I don't have any plans either. I was trying to live off you guys. I need to do laundry, but I probably won't fix anything to eat, since it's just me. I will have to feed Sam though, he gets cranky when he finds an empty food dish.

I hate the list making part of it. There is no easy way to do that. If your H is still undecided, it will be a definate shock when you start dividing up the belongings. I don't care what he says, it will be sad when he comes home and you are not there. Soon, I really don't think that he will go through with it. The things that he says to you make me think that he doesn't want a D. I may be wrong, but that is how I feel. I don't know what he wants and obviously he doesn't either, but I think that he will try to hang on and drag this out as much as possible.

I do think you are wrong. He IS undecided if this is what he should do. But he will go through with it. If he doesn't change or is not willing to actually do some work with me...then I will go through with it. I can't live with our marriage the shape that it's in.

We had mediation (attempted it) last February (2005). His lawyer said the first thing he said when he walked in his office that day was "I don't want to go through with this"...in a matter of minutes he then couldn't make up his mind. Then he told me after a few minutes alone "let's just do the mediation...and I wont go through the parenting class". I just told him "fine". We ended up not doing the mediation, both lawyers asked him what it would take for us to make it work...H laid out the rules...they told us that it was obvious we both still loved each other and told us that D was a mistake. H agreed.

This time however I don't believe he will change his mind. He has people coming at him from every angle. He wont change his mind. I'm the only one trying to convince him that with work, we could make it.

It wouldn't be the first time I was wrong, Soon. I hate it that you may be forced to take action yourself, as that is what I had to do. I don't feel regret for doing it though, because I know that I didn't kill our marriage, only cleaned up the mess.

Who are these people and why are they encouraging him to get a D? I still think that he doesn't want that.

He doesn't know what he wants. These people are his family. His parents, two brothers and I know one sister n law that encourages it. I don't know about the other one. They encourage him to move on and find someone new, and he has told me on several occasions that they tell him that staying with me would be a mistake. I realize that they are hurt becuase I hurt him. But they push away the fact that he did the same thing to me.

The others are his co-workers. Mainly young single people. None of these people, NONE of them, no the whole story. Well, I guess the former OW knows as my H discussed everything with her.

My H likes to tell half truths...leaves a lot of major details out. His family thinks he has done nothing wrong. Even when he was with OW, they think it was not wrong. They encouraged him to be with her. He brought her around in front of his family.

Ooooh that makes me so mad. How other people think that they know what is best for us. Some people are just plain dumb. There is no other way to put it.

I have been reading on posts here and there today and I found a person who is so bitter. Evidently his W has cheated on him. He's telling people things like "leave her" "you BS are so stupid for putting up with your WS" "why do you BS put yourself through this" "you say you loved your H and then you cheated on him, you never loved him" "liar". So mean. I don't even know why he's on here. This is a support group. Not a torture chamber.

Sorry, went off on a tangent there. It helps sometimes to just talk about things not related to our misery.

I understand the tangent. People who feel and act like that are selfish, and will never be happy. Selfishness is probably the reason that you and I and everybody on this board came to be here. I'm amazed that so many people cannot feel the joy of loving someone without being selfish.

Soon, I don't know what to say. You want your marriage, and H does not. I'm sorry. I'm there too. I guess we will learn from this and move on. I don't enjoy learning like this, but some of life's greatest lessons are not pleasant. I'm going to keep trying to hope for life to begin again. We both are just surviving now, not living, but we have to keep hoping that we can try again. Not any comfort in that, but that may be all we have.

I hope you have a good evening and tomorrow we can post something to smile about. Maybe a joke or something to get us off to a good start.

Your Friend
Tired41

Well, I still want the M....H says he still wants the M. I guess he's just wanting this D for the ****** of it I guess. I don't know.

I hope we all have a good evening. And maybe we can talk about something tomorrow that doesn't hurt us to talk about. I don't know what, that is what this is all about I guess. Being able to talk to somebody and spill our guts and you don't know how thankful I am for that. I am getting to the point that I worry I am relying on MB too much. But I don't have anyone else. It would help for me to journal all of my feelings but H would find it and read it.

Have a great evening everyone, get a good nights sleep. Our hurt will surely fade with time. Tomorrow is a new day.

Soon, I know how you feel. My stbx says he doesn't know what he wants and thinks since he has already $12,000 in attorney's fees in the hole that he has to divorce me. He'd rather divorce, have me move out and sign over the house to him, I get no settlement and maybe several months down the road we can start at sq. one again. Maybe is all he'll guarantee me. But I don't know if I could get back with him after he divorces me-that would mean that I'd have to keep hoping and waiting for the day when he calls me and says he's ready to date me again and that day may never come. At this point I get angry at my self for feeling like the bad guy when he cheated and verbally abused me during his infidelity and thinks that was ok b/c I had already destroyed the marriage when I moved out. I thinking about moving to another city after the divorce, if i don't I know I will be one of those women driving past our house to see if he has a woman there and I feel like it would be impossible to move on when I will be living 3 miles from our house and will ineviatbly run into him. It's frustrating b/c I know he loves me, but he thinks the only option is divorce, and he isn't willing to give our marriage a real chance, he still blames me for all his comm. service and anger mangeament classes and so forth tha he has to do b/c he assaulted me. As I write this I even wonder, why do I want this man back? He hit me, cheated on me, made me feel like I was nothing yet here I am praying to God to bring him back to me? And today Im about to sign the house over to him to prove my love...I feel like the world's biggest idiot.

Beaux, come on over to today's thread. Go to the top of this page and click "INDEX". Then when you get to the index page, click on "Wednesday will be better?" thread started by Thankful.