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Unlike some others, Steve H. told me that my H's Affair would end EVENTUALLY..because Steve saw my H's affair as being like an ADDICTION...My FWH knew he needed to get away from her somehow..but "COULDN'T"
Steve explained and Mortarman supported me all along in realizing and accepting that...my FWH had to "hit his bottom" as Mrs. Wondering so well describes. He no longer could get his HIGH from the OW..was ABSOLUTELY at the LOWEST POINT that a person can be in terms of DESTRUCTION OF HIS SOUL..
I can't put into words like Mrs. W did...but I saw it..I saw him at that point..he was like an EMOTIONAL CRIPPLE..LIKE HE WAS RETURNING TO REALITY..IT WAS VERY UGLY!!!!
He is only experiencing what I sense is SINCERE GUILT NOW...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Unlike some others, Steve H. told me that my H's Affair would end EVENTUALLY..because Steve saw my H's affair as being like an ADDICTION...My FWH knew he needed to get away from her somehow..but "COULDN'T" So, I am curious about this "addiction" theory. If a WH/WS happened to have another affair somewhere down the line WOULD THAT CONSTITUTE ANOTHER ADDICTION? RELAPSE? WHAT? Many MANY WS's here seem to have had additional affairs (before and after D-day)....so are we to believe that all of those other affairs are "addictions" also? I know many are very strong proponents of the whole affair is an "addiction" thingy...(I get that) but AT WHAT POINT does choice, integrity, and character come into play.......? DOES IT EVER?
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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AT WHAT POINT does choice, integrity, and character come into play.......?
DOES IT EVER? -Lemonman Lem... Do you believe in psychological addictions of of any kind? Or addiction at all for that matter? That would be telling... I will, btw, be the first one to admit that I *chose* the affair-I'm way past the rationalizations and justifications...I was a selfish BIATCH...no argument here... I'm pretty sure that my above posts can tell you just where my integrity and character were at the time of the affair...read: nonexistant...totally tanked... I have spent and will continue to spend long hours pinpointing why I chose the way that I did...the addiction analogy played no part in that...the "high" came after the selfish CHOICE... Mrs. Wondering
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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the "high" came after the selfish CHOICE... Exactly! Mrs. Wondering..as a FWW..explains this so well..as I have come to understand it.. Character? If not an addiction, now that the withdrawal is over..why is my H now back to being himself? I think he remains vulnerable..as we all are..he has slipped and knows full well how to avoid such temptations..
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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AT WHAT POINT does choice, integrity, and character come into play.......?
DOES IT EVER? -Lemonman Lem... Do you believe in psychological addictions of of any kind? Or addiction at all for that matter? That would be telling... I will, btw, be the first one to admit that I *chose* the affair-I'm way past the rationalizations and justifications...I was a selfish BIATCH...no argument here... I'm pretty sure that my above posts can tell you just where my integrity and character were at the time of the affair...read: nonexistant...totally tanked... I have spent and will continue to spend long hours pinpointing why I chose the way that I did...the addiction analogy played no part in that...the "high" came after the selfish CHOICE... Mrs. Wondering Mrs W: I get ya here. I certainly understand and believe in psychological addictions........and certainly physical ones (I am addicted to coffee, way too expensive fine writing fountain pens, and NFL football)... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> My issue with integrity and character should have been more clearly pointed out. MY issue with the addiction theory of all of this is with REPEAT AFFAIRS....I think I can actually understand as addictive effect of a liason affair.....BUT repeat offenders get no such pass......when you start to apply the "addiction" theory to those "types".....you enable them. Just my .02. I understand if you or anyone disagrees. It is all good.
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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the "high" came after the selfish CHOICE... Character? If not an addiction, now that the withdrawal is over..why is my H now back to being himself? Fair enough.......BUT, if your husband cheated again on you...would this be another addiction..? that is my question to you Mimi.
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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I see what you are asking, Lemon...
I don't know the answer to that question right off hand..I will think about it...
How about this? I think he could VERY EASILY cheat on me with the FOW if he were not using the EXTRAORDINARY PRECAUTIONS that he adheres to...
I am ALMOST totally the opposite of her in regards to LOOKS AND PHYSIQUE..
What do you say to this?
When a woman similar to her is around, he can't help but be visually drawn to her...WEIRD..
I don't think it is conscious on his part...
I've just noticed....
YUK....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Mrs W:
I get ya here. I certainly understand and believe in psychological addictions........and certainly physical ones (I am addicted to coffee, way too expensive fine writing fountain pens, and NFL football)...
My issue with integrity and character should have been more clearly pointed out. MY issue with the addiction theory of all of this is with REPEAT AFFAIRS....I think I can actually understand as addictive effect of a liason affair.....BUT repeat offenders get no such pass......when you start to apply the "addiction" theory to those "types".....you enable them.
Just my .02. I understand if you or anyone disagrees. It is all good. -lemonman Lem... I'm with you on the coffee thing(love my Keurig Maker)...I, myself, have a thing for designer sunglasses and couture handbags...there's a particular Chanel that is currently just begging me for home...much to the chagrin of Mr. W... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Mr. W and I have also discussed the seemingly different nature of "repeat offenders"...I would surmise that either they didn't get to the root of what caused them to make such a selfish choice in the first place...or as you suggest, it simply IS a character issue... Hmmm, I dunno... No Worries, Mrs. Wondering
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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BTW, I really think this was my H's FIRST AFFAIR...
I don't really categorize him as a REPEAT OFFENDER...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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BTW, I really think this was my H's FIRST AFFAIR...
I don't really categorize him as a REPEAT OFFENDER... -Mimi Neither do I Mimi...that certainly wasn't my implication... I admire your optimism, strength and input here all the time... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />(((Mimi))) Mrs. Wondering
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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