It's ok Soon. As nice as it is talking about "fun things", we are here to support and be supported. It's so hard for people to say I'm sorry, if they can even see that they were wrong. He is wrong for not seeing that. I always thought a man should admit his mistakes and make amends for them, and fight like hel! for what is right. I guess that's easier to say than do sometimes.

Maybe, when you leave work, you can let the tears go. That really helps sometimes. Just let it all out. I know the kind of tired that you are talking about. It's a tired from within your soul. Sleep don't help that kind of tired. Just keep praying for relief, and I will pray for you. I keep hoping that your H will wake up, and realize how lucky he is, but sometimes they don't do that. Like my STBX, I really feel that he will in time, but it will probably be too late.

The thing that makes me so mad about your situation, and many others here, is what these guys are throwing away. They are giving up the best things in their lives, for something as meaningless as a job, or OW, or anything else. They are throwing away what I want so badly. How can some people be so blind?

I know that guys want to make their father/mother/sibs happy, and to make it appear all is going well, but there comes a time to leave that behind and take care of your W and children. That's not a desire, that's a responsibility, and one you agreed to when you got married and decided to have children. It can't be both ways, you can't be a kid anymore, you have to be a man.

Now, look what you've done Soon. Got me on my soapbox. I'm just kidding. Sorry for the sermon, though.

Keep thinking that you are going to make it. You are a very strong person, very strong, and you will make it. You will be happy again. I promise.

Ok, I thought you had disappeared. Was having Tired41 withdrawls again. Sorry, I guess I'm getting way to dependent on you and this board.

It's almost time to go home. I don't know what I'll do. Go get the boys, and head to the house I guess. He won't be there for a while. So maybe by the time I get home I'll be asleep. I know that sounds awful. But one of my faults is that when I get upset, I tend to sit on it for atleast a day. So I know that I wont be over it tonight. And I don't want to fight and argue with him, I'm tired of all that. It's silly. So it will just be easier if I can go home, get the boys to sleep and me right along with them.

I didn't sleep well last night at all. Maybe subconciously I knew today would be a bad day. I had trouble falling asleep and when I finally did I woke up at 1am and didn't go back to sleep until 4, then got up at 5.

So, how's your day been? Busy? I hope you, Sam and Zach have a great time this weekend. You deserve it!!

OK, I just got tripped up in the phone cord and fell all over the office. THANK GAWD no one saw me. I am laughing so hard at myself right now.

Guess who just came in here...I must call 911 right now!
I-Zheet M'drurz is here.....

Soon, please feel free to lean on me all you want. I hate to confess this, but for a while, this board was all that kept me going. I know, get a life. But it really does help. You have my email address so write to it if you want to.

Soon, I know you are going through hel! right now. I know how hard it is living with someone when you know the end is near. You are a special person to put up with all of this for your family, very special. You are going to make it. I mean that. Try to enjoy the evening with your boys. Maybe watch one of those movies. Take some Tylenol PM or something to help you sleep. Just keep thinking in your mind, that you and your boys are going to be happy, and if your H doesn't want to be part of that, then you will be happy anyway. YOU DESERVE IT!!!

Soon, he's got to want to change, or is the marriage even worth saving anyway? He's got to want it as bad as you do. If he doesn't, all this heartbreak and worry that you are fighting through is worthless. I can't think of much worse than suffering for nothing.

Zach called me, and I'm going to get him tonight? Hurray! I would give him a bath and put on his pajamas, but he's just too old for that. Sam will be delighted that one of his boys is home. It's so funny to watch him when one of them is over. He jumps and barks and really shows out.

I'll check the boards tonight and in the morning. I'm not going to desert you. You are my friend.

Glad you got your humor back. I would probably be I-Zheet M'drurz if I had saw you fall in the floor. That was so funny. Wonder how people can think up stuff like that?

OK, to answer your question...I'll try to be quick...at this point. No, the M is not worth saving. He doesn't want it, if he did he would show it.

As I was reading your post, I got cracked up. I was imagining Zach walking into your house, and you are sitting on the edge of the bathtub waiting on him. A he's like "UM, Dad, hello...what are you doing?". I guess giving a teenager a bath and them wearing footed pjs' would be a little too much. Hey, that would be a good SNL skit.

Have a great evening with both your boys!

Talk to you tomorrow.

That is exactly what he would say. Followed by "You are not giving me a bath". I can remember doing it though. I always loved it. He would try to bite the soap, bite his comb, basically bite anything he could get his hands on. His mom left me when he was 4, so I missed out on a lot with him, but I do have a lot of good memories.

Goodnight. I hope you have a great one. Be good to those boys.

Talk to you tomorrow.