well, about OW, she used to work in an internet cafe, thats actually where they met, when he would sit on that computer and be sad talking to me, he was easy prey for her.

I also know that he has paid for all her stuff over here, so i am pretty sure he is sponsoring her himself, i do believe he actually said something like that to me before as well. Also the fact that she would be going back to the phillipines if she would leave WH, shows me that shewont be able to stay in country without him. She has been here since 2000. Also WH's BF sponsors his "girl" on his own as well, and they stick together like glue...

How could the red cross help me? Thought they only helped in medical emergencies.

I am still trying to find MIL, and have posted in a "search-for-people-forum". Someone contacted me and if she cant help me then i will ask my sister to mail that letter off to her. 'Guess for now iwill just wait for the visas to be done, and then get everything into motion.

As far as for trying to save my marriage, guess you could call me a fool, but i still love this man, even after all he has done, so many years of marriage are not easily erased. I was hoping we could over everything together,and face all the problems together. And maybe a little tiny part of me, is still hoping for this, i just still cant believe he has done all of this... how you can do that to a person you loved for so long, were soheartbroken over and to your own children. its like a bad dream, nothing seems even real anymore... i am just really sad and disappointed that the man i married, been with for so long is capable of all of this, was iwrong about him all those years???

oh.. and of course he didnt show up yesterday, said he was burnt out from work and his feet hurt, he called my daughter because of her status message in her yahoo, and she told him she was said that she lost everything back in germany. He said, well had your mother gone to a hospital, everything would have been lost too. So now he is blaming me for it, does that mean he would have stopped paying the rent, just because i would have went to a hospital??? Where wouldihave lived with the kids wheni got out???

Well later on we had an electrical fire, and my kids freaked out, it wasnt really an open fire yet, but a whole lotta smoke, i was able to deal with it. But my son was freaked out, and pissed that this happened and his father wasnt around, so he called him, and my husbands reply... "glad you survived" no question if anyone got hurt, if we were alright...nothing... What is wrong with that man???

oh yeah, and while talking to my daughter he kept saying he is sorry about everything... and she never contacts him, she then said she hadnt been feeling well the past days, and he said, well i called you when i was sick, and you are in yahoo right now. He never asked what was wrong with her, or how she was doing right now. She was crying after the phone call was done. I am left to pick up the pieces, he leaves behind, he is their father, he is supposed to be there for THEM, not vice versa.

E-mail your sister the letter and she can mail it for you. Is that what you meant? At the very least it will cost $.39 for postage.

Hey, we can do that for you. Imagine if your MIL got a letter from you postmarked Hawaii, CA, NY, etc.??!??!? !LOL!!!

L.

hi Orchid,

my sister lives in germany, so it will cost her a little bit more than that, but i am sure she would do that for me.

Thank you so much for offering to send that letter for me, if i cant find another way. And i think she will be very suprised to get a letter from any of these places, you are right. Especially if its from a person she dont know...lol

thank you

Daggi

Hey Daggi,

I am having to skim your posts but I'll comment on a couple of things.

Your WH can cancel the OW's visa at any time and should would have only a few days to leave the country. These girls are smart. They can scrounge another visa (sponsor) in no time.

The IRC is not just for emergencies. I know they have offices in Kuwait although it may be called the International Red Crescent Society there since crosses are not allowed. Even so - it is the exact same organization. There are a lot of humanitarian agencies operating in Kuwait so there are sources of aid. The Philippines alone has very special aid agencies set up in Kuwait to deal with all the abuse the Phillipina house maids get from their employers. They have "safe houses" set up to hide and protect them.

When do your three month visas expire? If you overstay those visas, you will be in a little or a lot of trouble depending on how long you overstay them. At first, the only penalty is a fine although it can be an expensive one.

I never suggested you don't try to save your marriage. If there is any hope of that, you either need to have your WH suddenly wake up and snap back to reality and realize what he is doing (not very likely) or you need to significantly improve your position. At the moment, you are totally under his control. You need to get your feet solidly on the ground, gain more control over the situation and then decide whether to try to save the marriage.

Don't get offended by this because I am only giving my opinion of how I think WH might be viewing you. In his mind, you and children are keeping him from his happiness, you are a reminder of responsibility which he is trying to avoid, you are a financial burden he does not want. He wants to reinvent himself into another life. He has mostly cut himself off from his past - except for you. If he is feeling any of that, at the moment, you are not in a good position to try to salvage the marriage. You have to get more control of the situation. That is all I am suggesting. You need to set your priorities - first things first. You have a hundred things to do - just get them in the right order.

For example, if you were in a position to say to your husband that you don't need his help to leave Kuwait and you might decide to leave next week, don't you think he would have to react to that in some way? It gives you more power. Right now, you don't have that - you rely on him for everything. You are his puppet.

to everyone that has stood by me and tried to help,

i have talked to WH yesterday. The talk was devasting to me. He had planned for some weeks to move "us" into a bigger apartment, closer to the schools. But he has decided in the past weeks, that i will not be part of this. He will live there with the kids and most likely her. I have lost everything now. He wants to send me back to germany with his next paycheck. I said then give me my passport, he said he still wants to get the residency visas done. I told him it wont matter for me anymore. He said he still wants that done. It will all be done within this week... and he gets paid thursday, so i will be getting kicked out here by him very soon.

He also said he had actually thought about giving this marriage another try, but then i went back to "dogging" him, and he changed his mind. Cause i kept telling him what to do... cause i told him i wanted my marriage back... etc. He still says OW has very little to do with it. I asked him then what is keeping you from working on the marriage, and he didnt really say why. He just says he dont want to.

He also said he cares for me very much... and when he wanted to go.. i told him, i have lived alone for 2 years, i just wanted someone to be there for me, someone to love me again, i cant be alone anymore, then he turned around, told me to follow him into my room, and he sat down on the bed, and told me to sit on his lap, and then he just sat there holding and kissing me. I have no more strength to fight for this marriage, i have no more strength to fight for anyhing. I am just completely empty. I have lost everything now, the only thing i still had were my children, and he is taking them from me. And i have no more strength to fight him over this... or to fight anything.

I wanted to thank all you dear souls out there, that tried to help me, you dont know what it meant to me.

Daggi

Please understand this. Pay attention.

He CANNOT get residency for your children without getting residency for YOU. I am almost positive of that.

Contact the Germany Embassy IMMEDIATELY.

Have them help you file a petition with the Kuwait Immigration Ministry.

Also contact the HR department of your husband's company. Have them get involved.

If you refuse to get Kuwaiti residence, Your WH will not be able to get residence for your children.

You have it within your power to block this. Your WH cannot do this to you if you don't let him.

Even if you do get residence and he kicks you out, when you get to the airport, there is an immigration office there. They can cancel your residence visa for you. WH cannot control that because he will not be able to get into that part of the airport with you. If you have not been able to do anything else, get your visa canceled when you leave the airport. It won't come to that if you take action NOW.

Daggi,

How are you doing? I hope you have been able to sort some things out.

hi traicionado,

sorry i havent written anything on here anymore, i dont want to cause any problems for my husband, i love him too much for that. I cant contact anyone and try to force him to drop OW. In my marriage there are other factors as well, especially the fact that i betrayed my husband first. He says he has forgiven me and that the past is past. But everytime we talk and i say something like, you are so cold..he says things like you were worse with me back then, so dont tell me anything about that.

I have done everything in the past 3 months to get him as far as possible from me. The reason why i havent written here anymore was, that i just dont know what to do anymore, i know if i did any of those things, i would loose him forever... if i were to take the kids and go, i would loose him forever. There is no right in this anymore, and i am clueless...empty... i dont even know who i am anymore.
sorry bout all the trouble i have caused.

daggi,

You haven't caused anyone any trouble. Please keep posting when you can just to let us know you are okay.

I am not sure I understand this:



Is WH still planning on shipping you back to Germany without the kids or has he decided to leave you in Kuwait?

I am worried about you - you don't sound very good. How are you feeling?

Daggi,

Please don't take this wrong. Has anyone hurt you or threatened you? I hope you are okay. Please take care of yourself.

{{{{{{{Daggi}}}}}}}}},

I'm concerned about you too.

Is it possible to talk to WH, and tell him if he has no intentions on reconciling that it would be in the best interest of you and the children to send you "all" back to the states or Germany. The children do not want to live there. They are not attending school. If anything, do it for the children, because WH won't do anything for them.

DAGGI....YOU NEED TO STAND STRONG FOR THEM RIGHT NOW!!!

DON'T GIVE UP!

Get housing wherever you can, then go to the courts for Spousal Support and Child Support, hopefully WH will come later. But if he doesn't, can you see you and the children living in Kuwait for the rest of your lives?????

It's a different situation you are in Daggi, you are living in a foreign land. I know you are feeling trapped.

Call on "Jesus"....He will help you, and make a way for you and the children.

I would also recommend that you call into the Harley's on Marriage Live Radio, (top right corner of this page). They may be able to assist you and give you some good counsel on what to do.

Praying for you.

Lady

hi traicionado,

noone has threatened me, WH is actually a very caring man, guess thats why i love him so much still. What i meant with that statement was, i didnt have my emotions under control, i would have done much better had i have had some medication to calm me down, i have been pushing him into telling me its over, i love her i want a divorce..because he wasnt coming back home right this minute... it was a do or die kind of attitude from me. He was very very patient to say the least. Always told me he dont want a divorce, i am the only one pushing for it to be over, he isnt.

I have been crying, pleading, begging every time he was here, made him feel bad for not being here, and in turn of course he stayed more and more away from me. Even when he came to be with the kids, i "hogged" him and started in on him. At one point i was feeling better and he told me a few days ago, that during that time, he actually thought about giving us another chance, but then things didnt go fast enough for me again, when he kissed me the way he used to and things like that, the feeling of wanting that all the time came back up, and i pressured him again, which made him retreat again. I know i desperately need medication to get a grip on those darn emotions. I also dont really have anyone to talk to (like on messenger or so) that would build me up and give me strength not to bug him like that. So that i could let all that out with someone else, instead of sending him 15 messages on his cell. He is so frustrated with me, dont knowwhat to do with me anymore, cause he isnt ready to give me what i need, he wanted to go slowly, to see if it would work, i mean we havent really seen each other in 2 years prior to me coming here (except for a few short visits). The person he saw when he left was the person that loved another guy, and now the person that he sees is a mental wreck that puts immense pressure on him. And yet he still hasnt given up on us... i talked to him on the phone yesterday... and i asked him are you ready for a divorce... he used to say no to that.. yesterday he said i dont know. I have been pushing him so far...

When he was spending more time here, the time he was thinking about us, he was complaining to me about OW, all the things that annoy him about her. And she was constantly threatening to leave... i should have kept my cool then, let her do the "work". Instead i started up the same way... and now he is probably complaining to her about me... and i am talking about leaving all the time. Why do i do things that result in the opposite of what i want? Why dont i have patience, had i stayed calm every time he came a step towards me, he might be back already. This is what i meant with that. I think i might have messed up so bad that its all too late now...:(

hello Lady,

I cant tune into the radio station, because the soundcard on this laptop doesnt work, it would be nice if i could, nor do i have the money to pay for a counseling session.

If i leave here, then my marriage is over, i know this, because since may up until i came here in january, there was not much contact between WH and me, and online you cant get closer to someone again after not being with them for 2 years, only here something had changed... for a short while until i "broke down" again. He would need me to be there for him, and we had gotten pretty close during those few days... but then my impatient-gene kicked in again... frustration... desperation... and i destroyed the little flower that was growing... stomped right back into the ground.

I know everyone is telling me to leave... but that would mean everything is over.. i know this for certain. My husband is doing everything to get the papers done for the children to be able to attend school... he has been sick again for the past 2 weeks.. still the same virus. He cant seem to shake it, maybe its partly my fault, for putting such a strain on him, i dont know. I know i "should" leave with the children... from the very few people i know, everyone says that, but i so want to save my marriage i know the woman he is with, does not mean to him as much as i used to mean to him. I know there would have still been hope had i not destroyed it... i so was looking for a place.. or someone that could give me the strength to go through with this... to have the patience i needed. But everytime after a short while, most people tell me to just give up and go. WH always told me, dont listen to other people.. they dont know our story. But i so needed strong support, especially since i wasnt getting any professional help. Right now i am just trying to be quiet, not say anything to him at all... unless he contacts me. I am so afraid of saying something wrong or breaking down, maybe hewill grant me some more time here, with medication...

oh... btw... he also told me he is not sending me away, he said he had already said that to me in the same conversation that we had. But i guess i didnt even hear that anymore. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I kind of overreact due to my emotional condition, everything he says has an effect on me... when he heads in one direction... i tend to push him to go further, whether him saying... i still care a lot for you.. then i push and want more out of him right then and there. Or whether it be him saying, it might be best you do... then i push for divorce, saying things like... you dont want me around anymore anyways... etc.

I hope i was able to explain thesituation a little better this time, and ihope you all can still help me save my marriage... other than telling me i should leave..thank you all so much.

Hey daggi,

I can see that you have been doing a lot of things that are counterproductive and that you even realize it but cannot stop. You need to study the materials on this website.

study this

and browse through here

Daggi - we are all impatient. We all want to see results. What you need is a plan. You can get help on this forum to develop that plan. I did and it is a great help. First and foremost, you need to present yourself as an attractive option for your husband - and I don't mean hot pants and stiletto heels. Your clingyness definitely will push him away. Have a read through those sites and then let's talk.

Getting back to basics though - will you be staying in Kuwait for a while longer as far as you know?

Please stay here and keep posting. These great people can really help you - they certainly have helped me.

The Ws will push and pull you the opposit of what you want and need. So why allow him t/d this?

L.

Hi Orchid,

i dont understand how you mean that sentence. what am i allowing him to do?

hi traicionado,

i have read this website so much, but i will look over the pages you posted again. I know what to do, but i cant get a grip on my emotions enough to keep it up longer than a few days. I know i am destroying everything like this, and yet i cant seem to stop it. I just truely hope, that he will grant me one more chance, once i am on medication, not for the marriage, but just to let me stay here... to see what happens... to maybe pretend the last 3 months didnt happen, and act like i just gotten here. I am so afraid to initiate any talk with him, i am afraid i will slip up... and start crying or whatever. He sounds like he is resignating on the phone when we do talk... and very frustrated. I think at this point he would do anything, even let me go back home, just so all of this just ends.

When i came here, there had been one very dominant thought on my mind, i wanted to see him for the last time, wanted to spend one last day with him, to say goodbye... like in some movie or something... wanted what we had back for that one day... i dont know what i was or still am thinking. And even though i always wanted our marriage to work, i was always so terrified of it being over just like that, without a final goodbye, that i pushed very hard for this goodbye, even though he didnt want it. But of course after 3 months of pressure, everyone would agree to give that person what they want... I never listened to what he said.. i only felt my pain.. listened to my own thoughts... how doi get these thoughts under control? Guess me not being with him for 2 years, and wondering while i was still back home if i ever see him again... if even for just one last hug... he says its stupid, we would have seen each other again.. but i was and am just so scared.. no terrified of it fading out... we had so much... i know i must sound pretty strange to everyone, and maybe i am. I am just overemotional, i need to get a damn grip on me, before i am able to do anything else.

I am praying, that its not too late...

Daggi,

I can't say whether it is too late for your M or not. You mentioned that you had an affair first so you have had a rough time of it. I can tell you that this little paradise your husband has created for himself will come crashing down around his ears eventually. He may think he is living in Eden but he is not. Many scholars place Eden in Iraq BTW. I have been to Iraq recently and I didn't find it.

Regardless of what happens to the marriage, your husband cannot maintain his lifestyle indefinitely. He probably CAN maintain it as long as he has a contract to work in Kuwait. Once he loses that contract, the OW will drop him instantly. These girls are very smart and are on a mission IMO. It would take both hands for me to count the number of housemaids I have had living under my roof that have lived EXACTLY this same story.

So I guess you are planning to remain in Kuwait. Will WH allow that? If he does try to make him leave, tell him you will cancel your residence visa. That will get his attention. Your WH gives you very little cash. How are you going to pay for a doctor or pay for medicines? You can probably buy what you need over the counter without a prescription but that would not be a good idea. Will WH pay for a doctor for you or will his insurance cover it?

I will ask him if he lets me stay if i get medication over here, and then we will see what happens. <--- this is how i was going to ask him, please let me know if this is in any way bad... i am so unsure as to what is ok to say... or how i should say it. Especially since we are on very fragile ground at the moment. He knows if i stay here like, without any help i will just keep ruining everything that still is between us. i told him that on the phone and he said "i know".
I am not sure about insurance, he said once i would have the civil id it would be free to go to the doctor, but maybe i can get him to take me to one tomorrow when he gets paid, and maybe at least get me something to hold me over till the civil id's are done.

still reading the articles from the link you sent me, this page i had never seen, but it has some interesting info on it. I also need to learn that this is a long process... and that it wont happen overnight or in a couple weeks. Even WH has told me that plenty of times, but i have never listened to anything he said, only wanted the pain to end.. one way or another, instead of working on getting back what i so easily gambled away. Thank you so much for your continued support <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Daggi,

Just keep reading and keep posting. There will always be somebody here to listen.

The medication I am using costs about 14KD per month. Doctor's visits are fairly cheap in Kuwait so good luck. Medication will help but not cure. Study what you find on this site and post here and develop a plan.

Just remember you are not alone. You are going to get through this.