicate barbs through DS. Today, there was a different tone of sorts. She had DS3 ask me what furniture I wanted from home after she sold the house.

Hey Todd....Good to see you are catching some good ZZZZs! You need to rest as much as possible. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

You know, the death of your MIL probably affected your wife a lot. Maybe she has this intense hurt inside of her, that she could never fully express. When you lose a loved one, some people get depressed for a long time, or get into some kind of "shock" and they never act the same again. Maybe she had some issues with her mom that she could never resolve and she felt so guilty when she died. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

It sounds like you have a lot of physical limitations, must be hard for you. I can only imagine how your wife must have felt to see her husband make a 180 degree turn. Of course it is not your fault that you got sick, but some people cannot handle seeing their spouses sick. They just crumble withdraw from them. I am sure your prognosis is a good one. YOu have a good attitude and a fighting spirit and thats so good when a person is in health crisis. Attitude makes all the difference.

It must be so hard for your sons Todd. I feel so bad for them. I am sure seeing them like that is tearing your wife apart. Thats going to make her come back to reality. YOu know something,(a little secret) latin,puertorrican,spanish women are very clingy to their kids even if they are 60!! We want to keep our children close to us FOREVER!!! I am sure your wife is not enjoying seeing the family torn apart like it is. She will see the light soon.

Hey.....I am glad you dont think I am asking you too many
questions!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi Myrta,

You have great insight. Yes, MIL death nearly killed WW. And WW does feel guilty about two things. FIL called WW with the news that if WW wanted to see her Mother alive, she had better get to Florida quickly. I immediately got on the phone making her flight reservations. Meanwhile she talked to two of her sisters who convinced WW to drive to Florida and they would ride together. WW made the decision to drive. Her Mother died 90 minutes before they arrived. WW will never forgive herself for that. Afterwards, WW told everyone in the family that her Mother wanted to be buried in Puerto Rico. FIL ignored MIL and buried her in Florida. I have since told WW that we could pay to move her to PR for burial and even a new family ceremony. She says it is too late.

In the aftermath of her Mother’s death, WW completely withdrew from me. I understood. She was so close to her Mother it was incredible. She has not yet forgiven herself.

We were the family that went down to Florida to visit MIL and FIL the most. I don’t know how my WW will ever forgive herself. I hate to admit this, but I just broke down thinking about my MIL and her last few weeks of life. She was so miserable but never complained. She was an angel on Earth I tell you.

Because of my WW guilt, remorse and withdrawal, I have never been able to mourn the death of my own Mother. This just now occurred to me. I spent all my energy on WW and her guilt over the events of her Mother.

Myrta, I have no problem understanding how WW must have felt when I was ill. I was always her rock when she needed one. Don’t misunderstand me: WW is a very strong woman but when she had her low moments, I was always there for her. When I got ill, I became a completely different person. Whereas I had been strong, I was weak. Whereas I had been positive, I became negative and extremely depressed. My condition must have turned WW world upside down. I knew it at the time but could do nothing about it. I just hate that I got sick.

DS3 is taking this the hardest. He is the closest to both WW and me, he is the youngest and the most sensitive. WW told DS2 and DS3 she was going to commit suicide. Now, DS3 calls WW 10-12 times daily. I will never understand how she could put her sons through that kind of worry.

Oh my Todd...thats terrible! Your wife must feel so bad, for not getting there on time! I feel so bad for her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I am sorry you are feeling sad thinking about all this. But you know, sometimes its good to cry and let it all out. It cleanses you. So, dont feel bad because of that. YOu are a good sentimental man, and you feel fragile now with everything that you are going thru. I wish some kind of happiness for your situation soon, that things improve, that your wife comes back repented..something!

I know there are no excuses for an affair, but try not to judge your wife so much for what she is doing. She is probably going thru such turmoil in her head and in her soul. She was running away from her problems when she started the affair. Burying her pain of the loss of her mother,not getting there on time for her,etc.

One of my daughters its going thru a very hard time with her boyfriend right now. She is usually a very strong young woman, but this is almost crumbling her. See ,her boyfriend has been sick for over a month already...no one knows what he has. He has been having these weird symptoms...tingling..horrible pains, debilitating symtomps,panicky,etc,etc. This is my daughter's second boyfriend. She does not know how to deal with this in her life, she is ready to run the opposite way of her boyfriend. But she prays a lot and she thinks she has to stick with her boyfriend and see him thru his illness. Even though she is getting sick of worry herself, not eating,not sleeping. She is agraduate student and she can't hardly study being so worry about him. I am so worry about her, and his prognosis, how will she react if anything worst than is happening now . How is she going to deal with those problems? We try to help her, we listen to her 24/7, she is always calling here and there trying to get her boyfriend with different doctors. She wants him to get well, she wants the boyfriend that he was a month ago. She does not like how he is now, she sees him weak, fragile, it scares her Todd.
I guess I am telling you this, so you can see that your wife's reactions are very normal and typical for a woman, does not matter the age. Your wife is scared, she probably feels more fragile than you do with your illness.
Mental weakness is much worst than physical !! Thats how the predators that are called OMs can get us with their smooth talk. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Todd, dont take for granted what your wife is saying about suicide. Your sons should always be calling her, telling her that she is loved and needed. She feels weak and vulnerable right now. I am sorry I dont want you to get more worry than you already are. YOu already have enough to worry about. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Myrta

TODD, are any of your sons married already? If they are, do the wives know about the Affair? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Hi Myrta,

None of our sons are married. The youngest is engaged to a great young woman. Our middle son is in a serious relationship with a woman from Mexico and our oldest just broke up with his GF of two years.

To my knowledge, all three GF know about WW affair. I don't think WW knows that they know however, but I am not certain.

I am working on a response to your previous post. You have really made me think. Thank you.

You know Myrta,

You have really helped me to see some things tonight. Thank you.

I had never realized that MIL death could have been part of the conditions that made WW A possible. It’s quite a revelation. I have always understood that my illness and weakness could dramatically affect her, but you helped bring it in focus.

I hope that WW and I can R. I have been with her since the age of 20 and she with me since 18. We have much great history together. It would be a shame to throw it all away.

OM is a serial predator hence he was skilled in picking up on WW vulnerabilities. The worse is that WW had heard many times from OMW what a predator OM was.

I am sorry for what your daughter is going through. You know, we hurt more as parents for our children than we do for ourselves. I would take a bullet for any of my sons. Or for WW for that matter. I sincerely hope that DD BF recovers and that DD can find peace in her life again.

Myrta, I understand about WW suicide threat. DS3 calls her night and day. He is really scared for his Mom. I don’t think she will actually do anything because of our sons. I have tried to persuade her to get into counseling but she refuses. Since she started the LTA, she has been drinking more as well. She refuses to acknowledge that she has a problem.

If I had helped in anyway,I am happy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> But yes, I do believe your wife has a lot of unresolved pain inside of her because of her Mom. The death of a mother is something tragic!! Hard to get over it.

YOu have been a very long time together with your wife. It would be a big loss if you cannot have a relationship again. My husband and I have been married 31 years. I was thirteen years old when I started with him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />. The thought of losing all that was horrible to me right after DD.
YOur wife must be thinking the same thing, too long to throw away. She is drinking a lot you say....thats how some people want to cover up or forget their problems.

About suicide threats, I always hear that even if you think the person is just bluffing, you should take notice of it. You never know when something crazy will snap on that person. Your sons must be worry sick with her,its good that they are always calling her. They are good sons.
Is she staying by herself in the house ? I hope she comes to her senses soon.

About my daughter, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I also hope her boyfriend gets bettter soon. My daughter has a lot of faith that he will. Just today they are going to a church that its known for the miracles that have happened. Some priests are going to pray with them putting their hands over him. If you have that faith too, YOU will get better too.

Did you sleep well last night? I hope you did. If you did not, take a longggggg nap today <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Myrta

Hi Myrta,

Yes, you have helped me to see some things to which I was blind. Thank you!

I recall that you stopped your A on DD. My DD was 1/15/2006 and WW continues her affair, or at least contact, with the OM. WW says she and OM are “friends”. I told her it is unacceptable for her to be friends with a man with whom she has had an affair. She doesn’t regard anything she did as wrong.

WW drinking dramatically increased after she started A. At the time, of course, I knew nothing of the A. She would go to bed every night either drunk or at least high from wine and cry herself asleep. I asked her to open up to me; she refused. I always assumed that she cried for her Mom. I now know she cried for the OM.

I just recalled that our youngest son went away to college in the Fall of 2001. She was broken-hearted. DS3 is the closest to both of us. WW started her affair, to the best of my knowledge, several months later.

I understand about the suicide danger. As much as she loves our sons, I cannot believe she put them through that. It was so selfish. Do you think maybe it was her way of ensuring that DS still love her and to take their minds off the A? That is one thought I had. Isn’t this proof that she still lives in a fantasy world?

I don’t know if she is staying in the house by herself or not. For all I know, the OM may be there with her. Or, she may be staying with OM at his house. I have had NC with WW since March 8.

WW gets constant advice from her two best friends. They are so negative and try to persuade WW to D me. They want WW miserable like they are. I asked a positive friend to reach out to WW and help give her supportive thoughts and advice. I will ask friend today to let me know when she sees some changes in WW for the better and then I will approach WW about moving back home and getting back in gear with Plan A. Does that sound reasonable?

You know, faith is so important in dealing with medical issues. I sincerely hope that DD BF heals from his tragedy.

I slept five hours last night. Not as good as previous two nights but today I will take a nap for possibly two hours. I feel much better since getting good sleep.

Want to hear something funny? I awoke this morning and immediately thought of platanos! I think I have been eating too many frozen dinners, lol.

Hey Todd <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />....thank you.

Our DD was on June 1.2004. so very soon is going to be two years!! Long time already....Your was more or less six months after ours. But yes, I did stopped the affair then. But.....I did mantained some kind of phone contact for a while....I felt sorry for OM, I wanted to let him go slowly.....On the long run,,,it was a very bad decision of course,,it backfired with OM...He got kinda of obssesed with me, trying to see me, sending me packages thru the mail,etc. But thats all behind us,thank God.

So, lets review your wife's issues at the time of her start of the affair..Mother's death, empty nest syndrome, and you falling ill.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Lots of things for one woman to chew on. Overwhelming if you ask me. Empty next syndrome for latinas is something horrible,Todd!!! I have five children and three still live at home, and two of them are adults already. But I dont want to think of the idea of having no kids here, but thats going to happen sooner than later. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Todd...by you leaving your home, you are making things so much easier for your wife with OM. Now she has place to see him at her convenience. If she wants to go with him, let her go and live with him, you dont move out!!So plan ASAP to come back to your home...

Wow, with your wife's "best" friends advise, she does not need enemies!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />. They are really not good friends at all if they are advising her to leave you Todd. I have a couple of good friends that are having affairs, and they are so happy for me, because I have a good marriage. They tell me that I am blessed to have Stanley. (They dont know about my affair <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />)

Anyways, I continue this later, because I am off to the movies with one my daughters to see "Failure to Launch"!!

I continue this later. Take care.

Myrta