lol, yes just a little bit. Thanks for w/b.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

/\ /\ /\

Because this thread is THAT good.

FN

I would like to add...

...that I just came back from an IC session with our MC. He is also a personal counselor specializing in addictioncs and addictive behaviors.

Last week, my WW and I pretty much exploded at each other and when we got to the MC, the focus shifted to my control issues, of which I have many. I was stumped as to why we'd be dealing with my issues when she was the one who had the A.

Well, that afternoon the epiphany hit me about leading by example and by my working on my life, I remove any excuse for her to get mad at me and justify her leaving.

It was about Monday or Tuesday that I found this thread and started implimenting detachment. I was very hesitant to tell my MC about it thinking it was just another way of me controling the situation. When I brought it up, he looked relieved and told me that it's exactly where I need to be.

He mentioned that it is probably the safest place to be to work on your own issues from, to care about your own family from and to better present yourself as someone your WS may want to be around. We talked about a lot more and really got into depth about my past and some serious issues I have with my family and stepfather. That was great stuff, but the affirmation of this detachment through love, pretty much made my day.

FN

This is what it is all about FN. How I wish I had learned this lesson earlier in my life.

We are all here because we have lessons to learn, no matter how long it takes...so why not cut the ****** and just learn them? Save some time and some misery.

...and in so doing, we just might save our relationship. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We put our life and happiness in anothers hand, and then get mad that we are not happy, that they are not acting in accordance with what we want going on in that life.

That makes NO sense and is a guarantee of unhappiness...so I think what Orchid means is that once we decide our happiness and life is up to us and not our WS, they no longer have the power to hurt us...and that releases them, suddenly the affair doesn't look quite so attractive as we do in our confidence and unwillingness to accept crumbs...or to get angry, hurt or caught up in their insanity.


They want to be with the SANE one all of a sudden, and who could blame them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ooh my dear Weaver..... I love the way you write. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Taking back control is not the same as being controlling as the WS would like us to believe.

See from the WS' mouth it's babble. From the correct BS perspective, it's power and strength.

Don't let the WS make you think your strength is bad. It's not. It can save your soul.

JMHO,
L.