(((((Loni))))),



Sorry, but I have to disagree on you about that. The pain of this latest stunt is still very fresh and you haven't had time to work through it yet. There's a reason he can't deal with your tears. He knows that he's the reason for them and there's a lot of guilt to deal with about that. That's why he puts up the anger defense.



OMG! Pure manipulation of DD at this point! Notice how he's "pushing your buttons", twisting it, and then spewing this back to DD?

Good job talking to DD about this. You're going to have to warn your kids what FWS is doing. Let them think about what's going on. Make sure you're available to answer their questions.



Yup! I completly agree. I feel sorry for DD. I remember how I felt when I became my fathers "affair confidant"


I think that it would be a good idea to "go to ground" for a couple of days. See how things fall out. It will give FWS some quiet time to think things through. It will give you some peace to think about what we need to do.

I'll get a longer post to you soon.

I'm praying for peace and strengh for you. I'm praying for a lifting of the fog / removal of his fear for your FWS.

My epiphany happened after a big arguement. I hope God will move you husband in the same way.

Stay Strong!

Thanks guys.

I am going to stay away from him. I needed to speak to him today because he tried to get the boys to go with him to their favorite store tonight, "if it's OK with your mom". I didn't cry, I didn't raise my voice or even accuse him of anything. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I just stated the facts, that it puts me in the position of being the bad guy if I say "no". He agreed with me and told me he wouldn't do it again. We'll see. I also told him that if he wants to have all of the kids tomorrow until 9pm then he can. Also he can have the kids from the time he get's off work this Saturday until 6pm Sunday. He asked me "why? Do you got something going on?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I didn't answer right away, I then said that I would find something to keep me occupied.

He is going to pick our DD up today and take her to Driver's ed and then bring her home. I told him that I will be doing that on Friday. The OW has her kids starting Friday so she will be there. One less accidental crossing of their paths.

I then told him about the counseling session with Jennifer on Sunday night. I told him that there are no strings attached, but would he participate in the session. After a bit of harping about the cost, he agreed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> That was a surprise. I also asked him to promise me to stay away from the OW. He was calm and easy with his response of that he absolutely hasn't and won't be in contact with her. Please, God, let him be telling me the truth.

I ended the call with wishing him well and encouraging him to take care of himself. He kind of chuckled and said that he hasn't been but he will try. I told him that I am doing the same.

I think I did well. What do you think? By the way, I went to work today and only cried 3 times since I woke this morning.

I also told my dad that I am not going to a lawyer yet and I will not until I am ready. He was angry with me but I told him that as long as I still want this marriage then I will fight for it. If my H goes the lawyer route then I will do what I have to do to protect myself and my kids.

Hanging in there still
Loni

((((((((((Loni))))))))))

I'm so sorry to hear this. I really thought things were looking up for you, too. I think you were doing a great plan A, and that you can continue it for a while (probably necessary at this point?) until/if plan B becomes necessary. Hopefully it never will. Maybe just the few days of thinking will do it. I hope so.

Obviously your WH is still trying to find a way to blame you for the troubles in your marriage. If there isn't a legitimate complaint he'll just pull something out of the air. And I think the "you'll never forgive me" one is pretty common. My WH uses that too. (I still say WH even though the A is over because mine is still wayward in spirit) The problem is, if the effects of the A continue (lack of caring, lack of trying in the M, etc.) there's something new every day for us to have to once again work on forgiving. It kind of piles up until it's pretty hard to see over it to where our H may be standing. If your WH could just begin all over again now, forgiving and forgetting what mistakes you may have made and allowing you the opportunity to do the same (w/o adding more hurt each day), I know you could make it. And those "feelings" for you WILL come back -- with time and effort. And they will be better than ever. No, I'm not speaking from personal experiene (yet), but I truly believe it to be true. Just trying to convince MY WH of it as well. Would he be willing to correspond with a FWH here on the board? Maybe if someone could help him find some perspective on how things really can change....
Oh, Loni, I'm so sorry. But I will definitely keep you in my prayers -- I know the Lord is on your side. Be strong. Remember how important it is to be there for your kids. You can get through this no matter what.

Take care,
Dulce

Also, it's really good that he's willing to talk to Jennifer on Sunday. Hopefully that will be a step in the right direction, too.

And the lawyer thing -- probably best at this point not to go there -- I'm with ya on that!

Dulce

Loni, I prayed for you on my prayer thread, last night. I really wish the best for you in your situation. Hang in there! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thank you Dulce. Your words of support mean so much to me. I believe that my M is not over yet and I believe that it can be better than ever with a lot of work, prayer and forgiveness. I hope that my H will begin to see that and return to the marriage. I also hope that after a few days of thinking and talking with Jennifer on Sunday will impact him more than ever.

Jennifer, your prayers must be helping because I slept almost all night and I didn't even cry myself to sleep. I am not happy by any stretch, but I feel hope again. thankyou so much.

Loni

I was just thinking about the counseling session on Sunday, Anyone out there have any idea what she is likely to say in regard to my sitch?

I was really hoping that I wouldn't be in this limbo again. I guess that is the price you pay sometimes for keeping your hear open.

gotta go
loni