You know I'm going to ask this...

Did you have those people working on your house put up your blinds?

:::ducking:::

I will be in your shoes, soon...having people in my house installing carpet...I hope I have your grace under stress.

Oh, the chaos...how much of what you have isn't where you had it...big changes...mess...you seem to be handling it really well.

I posted this thought on EO's thread...but it was for you. I'm reading "Conversations with God" and in it, the very questions you've posed to me are answered.

I thought of you when I read, verbatim, one of them. Then I smiled...I wanted to share...but the books at work.

Maybe after arts camp week, you and DDs could hide from the crew at the air conditioned library.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

LA

lol. Actually, these guys aren't paid by us. Dh and a co worked got the blinds on all the front windows except the two big windows, we have to have those blinds cut down a little smaller.



I think flooring is the worst. Things have to be moved completely out of a room. If it's paint, you just pull things away from the wall. I am just glad its finally getting done, we have been fighting with our builder since we have been here to have it done.



Hopefully <crossing fingers> they will be done this week. My 3 year old has been stuck in the house all week while her sister is at camp. I will try and plan something fun next week, discovery museum, free movies, a trip to the library or book store. Dh is working nights again this month so we will have to get out of the house during the day. He also has some vacation time this month. We were going to go to D.C, not sure yet. It's our 5 year anniversary and my youngest daughter will be turning 4. Wow, time flies.

I will check out EO's thread and look forward to hearing more about the book.

So, what I "hear" you saying is that you feel the floor has been pulled out from under you, is that correct?

Oh, I couldn't resist.

Self-mockery. Who knew.

LOL

I don't care they aren't paid by you! You can schmooze with lemonade, ice water and a fan.

Heehee. I dunno.

You sound lively, strong and aware, BTE...I've never been to D.C. First time for carpet...D.C. may be next...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA

It's 826, they are back working on my house. Outside cutting tile, in and out of the house. The floor people should be here any moment. Entirely too earlier...

Wow, Better_Than_Ever, That sounds like fun!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I was bleary-eyed just reading your post this morning...let alone being there...ohmygoodness!

I groaned for you...and had that stray thought in between yawns...well, at least they are showing up...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA

Awww yes, and for this I am grateful. The floor guys live about two hours away, I can only imagine what time they had to get up this morning.

This new house has been one problem after another. We have been here just about six months "waiting" for stuff to get done. Finally about two weeks ago, I had enough, I called the builder and told them that if it all didn't get done real soon, I was going to the media with my other neighbors who are also having problems. We will allow them to walk through our homes and see how poor the craftmanship is and I would love to see him sell the other 48 homes in the subdivision after that. Amazingly, people were here the next morning <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

My dh though is having a even rougher time. He woke up at 730 am yesterday morning and stayed up all day while they worked on the house, he worked from 6pm last night until 6am this morning. He is sleeping now, hopefully they won't wake him, he works again tonight.

Good for you! Glad they are finally taking care of it. I can't imagine how frustrating that must have been for you!

Haven't been around much this past week. It's been a busy one. Dd7 had camp all week and then Friday evening they put together a program of everything they did. We went to dinner for a friends b-day. It was 130 or so before I got in bed about 230 before I fell asleep. Up at 7 getting us ready to go to six flags. We spent the day there, it was a fun day, got home about 130am. Spent most of yesterday laying around resting and sleeping.

Dh wanted to talk again this morning. It turned bad. Nothing has really changed. He wants more than I am willing to give. He said he finally gets it, that I've told him before but today it finally came to him. I am willing to stay in the marriage and be uncomfortable at times for the girls. I'm not willing to work on the marriage anymore. He said he has sucker written on his forehead, his truth. He gives and gives and it doesn't matter, it doesn't change anything. My truth, it's just too late. I'm the one that was stupid enough to even get involved, all the signs were there for me not too. But we are here now. We have one daughter together and he has been with my oldest dd since she was 2 1/2. I'm willing to survive in the marriage for them. He doesn't want an ok marriage or just to get by or for me to tolerate him for their sake. He wants more, he wants a great a marriage. He has a right to that, I have been honest with him, I'm not willing to give that to him. He asked me to leave him alone, so I did.

BTE, I am so sorry, not sure what to say. I don't know how long you both have been struggling, but it sounds like it's been for some time, and it's hard to keep the faith and keep going. What can we do for you at this point? Urge you to show him this can work? Help you be comfortable with giving up, knowing you've done what you can?

EO, this is her choice. She knows it. She does not want a thriving, intimate marriage. She wants to be the best mother she can be, do the best by her children...without doing what matters the most in her life...which will affect her children for decades...

She is choosing with full knowledge. She knows. Her choice.

BTE...can you see where others here are feeling for you, want to fight what you are unwilling to fight for...I did, because I experienced the road ahead...lived part of it...and though I turned back, I am still finding all my lessons, dealing with intense sorrow, shame and for doing what cannot be undone...to myself, my H and my children.

My heart grieves for your marriage and your choices.

LA

Hey EO! We have been dealing with issues from before we were married. It got worst when we finally lived together. We didn't even live in the same state the first 2 months of our marriage. We will be married 5 years on July 19th.

I'm not sure what I need right now. We aren't fighting or arguing. We still plan on taking a family vacation at the end of this month.

I think maybe I feel better about things because I don't feel pressure right now to make everything better. Not sure if that makes sense.

This is my choice. For once I am not blaming it on him or anyone else. I am saying this is my choice, my decision, my truth. I'm not sure having and thriving intimate marriage is what matters most in life. For some perhaps, and one day I may even agree with you. Right now, it's not.



I'm sorry that you are grieving. I am for once, at peace. I finally don't feel pressure to give someone something that, right now, I can't/won't give. I only say can't because I have to heal me and deal with me before I can give to him. Other than that I know it's my unwillingness to give him what he wants from a marriage. Maybe, one day, when I work on me, I can give it to him.

Neither of us are running out the door for a divorce. I think for the first time in a long time, I was honest with him about how I felt. I finally admitted, this is about me, not him. I could give him a list of 1000 things that he needs to "fix" about him and it wouldn't make much of a difference at this point. Not until, I can work through my stuff. I know everyone here states that a healthy marriage is so important and such a wonderful thing to show your children. I do agree. At the same time, I have to be a healthy parent. I have not been able to set aside my marital problems when dealing with the girls. WHen dh and I are fighting or I am angry etc, I unfortunately take it out on them, that's not fair to them. It all plays a role together. I need to start with me.. fix me... work on my relationship with my girls, make it a healthy one, hopefully my dh will be able to do that also. I know as long as I continue to treat the girls the way I do, I won't ever love me.

So, perhaps, this is an end to what our marriage was. It may be the forever end, it may not be. It may also be a new beginning, only time will tell.

"Neither of us are running out the door for a divorce."

Okay then! Not grieving anymore today.

I was picturing you both stuck in that doorway, fighting to get through it first.

That's me. Not you.

LA

[quote]"Neither of us are running out the door for a divorce."

Okay then! Not grieving anymore today.

I was picturing you both stuck in that doorway, fighting to get through it first.

That's me. Not you [quote]

LoL. No really, there is probably less tension in the house than there has been in a long time.

I believe you! I'm owning my own DJ on your life...I had that image...you didn't.

Honesty matters. Do you keep posting to me because I'm honest with you, or others honesty meets something in you? Because I saw you honest with your H...and you feel the tension drop.

LA

I like the honesty. I really do. None of our friends or family even know that we are having problems in our marriage, they all believe it's just wonderful. It's a hard lie to live up to sometimes. None of them even begin to know the abuse that my husband and girls have endured because of me. When he hints at it, they don't really respond. Not sure if they don't believe him or don't want to. Once when I had a really bad fight with dh, oh this had to be at least 2 years ago, I threw a nightstand across the room, I told my Dad. I wanted help so badly. He did try to help, he made sure I got to the Dr. and back on meds and in counseling. But it was never brought up again.

I can come here, be honest about my feelings, my beliefs, and get honest feedback, I don't have to pretend. It's a wonderful feeling. Even if what I am told, I may not want to hear all of the time, at least I know it's honest feedback.

Also, I have been lied too so much by my dh in the past. I have always told him I would rather be hurt and have the truth, then be lied to. Well, he deserves the truth also. Witholding information, is pretty much the same as lying.

Hi Better,

Glad to hear that you are feeling less tension at home!

It is nice to be able to get honest feedback, isn't it? And then to realize that people here still like you and want to talk with you, even when they know all the "bad" stuff about you! At least, that's how *I* feel about it. I had such a hard time being honest in real life because I thought people wouldn't like me, and it's so amazing to know that I can be honest and you and LA and EO will still post to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hope you are having a lovely day!
HTBH

Just thought I would pop in and say hi! Been busy around here. Dh starts vacation next Friday. We originally planned a short trip to DC but decided to wait on it. We are going to Va to spend time with his family. His mom hasn't seen dd3 since she was 2 weeks old. She will be 4 on the 20th of July. Dh's grandfather is still alive also, he turned 90 this year so we want the girls to meet him too. July 19th is our 5 year anniversary. We weren't going to do much, I'm too cheap to spend money on vacations. From much urging from family, we have decided to do something. Now, I'm stressing myself out tryint to make sure we are getting the most for our money at the best price lol. My mom (step mom but might as well be bio) who is divorced from my Dad, told me this weekend that I have to make time for Khari and I. That she thinks that's one of her biggest mistakes leading to divorce with my Dad is she never wanted to go anywhere with just him and enjoy their marriage together. It was always too expensive or what about the kids etc.

Right now, it looks like he and I might spend 6 nights in Orlando Fl and go to Universal Studios and their other theme park. I've never even been to Fl, so I'm sure it will be enjoyable.

Since telling dh my truth about not willing to be the wife he wants, well I've felt differently. I have felt more loving towards him, more relaxed. I think I was putting to much focus on being the perfect wife and meeting standards, that well, yes he asked for more affection, but these standards I put on myself. Once I told him my truth, it's easier to be more affectionate, I think sometimes, I expect too much of myself..

Thank you for the update...and your mom gave you great advice...and you're taking it!!

I hope you enjoy the family time in VA, too.

LA