We had a trolley system that went over our pool and you could hang on this trolley thing and drop into the pool from like 10 feet above! Provided you didnt hit the side of the pool it was pretty fun!

I tried to get my kids a trampoline for xmas but got vetoed. They have all those nets around them!? Whats goingto happen? They fall on each other? Nothing more than is happening everyday in the house!

I will write more later when I get a chance. I had a bad day yesterday and need to vent it all out.

Have a great morning.
HF

Hi All,

Yes, I managed to get the trampoline....the guy in the store put it in the car for me. I couldn't even push it in the trunk - very heavy - must weigh 150 lbs. in the box.

My daughter's boyfriend took it out of the car and set it up for us while the girls were in confirmation practice (the oldest is her sponsor). He's the nicest young man, manners, thoughtful, intelligent - would do anything for my daughter. When they came back they all jumped on the trampoline - my youngest was squealing - they had a lot of fun. It's going to rain here the next couple of days - so it won't get a lot of use.

Hopinfor...my kids would flip out if they had something like that for the pool...I'd even like that. The girls and I are all "water bugs". All my kids have been in the water since they were little. My husband doesn't really get excited about the water - he's originally from the city - so he never learned to swim - so it doesn't really get him excited. But, he does like to jump in the pool in the summer on a hot day.

You don't have to get the nets around the trampoline - that's extra - I think a lot of bugs will get trapped inside the net enclosure -we have ours in the back where there's a lot of trees. We hate bugs! You should only have one kid on the trampoline at one time - or they will hurt each other.

Hopingfor....Are you feeling better. It seems we take turns feeling bad.

Well, I've got lots of stuff to do for my daughter's confirmation....Saturday we'll be having a buffet dinner for the family and some other people...so I've got a ton of stuff to buy and set up. I'm making all Italian food (that's what my daughter wants)...meatballs, baked ziti, chicken & artichokes, sausages & peppers and kolbaszi and sauerkraut - I know that not Italian but we love it - we'll also have all the other salads. I always have leftovers - I always make far too much...too bad I couldn't fly some over to you girls.

Well, talk to you later...

Hi ladies,

Boy, F&L, you are making me hungry thinking of all of that good food. Yummy!! My kids would love a trampoline too.

Sadnconfused, I have another question for you==I see that your A lasted almost a year--a very long time...As I said above, my H's A lasted for 9 mos...Another thing that eats away at me is how this could continue for so long?!? He said that having sex with her became a convenience -- basically like you said your OM said, a distraction. I think he felt trapped after a while--she started to make demands on him to be with her more--originally she was OK with just having sex w/ him, knowing he was married with 2 kids and a pregnant wife. Then she fell in love, and wanted him with her all the time... When he would try to break it off w/ her, she would make him feel guilty==he says he had feelings for her and cared for her, but it was not love...Did you ever try to break it off with OM, but then get back into the A? He had tried to distance himself from her, but always ended up coming back. He was still having sex with her up until the last day. The longest time they were apart was right after our DD was born, for about 2 wks that he was home from work (she was a coworker). But when he went back to work, he went right back to her. He probably saw her during that time--just won't admit it to me. He used to talk to her on his cell all the time, but now says that alot of the time, they were arguing on the phone--she would be mad that he was w/ me and his family, and would be trying to get him to come see her.. Did you feel that push and pull also? He says, he had no peace with either of us, that it made him more stressed, angry at himself, depressed. He was terrified that I would find out, and just constantly in a state of anxiety.

HF,
I'm sorry you had a bad day yesterday...I'll be checking back for your story, so please vent here when you have a chance. We are having such rain for the next few days, that we have to be careful to not let it get us too depressed...Today I overslept because it was so gray and dark out...

Take care,
Mamafish

MF,

I think your children are too small for the trampoline. It's for kids 10 & up. They are dangerous if the kids are left unattended. Maybe when they get a bit older.

Yeah, it's going to get rain here too - it was thundering before. I told you I was a good cook. My ex-husband's mom taught me Italian, my dad taught me Euorpean, and my M-I-L taught me Spanish cooking. We all love to eat, especially pasta - so I cook a ton of food. That's one thing my husband loves about me. I told you he said I made him gain weight so other women wouldn't look at him. Yes, I forced him to eat!!!

MF...I was lucky enough that I found out about the A before my husband's got as intense as your husband's. My husband was only in the PA part for about 2 months - but 2 times - that he admits to. The whole EA and PA lasted about 5-6 months. He did a lot more talking with her than anything else. I think if the OW wasn't such a predator, nothing probably would have happened.

Sad and Confused..I'm not saying all OW are predators..but the OW in our case was/is nothing but a slut - she's done this many times before.

I was the one that told him to stop immediately and he went the next day and told the OW. But, knowing the OW's history - I know she would have been needling him all the time to be with her more as the time progressed.

She claimed too, that she fell in love with him the first time she saw him - yeah, what a bunch of crap - I'd like to know how you treat someone that you love, the way she did! She loved him so much that 2 months later she was in a full blown affair with another married man. Well, that's love for you!

It must be very hard to keep that deep dark secret from your spouse and keeping all your stories straight. I wonder if after a while you forget who you said what to. I know my husband didn't know how to back out of the A, so he just stayed in it, getting deeper and deeper into it. He didn't want to hurt the OW's feelings, felt sorry for what he started. I guess my feelings didn't count.

The problem he had is the further away he distanced himself from the OW - the madder she got. The madder she got – the more vengeful she would get. Nothing is worse than a vengeful OW. I can still visualize her big nose and ugly wrinkley face. YUK! I hate to bite my tongue when I went into the office once - she was there and I felt embarrassed because I knew people knew they had a fling - I felt really stupid. I thought they were probably wondering why is she letting him work with the OW - is she an idiot? You don't know how I hated the two of them working together - even though the A was over. Used to make my blood boil!

Well, I vented for today. Going to see my dad.

Hi F&L,

How right you are about a vengeful OW...The more my H tried to back off her, the worst she got! You know now how extreme she is. But even during the A, he told me that one time he was speaking with a few coworkers--a couple female and one male--and she walked by and glared at him with an evil eye. Now, none of these people knew they were seeing each other, and one of the women said to him, She is looking at you like she is a jealous wife! That is how obvious she was when he would talk to anyone but her!

How do you keep your figure with all of that good cooking!! I guess it's all the yardwork and gardening, or do you exercise too? I'm thankful that I am naturally slender. Have been losing some weight lately due to all this stress. I just don't eat very much. This week, we have had training so we had lunch ordered in and then went to the boss's house for dinner. His wife made a huge pan of lasagna--10 people and only half was eaten. Along with that were sausage, meatballs, and garlic breat...Yum! And dessert was really good, easy and sugar free...she made it in the kitchen after dinner. She made chocolate crepes, rolled them up w/ pistachio pudding on the inside w/ some whipped cream and raspberries on top...very good..

I don't exercise...would like to but dont' have time...I should put the baby in the stroller and walk during the soccer practice, if it doesn't get rained out that is.

Enjoy your visit with your dad. Oh, I thought of you the other day when someone here at work brought lilacs in. they are out now up here. The whole office smells like lilacs, which I love, but everyone w/ allergies complained--lots of sneezing and watery eyes here...:)

Have a great day!

MF,

I know what you mean about looks - after my husband ended the A - my husband said something to someone else and she gave my husband a look like daggers were coming out of his eyes. The person said to my husband, "Did you see that look if looks could kill - you'd be dead!"

I've been lucky all my life that I never really gained weight - I think it's again from my dad's genes. My mom would look at food and gain weight. I've been between 110 & 118 all my life. When I got really depressed last summer - I went down to 105 at times. But, now I'm back at my regular weight - I'm around 115 now.
My old doctor said, if you don't gain weight by age 30 and after having several children - you don't have to worry about getting fat.

I eat like a pig - I guess I just burn it off. Everyone is always amazed at how much I can eat - I give my husband a run for his money, when it comes to eating. All my children have been also lucky to be thin. No one in either family has a weight problem. My oldest daughter is 5'4" about 115 lbs. and my 18 yr. old is 115 lbs. at 5'7". My 13 yr. old is about 4'11" and is only about 78 lbs.- she is so petite. The guys are also slim - one's about 5'11" and the other is 5'9". I'm the shrimp!

I never exercise - I don't find the time. I walk about 2 miles every couple of days though. My oldest daughter makes fun of me because I never exercise -she is an exercise nut - does about 500 sit ups and runs about 5 (maybe more miles) a day - before she goes to work. She's competitive in her running. She runs rain, snow, whenever. NOT FOR ME!!!I started to run last year (about 10 minutes) - I did it for a week - I bent down to pick up a piece of fuzz and I hurt my back - couldn't walk for 2 weeks. The doctor told me walking is good enough for me - running is too much stress on the legs and back.

Those crepes sound, mm....mm... good! I know how to make crepes - maybe I can figure out how to make that desert - I have your ingredients. I make good cheese cake. I'm a chocolate nut. Everyone gets me a box of Godiva chocolates for Xmas. I and my oldest daughter can never get enough of chocolate.

Talk to you later.

Afternoon everyone--

It's been a busy morning, whew! I had to run a court order out to a "nuisance yard" residence that we've been trying to get cleaned up for almost 2 years. Finally the Judge ordered the City to go on the property and haul all of the junk off. I've had so many neighbors call and complain on this, I can't even tell you. But the home owner has been so cantankerous. Then she yelled at me and called me a "skinny b***h". That's the nicest compliment I've had all day! It took me awhile to loose those last few pounds from DD2, but I think I'm there now! Apparantly the best diet is stress from a cheating spouse. Worked for me, anyway.

My H is leaving for a camping trip with his buddies this afternoon, so it will be a girl weekend for us. He'll be back Sunday morning so we can celebrate Mother's Day. Right after DDay, he was really trying his best to be home more, and had cut his "guy night" down to just Monday evening. But he has eased his way back to some old habits and hangs out with them for a bit almost every evening. He at least comes home early and we have time to talk and enjoy some time together, and that is better than before. I'm certainly not opposed to him having his friendships--he offered after DDay to stay home all the time, and I told him no. I know that he would be resentful of that--it would make him feel like I am his mother and he's grounded. I just want a good balance, you know? Have your time with you friends, but give your family the time we deserve, too. And right now, there are many times that I feel like a single mom--much like I felt during his A. This is just one of those stubborn points for him, I'm afraid. And if I push back, then I'm the bad guy. I don't want to make him be home--I want him to want to be home. I know we need to work on our connection with eachother, and maybe this nagging problem will fix itself.

I'm still trying to figure out what to make for dinner Sunday. Much of my H's family is out of town for his sister's college graduation in the New Orleans area. But we are having his grandparents over. Maybe I should borrow a page from you, F&L, and do Italian . . .

HF--how are you doing? We're here for you if you need a vent.

Well, back to work, I'll check back a bit later.

-C.

I find the fact that you're cooking on Mother's Day appaling. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You're right! Mention that little tidbit to my H, would you? The dinner party was his idea . . . <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I would suggest you not cook. He gets his day in June, no? Pamper yourself. Enjoy your kids. If you get hungry, order out, but don't cook. If he wants to cook, let him.

Hi everyone,

Drexxel,

You are very funny! Good to have the man's point of view on this thread! And what are your plans for Mother's Day? Will you be cooking dinner? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

CSJ,
Yes, the Cheating Spouse Diet...I think it will sell! We need to write a book--How to lose 20 lbs in just 2 weeks...and keep it off!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Save money on groceries--JUST DON'T EAT ANYTHING!

I know what you mean about wanting your H to want to stay home, rather than making him stay home....there is a big difference...Drexxel, maybe you can give us gals some advice here...why do some men feel that we are trying to control them when we want them to stay home? My H feels like he's a man, he can go out when he wants. Meanwhile, I am home w/ the kids doing all the usual stuff (kitchen cleanup, baths, bedtime, etc)...I never go out w/ friends for a ladies night or anything like that. I also don't mind if he goes out for a while with his friends. I prefer if I know in advance so I already know that I 'll be on my own. How do we get our Hs to understand this instead of being defensive about it??

F&L,

My genes have been good to me also. My mother is so thin that she has to try to gain weight--it has always been a problem for her. I am not really trying to lose weight--would like to stay at this weight so my clothes fit! It is really nice to wear my capris and jeans again, instead of maternity clothes like I did last spring! I do not run...that is not for me. I used to do an aerobics tape years ago and got really into it, but haven't done much since the kids were born.

That dessert was very simple==if you know how to make crepes, I don't...These were chocolate. And she used sugarfree jello pistachio pudding for the filling...You could use just about any flavors, and it looked very elegant. It was very quick to put together--a couple of us helped her in the kitchen.

I'm also a chocolate fanatic. That is my downfall. My H always buys me Godiva chocolates. I savor them--these are not for the kids!

Hopingfor,

Hope your day is going better. I'll check back to see if you vented yet...

Hi,

If we don't cook on Mother's Day - how is everyone going to eat???? If my husband cooks dinner...well, I don't think people want hot dogs or packaged noodle soup for Mom's Day - just not the same as the usual dinners! Sorry, Drexxell, my husband gets treated like King Tut. Yes, I know, I did spoil him.....that's one of my bad faults.

You know girls, we may have something here - a new diet - I also lost about 15 lbs. in 2 weeks - no other diet works like that. I think I would rather have the extra pounds, instead of all the heartache.

I never cared if my husband went out...as long as I knew where he was (in case of an emergency) and I knew about what time he was coming home. What my husband did several times was go out and say he was coming home at a specific hour and just not call me to say he was coming home later. So I would be wondering if he was just goofing around or he was lying in a ditch on the side of the road - this was before he had a cell phone. The other trick is he turns his cell phone off - when he doesn't want me to call him.

Guys are all alike....it is time for you Drexxell to speak up!

MF..I saw your picture...you look like your thin....don't have anything to worry about. People put too much emphasis on being thin - all those models on tv - eat nothing and do nothing but keep themselves in shape - they have personal trainers, etc. - they have the money - this is what we are all supposed to look like. Put those models in or life - let's see what they would look like. As I’m typing this – Oprah has a segment about a housewife who is Anorexic. I can’t live without my pasta and bread. If I don’t make pasta twice a week, my girls get upset.

I hide my Godiva chocolates - they are mine only....hide them on the top shelf….I even steal my daughter’s (the ones her boyfriend gets her). When we go into NY during the summer - we always go to the Godiva shop on 5th Ave. Lindt chocolates are good too.

Well, I’ve got to go – have to bring my daughter to confirmation practices….. and guess what – it’s Wednesday – so we’re having PASTA with homemade sauce!

Okay, my H had flowers delivered to the office a bit ago for Mother's Day! He signed the card "Love me"--how sweet is that? Bless his little heart, anyway.

-C.

Okie, I'll try to let you see into my brain, but don't get scared. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Yes, I'm cooking on Sunday. I cook the other 6 days of the week too. I'm a SAHD, remember? Not for long, though. I just enrolled in college and will be starting the SUMMER I semester for 2005/2006.

Why do guys have to go out and spend time with their friends? I think recreational companionship covers most of that. Sorry, ladies, but if you're not into drinking beer, arm wrestling, horking loogies, sports, farting and burping, you might not fit in with a night out with the boys. I know that sounds generic, and truely it is. Guys are raised that that's how they're supposed to behave when they're grown. It's your job to give them a reason to change that behavior, because that's all it is is a life long habit.

Sooooo, suggest that one night out of the week, instead of him going out with his beer drinking farting buddies, he keeps his noxious evil twin locked up and takes YOU out drinking. Just one night a week. Or one night every other week. But by God, when he agrees and you go out, you'd better make sure you two have a fabulous time or he won't want a repeat performance.

I dunno if you all remember from one of my earlier posts about leading a horse to water, but I'll redo it here.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Very common phrase, right? The not so common next part is, If you salt his oats enough, you'll make him want to drink more. Salt his oats? What? If you sit down with a bag of chips, what else do you almost always have? A drink.

When you ask hubby for a drinking date, that's leading him to water. He's likely to follow along the conversation because he feels he's got a bit in his mouth. He may even look at you like you've grown a second head when you ask him. And don't make excuses as to why you can't do it either.

What you do between asking him and actually getting the committment from him to go with you or take you out is salting his oats. You're not "making" him drink. You're "making" him thirsty. Do you remember how you flirted with him when you were dating? Of course you do. Do it. That perfume that drinves him nuts? Wear it. Leave little notes hidden in his briefcase or wallet or in his shoe. Salt his oats. If he's across the room and you're talking to a friend, say something complimentary about him and make sure you say it loud enough for him to hear it. Depending on where you are in your R, it could range from, "His shoulders are so strong." to "He really makes me burn with desire." See if he doesn't stand up straight and strut around for a few minutes. Salt his oats.

Now, it's your turn for giving advice. FWW is pretty much unreceptive to gifts. Not that I've spent a great deal of money on them, mind you. Just thought, consideration, etc. i.e. (And I'll bet most Hs can't remember this) The flowers in her bridal boquet were white (John Kennedy) roses. Her bridesmaids had Stargazer Lilies. Soooo, the florist is next to the cleaners I use. When I get the cleaning, I stop and get a single stem. Usually a white rose, have it wrapped with baby's breath and I put that in a bud vase on her night stand.

Come to find out, she doesn't want gifts of that sort "right now". Makes her uncomfortable. Makes her feel smothered. (rolls eyes) She doesn't mind me being affectionate, most of the time, although there's not any smooching or SF (agonizing).

She has a promotion ceremony that I'm attending today. Says she doesn't want any gifts. Now, am I going to be in trouble if I don't get her anything? (ponders)

Hi Drexxel,

My H also does most of the cooking, except during his A, I would expect that he would cook and would come home to an empty house, no dinner. Then I would have to try to scramble to make something for supper. He is a great cook. I know he will be cooking something for dinner, but not sure what.

As for your W's attitude towards your very romantic gifts, I think that you should give her "something" for her promotion, but make it something more practical than romantic...Maybe something that she could use at work--a planner, something for her desk, etc...More of a keepsake to celebrate the promotion. Not sure what she does, but something related to that would be better right now. So she doesn't feel smothered, as she says.

I read the book "The Five Love Languages" recently. It is by Gary Chapman. I would recommend this to you in light of your W saying she doesn't want gifts from you now...It is about how we all have our own love language that we speak...how we feel loved by our Spouse, and how we show our love to our spouse. The 5 languages are Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical touch, Gifts, and words of admiration. You can go to www.fivelovelanguages.com to get the idea, but in an nutshell, if your love lang is different from your spouse, you may be expressing your love in a way that your spouse does not feel...I.e. If you show your love by gifts, and your W' s love language is to hear words of affirmation, she will not feel loved by your gifts, but will feel loved when you tell her how you appreciate her. If you read this book, you can figure out your language and your W's. There is a real quick questionnaire at the back of the book to do this.

I understand what you are saying about salting our H's oats too. This sums it up for my M. He felt rejected by me because I was too focused on the kids and working full time, and doing housework. He says he felt like he didn't matter to me, I didn't show him any affection. It was a vicious cycle...He stopped talking to me and was hardly at home, and so I withdrew from him also.. He says he got tired of hearing, not now, I'm tired, etc. .I took him for granted in that way, and so when the OW came on to him, he fell for it...Hard...She was 14 yrs younger than him, and he was so flattered by the attention. He felt like "I've still got it". I have taken responsibility for what I did in the pre-A M, but that didn't give him the right to have the A...He now understands that this was his choice to deal with the M problems by trying to find someone else to provide SF when he thought I didn't want to. Lots of miscommunication, and living separate lives...After DDay, when I made a conscious effort to show him affection and SF, he came around pretty quickly. He said he was amazed at the difference, and sorry that he made such a big mistake.

Talk to you all later.. Gotta get some work done first.

MF,

I have that book. It's on top of my stack of books to read. I want to say I read it years ago, but without getting back into it, I won't know for sure. WW used to dote on me about bringing her a flower. I still think I'm going to get in trouble if I show up with a gift of any kind. LOL

You gals make me sick with all the bragging about SF. :P LOL Buncha show offs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I just want to add, though, for men, being rejected by their wives for SF is a TREMENDOUS blow to their self esteem and self worth. Ladies, beware. If you turn him down, someone else will turn him on.

I'm not your typical husband. Please understand. While I understand that SF is important in a M (don't get me wrong, I love SF) right now my affections and my love are unrequited. Emotionally, I couldn't do it and I believe just going through the motions is a horrible thing to do. And that's assuming that she was interested in SF right now, which she isn't. Knowing how much of a sexual creature she is, that kind of scares me too.

I know you all will understand that I don't reveal all my deepest feelings and thoughts on here to you. I save those for my wife. There isn't anyone else on the planet that get's that close to me. But feel welcome to ask how I feel about something. If I don't want to answer it, I'll tell you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Best wishes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey everyone
I just wanted to check in with you all quickly. I have posted a couple of times in the past day or so and lost both of them! Anyway I am sick with some sort of bug so I am going to lay down but wanted to let you all know I am still alive.
Speak with you all soon. Have a good day!
HF

Drexxel,

You are still very early in the recovery process. SF will happen, when you are BOTH ready for it...You can't rush it. I didn't realize that my H felt rejected...It certainly was not my intention at all, and believe me, I have learned a very difficult lesson as a result.

I also think you should give her something for a gift today, maybe just not one that she would interpret as too romantic... It's hard as a BS to realize that the FWS is also in a lot of pain, just a different type of pain. I cannot imagine the guilt that is weighing my H down.

I appreciate your answering our questions, and I understand that you are not revealing your utmost feelings to us--the only person you should be that close to is your wife, as it should be...but it is nice to have the man's point of view all the same...

Hopingfor,

Sorry you are sick, I hope you get some rest and feel better. I have been thinking of you so thanks for stopping by....

Everyone,

Have a great Mother's Day weekend!

Hi Everyone,

Just want to wish all my pals a Happy Mother's Day. Give the kids an extra hug for me...don't fight/LB with your hubbys or wives...just enjoy the weekend.

CSJ...it's nice of your hubby to send you flowers. My husband asked what I wanted for Mom's Day...I told him all I wanted was for him to be a good boy and treat me nice....I couldn't ask for more.

Drexxell....be good to your wife this weekend. Show her your are the best.

Hoping For....feel better...keep your spirits up.

Sad and Confused...write back...have a nice weekend.

I don't have much time, I am cooking up a storm....between banana cake, cupcakes, cheese cake and all the Italian food ...salads....can make some of the stuff ahead of time...I'm busy as heck. I love to cook...it gives me such a feeling of accomplishment when eveyone loves my food...but they expect that. I don't mind cooking, but I get so many pots and pans...endless things to wash. Have to clean the house.

MF..I got your message...will send you the recipes when I get a chance. I know what you mean about people saying your thin...all the heavy people that I used to work with used to say...you're so skinny...why are you trying to lose weight...you're 98 lbs. soaking wet....mind you they were all close to 200 lbs. and about as tall as me.

The sun came out for my daughter's confirmation...got to go. Have a good weekend.

CSJ,

I forgot to say that was so sweet of your H to send you flowers for Mother's Day....how thoughtful!

F&L,

Thanks for the reminder not to LB this weekend. Will try to enjoy the weekend. It is still pouring here, but I'm glad the sun came out for you. Maybe we will have some sun tomorrow...Don't try to clean it all up yourself after dinner...recruit some people to give you a hand...

Take it one day at a time, everyone...