Then we are even, because I see the same problem with yours.

Didn't I make it clear that this thread is ALL ABOUT ME...

I went through all of this trouble to get some attention today and now look what happened...

I have a middle-aged brain, OK?

I've been trying to skip posts on which folks are fussing..

I'm having trouble doing that...

You have every right not to leave since, as ark says, I AM A GUEST on this forum..

BUT COULD YOU TAKE THIS ELSEWHERE??

Thanks...ahead of time....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Sorry Mimi, I wasn't planning on getting attacked over here on your thread, too!

kewl then!

(see how that works?)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

"No more fussing for you!"

-Fuss Nazi

Are people really getting judged here?

I mean, we are all just anonymous posters with alias names and only a small portion of our real lives being shared with the forum community.

Anything you interpret as a judgement is only a judgement of your words or behaviours as read on the thread. I doubt posters with even the most harsh of comments are truly judging you.

We can't see if you are fat on this forum, nor can we know if the comments you made in a post are a true representation of you. When we respond, we are simply responding to your words and thoughts in a post. If I called you 'fat' right now would I be correct? I have no idea. When I call you 'cruel' or 'evil' am I correct? I have no idea.

Are we supposed to post our beliefs here, or is this a place for snuggling up by the campfire while someone rubs your feet? I don't know...

The other day a good poster friend of mine said she wouldn't take advice from a FWW or WW. She was beat up for this a bit, and maybe she didn't mean it exactly how it came out. But you know what? So what? If that's someone's feelings, why can't they say so? Are we supposed to suppress any comment or belief we have because it's not acceptable for those who are sensitive to such opinions?

Shucks man...

I like Mimi. I think she's the cat's meow! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I just wanted to say that over here, on her thread.

Mostly, I just try to keep my big fat mouth shut...

but for our Mimi, I am opening it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Owl, I agree 100% with what you have written.

This marriage builder's forum is meant to HELP people build back their marriages. So often, the posts are just ridiculing and humiliating the posters. (As in the example you quoted and absolutely do more harm than good.)

I find this forum welcomes BS with open arms.
They also are pretty good with FORMER WW.

However, there are few if any WS that could come here for
help and guidence as they would be STONED right off the forum.
(By some, that is, many would try really hard to guide them to do what is right for their marriage and family.)

I can't think of any, right off hand, that are WS seeking help. Are there any?

Not much forbearance at times, it seems. I am sorry for the times that I have not used it in some of my posts.

FORBEARANCE is a Bible word that isn't used much anymore.

P.S. OWL, your kindness and well-meaning kicks have helped me to get out from under this online affair more than you realize. Especially since you, yourself, are a BH.
Keep up the good counseling here. Your insight is a valuable asset to this Marriage Builder's forum.

it IS you mimi...and people like you!!

YOU all are the reason that i come here!

i come here to UNDERSTAND what is happening to my H and why...to hear stories of other good spouses who became strangers

i come here to gain KNOWLEDGE about marriage building concepts so that i can fight for my marraige

i come here to get SUPPORT for wanting my H back after he has had an affair...because people who haven't been through it can't begin to understand

i come here to VENT because I can't say what I really think to my H

i come here to find HOPE from others who have restored marraiges

i come here to find EMPATHY from people who are feeling or have felt my pain, confusion, anger and fear

i come here to get ADVICE about what to do or say (or things not to do or say)....to help save my marraige

i come here to find people who will ENCOURAGE me to believe that it is possible to save my marriage

I COME HERE BECAUSE OF YOU AND PEOPLE LIKE YOU!!!

Well, I'm done.

I've posted a request to the moderators to look into this issue. Hopefully they'll do something about this whole situation.

If it's within the scope of this forum to deliberatly call names, provoke, and otherwise personally attack and abuse posters for ANY reason, then I obviously do not belong on this forum any longer.

I wish you all the best.

Current WS's that come here for help to get out of an affair are very welcome here and don't get chased off.

Current WS's wanting to continue an affair, rightly, get run off. This is a Marriage Building forum after all.

And if you can't find and WS's - you aren't looking very hard.

When I first came to the board 2 years ago there was a lot of lamenting that "old hand" posters were leaving and the board had taken a turn for the worse.

It's the nature of a bulletin board. People come and bring their personalities with them and people go for whatever reason.

Sometimes the board hums along with everyone getting along, sometimes it doesn't. I've been here long enough to see all sides. I've seen the board wars when TOW posts here, I've even left in a huff a couple of times myself.

Of course some posters are missed for the humour and wisdom they bring to the board, 2oak is a real loss, so was SDFR.

I can only say that, as an FWW, I've only ever been treated with respect and friendship. Apart from a couple of notable occasions.

One person's definition of abuse is another's definition of a well placed or deserved 2x4. C'est la vie. Qui? No?

Oh well...

I know I just recently read a post about the posters coddling too many people recently. ROFL. It's funny how so many people interpret a post so differently.

Anyways, I appreciate most all of the posters, even the ones I just want to strangle half the time...I know that for someone, they are making a point that is changing their lives.

Ditto this, as a former OW this board has changed my life...it has given me balance in my normal grey, very liberal thinking. It has literally changed my life and shown me what people who are steadfast in their values mean to me. And even though there are many, many days I'ld like to set it on fire for it's black and white thinking...I need this...it keeps me straight.

We all are sometimes too harsh, we all get triggered...and no one is harder on us then ourselves. I know that everyone on this board takes to heart every post they type, every poster they respond to...all here care, but we are all human .

I recently bashed a man I have a great deal of compassion, respect and admiration for...Lemonman. It eats at me every day...and I have a feeling we all feel the same way when we react and type too soon.

We are hard enough on ourselves...let's don't be hard on one another.

We all care and hope for the best for all posters...even the trolls. That's why we talk to them, because we care.

Okay, maybe we don't really care about the trolls, but we try. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey weaver, I really hope he sees your post. That was really sweet of you to say. I know that he was very hurt about that and I do hope he changes his mind and comes back. He posted on Kimberly's thread last night.

I know it did Mel. I did say I was sorry to him on a post soon after, but don't know if he saw it.

If there were ever any words I wish I could take back it would be those that I said to him.

It was callous and cruel of me.

I'm sorry Lemonman, I really am.

i am mainly a lurker but just wanted to say that mimi you are silently a hero to many here. you and your wonderful husband are the model that my wh and i want to have. i have lurked for years and have always followed your story. your encouragement of others and contiued hope is what we need. i know that there have been others who have given you a hard time in the pass but i have always been so proud when you rebuked them. your story and wonderful marriage is the envy of us all. i often pray that my wh can be like the good and wonderful man that your wh is. it is people like you that make this board what it is. you are always so nice and offer such wonderful advice to those hurting. i am so angry with the men and woman who have hurt you and made you feel bad in the pass. please dont ever leave this baord. we need you here. eav and i and many others need your support and love to continue the fights for our marriage. my wh has had many affairs over the years and it has always been your inspiration that has kept me fighting for my marriage and has given me the strength to take him back and fight on. your right.anything can happen with hope. i thank you for talking about the addictions that our husband have to the ow. this belief and knowledge and widom from you allows me to continue on in this marriage. i know and belive that my husband can someday be the man that your husband is today. please pray for that and continue to fight those evil men and women here who are not encouraging of us to save marriages and preach divorce. the only self recovery is marital recovery. thank you so much for helping me understnad that. i read over all of your posts and plan a and b's threads for inspiration. i wish more of the posters were like you here. this forum would be a safer and more supportive place for those of us hurting from the evils of the other women adn man who have hurt our marriages so much. your an inspiration to us all and are a beautiful human. my marriage and life owe you a great faith.

bless and love

Melody you said that Lemonman was HURT by what Weaver said.

Did he tell you that?

I try to stay away from LM discussions but I find that comment to be interesting.

I was told by many folks here that I had no reason to BE HURT by Lemonman's HURTFUL comments to me...

I'm sure that he was alluding to me in his post on Kim's thread...

I hate to say it but I will..my grandmother always used to say..what goes around-comes around....

I don't even care anymore what other people say, I realize that I hurt myself ALOT more by what I say to other people than what they say to me.

Mimi, I know you are the same way. I can't bare to be the cause of another's pain anymore. I think I am getting old...I can take it but I can no longer dish it out...it hurts ME when I do.

One of life's biggest lessons, "when we attack another, we attack ourself", and it hurts when we know another is hurting at our hands.