I just watched that demolition (or whatever the correct word is) video. Heck, I thought that was cool myself! I like watching stuff like that. It amazes me how they do it, and it just falls there in that one spot. You'd think it would fall on the buildings beside it. But, you being an engineer understands all that I guess. I just like to watch it cause it's cool!

Let's go see what South Beach has in store for me today!

Zach plays the clarinet. Don't know why he chose that, but he did and is good at it. Maybe a scholarship good. His mom is very musically talented, plays piano and sings like an angel. I always thought that she was good enough to go professional. Spencer plays football, basketball and baseball. Basketball and baseball are his favorites. Yeah we were blessed to have intelligent children, and children who stay out of trouble. Luckily, we never had any problems with them getting into trouble, drugs, booze, etc. I pray it continues that way.

The date taught him a valuable lesson. Females can be expensive.

Did you ever [censored] hunt? I've been a couple of times. It was pretty much fun, but I've done it now, and probably won't go any more.

Yeah I hunted with him some. I haven't been since our first was born. I enjoyed it...it was good exercise. I would have preferred that I hunted on say, some flatter ground. Climbing mountains is not my specialty. But, around here there's not much chance of hunting in flat areas. We went to Missouri one time and hunted, now I enjoyed that. No mountains to climb. But I have never seen the likes of ticks down there! They were awful. We have ticks here too ofcourse, but not like that. I was absolutely covered in ticks. I didn't like that.

Sounds rough. I hate ticks, but especially chiggers.

Man, I'm starving. Waiting on a bunch of ladies here to decide what they want for lunch, then I'm going to pick it up. What did you have for lunch?

It's some kind of steak with gravy and green beans. It's pretty good though for a microwave meal.

Oooh, I hate chiggers too. More than ticks.

Hey, have you tried pulling up www.lonemountainstation.com again lately? I told they guy that does our web stuff about you not being able to pull it up. He said "sounds like the wrong URL"...whatever that means. I'm not computer smart as I've said before. So I have no idea.

Got the website to come up. I didn't get to look too much, as I have to go pick up lunch now.

Be back soon, Soon. No pun intended.

OK, there's not much to look at anyway. I was just wondering if there was still something wrong with it or not. Have a good lunch.

I just got back. Yeah, that video was pretty cool. They actually call that an implosion in lieu of an explosion. I guess that makes sense. Anyway, the dam* things falls in rather than out.

Lunch was a good old cheeseburger and fries, a staple of my diet.

I'm going to look at that website pretty close now. I let you know what I think.

I looked at the website. That is cool. There is still some stuff to be added, like photos, and the shopping page, but it was good. When do you think they will finish it?

I went to the links page and onto the Dog E Bonz site. I better not let Sam see the "taste testers" page because he would fall in love with Millie. What a cutie.

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I just had to come on here and vent a little. I don't know, here I say that I am not expecting much from him, then I get all upset and discouraged and make up all this stuff in my mind that maybe he just doesn't have feelings for me anymore and never will again & that the affair he had was just an EXIT affair b/c maybe our marriage really is over? I know the A is over, but I don't know what I am thinking, feeling, doing. I guess I was hoping that he would just be overwhelmed with feelings for me, but it just doesn't appear that way. He stopped by earlier to get some clothes and we talked about some normal BS, me getting a job, etc...Adn there were a few times where he would just stare at the ground for a minute. And then he was on his way. No hug, no nothing. He is still foggy, right? Gosh, I just wish he could say to me that he wants to commit to rebuilding our marriage and come the he!! home.

What am I doing guys? Help me. I am getting so discouraged b/c we haven't discussed anything about our marriage at all. Am I thinking too much? Expecting too much? After he left earlier I just started bawling my eyes out and begging God to just please give me my H back!

The rational side of me keeps saying "this didn't get broken overnight and it's not going to get fixed overnight either, give him his space, leave him be and let him come to you" Then the irrational side says tell him how much you love him, how much you miss him, how much you don't want to miss this chance to make things right and have a wonderful future together - but I can't say those things b/c he isn't talking that talk at all, I don't want to push him away.

Ugh. This is so hard. I mean I am thankful that the MOW is out of the picture and that he hates her guts now. I am trying to keep focused on the positive actions he has been taking, like calling me at night to say good night...I guess I just wish he would say he wanted to come home. It's too soon for that right????

Hey Thankful. Take a deep breath and try to relax for a minute. MOW is out of the way and that is a very positive thing. You are right in that it may take some time to rebuild. The thing that I urge you to do is to keep on making plans for yourself without your H, and let him know that.

I would expect that when he is ready to rebuild the marriage that he will let you know. I would imagine that he will be sad and guilty and willing to do anything to restore your M. I think that until he gets to that point, he either does not think the marriage is in jeopardy or does not care.

Thankful, please take care of yourself. I hate to be blunt, but, it sounds like he is just checking his safety net before looking for another OW. If he was truly sorry for what he has done, and truly in love with you, I don't think that you could keep him away.

I agree with Tired.

You sounded panicky in your post. Slow down, BREATHE. I know on one hand you don't want to push him, but on the other hand you want him to hurry up and come home. You are doing good. Stay strong. THis will take time, and even if you guys are just taking baby steps....it's still in the right direction. It may just take you a little longer to get there.

Thanks Tired. I agree and will take care of myself but I disagree that he would seek out another OW. No way. I don't know what it is that he is doing, but I honestly do not think that he would go looking for another affair to get into. Maybe our marriage really is just...dead.

Don't say that Thankful. It may or may not be dead. Just try to be patient and you'll find out. It just seems to me like if he wanted to work on the M then he'd run back home as fast as he could. Maybe he is still in the fog. Why is he not back at home? That's a little confusing to to me.

Because he isn't ready to come back yet. We haven't discussed it at all. He is half living at his retail store and half at his brother's. He refers to it as "living in the world he has created" - When he originally told me he had changed his mind and was unsure about getting a divorce, he said that he needed to clear his head, etc...I told him that in order to clear his head, MOW had to be out of the picture. HE agreed. And I also told him there would be no family dinners, etc...until the A was ended. Which is why I was willing to go to dinner last night. Last week was when he said he was afraid of either decision, to stay or to leave. He said he wants a guarantee that things won't go back to the way they were, if he comes back. I promised him they won't - they can't - obviously it didn't work that way so why would I go back to the way it was?

I guess in my mind, I believed that the whole problem was because of the A. But apparently it is not or he is just not where he needs to be mentally yet?

Listen, it seems to me that your H is the one making all the demands here...he is the one who had the A. I know that you are taking responsibility for the problems that YOU had in your marriage. I know that you are willing to change. But why is it that he is the one who gets to make all these demands when he is the one who strayed?

I'm sorry. That just frustrates me. Sure, you did things wrong. But my God, that's no reason to run out with some other woman. No reason at all. He should.....oh he!! what do I know. It's just making me mad that he was the one aimlessly wandering around while you were at home making changes within yourself and taking care of your children and he's the one that says "it's this way or no way".

Tired, you've gotten quiet all of a sudden. You OK?

HHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

OK looks like everyone is gone. I'm getting ready to go myself.

Thankful: Stay strong and take care of yourself and your children. I have two things for you to remember now...tough love and patience. But don't pray for patience or God will test you! I hope things stay on the right track for your M. I will pray that it will. Have a good weekend and don't forget about us!

Tired: You disappeared on me! That's ok. I'm sure your busy, and it is Friday too. So, you and Zach (and Sam) too have a great weekend. And think of me when you're eatin that juicy steak! Making me hungry just thinking about it. Have a great weekend and keep your head up!

Hey Soon. Sorry for being gone so long. Lost internet for a while.

Thankful, stay strong. I am praying for you.

Soon, have a great weekend. I am thinking about you and praying for you. Have some fun, ok?