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Could all the people who've been following this thread step in, please? Reach inside your hearts and talk to Inf...
I don't think I can help because I think I'm in his way. Your thoughts, sharing your experiences, would really help.
1013 reading this thread...surely that wasn't all me and him?
Please?
LA
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Yes we all let them have too much affect on us. I am in a codependant relationship and it is hard to let go. I feel a lot of anger and I feel very, very, very! glad I made my man get a vasectomy so I will never have to deal with those awful feelings. I hope you wife can't have anymore kids too. Too many breeders out there as it is! lol Try and find the humour in things. It helps to be able to laugh a little. Try not to take your situation so seriously. Think of other people that are way, way worse off and try and count your blessings. I know it is hard. I feel suicidal sometimes with the amount of pain, suffering, work I feel responsible to change myself. I'm pretty messed up but I do it for my kids. I think her calling is nice. At least she is trying to communicate. Even though it is just talk take it as something positive. A friendship/trust/forgiveness has to start somewhere at some time eventually. Communication is key. Somebody has to try hard to heal and learn to accept we are all flawed humans. Acceptance is also key. I sometimes feel it and then other times I am a raging lunatic and want to cut both their hearts out with a big steak knife. I found out Dec. 1st, we moved across the country to get away from her, he said there was no contact, I found out he was lying and now I get no emotional closure. I'm leaving soon with the kids, going total Plan B for awhile to help my poor brain stop obsessing over these issues. He knows I am going and know the city but I'm not telling him where I am staying or any phone number. I'm dealing with other addictions too on both sides so I'm very emotionally and pyschologically abused because of all of this. Harley recommended going Plan B on all of it but really when you are dealing with alcohol/pot etc. our love is not strong enough to change someone else. I'm willing to try anything and everything though to say at least I tried. I found tring to learn about relationships example what makes a really good one, why they don't work, why I always attract these immature guys, etc. etc.. super interesting. I'm totally enjoying a light hearted ebook called catchhimandkeephim.com. It is so fun and really fascinating to find out what I had been doing so wrong for so many years. He also has CDs that talks about how to make the relationship go from casual to committed. I so want to get those but can't afford it right now. Can I post such links? Well I'll try and apologize later if it doesn't work. I'm not affiliated in anyway just totally enjoyed these guys talking about such things. http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/11501/FCTC/I found step 7 of the 12 steps of aa/alonon/etc. really helpful to try and accept your limitations and strengths. Really try to work hard on yourself and not so much on them. You really can't do anything about them. If you really want them become super attractive, fun, caring, sexy. Who wants to hang around a depressed person? I know, I know but but they did this or that but really in the long run does it reallly matter? Life is too short. Find your strenghts, know your weaknesses and love yourself. You will be much happier. Now if I could only follow my own advice! lol I'd recommend taking a bit of a holiday if you can. Maybe doing something for yourself. Can you go away for the weekend? Just you know rest? Do the phone calls bother you or do yo like them? If you like them then do think of them as something positive. Positive is good, negative is bad. lol Good luck. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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Could all the people who've been following this thread step in, please? Reach inside your hearts and talk to Inf...
I don't think I can help because I think I'm in his way. Your thoughts, sharing your experiences, would really help.
1013 reading this thread...surely that wasn't all me and him?
Please?
You aren't in my way. I'm in my own way. <:O) I think I've made as much progress as I'm going to make for a while. If I can't choose to make any more, then maybe I'll just have to learn the hard way.
If this doesn't work out, I'm flying solo indefinitely. I'm not chancing going through this garbage again any time soon. I don't think I have it in me. It wouldn't be fair to anyone else if I was w/ them and still loved her anyway. Not to mention, how do you tell someone you're in a new relationship w/ that you pulled the crap that I did in this one? I've forgiven myself for it, but any sane person isn't going to want to take chance on me, and I can't not say anything or lie about it. I don't know. What I do know is this had better work out... or I'm gonna shake my fist at the sky and do some yelling and screaming after I kick myself in the butt a few times.
LA
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I let her have way too much effect on me. Key word being 'let'. I choose it. My one weakness has always been women. I let them manipulate my heart and mind to the point that I'm probably better off alone. I do fine alone. I'm a great person alone. In a great relationship I'm great too. When things go sour is when I totally blow it. I've never been good at dealing w/ attitudes in relationships. I have had a habit of expecting my partner to be as happy as I am, and if they aren't I've assumed it's something I've done.
I dont wish anything like that on her... but I'll never forgive her if she ever sleeps w/, or has a kid w/ someone else. I reserve that right as well as the right to treat her like crap and hate her for it if she does. She's been very vocal about hating me for certain things if they come to be, so I'm going w/ an eye for an eye on this one.
When life is good, I'm the most laid back person you'll ever meet. When life isn't going so good, I still manage to come out w/ a better han average attitude. When my relationships start going bad, all that goes out the window and I'm a miserable, out of control, insane wreck. Women are my passion and my weakness. I give too much of myself... then can't handle it when things go bad.
I'm glad we have been talking more... at the same time it worries me. When she gets nice I get paranoid. You know what they say though... Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't after you... I mean, for cripes sake... she's still talking to OM and not telling me about it. She's moving me out of the house, hiding things from me, talking about what if's going back and forth from one end of the spectrum to the next w/ what she says and her attitudes. I have a hard time seeing things for any way other than how I'd do them. Anything that strays from my formula concerns me. She scares the bejeebus out of me. I never know what's going on in her head.
I was accepting back when this started and I thought that spliting was the only way to go. Then I woke up, realized that I was driving myself nutz, loved her and DD and wanted them more than life itself and decided I was sick of being miserable and would fight to get them back for as long as it took. Unfortunately, I made the unconcious decision of become over-reliant on it working out and haven't been able to shake it since. That's why I don't have my head screwed on straight. I know what I need to do to make things better for myself, but some things I can't bring myself to do. I refuse to make some choices. That;s the choice I can make. To refuse some choices make some others.
I found out Monday from family that she has been talking and working w/ OM. guess we are back to being WW rather than DW. I kind of knew in the back of my mind, but assumed since Om hadn't come up it wasn't really an issue anymore. i don't know what kind of relationshiop they have right now, or ever had really. What I do know is that I'm working my [censored] off to make this work, and in the end she either loves me or doesn't.
I'm leaving too, but by force. Not my house, and I'm not about to suffer additional severe emotional trauma by refusing to go and suffering the consequences. She either loves or doesn't and will take me back or won't. If she won't, I'll worry about it when it gets here. It's kind of my choice, but she's making my staying near impossible if that's what I were to choose. She either loves me or doesn't. That's my new motto. ofcourse, if she doesn't then she can kiss my .... >:OP
No substance abuse here...
I knoww ht ameks a good relationship, but have had a bad habit in the past of only practicing it if my partner was repaying the favor. I've had a bad ahbit of only putting into a relationship what I was getting out of it.
I'll brb and respodn to the rest.
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Really try to work hard on yourself and not so much on them. You really can't do anything about them. If you really want them become super attractive, fun, caring, sexy. Who wants to hang around a depressed person? I know, I know but but they did this or that but really in the long run does it reallly matter? Life is too short. Find your strenghts, know your weaknesses and love yourself. You will be much happier. Now if I could only follow my own advice! lol
I'm not practicing what I'm preaching. Not lately anyway. My practice is actually the better of the two. I treat her right to the best of my ability, and say the right things when they come to me which alot more often now. When I'm away from her though is when I vent and such. I have a friend who I've been talking to online recently (male) who i went to High School w/. He lets me say whatever I want if it makes me feel better. I don't even mean most of it, and if I do it's only temporary... but I get my frustration out w/ him so I can go home and be a better person for WW. If this blows over, I won't need to vent anymore and I'll be alot happier for it. I know I can't change her. The only thing I'd like to change anyway is her mind about not wnating to work things out for now, but she'll either do that on her own or she won't. In he meantime, I'm trying to help the process along the best I can.
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I'd recommend taking a bit of a holiday if you can. Maybe doing something for yourself. Can you go away for the weekend? Just you know rest? Do the phone calls bother you or do yo like them? If you like them then do think of them as something positive. Positive is good, negative is bad. lol
I'd leave the state for a while if I could, but I have to be here for DD. Once I'm out of the house I'll be doing plenty for myself. Riding the four wheeler mostly, going swimming alot, heading up to the lake. Other cool stuff. No sense in siting around being miserable. I can do that later after WW decides that this isn't going to work because she's a skunk and I hate her. <:OD That felt good. I don't mean that, but it was fun to say it because it's so childish and inappropriate. Loving must be "loving" that one. Ha! <:OD
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I do that venting to but it is with males. I don't have very many female friends. I intimidate most women I think. Very tall, pretty face, educated. Who would want me hanging around? especially if they have a man. I don't mean to come across like I'm better than others but I think in my frustrations I am too aggressively intense and I scare people. I know my husband and I are both afraid of each other. He is just like me. tall, handsome, aggresively intense due to frustrations and immature avoidance practices. I called him the other night and was totally immature with I hate you stuff and hanging up. I was going through a bunch of stuff as I have to leave half my life behind. I was overcome with such anger it was an awful pool of self-pity. There is no point in sitting around being miserable. I think my husband takes it a bit too far though and now after doing all that "cool stuff" for so long, enjoying his freedom has become some sort of right now to him. He can't delay gratification, his addictions control his life. It is so frustrating as I can see the patterns but there is nothing I can do to help the situation. Letting go is what we both need to do. Maybe I will try that book How to Fall out of Love by Deborah Phillips. I think my life would be so much easier if I could figure out how to fall out of love without trying to hate them. Hate totally goes against what I would really like to accomplish. Love and compassion is what I strive for. I agree with you. I would never want to ever put someone through having an intimate relationship with me as I am now. How could you put someone through that when you know deep down you only want your husband/wife back? You love them. A sad tale, no point in involving someone else. I can't stand the OW he involved and still reaches out to. I refuse to be the OW in his affair with her. Plan B all the way! So go Plan B while you are doing all your cool stuff. Mysawell try it as you should also not want to be the OM in her new relationships. Set something up about seeing your daughter, go through a mediator or a third party friend if you have to. Do the NC letter as you want to perserve your feeling for her right? Otherwise you will just tie yourself up into knots. I know because that is what I've been trying to do ever since I found this website. Good luck! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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I have more in common w/ women than men oddly enough. Though, my hobbies say otherwise. ATV's, Video Games, Street Bikes, Computers. Though, these days the line is blurred on most if not all of those, which is cool.
My looks have always been a slight issue for WW. I'm shorter than her (5' 5") by an inch, but fairly attractive (so I'm told) in my own unique way (I guess?). Apparently, I don't have to "dress up" to look good. Between that and my personality I get more attention from the opposite sex than she'd like, though I think any is too much for her which is cool by me. I'm quiet until I warm up to someone. Voted shyest in my Senior Class. I actually had a co-worker tell me they thought I was a jerk because I didn't introduce myself until some time after they started here. I'll tell you though, it didn't hurt my chances w/ the ladies. <:OD
I'm afraid of WW. Not so much now... I'm more afraid of the decision she's going to "inevitably" make at the end of all this. The only time she's ever been afraid of me was when I was mad. So now when I get mad I just don't let her know. It's ironic because she used to scare the crap out of me when she got mad and now our roles are reversed.
The phone call sounds like how I feel sometimes. I walk away, find something to do and pretend like nothings wrong if I'm home, or vent if I'm here.
There's not any point in being miserable, but sometimes it helps me deal. Weird.
I don't believe in hating anyone, and have never held a grudge for long. It's not in me to do it. I wonder if that will change this time though? I keep thinking that I'll stop loving her when I find someone else, but I'll only find someone else when I stop loving her. Funny how that works.
I couldn't do it either, findsomeone else right now, even if I wanted to. I'm just not ready for that.
I'd rather not be the OM either. Ok, there we go... I guess there is someone I hate. So much for that then. If I ever saw him again I'm not sure what I'd do. I don't think it would be pretty though. Makes me sick thinking about him. I've taken to imagining that I'm pounding the crap out him these days. been doing that for a while now. I figure what the heck. I thelps me deal, and it's not hurting anyone. Too bad it's illegal and immoral to actually follow through. >:OP My brother-in-law went through his car the other day w/out my knowing. I would have been mad, but I just didn't have it in me to care after finding out she's still working side by side w/ his sorry, soon to be toast, [censored]. OM's lucky that's all that happened and that nothing has happened sooner. He's even luckier that I have morals.
I don't want to be the OM either... Been there, done that. Probably dumb enough to do it again. Oh well. We'll see. I'm kinda looking forward to Plan B. Doing things for her while she's still undecided will be easier if I'm also doing things for me. I think so anyway. Watch, it'll be worse because I'm not there w/ her.
I already have scheduled visitation and pay child support. It's dumb since i'm not out of the house yet. We did mediation back when I was all stupid and crazy and letting her make all the decisions because I didn't know what I was doing about anything other than thinking about running into traffic. It's amazing. One minute you think you're the sanest person alive, the next you're one step away from electro shock.
I've done leters and everything else. I'm still in knots. I'm one tough nut to crack. My life is one big habit I'm trying to break.
Luck. Faith. I'll take what ever I can get at this point.
thanx. :O)
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So, I'm having a problem. Ever since my Mom fed me info on the situation w/ OM, I've been feeling worse than crap. I can't get out of this funk... and I think WW is starting to pick up on it. Today kind stinks.
I just want to get out of here and go talk to her. Won't do any good, the things I want to talk to her about are things she doesn't want to discuss.
Ever since Monday, I've been anticipating "the inevitable" end to this mess. The ending I have written for myself right now is a horrible one. It's like one of those horror movies where the main character fights his way out of a million hair raising predicaments, facing and overcoming insurmountable odds and being worse for wear for it, just to die in the end.
I was doing really well. Atleast I thought I was. Then I had to hear about OM. I don't know what's worse... Having all this happen in the first place and being hit w/ it like a ton of bricks, or having fought this long to make things right and wearing yourself thin, only to have them crumble again just as you started to have hope for the future. You're a strong person LA. I'm stronger than I was at one point, but it's going to take alot more time before I can reach your level of achievement. Especially if things keep going up and down like this.
It's not easy being me. Never has been. Maybe that's my problem... I'm tired of fighting. It's always been something and it just never lets up. I wonder when it'll be my turn to have everything be right in my world? Even for a moment... That'd be nice.
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WW called. She "did me a favor" and went and got loan paperwork for a car for me so I could move out. She couldn't understand why I got upset. I can't win. I don't know if I want to post here or no for a while. It's not doing anyone any good.
maybe I'll be back maybe I won't.
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OK. Disregard that last post. I feel better now. I still don't think I should post here for a bit though. Not until I've taken some initiative and stop being a neurotic mess. Posting all will nilly. Crazy stuff.
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Harsh DJ to yourself, Inf.
I don't see much acceptance of yourself...is that what you don't want anyone to see?
LA
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Talk about necro.
Loving... I just wanted to say Thank You again. I can never say it enough. You have been a big help to me. I may have only made partial progress in getting past my issues... but you've shown me that I have a goal and that one of these days if I allow myself to do it I can achieve it.
Things at home are the worst they've ever been. I won't go into detail. It doesn't matter. I'm moving out. WW/DW/soon to be ex? told me today that she feels like she would never want to see me again if it weren't for DD. You were right, I needed to do a bunch of things that I didn't do because of whatever I've got going on in my head, and because I didn't do them I made the situation worse, even when I thought I was making it better. I don't think it's going to get better now. I had hope, but now I've lost it completely. You never know... but I'm not counting on anything other than a divorce at this point. My spirit is crushed. My heart is broken. I don't even know what to do anymore other than move out and hope that one day I can have some sort of a normal life again, and right now I don't have hope for anything. I know it's a possibility, but It's eating me up just writing this, so I'm going to go. I'd ask you to pray for me and wish me luck, but doesn't God help those who help themselves? Then again, if that were the case, how would it work for those of us who feel like we can't? I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I'm a train wreck.
Thanx again. <:OI
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All I see is human, Infernomatic...
And I'm good with that.
You're welcome. You're worth it. I believe in you.
I already pray for you, by choice...you, your WW, your daughter and your marriage.
Would you kick me in my keester if I said you are having a normal life, IMO?
LA
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I meant the thread... >:OD That's pretty funny. Unless you didn't get what I meant. Or maybe you made a funny and I missed it? Heh.
Yeah... it's all good.
Thanx. I do too sometimes... when I'm not freaking out. I have good days and bad. the other day was a bad. I know I'll get through this on the days I'm not freaking out. As her attitude gets worse, so do my worries. I know I should take this from day to day, and that nothing is set in stone... Some days I forget and freak out and start waving my "The end is near" sign though. Like the other day. Then there are other days where I know that one way or the other I'll be alright. I guess sometimes I just don't want to be if that makes any sense? I'm stubborn. Refusing to accept that life just isn't fair sometimes, and I totally don't believe in that "everything happens for a reason" garbage. I think things happen because people will them to be that way, and the rest is either
I'm leaving... we shut down for the day because of the floods. I'll post later. :O)
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I posted this twice... the first time it got lost??? The second i accidentally hit cut instead of copy when the form expired. Oops.
Wasn't very good anyway.
to make it short.
I wouldn't kick you. I just didn't expect this to be normal for ME. I always pictured myself as this upstanding, all around good guy that would have this happy life. I've been finding out that I might have been a little wrong about that lately.
DW might be WW again. My nephew said he saw WW out w/ what may be the OM at a clothing store or somewhere. He's only 8 so he wasn't to descriptive of the encounter, and we weren't going to pump him for info. So, I don't know if it was him or not. Just that "it wasn't Uncle Guy"...
WW asked me not to be gone from bed long last night because she was cold. The irony is that when she woke up this morning she was the ice queen all over again. Go figure.
The floods were crazy, still is. I had the last two days off. One block down frok our house all the streets were flooded and the roads all closed. I had to drive a half hour out of the qway to go anywhere when we were even allowed to leave our home. Put things into perspective. My life isn't so bad right now... but what I wouldn't give to be a happy family again. <:OI
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We can live our expectations and be locked in disappointment...or we can choose our expectations wisely. You always believed you earned love, so being an all-around good guy was a guarantee...and you learned your belief wasn't valid...as so many of us do. I see that as a remarkable accomplishment...to see that belief for what is and where it came from so early in your whole life...giving you the opportunity to live in freedom and love. Must just be me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'll use WW unless she pledged to no contact and became transparent...and you didn't say... Seems as if WW has her perspective ranges as you do. I don't watch television, so I don't know of the floods...and nothing can change your perspective...you do. You chose a good one, I think. Are you housebound with your family? What a time to shine...and ponder. LA
Last edited by LovingAnyway; 06/30/06 06:22 PM.
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I just typed like 10 pages of stuff and was getting nowhere and it was so long I couldn't keep it all coherent because of the small space in which we have to post... plus I have CRS from the amount of stress I've been under for almost a year now. I know the memory loss is stress related because it's happened other times when I've been under extreme stress for extended periods of time. I'm not sure what my expectations are for my life? I have plenty of predictions, none of which are good... but no real plan I suppose. I'd have to sit down and think abou t it. Up until last year, the only thing I cared about was haivng a good time most days. I'm not and wasn't lazy, but if it resembles work I hate it. I could mountain bike for 6 hours and love every minute, but going to work for even one at the crappy job I'm at now kills me these days. I have to be having fun all the time or I get highly aggitated. It's alway sbeen taht way. Last year I finally found a career I could enjoy taht I wanted to go to school for, but what w/ all that's happening right now w/ work and home I'm throwing that on the back burner indefinitely, if not infinitely. Now that I've given up on that for now, I don't really know where my life is going. I don't really even have a life and haven't for the last year approx other than spending time w/ DD. Which has been good. Some adult companionship would be nice too though. After Florida in July last year, everything went right down hill. Meltdown/nervous breakdown and all. I have no expectations, just predictions... none of them good. I hope the ones my Mom got from that psychic turn out to be right and not the ones I came up w/. I can';t even ride the fourwheeler when I move out now. It's getting fixed and sold. I was offered the option to buy it, and have the money, but it's not what I'm looking for and the money situation is kind of complicated. So now I'm going to have to find something lese to constanyl do to keep occupied in a few weeks. You always believed you earned love, so being an all-around good guy was a guarantee...and you learned your belief wasn't valid...as so many of us do. I see that as a remarkable accomplishment...to see that belief for what is and where it came from so early in your whole life...giving you the opportunity to live in freedom and love. Yeah. The funny thing is, I always thought that me not expecting anyone to have to earn it from me wasn't a bad thing. It's not really, but I guess I gave trust and forgiveness away like candy because I was expecting to get something in return. Doing it isn't bad, but doing it for the wrong reasons can be. Don't get me wrong, my Mom was great to us for the most part. I always felt loved. My Mom says I'm like my Dad though. Hard on myself, and always worried about this and that. She makes it sound like he was that way for as long as she could remember. She used to blame it on my Grandmother to an extent, but honestly I think it was something that was already there to begin w/ that developed further over time. Like a predisposition (genetic or otherwise) to the attitude. DD is the same way. She's down on herself alot, for no reason at all sometimes. No reason I see anyway. Reminds me of me. I'd say it reminds me of WW too, but she keeps anything to do w/ alot of her feelings bottled up. I think she does anyway. I'm sure OM knows all about it though... that was uncalled for. I had a brief moment there. Anyway... I think she puts on a good show but at the end of the day there's probably more to her than she has ever let on... even to me. I can say the same thing about me though too to an extent. I get some crazy thoughts and ideas in my head sometimes thanx to my over actiuve imagination... some of it I'd not be willing to share w/ anyone ever. I'm having a really hard time wanting to trust WW right now... W/ Om in the picture, and her attitude.. I don't trust her to not get rid of me permanently at some point. I know she has issues though, and that she blames me for the way she feels. As misguided as that is, I understand that she does it and that theirs not a darn thing I can do to change it. Doesn't make this much easier, if at all though. Just helps me to understand mostly, and I have to constantly remind myself too. My Mom and family have had some heated discussions w/ me over this whole ordeal. They apparently can't accept that I don't live my life the same way they do. They also seem to be having a really hard time comprehending that I understand where they are coming from, but choose to live my own life instead of theirs. They think I'm naive... I think it's the other way around. They all have issues themselves and point out each others flaws constanyl these days, but do it behind each others backs. Unless they get really mad at one another... Then it turns from gossip to confrontation. My Mom bad mouthing my brother and sisters, and them her or each other. They wonder why I stay out of the loop and mind my own business. I don't think they'll ever figure it out... Must just be me. What's just you??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'll use WW unless she pledged to no contact and became transparent...and you didn't say... She's close to pledging no contact... w/ me. I was told tonight that she would like it if I just went away for a while. As for transparency... it's there. Her decision to not tell me anything about her plans for life or current activities is quite transparent. Other than those two things, I got nuthin'. If anything she's possibly lying about or down playing her activity w/ OM and hiding everything and anything from me. Even what she had for breakfast... Seems as if WW has her perspective ranges as you do. I think so... I play little games w/ myself to test the waters soketimes. Trying to get a feel for where she stands. Like I'll pretend I'm alseep sokme nights when she comes home. I'll aly my arm across her pillow to see if she'll huddle up to me, or move it out of the way. If it works to my advantage, it doesn't last long. Sometimes I think she's up and down like a roller coaster... Other times I think she is just longing for some sense of normalcy, but won't afford it to herself because she is still blaming me for this mess and has that ever present excessive temper, or because of OM, or maybe some other factors I'm unaware of. She told me tonight taht she is so stressed by me being here and by the situation as a whole that she is having stomach and chest pains. Coming from someone who can relate to things that like from experience, she must be driving herself mutz over this... I worry not only for our future together, but for her as well. I don't watch television, so I don't know of the floods...and nothing can change your perspective...you do. No TV. I forgot about that. To think that you don't get to see WWE wrestling. I feel for you... >:O) Monday Night RAW is my fave tv program. That and Pokemon (the anime cartoon) on Saturday mornings. You chose a good one, I think. Are you housebound with your family? What a time to shine...and ponder. Chose a good one what? Not housebound anymore... When I was, WW avoided me like the plague. Today was even worse than that. Crazy stuff. Though, not so crazy to me because I've been where she is stress wise. I guess that's part of why I worry about our future too. I know where she's coming from, and whereas I quit trying to run away from the situation before it got any worse than it did, she doesn't seem to have my fears, or reluctance and she is so much more independent than me. That, and she's not very open minded when it comes to self control and the idea that she actually has some and can excercise it. She's running purely on emotion (mostly anger... atleast aorund me) IMO... and it ain't pretty. LA [/quote]
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Joined: Nov 2004
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I remember CRS from stress...and learning to deal with my stress...well, we covered that already. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I laughed at your remembering I don't do tv...and for feeling sorry for me, depriving myself of WWE...thanks for your sympathy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I don't know what to say...you seem to be in that imminently out the door state...as you were before...and before...and you're there. That's what I see. I hear you really are closer to DD than ever before...I was seeing that earlier...you're continuing it, sounds like...what a blessing, in my view. I saw you lose self-focus and slip into a whole lot of mindguessing in WW... I asked about the flooding...someone else here is in it...now I forget...and found out it was Washington DC area...not New York...am I correct? I asked because you're there...because I care. And I am geographically impaired...truly...like a block people have with geometry or alegebra...my eastern limit of experience was Arkansas...the entire Eastern area is lumped together in my head... I read where you examined the loving by choice versus earning it...seeing where your FOO (family of origin) operated from, and how you no longer believe those beliefs are valid...by their results. I did read where you are choosing your beliefs for you, rather than believing because others believe... Did I get that correct? I see where you ponder predictions, not expectations...and I didn't read you to be choosing...rather not choosing them...and your humor coming through, again, with the psychic reference... When you first posted here...did you hear me saying you were the problem? That you caused your WW's affair? I'm curious...something I'm working on inside of me...not taking a poll...wanting to clarify, if need be; and not, if not. About worry... Would you consider worrying is like praying for what you don't want? LA
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I remember CRS from stress...and learning to deal with my stress...well, we covered that already. Remembering having CRS. There's irony for you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I laughed at your remembering I don't do tv...and for feeling sorry for me, depriving myself of WWE...thanks for your sympathy. You don't know what you're missing... >:OD <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I don't know what to say...you seem to be in that imminently out the door state...as you were before...and before...and you're there. That's what I see. I have a personal loan for a vehicle sitting in the bank right now. I'm looking for cars either this week or next and after that It won't be another week or so tops that I move in w/ my Mom if I have to guesstimate. Moving out for now is a done deal, but as for whether or not it's permanent remains to be seen. I'm not getting my hopes up. Let's put it that way. I would have been out the door sooner, but I have been prolonging it for as long as possible. I'm lucky for the time I've had, but now it's run out for the time being. I'm almost positive of it. I hear you really are closer to DD than ever before...I was seeing that earlier...you're continuing it, sounds like...what a blessing, in my view. It's been nice. She's been having a hrad time dealing w/ this on and off, especially since finding out that I'm mvoing out for a bit. WW apparently told her we needed a break for "a couple days". A couple days my rear. I saw you lose self-focus and slip into a whole lot of mindguessing in WW... Oops. Yeah. Her sudden change in attitude has got me to thinking more than I should again. I've never been in a situation like this before, and I guess her attitude toward me just shocks and scares me. Not that I'm afraid of her, but rather of the decision she's capapble of making if the 'tude doesn't fade. She can stay angry almost indefinitely... and I'm worried that this is one of those times. I asked about the flooding...someone else here is in it...now I forget...and found out it was Washington DC area...not New York...am I correct? I asked because you're there...because I care. I'm in Upstate New York, not DC. I didn't know DC got flooded too. We lost 800 hundred houses in this county alone, and 300 were severly damaged. And I am geographically impaired...truly...like a block people have with geometry or alegebra...my eastern limit of experience was Arkansas...the entire Eastern area is lumped together in my head... That's ok, I know where Florida and New York are and after that I really couldn't care less. >:O) Actually, I know the east coast, Texas, and the west coast and taht's about it. I read where you examined the loving by choice versus earning it...seeing where your FOO (family of origin) operated from, and how you no longer believe those beliefs are valid...by their results. I did read where you are choosing your beliefs for you, rather than believing because others believe... Did I get that correct? Yeah. I'm pretty sure. :O) I see where you ponder predictions, not expectations...and I didn't read you to be choosing...rather not choosing them...and your humor coming through, again, with the psychic reference... I try not to ask for much out of life. Keeps me happier. I'd rather be happy w/ the simple things than stressing over not having everything I want all the time. yeah. I really hope that psychic is right... Not that I believe in that sort of thing or would ever go see one. When you first posted here...did you hear me saying you were the problem? That you caused your WW's affair? No. No. Her choice. Just like mine was my own to make. You'd think when talking to her that everything was my fault though. I'm not sure how to react when she blames me. I sit here a little angry sometimes that she doesn't take the initiative to choose not to be so darn miserable all the time as of late (ironically). She thinks the world owes her, and that she shouldn't only have to give what little she chooses to mentally and physically afford in return. She also expects people to understand and accept her poor attitude when she has one and if they don't then she says it's not her problem if people have a problem w/ her. She says that, but then she makes it her problem anyway and holds everyone accountable. She does this w/ alot of things. I don't understand it exactly... I think her blaming me for this situation ties into that, and a possible need for acceptance and an intense desire to not have to make any involuntary changes to her way of thinking? Her attitude seems to be her safety net and she's not giving it up if she can help it. She did for me at one point for the most part... I'm not sure she'll do it again. Ofcourse, I'm getting the brunt of it right now... me and my family. I'm curious...something I'm working on inside of me...not taking a poll...wanting to clarify, if need be; and not, if not. About worry... Would you consider worrying is like praying for what you don't want? I've always looked at it as "preparing for the worst". There's irony for you. Worrying so that you're emotionally prepared for something that may or may not come your way. Really all it does is make you miserable now and later instead of just later. Does absolutely no good. I guess it's easier for me to voluntarily be miserable than get hit w/ something unexpected...? Honestly, I need and want to stop. It hasn't been easy trying, and I'm not even close to accompolishing my goal yet. I stopped worrying about money, but that's about it. I'm not sure that I won't stop freaking out about this until it's done and over w/ one way or the other, but it won't be for a lack of making a solid effort. WW just called. The car broke down Monday and it's going to run $500.00 to repair it. It's going to have to go on the credit card, and she's going to have to make the payments. She said casually in a half joking sort of manor... "Why can't I have the new car?" I wanted to say "Go ahead and take it if you can make the payments.". That and I wanted to say "As long as we're playing the blame game, I think it's only fair that I get the new vehicle. I blame you for me having to buy one in the first place, and i blame you for making me move out, and I blame you being nice when I signed the custody papers forfeiting my rights, and I blame you for having issues that are preventing us from working on our marriage. I guess since you get the house, the contents, the kid and the right to tell me that I don't necessarily deserve our marriage anymore... I should atleast get the new car. I mean, fair is fair in the blame game right?" That's what I wanted to say. What's your take on this... Would you give her the newer car? I don't think it's the right thing to do. It's certainly not going to have any influence on her decision to work or not work on our relationship. Knowing how she is, she'd say it was my choice and that I should be aware that it has no bearing on anything if I gave it to her. She would also justify my having done it saying it was in the best interest of her being able to afford to care for DD. Of course, if I didn't give her the car, she'd blame me when she can't financially handle being on her own. Rather than try to work things out I think she would try to beg and borrow her way out the situation w/ family. Then, be all the more angry at me for it because "I started this". Like I said, she thinks that the world owes her and at this point in time I think that even if I was in debt w/ her, it's aleady been paid w/ interest. I don't think that way. I want to do the generous thing and give her the car, yet I feel like it's just not a good decision. I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe I'm just tired of being stepped on and being held accountable for her actions and feelings? I think maybe if she were going to see my good intentions I'd consider it... As it stands right now, she thinks I'm a jerk and when I do something nice I have a hidden agenda and will never change. I have to draw the line somewhere don't I? What is the right thing to do here??? LA
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