Ow's care and cooking is probably quite shallow. The OW in our sitch claimed she was going to make the WS healthier, happier and wealthier than he had ever been with his family. What came home as a sick and broken man. I was furious. I demanded the Xws go back and get us some of that $$ she promised. LOL!!! I played the part real good.

Anyway, how could he be paying for his place, your place, her place and the bills? Hm.... something doesn't smell right.

I believe he is babbling and bluffing our his [censored]. You need to decide which bluff you call.

Make sure you secure your finances and future for you and your family, then get 'em where it hurts. In his pocketbook. As for garnishment, if he is an American there is a thing called child support which can be withdrawn from his paycheck before the creditors and his net. That will give you $$ before he can and maybe deplete his ability to fund the OW.

Also, you might want to let his payroll dept and creditors know he is funding the OW before paying what he owes. That s/b raising cain. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

L.

I can't know for sure but it would not surprise me. It wouldn't be the first time. I am not going to say a lot about that on this forum because it might be interpreted badly. Let's just say people can rationalize a lot of strange behaviors. Families will do what they have to for the "greater good". People in different countries also do not always share the same value system - not even close.

For example, you go to India and see so many invalid children begging and you feel so bad for their suffering and give them money. But did you know that in many cases, a first (male) child is born and the parents will have a leg amputated while he is still an infant so that later the young boy can take on the role as "bread winner" for the family by begging? It turns my stomach to even say it but it is true.

Asian expatriates can have different value systems than I do. Not all but many. They view life here as a temporary place until they return to their real lives back home. Many US expats do the same so it is not just Asians. There are just a whole lot more Asians here than anyone else. In the UAE, the number of Indian men expatriates far outnumbers the national population (men/women/children).

According to the CIA world fact book, the total population of Kuwait is 2.3 million while the expatriate population represents a full 1.3 million of that. That means there are only 1 million Kuwaitis in the entire world. I have heard estimates that only about 300,000 actually live in Kuwait and the rest in Europe or the US or Canada. Personally I think that CIA number is wrong and certainly does not include the military. I truly thought there were more than 1.3 million expats. It used to be closer to 2.5 million but I know they were limited after the 1st Gulf War by water availability because they lost most of their desalination capacity at the hands of the Iraqi army. They also restricted a few nationalities from ever returning.

So he is only sending 150 KD. That may not seem like a lot of money to you but that is quite a lot in the Philippines. That would be something along the lines of one month's salary for a Philipina working in Kuwait more or less. Your husband can buy quite a lot of loyalty for very little money. IMO, the OW is all about money. She wants nothing long-term with your H. He can't think past the end of the day. You are the only one thinking past the end of the month.

You need to get your husband out of Kuwait. That will be difficult. Keep posting if you can and maybe someone will come up with some good ideas for you. You do realize that there is a lot that goes on illegally in Kuwait. I have known people who lost their jobs and worked out a way to stay because they made far more money outside of work than at the job. I doubt that is happening in your husband's case. I think he is running from something, has found a way to get great pay for little work and is basically taking a vacation from life.

hi Traicionado,

my husband has a visa from his work, not sure how long they are good for, but he can sponsor people with it, he will sponsor our visas with it. (the kids and me are still on the 3 month tourist visa) He is also sponsoring OW, since he made her quit her job, and paid her employer so he would release her. As far as i know, that was quite a large amount as well. He has also paid her a plane ticket to visit her family about a year ago. And when she had problems getting back into country, he helped her out then as well.

Germany is on the list of countries eligible for a 3-month tourist visa, not sure about the political background, maybe something changed since then.

WH has worked in germany for british and american contractors when we lived there, he also paid taxes to germany back then. Since he has been in kuwait, he hasnt paid taxes to US or any other country. I think if you live in another country and pay taxes there, like in germany, you are tax-exempt in your own country, but if not, you do have to pay taxes there. If i am wrong, please correct me.

He has never had someone on the side before, this all happened due to me "leaving" him. But i think he would have fallen into all of this the same way, had we been together. He has always been vulnerable to things like that, gotten drawn in by things, i was the one that kept him on a solid path. He is very much a one-woman man, thats why he is living with her, and has pretty much nothing to do with me. So that she dont start on the jealousy thing, and threatens to leave him all the time for the sake of his family.

He is working for a US company, and his paycheck goes into an american online bank. He also has a US passport, but he says he dont have to pay taxes in the US for this, cause he is tax-exempt for some time working outside of the US, not sure what the amount of time is there. But i do know that he is not paying taxes.

The US has no way of knowing he is working there and not paying taxes anywhere. They never checked when we lived in germany, if he paid taxes there or if he would have to pay in the states.

I also know if the military would leave, the work here would be gone, but look at germany, the military has been there since WW II, so i dont think they will be leaving here anytime soon. And the reason he considers this home, is because he lives day by day, and he lives here at the moment, he dont think about the future, and will deal with it when it crosses his path, he also only does things, like pay a bill...does paperwork that need to be done, when he has to do it, basically last minute.

He does have an ID, to get on the post where he works at, it does get renewed, i have seen the date on his, and it is fairly recent... i think sept or oct last year, but he has been here longer. The contracts themselves end after 6 months, but he has gotten his renewed or extended a few times already. And he just got it renewed in february.

I also know all about the drug abuse, thats one thing my husband also got caught up in, at least for a year and a half that i know of. Guess its pretty common to use that stuff here, to be able to stay awake all those hours at work.

And i am trying to get out of the house, but since we live in this "construction-zone" its at least an hour by foot to the next McDonalds alone, just for example. Only thing around here, are some small indian stores, i am sure you know what kind i am talking about.

Right now he is not contacting me at all, except for one message on my cell yesterday asking me how i was doing. That was the only thing i heard from him, since i talked to him last on friday. Guess he just shoves money in my direction, and thats it. He is completely oblivious to the situation. He doesnt see what he is doing to his kids with all of this. My son is very angry at his father, my daughter is just very sad, he brought em here, yet he dont give a s**t, he dont come by or anything, unless he needs to...for shopping, papers or something in the house. What the ****** was he thinking when he brought us here???? Why did he bring us here??? All that dont make any darn sense. I am competely clueless.

My son called him today, we had walked into Fahaheel and my son wanted to know from him where a store was where he could get some PS 2 games. WH told him, and wondered how we gotten there, my son told him we walked, then he just said, be careful. He never even offered to give us a ride back, full well knowing how far it was (about 1 1/2 hours walk one way)

I think this is just hopeless, i am more worried about WH than anything. I am about ready to do anything to get him out of here, i know that would get him mad and i could forget my marriage forever, but i how can i let him fall further and further? I cant let him end like this, he is my husband, i vowed through good and bad times. He needs me, but doesnt see that, and doesnt want that. I want to save him from himself and everything here in this country that he is caught up in. He is not himself anymore, that he does know, but he dont understand why he isnt himself. And he dont know how to become that person again. I know here, he will never be that man again.

It is one thing to leave your spouse for someone else, but to put people that you cared for for so many years (kids and me) through such a situation? How can he sleep at night? What was he thinking? Where is his humanity? I dont get it, this used to be a man, that would pick up stray kittens in the street and bring them home to take care of them.

I also know OW has very different views on a lot of things, WH has told me that, when he was explaining to me why she wanted to leave him so he could come back to us. That to her its the right thing to do to "give" me my husband back. But if this is truely her belief, then she would have done that already. Why say something and then not do it. (she has told it to him and me, even apologized to my kids in a message to my cell saying she will leave) Why say something like this and not do it, unless you have a different reason for saying it to begin with. Just my 2 cents...

And about the money he sends to the phillipines, i know this is what she used to earn over here, or at least what she used to send. And of course since he made her quit her job, he is taking care of that now. I only saw one paper with the transfer, i am not sure if he sends more or not. I know he has bought her little things like a cell phone with a camera, i dont know what else...i dont want to know.

On her yahoo website she claims eternal love, so i do think she is planning on keeping him as long as she can. Just one thing struck me as odd. When i talked to her back in december via messenger, she said that she had talked to WH and told him, you know when you are old you will need your family (she said that to show me that she is trying to gethim to come back to us) and he said "i know". But that just showed me that she aint planning on being around when he is "old". Whatever old is...he will be 40 this year, she is 27. And if your family values were really that strong, she would be with her husband, or at least her son, here or in the phillipines...

I am also afraid that if he lost his job, he would get into "dealing" just like his BF. His job seems to be the only thing that keeps him somewhat normal. I would appreciate any suggestions, i really do, i am afraid to do anything about the drug stuff, because i think the punishment for that is pretty severe over here. Or would he get deported? If anyone knows, please let me know, thank you.

Hello Orchid,

WH is already a broken man, he has aged so many years, has no more "spirit". It is so sad to see him like this, it hurts pretty badly..

He also earns about 6K Dollars a month, the rent for our apartment is 180KD (times 3 for Dollars, round about), his apartment is free (company-housing) and i dont know how her apartment is. Electricity or gas are included, so no extra bills for that. We all use prepaid cards on the phones, he pays internet and his car rental. Those are the bills he has, but he is way behind on his internet bill (bout 6 months) and also with his rental car he was months behind, they picked it up last week, now he rents from a different place. Dont think the old bill is paid off. Not sure if he could even leave with outstanding bills like that.

Not sure what the other debt is from, i doubt its from the drugs, no dealer would extent so much credit and still supply him. I think there might have been some "operation" or whatever, that someone in her family needed or whatever. He would be the perfect sucker for that, and he knows i would "overreact" to that. So he wouldnt tell me. Back in august he told me his debt is due to the drugs..i dont think so. I dont see how.

He still owes big time in germany, and i know he would have to pay for the kids, he is supplying us with food and money here as well. I know he would keep paying for the kids at least. And if he wouldnt, i know how to get him to pay for them, this is not a problem at all.

I just dont know how to reach him, and to open his eyes to everything. Everything about kuwait is just so right in his eyes, he doesnt see the signs his own body is showing him...mentally and physically. If she would be good for him, he would be well. I wish i would have noticed that sooner, i didnt see any of this. I abandoned him...and this is what happened. I hope someone can help me find a way to get him back to his senses. Thank you so very much <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So your husband has a residence visa. Overall that is better for you. Once he has that visa with his employer as his sponsor, he can sponsor immediate family and I can almost swear to you that he is sponsoring the OW as a housemaid. Kuwait does not allow sponsoring lovers. If you were not married to your H, he could not sponsor you, for example.

If he paid the OW's employer for her release, then she has a waiver and is legal. That payment he made is probably in the range of 1000-2000 US dollars to transfer the visa and he may have had to buy out her contract as well.

Kuwaitis are a fickle group. Love you one day, hate you the next. I am glad you don't have any problems there. We expats tend to suffer all the problems established by our governments. We are closer and easier to blame.

Yes you are way wrong about taxes. The USA is one of a very few countries that requires its citizens to pay taxes no matter where you are. They even make you pay for your first 18 months in heaven. There is a tax exclusion as well as recipricoty treaties with most countries. For example, say your husband has a taxable income of 150,000 USD. The USA gives him up to something like 80,000 exclusion automatically so his taxable income (150-80) becomes 70,000. Now that may sound like a gift but it is not because the US taxes EVERYTHING - all benefits in kind - so the 80,000 is simply an attempt to break even. If the company pays housing, provides air tickets back to the USA for vacation, etc. all is taxable. Simple example, one year a long time ago I was living in Mexico. My salary at that time was something like 70,000 but my W2 showed my taxable income as 250,000. Basically the company used my Mexico taxes and my exclusion to their advantage and they effectively cheated. It happens. If your husband paid taxes in Germany, that amount he paid would have been deducted from any liability he might have in the USA.

As a German, if you live and work in another country, you do not owe taxes to Germany. The USA is very different and very unique. There are a handful of other countries that do something similar to what the US does but not to the extent that the US does. EU countries will all be the same and currently do have tax exemption for expat workers depending on how many days the worker resides out of the country.

If he is paid by a US company, it doesn't matter where his paycheck goes. His employer is required by law to file his W2 including all benefits in kind. He gets an 80,000 exclusion but will be responsible for the rest. If he is not paying taxes, you can report him to the IRS online. If interested, have a look through

US Treasury

or even better

US IRS

If he is being paid by a US company, the USA knows EXACTLY how much money your husband makes and they know exactly how much he owes in taxes. They are very dilligent about that.

I am not saying to report him now. I am saying this may be more ammunition for you and a way to get him out of Kuwait. He will lose his military ID (I am almost certain) if he is under criminal investigation by the Treasury Department. BTW, if you do report him, they pay you a little reward.

Six month contract with perpetual renewal is standard. The military cannot give long term contracts so what your husband is doing is normal.

If I were you, I think the safest thing you can do for all concerned is to go and report her to the Philippine Embassy in Kuwait City. Explain exactly what is going on. The Philippines probably has 500K citizens working in Kuwait and they, like any other government, are not going to give a rat's eyelash about the wellbeing of one of its citizens if that person gets in the way of their interests. If the Embassy is aware of what the OW is doing and they are afraid that it might become public, they might very likely take action on your behalf - such as get her visa cancelled.

Second possibility would be to report her to Kuwaiti immigration because I am absolutely certain she is in visa violation - guaranteed. This could land her in jail but more likely just deported. Ask around and learn about any precedents for cases like this. It happens all the time so should not be hard to learn something.

You might also go to the US Embassy and state your situation. The USA doesn't need any scandals in Kuwait so they might choose to do something. If your kids have US passports, make sure they are registered with the Embassy.

Also, for your own protection, make sure you are registered with the German Embassy. I doubt the German Embassy will be of much use to you other than that given the situation.

Reporting husband to the IRS might be a last resort but that could land him in jail. It would get him out of Kuwait, however, unless Kuwait does not have an extradition treaty with the USA. I am not sure about that one. It doesn't come up much.

If I were in your position, my biggest concern would be him cutting you off entirely and ending up KDless. Do you have enough money to get out of Kuwait if you need to?

6K per month probably seems like a lot of money to your husband. If he is a mechanic, that is probably a fair wage but in expat terms it is quite low. I say this because it might make "dealing" a serious temptation for him - especially with his mounting financial obligations. He makes a reasonable salary but could easily have much more. Drugs and alcohol are big business in Kuwait. People kill each other in turf wars over it.

A couple of other things just occurred to me.

1) I don't know what your husband's motive is for bringing you to Kuwait and maybe he had good intentions so don't take this the wrong way. Many companies pay additional benefits based on family status. If a worker brings his family to live with him, he gets more benefits, higher cost of living adjustment (COLA), etc. You might be suffereing there with the kids to help him gain more money. His company assumes you are living in his apartment with him. If you are living elsewhere, that is probably not a big concern to them. Since you are in Kuwait, you do represent an additional financial burden to your husband so the company can justify any additional payments. On the other hand, if the OW lives in his company-provided apartment, that is grounds for termination. Adultery is against the law in Kuwait. So is any form of alcohol or drug dealing. Drugs are punishable by death. Alcohol, in Kuwait, has less severe penalties. If you find evidence that he is doing anything in his apartment that is against the law, report him to his company's HR office. He will get fired and have to leave Kuwait. No question. He is on residence visa so, once cancelled by the company, it will be difficult to find work elsewhere there and that is assuming his company gives him a release - they likely won't. As a mechanic, there just aren't that many things to fix in Kuwait that aren't painted in camouflage. Sure there are about half a million 1982 orange Chevrolet Caprices (most successful car ever sold in the Middle East) driven by bedouin taxi drivers but I am sure they could not afford your husband's rates.

2) Another possibility is to seek out a news service interested in doing an investigative report. Many news agencies love scandal and especially scandal about places like Kuwait. You might have to give some thought as to which news service to select. Some back the action in Kuwait and some don't. You being German and based on the German attitude as to what is going on there, a German news service might be the best option. I don't follow US news enough to know who supports Kuwait and who doesn't. I would definitely stay away from the BBC in this case.

I would also ask you husband to give you an open return ticket to the place of your choosing for each of you that you can hold. That will give you the ability to leave Kuwait at any time without the need to get money for tickets. Airlines will gladly issue those.

If you do go visit the US Embassy, be sure to ask the marines there about buying shirts for your children. They sell nice shirts at good prices to raise money for local activities. The Kuwait shirt looks really great - nice emblem. I collect those shirts BTW. Those and Harley-Davidson shirts. There is also a nice HD shop in Kuwait I think on the third ring road but don't quote me. It's been a while.

Now I remember the other thing. Exposure. What are the exposure possibilities for you? Make a list and get advice on how to implement.

In your case, you can expose to his family but don't know how much help that would be. My guess is not much. You can expose to his company. You can expose to the CO on the base where he works. You can expose to the DoD. Because of what your husband is doing, it might be enough grounds to revoke his DoD badge meaning he cannot work on the base and his company would be forced to release him. Now if the DoD rescinded all the badges for all the people in Kuwait involved in high-risk activities, well - I won't go there. You don't care about any of them - all you care about is your husband. Your husband works on a military base - he is involved in an activity with a foreign national that could place him in a compromising position. I am not saying he is dealing with top secret materials but I don't think the DoD has shades of grey (shades of khaki maybe). Just a thought. Make a list of who you might be able to expose to.

Daggi,

My last thought until you post back. Please please please contact the AWG I posted earlier. Their contact number is on the web site. I am sure they can be very supportive and provide info on any agencies that might be available to you for help and guidance. Everywhere I have been, I have always found the AWG to be a great bunch of ladies and they know everything there is to know about being the wife of an expat. Please please please also contact your Embassy and make them understand your situation. They may not be able or willing to help you but you never know. It can't hurt to try. At least they can give you guidance on what your rights are under Kuwaiti immigration law.

My fear is that this is much bigger than a simple affair and that your husband's behavior will become progressively more erratic and could eventually put you and your family at some risk. Kuwait is not a cheap place to live without company subsidy. I doubt yout husband rented you a very nice apartment. If you can walk to Fahaheel, I know about where you live. Among all my other expat assignments, I have had opportunities to live in Singapore, Bruneii, China, Yemen, Sudan, Libya and Kuwait. I ended up not going to any of those places to live but Kuwait is the only one I turned down. There just wasn't enough money to get me there or, more specifically, convince me to risk my family there. I would have happily gone if I were single. It is a terrible environment to expose a family to. Nothing healthy about it.

If your husband rented your apartment that far south, I am guessing he also works in Ahmadi rather than up north. I don't remember the military presence being that large south of Kuwait City except for a few Patriot batteries. The US army contracted a massive tanker fleet to haul fuel up north to Iraq and that is all staged across the highway from the Ahmadi refinery. If I had to guess, I would guess that is where your husband works.

Orchid: He may nor admit it but the mirror of life doesn't lie.


Orchid: $ and calculators don't lie and don't cut any slack. Remember this w/b a good tool to use.....later. Just keep tabs on the $$ in & $$ out.


Orchid: U R his wife, can't you find out? Run a credit check on him?!?!?!?


Orchid: $$ could be the unraveling of the A. In our case, the OW promised him riches and good health....yea right....what came home was a broken, poor and sick man. I told the WS, I wanted my $$ back. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> He said from where? I said, from the OW, didn't she promise you'd be rich? So where's my $$? Ha. It was hard to say it with a straight face..... I should have won an oscar for that performance. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Orchid: Can't call the HR dept at the home office? Hm.... gotta be a way. Can you imagine if you went to the US Embassy?

BS: I am looking for my H.

Embassy: Is he missing?

Bs: Sort of, he is here on a working visa, having an affair dragged us here to put the A in our faces, not been paying for his family....warehouses an OW's apt, etc. He has been hiding from us since he moved here. Can you please, find him, talk with him, etc.

L.

Orchid,

If her children are US citizens or hold dual nationality, then they have the right of protection of the US Embassy. I would definitely go to the US Embassy if nothing else just to make them aware. I don't want to offend anyone but I have been an expat most of my adult life and I know the two great lies that should never be believed:

1) "The check is in the mail."

2) "Hi, I'm from the government and I am here to help you."

I am not a big believer in the US embassy jumping in to help but, in this case, I think it is worth the bother. You have no idea what really goes on in Kuwait and they do.

BTW, gemela tells it slightly differently:

las tres mentiras Mexicanas:

1) "La última y nos vamos."

2) "Mañana te pago."

3) "La puntita y nada más."

not sure what you said in the spanish part, unfortunately i dont speak spanish.

If he is sponsoring her as a housemaid, can i get her kicked out somehow? With the knowledge that i have? I know they will both deny it if questioned. What proof would i need?

I will contact the us embassy, the kids dont have american passports, but their father being american automatically makes them americans. My son was born in germany, my daughter in the states, for most their lives they had passports of the country they were born in, when i came here, i had both of them get german passports, as we were in germany, my daughter has an american birth certificate, but i just noticed when going through my papers, he has not only taken our passports, but also our birth certificates, and both copies of my marriage certificate. I didnt realize this up until now. I guess when all goes down, i could have security open his apartment, so i can get my papers from his room, not sure if they would do this. But i am his wife and those are his kids, and those papers belong to them and me, and we have a right to them, or can i get replacements at the embassy's?

I am still waiting, trying to find his mother, i want her in on this, i want her to understand what is going on with her son and her grandchildren, and i do think i will have her support on this. I dont want him to call her afterwards and make me out to be the bad person. I love this woman dearly, and i know her grandkids mean the world to her.

I will contact the places you have mentioned and will see what they say, but i am really really wanting to get a hold of my mother-in-law first. I also dont want my husband to catch on to anything thats going on, so i am kinda glad i dont have any contact to him, until then i will try to gather as much information as possible. I am so glad i have you to tell me all those things, and show me the things that are possible, i dont want to get him on the drugs, as i dont want him to face a death penalty..i am trying to save him, not kill him.

I also have a way out of country, a friend has offered me his miles he collected. I asked him if it would be possible to get two more tickets on this account, i know its a lot to ask, but he knows the situation, and i will pay him back over time. But if that works, then the kids and me will not depend on him to get out of here if neccessary.

He has also always avoided bringing us here, giving all sorts of excuses, so i doubt that money is the reason for him bringing us. But at this point, i have no clue what the ****** he was thinking bringing us here.

I also tried to run a search on her husbands email, it doesnt exist anymore, not sure why. Could be that my husband got so pissed at her for contacting him, that he changed his email and that they communicate through a different one. So i have no way to find him.

Just wish i had more on his mother than just her name, she has moved away from california, that all i know. Already contacted other family, so they can help, but so far nothing, but i am sure that i will find her one way or another, just hope it happens soon.

I am very thankful for all the support and help. You have no idea how much all of this means to me and my kids. Thank you so much <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />))

Orchid, if i called the embassy so they would contact him, that wouldnt do anything, the wife of his BF did that, and the embassy actually contacted my husband, since the wife gave the embassy my husbands phone number, and my husband just said, everything is fine, he is alive..bla bla bla. It really has to be done a different way. But i will contact the embassy, for the sake of my children. My children are not even attending school, he has said he will get them into school, and i believed him before coming here, since then he has been "working" on our papers. And says he cant enroll them until they have their residence visa. But he keeps pushing everything out to the last minute. I cant believe he is acting that irresponsible. I am sure the embassy will also be interested in hearing about that.

Wish me luck that i find his mother very soon, i am so ready to get everything into motion, cause if i dont, this will go on like this indefinately. Something needs to be done, and i know i will have her support. She knows her son <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

oh, i forgot, i have no idea on how to run a credit check over here, to find out where his money has been going, if it is even traceable... and would he find out that i did that credit check if i did one?

I will respond to the rest of your post tomorrow but let me make this very clear. YOU CANNOT GET OUT OF THE COUNTRY WITHOUT THOSE PASSPORTS! Whether you can replace them or not (which I am certain you cannot) they contain your visas. Without those passports, you are going nowhere. Get them back. They are your property and it is a crime to have them taken from you.

If you contact the US Embassy, they are not going to contact your husband. They don't work that way. Just talk to them and your embassy as well - especially now that you don't have any passports!

Daggi,

Has your H refused to give you your passports and birth certificates?

Lady

Hey Daggi,

It's good that you don't speak Spanish. Don't try to translate it.

Do you have photocopies of the passports? If not, learn your leasson and always keep photocopies in the future.

I don't know about German law but Embassies generally require both parents to be present to get a passport for a minor. They do this specifically so that one parent cannot kidnap a child. Not only do you not have your passports, you have no proof of who you are, no proof of nationality and no proof of the marriage.

You should be able to get birth certificates and marriage certificates reissued. Generally all that needs is a signed petition. I would go ahead and get replacements, if possible. Confront your husband and ask why he has those documents. Tell him you do not feel comfortable being in a foreign country without them. Also, if you are stopped by the police for any reason in Kwuait and do not have your passport with visa, they have the right to take you to jail. You being a westerner, this is not very likely to happen. Just stay out of trouble(don't eat or drink in public during Ramadan, for example).

If I were you, I would go ahead and get US passports for the children at the first opportunity. They can always renounce them when they are 18 if the choose to. It won't hurt you to have them now (unless one of them wins the lottery of course). Both you and WH will have to appear at the US Embassy along with the children for the initial application interview. You can read the requirements and print out an application form here:

US Passports


If the immigration authority knows your OW is in visa violation, yes they will cancel her visa and kick her out. Proving she is not the housemaid may be another matter. She might just claim she spends a lot of time pressing the bed sheets. Can you get photo evidence of them doing anything an employer and housemaid shouldn't be doing? Just file a complaint with the police and have them bust in on WH and OW in his apartment. Seek advice there but my guess is that it would be pretty easy to get her deported. I just don't think that is really going to solve any of your problems. It might be a slap in the face to WH but not much more. There are plenty more Philippinas where she came from. What you need to do is get HIM deported.

WH is telling the truth in that they cannot attend school without residence visas. Will his company pay for that or is it on his dime? I am still betting he took you to Kuwait because someone explained to him he would get more money every month. He probably just didn't know it at first.

I think your first priority is to get your passports back. Ask you husband why he has all that. It may just be that he needs all those papers to get your residence visas. That is a valid explanation. He would need every one of those documents for the visa applications. If he says that is what is happening, ask when you can get your passports back. Find out who his company's PRO (public relations officer) is and get his cellphone and call him every two days to get a progress report. If you are unsuccessful in getting the passports back, report this to the German Embassy and ask them what your options are. I think this is the most urgent right now. I am not sure how long it takes to get a Kuwaiti visit visa converted to residence but it should not take much more than a month at the most. I can find out how long it should take if you like. I still know a lot of people living there.

hi traicionado,

WH has given my copies of the passports and the visa, so in case i do get stopped i can explain that WH doing the paperwork still, and thats why i dont have the passports, my son and i still have our regular german id's, my daughter dont have that, because she isnt 16 yet (thats when they issue those in germany).

I have asked about the passports and how long it will take, thats when he brought those copies by, and he said he found out that he needs a salary statement, and that would take 4-5 days till he gets that. That was friday, not sure what is true or not. Maybe he ran into trouble when he tried to get us sponsored, wouldnt they see that he is already sponsoring a maid? I read on some embassy sites, that someone can only sponsor a maid (when the wife and kids are with him) when both parents work, and there is proof that there is a need for child care etc.

And the only pictures i had of them two... one was both of them hugging..and him hanging on her like a lost little puppy, i copied them off her website a few months ago, but this is still on the computer i had back in germany, and i found out from my sister yesterday that our apartment in germany is sealed, nothing of worth is allowed to be taken out of it. Everything is lost now for sure, he made me loose everygthing i have, how can a person that claims has loved you for almost 20 years, do that???? I have nothing left... i wouldnt treat my worst enemy like this... sorry for venting... this is all just very upsetting to me.

Well before we did leave, we did take the Harddrive out of my computer, as WH told me he would build me a computer here agian, and that my sister could send me the harddrive so i wouldnt loose any of the info. Maybe i could get her to through my HD into her computer and retrieve that picture. Because sind then the picture has been taken off her website.

I havent really asked my husband for the papers and the passports in a pressing way. I dont want him to know that i am planning anything. And for now i guess those copies are good enough, today he wants to come by to pick up a letter tht needs to be send out to the german army. (my son has to report in for a medical, in germany every young man has to serve time in the german army, he will get in trouble if this is not taken care off, WH thinks its a laughing matter, my son was furious when he heard that, i think he despises his father by now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />), and i so wanted it to end in a civil way at least, i have told him that so many times, given him so many ways out of this marriage in a nice way, why is he doing this???

I have found my mother-in-law, i do have her address in the states, but i cant write to her, nor can i fly over... and her phone number seems to be unlisted... searched for hours with my sister searching as well from germany, for over 6 hours continuesly... any idea on how i can her phone number out?

I will ask him IF he comes by today, how the residence visa for all of us is going. That way i know if he still needs the passports and all... And if i would get her deported, he is in love with her, he wouldnt "cheat" on his girl, with the next phillipina, he would mourn her loss. But i know in order to get him in the right frame of mind, he would have to get out of here. I know he will hate me for at least many years (he carried a grudge for his brother for over a year, cause he wrecked his car, and only talked to him again, because i kept talking to him throughout that year, telling him a piece of metal aint worth loosing his brother over) but i am hoping he will at least become normal again, and that he will at least see what he has done to his kids... especially his little girl (15), for her he seems to have the most feelings still.

If i contact the embassy with my story... they wont contact him for sure? Also what is the place where he has to do the residence visa for us? I was thinking of tipping them off, that when he comes in, that they confront him with the maid, that he cant keep sponsoring her now that i am here. But i dont know what office he has to go to for that, if its kuwaiti immigration, i couldnt find a website for them. I did find the german and american embassy though. Thank you so much for all your help. I am so very glad that you stumbled across my thread.

WH has been "working" on the papers now since january, but he is also the kind ofperson that pushes everythingout to the last minute, at least in the state heis in right now, so he might just be annoyed with it all..since so much is caving in on his head right now, with bills, etc.

So he might have just not been doing it continuesly. Well the 3 months will be over soon, so i guess thats why he has been doing more about that in the past weeks. Last month he said he was waiting on a date for our physicals, then last week he said, before he can get our physicals he needs a salary statement...guess its slightly different to sponsor her than his family. I am guessing he never even been tothe office till last week, and thats where he found out bout the salary statement. Ijust cant believe he is doing that, he is jeopardizing the kids future, they havent been in school for 3 months, and i was stupid enough to believe he would do all of that. I would sooooo like to know what he told OW bout me, the reason that he brought us all over here. I think i would explode if i would know it...so maybe its best that i dont know.

Thanks again for all your help <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Salary statement does no surprise me so take him at his word. I agree that he probably has not done anything about it till now so this was a surprise to him. If he doesn't do something soon and your visas expire, you will have to do a visa run. I bet he doesn't want that because once you leave the country, he loses all control over you (except for money).

Worst case, if you have photocopies of your passports, you can always report them as stolen if you need to. The photocopies should be enough to get replacements. Do you have photocopies of the visas as well? If not, ask for them.

If you ever do get to the point where you want to get replacement passports, you should lie to the Embassy and say they are lost or stolen. Do NOT say your husband has them and won't return them. Just take my word for this - it will go much faster if you lie. The Embassy can get you replacement passports for travel sometimes in a day in an emergency. The USA takes about a week, as an example so that will give you an idea how long it would take. If you tell them your husband has the passports, it could take months to get it resolved.

For you to get residence, you should have to get tested for TB and HIV. I don't think the medical is much more involved than that. They don't care if you are going to die - they just don't want you to take any of them with you. Sponsoring family should not be a problem since he is your sponsor. He would have a problem trying to sponser 3 or 4 maids. That is not allowed. I don't think the OW's visa will cause you any problems.

Why is the apartment sealed? I am really sorry that was done to you. Sounds like your husband has some serious problems and has created some real problems for you when you try to return home.

I would have your sister put the HD in a computer in Germany, buy an external USB (or firewire) HD and copy the contents to the external HD and DHL you the copy HD. Firewire is faster but all PC's have USB. If it is USB, you can plug it into any PC and use it. Do not send the original HD to Kuwait. Too much can go wrong. The photo of WH and OW is enough to have it confiscated by the Information Ministry if someone were to look at it. Never send originals of anything. Even if it is not confiscated for legitimate reasons, many electronic things "go missing" in customs. Just a fact of life here.

If you go to the embassy and ask them not to contact your husband, they won't. They like to get involved as little as possible and will respect your wishes. They can give you advice on who to contact in case you want to try to get OW's visa revoked.

Do NOT go to the Ministry of Immigration and try to create a problem for WS over the maid issue. That is a can of worms best left closed. Get your residence first before you do anything along that line. Do not try to create any problems while still on the visit visa.

Maybe Orchid or someone else can give you advice about the MIL. I don't know what resources are available in the USA. If you have her address, why can't you write her? Airmail is cheap and takes maybe two weeks maximum. DHL is expensive but about 3 days. A letter sent via DHL I am guessing would cost about 10 or 15 KD at the worst but that is not cheap. Do you mind saying what state she lives in? That might help with some ideas.

Funny what you say about him not "cheating" on his girl. I have had a private conversation with a friend about that and we have come up with pretty much the same conclusion. The WS has no problem cheating on us but they would never think about cheating on the OP. Ironic isn't it?

My best suggestion for you right now is to get the visa situation resolved, get the passports back in hand and get advice on what your options are so that you can establish a plan.

By contacting the MIL, what do you hope to gain? I am not saying not to do it. I am just wondering what you hope she will do? Exposure is good in general so, by all means, contact her. What are you going to tell her?

BTW, if you need to vent, go ahead. I think you deserve it. I think you are being a lot calmer than I would be. You are doing great.

If you are successful in getting your WH out of Kuwait, where do you think he would go?

hi again,

yes, i do have copies of the visas as well, and if need be i will report the passports as stolen.

You said up to 4 maids?? Why does it state on that website then that you can only have one, and then only under certain conditions, guess thats another rule that doesnt get followed up on.

Our apartment in germany is sealed, because he hasnt paid the rent on it since december. (he said he would have a firm pack up all our stuff and have it put into storage) So now they sealed the place and nothing is to be removed, especially not valuables, because of the money owed. When i return i will face MANY unpaid bills, fines and courtcosts, i will have no job, no healthinsurance for the kids and me, no place to live. I can be glad if i dont end up in jail, bacause i have no means to pay any of this. This is the world my husband has left behind for his former family.

I will have my sister try to pull the pic of my HD, she has a computer at home and is pretty good when it comes to computers, she has built a computer for my dad with parts that he bought, so she knows what she is doing.

I am glad to hear that the embassy will not contact my husband if i call for information on the OW's visa. Since i am not really sure where to get tickets for the kids and me to get out of here, when everything comes crashing down. Maybe the german embassy canhelp me there. When we came here, i had trouble getting on the plane, since he only got one-way-tickets for us. They contacted him and he had to declare himself responsible for paying for a flight for us out of here, maybe his firm will take enough out of his check to get us plane tickets...not sure how that all would work.

My MIL lives in Montana, and i dont have 10 or 15 KD to write a letter, and i havent seen any regular post offices. Maybe i find another way.

I know i should wait with all of this until i have the residence visa, but its just so hard, sitting here, not doing anything, being at his "mercy" for everything, while he dont contact me or comes by unless he REALLY has to. Maybe its guilt, but i highly doubt that. Its most likely just selfpity and the fact that she might threaten him with leaving him, if he contacts me or comes by. I feel like he dont give a s**t at all about the kids or me. He says he cares for me and loves the kids, but i dont think so, thats all a bunch of bull...

My MIL would be furious at him for doing that, she would confront him, she could be the only one that could still bring him to his senses, at least about the kids. Would be much better if she could come here to talk to him, but i know that is out of the question. The situaton he put his kids in, will make her mad at him, how they lost everything, left their friends behind, that even their future is at risk, (no school and with my son he might have to face german military jail...in the letter it said he will be considered a deserter (not sure if thats the right word or if its spelled right)if he dont show up) WH dont get any of that. These are my hopes for contacting her, to basically get his head out of his a** when it comes to his kids.

If he would have to leave kuwait, i guess he would either run after her to the phillipines, or go back to the states. So i dont know if i should turn him in, because if he follows her to the phillipines, he will only loose himself even more, become more depressed and might even end up dead somewhere...due to the drugs and everything else. I am very scared for him, for the father of my kids. So i am not sure yet, i will discuss it with my MIL first. I wont do anything that i dont get her approval for. I wont do that to her son, but she should know in what condition and situation he is in. She loves her grandkids to pieces, she will have something to say.

Well.. guess i will ask him casually tonight IF he shows up, (said he would come and mail something off to the german army, after he was messing with me on the phone yesterday, telling me, well then send it off...knowing full well that i have no means to send it off) how the residency visas are coming along. I dont expect him to stay one second longer than it would take for him to grab that paper and run... How do you keep loving a person like that? I seem to loose it more and more each day...:(

According to the Kuwait government, your husband is financially obligated to provide you a ticket to leave. he can do jail time if he does not comply. You are not there yet. Wait to see how the residence visas turn out. If your visit visa is coming due, that will force WH to do something. He simply has no alternative.

You misunderstand me about the 4 maid visas. WH can only have one maid. Law will not allow him more. She has to be on a maid visa or something similar. What kind of job did she have in Kuwait before she quit? That will be helpful for me to know. Only Kuwaiti nationals can have more than one housemaid AFAIK. Foreigners are lucky to be able to qualify for one. Most don't do it and prefer to get one sponsored by a Kuwaiti. Some Kuwaitis run this as a business - supplying housemaids. It is very illegal BTW but done every day.


The MIL letter is something that is rather private and confidential. Could you type the letter and email it to your sister and have her mail it from Germany?

If not and you have an address, maybe somebody could get it there for you. If nobody volunteers, I will give you an email address you can send a letter to and I will send it myself. I get great rates on DHL here as it is subsidized by my company. I agree that 15 KD is a lot of money. One thing I never liked about Kuwait was the over-valued currency.

There are post offices in Kuwait but nothing you would recognize. You could walk past them every day and not know what they were.

You have every right to complain. Go ahead. What is being done to your family is inhuman. Your husband has far more serious problems than will ever be resolved by this website. You need to work on your own escape plan. Your husband's company - HR department - they can solve a lot of problems for you in terms of visas, tickets, etc. Have you contacted them? Have you thought about getting on www.cnn.com and sending them an email explaining your situation? Have you thought about the international red cross? You have so many ways of getting help it confuses me. Right now I think saving your marriage is the least of your problems.

I agree Daggi. There are so many reasons you need to get you and the children out of there.

Lady