Thanks everyone, this is just great, and VERY useful stuff.
RE: "doormat". I'm not a doormat. I have to admit I did cop some stuff on the chin at the beginning because the stuff he was saying at first had the basis of truth, but once it was clear he was going to use it as his justification and wasn't interested in accepting any changes in me, that was that. I drew my boundaries (in concrete, not sand) and by and large removed any opportunity for him to trespass. He did succeed in trespassing a few times, but mostly it's been me in control.
RE: accepting a WS back. In three succinct words: NO BLOODY WAY! He'd have to be the extraordinary person I used to live with, not this very, very, VERY ordinary excuse for a person.
Graycloud, RE: "This is the circumstance. By not immediately divorcing your spouse, you implicitly declare that cheating does not equal the end of the M." In my part of the world, you can't be divorced until you've been separated a year. Although WH took two months to think about whether he would give the M a go or not, once the OW was in the picture, he said that he HADN'T ever said those two months were ever to consider this, and he "considered the marriage over the minute he walked out the door".
Mimi, RE: "The way I see it..the WS begins to MISS the PLAN A/BS not the OLD YOU...If the WS remembers you as being the same..without change...then there is a lower likelihood of return..according to the MB Principles..." I have absolutely NO hope of this. Even though my behavior has been truly exemplary (with a few exceptions) and I have implemented profound change, he does not believe it, does not "trust" that the changes are there and are real. I mean, he CHOOSES not to believe and trust, I suspect because it suits his purposes not to (if he were to believe and trust it would remove a HUGE chunk of his justification and entitlement for the A), but the fact remains that he still does not see the new me, which doesn't bode well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
