Good morning all,

Hopingfor, thanks for your hugs...I appreciate that. I don't know what I would have done if not for MB. I know that this will make me stronger, and hopefully a better and happier person when it's over, but it stinks right now...

I agree w/ F&L and what she said about the WS making comments and being critical of the W during the A. My H also did this. He had always told me that I was beautiful and didn't realize how much. He never once complained about my pregnancy weight--said I was sexy or cute. I have always been thin. When I met him, I was only about 115 lbs. Now I am 135 and he says I shouldn't lose anymore because I will be too skinny...he likes me better with a little weight. He gets concerned when I lose weight like I did after DDay....We have talked before about how we stopped wearing makeup at home, getting dressed up at home and kind of taking for granted that our Hs considered us beautiful no matter what. During the A, my H would comment that I would dress nicer to go to work than to go out w/ him and the kids. I work in a business casual office so don't have to wear a suit, and even can wear jeans on Fridays. He would comment that I didn't polish my nails, but if I did, he would say that he didn't like the color, so he bought me some nailpolish once at Victorias Secret, in colors that he liked. I put it on and he liked it. Then the next week he complained that my nails were all chipped, so I explained how tough it was for me then to do my nails and keep them nice w/ all the typing and housework I do. He kept on me about that on and off during the whole A.

I think that they find a sensitive area for you and then pick at it to make themselves feel better. Like I said, I have always been thin, but am selfconscious about my body due to my stretch marks/tummy/etc. In our first MC session, he told the IC that he found my body attractive but I would hide it from him. He would rarely see me naked except if we had sex. This is true because when I would come out of the shower, I would usually bring my clothes in the bathroom w/ me...Anyway, I never knew this bothered him. Never thought once about it. Once I knew this, I stopped trying to cover myself up thinking that I was unattractive. I thought, if my H thinks I'm sexy, than I am. It was a big change in attitude for me, and just goes to show that their comments during the A can't be taken to heart. I think that they realize these things hurt us (the words) and now they don't bring it up (business suits, boob job, etc). I even said to my H a few mos ago that I knew in my head that he didn't have an A because I didn't have my nails done all the time, and he shook his head and said no, not at all. It was just an excuse. Now, I try to do them when I can. He has told me there is no comparison between us...that I would be shocked if I saw her because I am making her out to be so beautiful in my head. Now he sees her for what she was...an ugly person on the inside can make a pretty person ugly on the outside.

F&L is right again about dressing up making you feel better about yourself. I am not a SAHM, but I know that when I was on maternity leave and vacation a couple wks ago, I felt much better when I dressed nice. And I have been updating my wardrobe by buying clothes at Walmart--very inexpensive (like $5) for shirts and pants--pretty trendy too. I have gotten alot of compliments from coworkers on outfits from the clearance rack that cost less than $10 total! It can be done!

F&L, I also love L&O SVU, and Mariska (I love her name too)...That sitch with your H and the other OW/OMW/OW mom, wow, it is hard to keep track of...Good thing your H is out of there. I do think that there is a prejudice still out there for interacial couples. For the most part, my H and I have been treated fairly, and now that we have kids, most people comment on how beautiful they are. They are a perfect mix of us--kind of like Halle Berry color --you can tell they are biracial. I get mistaken for being Hispanic alot, which seems to be more accepted by people than being just white, not sure why this is. I think that the police took the OW more seriously because of the race issue. In CT we have had some issues with the police like that, and the city this happened has had a lot of problems in the police dept. And like you said, they do have to take the report seriously when it comes in. The employee relations dept dropped the whole thing at work when they found out about the A.

My H says that he never met the OW's mother and I don't know if she knew of the relationship or not. It is a strange situation. They are from MA but live here in CT now. I did do a zabasearch and found OW with two addresses in MA. And funny thing too is he said she was 25 when he met her, but the zabasearch says Feb 1981 is her bday, and that would make her 25 NOW, so she lied about her age too. I am not going to go to her job. She works midnight - 8 am so even if I went to the casino, it would not be at that time.

As for what she wants, I really have no idea. This is a criminal case now. The prosecutor is pursuing the charges. I have been told that she does not have to do anything in order to pursue. If she doesn't cooperate, it would be harder for the state to prove its case, like CSJ said, and they may drop it. According to my H's friend at work, she is going on like normal now. She won't get money from him as he has none. I think she may have wanted attention, and maybe she only wanted to get him in trouble, but it now has gone too far, maybe farther than she wanted. So many times I have thought, why didn't she just call me and expose the A, if she really wanted him? The lawyers I spoke with said that she must have really been in love with him--what a way to show love. He says that she was so abused by her previous boyfriends, that she totally fell in love with him when he showed her attention.

F&L, do you remember a few mos ago I said I got an astrological reading? The astrologer said that the OW just wanted attention. She wanted to feel like she got something out of the deal, that she wasn't just abandoned for his family. She said that the case will work out, the lawyer will make it go away. I don't know how true that is, but it sounds good to me. I think that she wanted my H to be all hers, without his kids. One thing about my H, is that he would never leave his kids. I told him that I would never keep him from his children, no matter what happens between us. He and I may not work out but he will always be their father, no matter what. She didn't even see that side of him to know how he really is.

Well, I hope you are all enjoying the weather. CSJ, how is the weather in UT these days? It is spring here.

gotta get to work now, talk to you guys later!

Mama
I think she just wants revenge. She knows she wont ever have him now and she wants to make him hurt likeshe perceives he hurt her. I am sure that as time wears on she will lose interest in torturing him. All she needs to do is find another victim..oh excuse me..man and she will be off to make his life a living h*&^. I hope that happens soon for your sake so you can get on with the healing you have to do. Enjoy the day!
HF

HF,

I think you're right. The guy that she had a date with 3 days later, told my H that he thought she was looking for a father for her kid, so he only went out w/ her that one time (he was also a coworker, and had no idea that my H and her had been seeing each other)...that is what she's like I guess. I think I have such a tough time understanding her because I don't understand how she can have this baby and not take care of him....She must be a real piece of work, as everyone says she is...

I am enjoying the day. Came into work and a coworker (the one that I wrote on here had badmouthed me a few mos ago) had brought me in a big Dunkin donuts hazelnut coffee and a bagel. Just what I needed! Yumm! We don't really give bday gifts here at work. What we do is have lunch on friday as a group in the office and everyone chips in $1-2 for the bday person, and they chose the place to order lunch from . I chose an Italian place for this Friday...

going out in a bit to go the grocery store w/ my friend/coworker to get out of the office and get lunch. The store has Smart Ones frozen dinners for $1 each. I'm not on Weight Watchers but you can't beat the price and they are good. I bring them to work...

Have a good day ladies~

Mama
I think you should thank your luckystars you dont understand the OW. Whe doesnt seem like someone you would want to be a kindred spirit with ya know?

After all this I am still glad I am me and not someone so desperate and coniving as the OW inmy case. I know you are too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
HF

Yes, HF, if I could understand her, that would be scary....I think that I could almost feel sorry for her in a pathetic way, if I saw this in a movie and not in my own life...

You're right though. Despite everything, I'm glad that I am me, and I'm glad that she didn't win him over...At least I have my integrity...even if I am a bit insecure...:)

Take care!

Hello all! Good to see everyone her chatting this morning!

MF--is it your B-Day today???? I hope it's a great one! Today is actually DD2's Bday, we just had her party on Sunday since it was easier to get everyone together. I sent her to day care this morning with a bag full of pixie sticks to share with the other kids, but personally I would much prefer lunch like your office does. Maybe next year, when she turns 3. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As for doing detective work on your own, I used to direct my clients what to get for me based on things they would tell me. For example, the last rape case I did was a date rape thing similar to your H's. He was maybe mid 40's, and she was about 20. She was claiming that he was a father figure to her, and that she would never, ever have sex with him voluntarily (at the preliminary hearing, she even said he was too ugly for her). But my client told me that she was constantly making very aggresive advances to him, and that they got drunk one night and did it. She regretted it and called it rape (which is why we called it a "buyer's remorse" rape case). I asked him for examples of her outragous flirting, and he told me about parties they would go to, and how she would do strip teases and similar things. I asked if anyone had pictures of the parties? Maybe, he said. And so I had him call around to his friends to find some. And he got some great ones! Meanwhile, at the preliminary hearing, I got her making all kinds of statements (under oath) of things she would have NEVER done with my client. She dug herself a great hole. And then, before trial, I put together I little photo album with all of the pictures my client got, showing her doing all the things she said she would never have done, and showed the prosecutor. She took one look at them and dismissed the whole case. The prosecutor told me that the "victim" saw the pictures and questioned, "so is the attorney trying so say I'm a slut?" And the prosecutor said, "yeah, and a liar." I still smile when I picture that conversation.

So maybe that scenerio could give your H ideas of information that might be out there. Once he has an idea of something that might be useful, run it past your attorney and see what he thinks. If he wants to run an investigator out himself, great! If he wants you to talk to someone, then that can be his call. I don't want to tell you to do something different than what he did.

The PD office likely will get a history on her--that's probably common practice for them. In fact, the prosecutor usually has to provide a criminal history for all potential witnesses. And there are lots of records that are discoverable that can be useful: hospital, employee, etc.

As far as getting her to drop charges, that's not worth the time. In the first place, most prosecutors usually wouldn't dismiss a case just because the victim wants out. Some states even have laws that don't permit it. Plus, once someone has gone on the record with an accusation like hers, they kind-of paint themselves into a corner. If they back out, they could be charged with purjury. That's why many of them become uncooperative. They can't really back out, so they try to just fade away. This works just as well as dropping the charges, anyway. She is the key witness, and they can't really proceed without her. But I think the situation was frustrating to women like OW. They want to manipulate and get revenge, and think that this is the perfect way to take control of their out-of-control situation. So they make the accusation as a way to gain control, and then find out they don't have control at all.

Anyway, your whole situation has been on my mind so much since you first posted your story. We all have such awful DDay stories, but yours wins the prize. I am so sorry you and your H have suffered so much through all of this. Having an A carries many consequences, but his one is too much. I hope that your family is holding up alright. Just know that we are all pulling for you!

F&L: Yes, I live in Utah (originally from Idaho--the "potato state"--that makes me laugh every time I think of it). We've finally got some nice springtime weather, which my girls love. My oldest probably needs to move to Florida, though. She wants to wear shorts and flip-flops all year. I hope your dad is doing well, also.

Thanks for all the support, everyone. This place has helped me so much. I read a post the other day that turned on such a light for me--talking about how A's happen in good marriages, too. The bottom line was that it all it takes to commit adultery is to fail to protect your weaknesses. You could be perfectly happy in your M, but you put yourself on the slippery slope when you make a friend (at work, whatever), accept attention and flattery from that person, and begin to share more and more with them. This other person makes deposits into the LB, and bingo--the EA/PA is rolling. Even though I was trying to just focus on positive things I could do to make things better, I kept going back to that nagging question: "why did he do this? could I have done something differently to change it?" And now I finally get it! (Duh!) There is NOTHING I could have, or should have done. THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!!!!!! I cannot say what a weight off of my mind it was.

Anway, enjoy your afternoon, ladies! I will check back later. You are all in my thoughts.

-C.

Hi Ladies,

MamaFish: I told you find stuff out about the OW - don't rely on your attorney to do everything. Plus, don't you get charged for each and every thing they do? But, before you give anything to court - run it by your attorney. CSJ is right, once the charges have been made - it can't be stopped.

I told you - lots of women want what you have - a husband, someone to support their child/children, someone to come home to at night, the security. The OW in our life ran around the office saying no one loved her - she wanted a good man that can take care of her - give her a ring. I'd like to shove that ring right up her you know what!!!! Luckily, my situation didn't get as far as yours, but she tried - and it's not over yet. The Ow needs for someone to beat her butt to a pulp - I hate to say this - but I'm hoping.

I'm going to tell you girls again, stop putting yourselves down about small chests, stretch marks, clothes, whatever - they don't mean a thing. I've had 5 kids and no stretch marks - but did my husband choose a woman without them - no - she had them. None of us could have done anything different than we did - we trusted our spouses. I know I couldn't have done anything different. I doted on him, orked continuously after the children were born, kept myself in shape, I am a good cook, I supported him, we had good SF, I adored him, said he was the best to everyone, what else could I do?

I thought I had a good marriage - yes my husband was stubborn - but no marriage is perfect - but never did I think this was ever going to happen - I don’t' think even my husband was going to. When they are going to cheat - it doesn't matter - you could be the best wife. Look at Halle Barry - isn't she every man's dream - I know my husband thinks she's a babe - but her husband cheated on her - repeatedly. So, don't knock yourselves down - it's them - not you. Just be the best mom, wife and supportive to your man - that's all you can do.

CSJ: Did you say potatoes - love them - everyone loves my mashed potatoes! I hate to say it – but I’ve always been lucky enough that I could eat what I want – like my dad – we love potatoes, bread and pasta – we would die without it. I want to move to FLA. Or at least where it’s warm - I love the summer - I hate snow - I've done enough shoveling/plowing for a lifetime. Give me the flowers - the pool - the warm weather - walking in the cool grass with no shoes - I love it - don't mind mowing the lawn. The girls and I love to walk outside barefooted - my husband says we are like peasants - he hates it. But, that’s the way I grew up and my girls also.

Oh, by the way, I like to have a glass of wine every so often – don’t want to give me too much because I get silly and start dancing around by myself. Sometimes, when I’m upset a glass of wine calms me down. You know, a glass of red wine is good for you – my doctor told me so – gives you red blood cells.

Again, MF, have a happy birthday – lots of love, maybe SF from your hubby, or even some nice hugs. Today’s Wed. Law & Order on TV – sit down and cuddle with your hubby and watch it -all of you. Another thing, MF, Mariska is a form of Mary. Like John – Johnny or Jim – Jimmy. Mariska Hargitay is a Hunky – her dad used to be a body-builder in the 60’s. I think – won several Mr. Olympics. Poor man, he too has some kind of affliction – I think Alzheimer’s.

Have a good night ladies.

Hi F&L and the rest of you gals,

I love lilacs, they are my favorite. They are not out yet here though. Mariska Hargitay is also the daughter of a famous actress (and now her name escapes me...F&L I know you know who she is)...Got it...Jayne Mansfield...I liked her since she was on ER (Mariska) when it first started.

I also love to walk around barefoot in the summer, kids too, H also hates this!!! I have a Russian/Irish/German background so I guess I'm a peasant too...

I like red wine...it does calm you down...makes me sleepy if I have too much...but it does take the edge off!

As for nails, I have never had a professional manicure. Good for you for treating yourself. My H likes dark red/plum colors so that's what I wear. When I wear something different for myself, he usually hates it (like in the summer, I like the lighter colors--they show the chips less too LOL)..

That is a rough story about your ex-H and the whole child support thing. I will talk to H tonight about doing some detective work. We have been afraid to do anything because of the warnings we got from people not to. Will let you know how court goes tomorrow am.

Have a good night All!

MF,

Yes, her mom was Jayne Mansfield - the one with the big, big boobs back in the 50's or 60's. The counterpart of Marilyn Monroe - she looks just like her mom!

Tomorrow is court? Good luck - get back to us as to what happened. Whatever - tomorrow is another day. But, don't forget about what I told you - take care of you and your family first - no matter what.

Talk to you later.

Hello! I thought I'd check in one more time before I head out this evening.

Glad to hear you got the manicure, F&L. I swear by them--it is my therapy. I got a pedicure once, and I loved it so much it was a little scary, so I didn't keep doing it--it seemed too much like cocaine or something. But every so often, I get the feeling I need one again . . .

And you're from New Jersey? I was actually there once, a long, long time ago. I was with a school group in high school and we went to NYC to see some Broadway shows, and while there we took the ferry across to Jersey. (Idaho kids in the big city . . . we had never seen anything like it!) So I didn't see too much of the "Garden State", but I checked it off as another state that I had been in anyway. It was a fun trip, though. We climbed the Statue of Liberty, and spent some time on the observation deck at the World Trade Towers. Makes me sad now . . . .

MF- Have your H write out EVERYTHING. The history of his relationship with OW, everything he knows about her, EVERYTHING. That was always my preference, to have it in writing. To have them tell the story out loud, you miss certain parts--and they might forget to include something. But in writing, they could take their time to get it all down, and I could take my time and read through it, and re-read it later if I needed to. His Attorney can pick out what he thinks will be most helpful. You said he had a hearing coming up that was just checking in after his doctor's visit, right? What's next after that? Has he had his preliminary hearing yet (or do you do Grand Juries in CT)?

As for your H suing her for slander--I wouldn't recommend it. In order to win, he would have to, in effect, prove that he DIDN'T do it. And it's still his word against hers--so he would have a tough time. Although in the civil setting the burden is lower (preponderance of the evidence instead of beyond a reasonable doubt), but it would still be hard. But the worst part of it is that, as you pointed out, it drags your family through the whole thing all over again. Really, if the DA dismisses, or if your H is acquitted at trial, he is vindicated. Either way, it is telling the "victim" that her story isn't believable. Anyway, I'm a believer in karma. What goes around, comes around. It will come around to her one day.

But I'll check out so I can finish up a few things before I head out. My Wednesday night fix is "The Amazing Race." There is this big part of me that wants to see the world, but my H is not much for traveling. So the exotic spots on Amazing Race will have to do--for now anyway.

I'll talk to you ladies tomorrow!

God bless,
-C.

MF and CSJ,

I bring my girls a couple of times every summer into the city - we bum around 5th ave. to see the shops, St. Patrick's, check out the street vendors, etc. We go down town to China Town and Little Italy, to get the rip off designer pocketbooks and then we have lunch. They know the directions on the streets from walking around. We hop on the Subways - they're like typical New Yorkers.

MamaFish, I agree with CSJ, you and your husband both should write everything down, so as not to forget something. When you are in court - you get nervous and forget things - which may be important. Once I suspected my husband of his affair - I always kept a log in a date book -now I keep this all the time.

I again, agree with CSJ, on the slander issue. Don't do it - do you want to go thru this again - for what?


Why drag him and the family thru the mud? How would the kids feel going to school - everyone knowing what their dad did?

What would you gain from suing her - perhaps a monetary amount? The best thing for you and your family is, if the case is dropped, dismissed or your husband is acquitted - just move on with your lives - forget it happened - be thankful the judge rules in your favor.


Hope all is well.

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Post deleted by MAMAFISH

((((Mama))))
Thats terrible! How are you holding up? I wish we all had time machines but honestly I would give mine to you if I had one to turn back the clock for you so he never even met this psycho! I undesrstand your anger with him. His being involved with her could be so devastating to your entire family but what can he do now? If youlove him you are right you have to staand by him. He must feel so guilty for dragging you into all this.

Would his parents give him the money? He is lucky to have you onhis side comforting him and being there for him. Thats the best thing you can do. I will check in soon if you want to talk and I will keep you and your H in my prayers.
HF

MF,

Oh, I watched Law & Order last night – it wasn’t that good. I also like “Cold Case”. My youngest daughter wants to go into forensics. She also likes all the CSI’s.

I'm so sorry that your day is going bad....your poor husband....he may have made a mistake.....but what a price to pay. These OW are relentless.

If the prosecutor wants a name for himself - wants to go full force - he'll do so. As our prosecutor did - we begged and pleaded not to go to court. So far as not bringing up the past in these charges - they do - they manage somehow. Our case was also narrowed down to give the defendant 2 yrs. prison time - which in the end was waived.

When you're involved with someone - again, I repeat it's very hard to prove rape. If it does got to trial, for your sake, I hope not, your lawyer better darn well, bring up something about her past, even if indirectly. Even the assault charge can't be proved, because she made it - doesn't mean it will stick. Case in point:

Watch out for these lawyers - sometimes they are just out for money. You can get a free consultation from any lawyer and they will tell you their thoughts and recommendations. $5/K sounds like a lot of money up front!!!! I know all lawyers want a retainer - but chose them wisely. Some of these lawyers are like the ones riding behind an ambulance - just waiting to get a case to make money. Some lawyers do not charge if they don't win the case!!!!

My husband thinks everything is "Hunky dory" but I've know about too many things in the past and now about revenge!

But anyway, just stand behind your husband, get all the info you can and make sure he is totally honest with you. You can’t help him if he isn’t.

One other thing…from what you said about this OW….I can see her in the future accusing some other guy of being a father to her child…..she seems like the type that gets pregnant and tries to accuse someone of being the father. Women like this, that’s all they do, get involved with someone that’s not available and then try and get even. I also watch Maury Provich during the day if I’m flipping channels.

Don't be angry at him - men just aren't as smart as us. Hee, Hee! Just stand by his side. Talk to you tomorrow.

Post deleted by MAMAFISH

MF-

Don't worry too much about her cooperation with the DA right now. We already know that OW is vengeful and unstable. This just proves that point further. She may have just decided that she is mad again, or she might have felt some pressure from the DA to cooperate (that painted into the corner thing I mentioned before). It may take her being confronted with some serious inconsistencies in her story for her to back down. Just keep playing the waiting game.

And as for the judge appearing to side with the DA--that is pretty normal at this stage. I think most judges approach a criminal case with the idea that there wouldn't be a case unless there is something to it ("where there's smoke there's fire . . ."), but keep in mind that the judge has heard NONE of the evidence. They do not have access to the police reports, witness lists, anything like that. I had judges be rather antagonistic towards my clients, and then totally change their tune after the trial when they had a chance to hear for themselves. So it's not necessarily as bad as it looks.

And remember that there are lots of factors that still need to play out in a case like this. That's why they tend to drag on and on. I usually figured on about a year from the time of filing to finish it, maybe a little less if it didn't go to trial, and maybe a little more if the trial went forward. But that leaves plenty of time for negotiation. It sounds like the SA charge is definately in play--and if it is the kidnapping is too, since those go hand in hand (to rape someone necessarily implies that the person was also held against their will). The larceny will have less wiggle room, but since that one is the least serious, your H is probably not too worried.

I peeked online at a copy of the CT criminal code, and it looks like there should be some room to negotiate for the assault also, which is good because it looks like that can carry mandatory prison (whew--we don't have an assault with mandatory prison in UT--CT is pretty rough). But there are a number of rather technical things the DA will have to prove to get there, and depending on what OW's medical reports look like, it could be difficult to really make the first degree assault stick. Here is a copy of what I pulled out of the CT Code:

Sec. 53a-59. Assault in the first degree: Class B felony: Nonsuspendable sentences. (a) A person is guilty of assault in the first degree when: (1) With intent to cause serious physical injury to another person, he causes such injury to such person or to a third person by means of a deadly weapon or a dangerous instrument; or (2) with intent to disfigure another person seriously and permanently, or to destroy, amputate or disable permanently a member or organ of his body, he causes such injury to such person or to a third person; or (3) under circumstances evincing an extreme indifference to human life he recklessly engages in conduct which creates a risk of death to another person, and thereby causes serious physical injury to another person; or (4) with intent to cause serious physical injury to another person and while aided by two or more other persons actually present, he causes such injury to such person or to a third person; or (5) with intent to cause physical injury to another person, he causes such injury to such person or to a third person by means of the discharge of a firearm.

(b) Assault in the first degree is a class B felony provided (1) any person found guilty under subdivision (1) of subsection (a) shall be sentenced to a term of imprisonment of which five years of the sentence imposed may not be suspended or reduced by the court and (2) any person found guilty under subsection (a) shall be sentenced to a term of imprisonment of which ten years of the sentence imposed may not be suspended or reduced by the court if the victim of the offense is a person under ten years of age or if the victim of the offense is a witness, as defined in section 53a-146, and the actor knew the victim was a witness.
***

Really, the DA has to show use of a weapon, serious injury, or action in concert with other people to get this. Now caselaw can define "serious injury" as something less than what that term conveys in normal conversation, but, the statute does require some sort of sustained injury, and I am wondering if that is really present or not.

So anyway--not to get too buried in the details--it does look like there is some wiggle room here, and I'm sure your attorney is working on those angles.

About switching attorneys--I wish I knew someone who practiced out there so I could get the inside scoop! It sounds like there are a lot of positives with your current attorney, and getting a private attorney doesn't always translate into a better deal. I can't tell you how many times I saw defendants leave the PD where I worked (to get a "real attorney") and then saw them plead to the same offer we had worked out for them. They could have saved themselves a lot of money. And I am a little skeptical of attorneys who hand out cards at court. In my experience (and maybe the local practice is different where you are), the really good attorneys didn't need to drum up work by passing out cards. They got all the work they wanted from word of mouth. So I would ask around to find out what the reputation of these attorneys really is. But it never hurts to consult with a different person. It is very important to feel comfortable with your legal representation. And if the best person is someone who needs $10,000 up front--then it is money well spent to have this critical aspect of your H's life (and yours) handled in the best way. If you don't know who to ask, I would start with a well-known, well-respected attorney who practices in a totally different area of law. Call his (or her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ) office and ask for a referral for the best criminal defense attorney. The best attorneys will know which of their collegues to send you to.

I am glad you are going in with your H to meet with the PD--then you can get a feel for him, too. Bring in your H's "journal" so that you can go through that--and I think it's a great idea to write out what you remember, too. If you are called as a witness, you can use your notes to refresh your memory. And who knows, when you and your H get to writing, some really important information may come to the surface!

And you also asked about how long your H would have to decide on what he wants to do. Generally plea offers do expire, but not immediately. I never had a problem with a prosecutor holding an offer open so a client could think about it. This is a common courtesy. Usually they will give you a date "this is open until May 15" or whatever.

Keep me posted on how things are. In the meantime, my law school has a "law society" of former students, and where they are practicing. I will try and get some information about good criminal lawyers close to you. What is the closest metropolitan area I should look at?

On the lighter side . . . how can you stand SpongeBob? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And F&L--I love that you are Hungarian! That is so exotic--and to have another language like that is so great. I have always wished I could speak another language . . . French maybe! Actually, my grandparents are Norwegian, so I would pass better for that. In fact, years ago I went on a geneology trip with my parents to Norway, and people on the streets would come up and talk to me in Norwegian. So I guess I do have a Scandanavian look to me. Unfortunately, I had to tell them that I only spoke English. (Oh those "ugly Americans, anyway!)

Anyway, I will hurry and post this so you all can read it before you head out--it's probably almost quitting time on the East Coast!

I'll check back later, ladies!

-C.

MF,

Parents, often until it is too late, realize what they have done and what they have missed out on. This all too often happens not only with parents, but with husbands/wives too.

You have to convince your husband to be honest with you - this is so important. I know they are so stubborn. I hope that you are telling him of all the stuff I went thru. If you don't know the truth, you can't help him.

I hate to say this, but I don't think our story is over yet either. Things are running too smoothly right now ---- you would think this is a good sign---makes me think!

Let’s see what advice CSJ has. Got to get ready for a softball game tonight. Good night all!

Post deleted by MAMAFISH

HI girls
I cant understand all the racism in the country. Its really unbelievable its the 21st century sometimes how divided things are and I live in the North! My friend jusst moved last year to the South and her RE agent told her to make sure she moved to a developement because she could move next door to a Klansman if she picked a regular street. WHAT????? I cant believe that even exists it seems like it has to be made up. Crazy.

Mama
I hope you had a peaceful night and were able to sleep at the very least. I am super busy tomorrow with my Uncles wake/funeral. I had to reschedule my sons 1st communion <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> but he will be able to do it next weekend thankfully! Hopefully I can check in with you at some point in the day.


CSJ
Have you been watching Big Love on HBO? I can imagine its being talked about more in your community than in mine but its mind boggling! I am sure you know of it but if you dont its a poligamist family in Utah and it just a drama about their lives. He rotates between 3 wives. He walks downstairs and kisses all 3 wives before he goes to work. It really makes you think about relationships. It shows the women being jealous but trying to love each other too in a platonic way of course.

Can I just say this would not fly with me for the record I am not a good sharer as demonstrated by my near nervous breakdown from my Hs 5 night stand with ^&^%$.

F&L
I hope for your sake nothing comes of your news! I will be thinking of you!
Take care everyone
HF