just poppin in to say hi. I still have to respond, just been going and going. They came and recarpeted my whole house yesterday. We were without computer and the house is a completel disaster. Everything piled everywhere, very stressful, but its one more thing that is now finished.

Took the girls today to go visit their granny for the weekend; so, I'm kid free, dh is working nights all weekend. Hopefully there will be lots of ME time, probably not lol.

S called dh again yesterday on his cell. He didn't have it on him. He said he asked her to call the house for him. I guess she isn't listening. The only thing I can think of is that it's free for them to call cell to cell. Maybe I am making a bigger deal out of it that it is. He has done a really good job of protecting our marriage lately.

It was really cute, the guys who were installing the carpet were chatting with us. One of them said that his girlfriend (also the mother of his son) was always accusing him of cheating and so forth. My husband said well, usually if they are accusing you of it, you are either doing it, or did something in the past to break that trust. This guy said no he had never done anything like that. My husband said are you sure? lol It was cute, seeing him talk about it, showing he understands where I am coming from. It really made me feel heard.

Watched Akeelah and the Bee today, she read a quote that I thought was completely awesome and so relevant to the journey we are all on.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others" Marianne Williamson

just checking in. Things had been going pretty good until tonight. Girls spent the weekend with their grandma. My oldest daughter, the 7 year old, learned to surf this weekend. She came back suburnt and mosquito bitten, exhausted but had a great time.

I submitted my application for grad school today, frustrating. I have to have my immunization record, I've never had it, my family has no idea where it is. Can't be accepted without it, working on it.

I also got my letter to start substitute teaching. I have a meeting for it next week. Not a lot of money, but it's money, and flexibility, exactly what I want. Times will be tough, when I don't work, holidays and summer, but well worth the payoff of being able to work and still be mom. Hopefully everything goes well and I can start soon.

Dh and I had another argument tonight. Not sure what's going on, it's some type of power struggle I guess. I really don't know.

Got a phone call, he answers, I hear him say I already paid that. I ask who it is he tells me, it's a hospital I had to take my youngest daughter to, the E.R. My husband tells them again he has paid it. At the same time I'm trying to clean up puppy pee, (he has been doing better though). Dh comes into the office and gets on the computer, calls me tells me to get him in to X account. I am asking what they are saying he didn't pay. I wasn't sure if it was for me or Justice, I just recently went. I was trying to tell him if it was my bill, it hasn't been paid. He wouldn't tell me, told me to just do what he asked. I go through both bank accounts can't find it, he tells the lady he will call her back. He asks why I can't just do what he asks, I told him he should be able to get in the account himself. We start yelling, I said I don't want to talk about it right now, he said you will talk about it. I just kept looking, not talking. He kept going on how it's not fair when he wants me to do something I question him instead of just doing it. How when I want something done, I want it done no questions asked. That's his truth, not mine. I was just trying to get clarification.. he wanted it done right away. I started being a smart a** replying yes sir to everything he said. That's how it feels, he wants it done now, it better be done. Conversation ended with me saying f*** you and him slamming the door to the bedroom. I'm sure I left parts out. Just frustrated as usual.

BTE,

Thank you very much for your tip on Akeelah and the quote...going to be in my head all week...really struck me inside.

Congrats on grad school application and welcoming all that darn paperwork into your life...the price of admission is steep in a lot of areas...which is the measure of how much you want something, isn't it?

And being a Sub...oh, how challenging, wonderful and interesting. Just like you, I'd say.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Now...you identified the power struggle...rather, you described it and knew it was about control...I just didn't see you grasp whose control and what about.

Bedroom door or playroom? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I know your house now.

You in there?

Want to work out this conflict? Can you look at your frustration right now, not as usual, but only for this one pure incident?

LA

You are welcome. I get goose bumps every time I hear it. I think it really strikes home with me. It's an awesome movie. I watched it by myself first, then dh watched it with me, I have started it with dd7, we just haven't had enough time to finish it. I didn't think it would be nearly as good as it was.



Thanks again. Price, mentally or money wise lol. I think both have a steep price. By the time you take entrance exams, application fee, transcript requests, and in my case immunization it hurts. The payoff hopefully will be huge. A career that allows me to balance home and work.



Lol, I really like subbing. Something different everyday. Different grade, school, students, staff. If I find a school I really like, I tend to go back more. If I find somewhere that I don't fit well with, I don't go back. ALso helps me meet and get to know the administration for when I am actually applying for full time work.



I think it's mainly about my control. I was in the middle of doing something, that didn't matter, he wanted it done. I'm thinking, if I something happened to me you would be able to get in the account, why can't you now. At the same time, I believe dh might feel that what he's doing at that moment is the most important thing, and it might very well be to him, doesn't mean it is for me. Even with the girls, he is very right now attitude, I don't like it much.



lol, he slammed our bedroom door. OMG, the whole clean rooom thing. They came and installed all new carpet, we (dh and I) ended up having to pick up the playroom and girls bedroom while they were at school. Right now everything is shoved in the closets. We are separating the girls again. RIght now dd3's bed is in the ole playroom, where the computer still is. Not sure how it will all work out. I figure it will one day lol.



I am frustrated I think mostly that if he feels something is urgent it must be done right then. He still ended up having to call this person back, that could have been done from teh beginning, instead of me having to stop doing what I'm doing and come show him how to get into our bank account. I think I was frustrated that he couldn't get into the bank account. I don't think I should have to be the only one that can access it. If he needs something, he should be able to get into it without my help. A lot of it was tone and the demanding way he wanted me to do it.

BTW, welcome back hadn't seen ya around in a bit.

"I think it's mainly about my control. I was in the middle of doing something, that didn't matter, he wanted it done."

Wait...can you find the DJ?

H had somebody on the phone regarding the reputation of your marriage...you both are responsible for bills...can you take out HIM making something a higher priority and see the feelings behind the actions first...what if what H was hearing the woman say was, "You're wrong. You're a cheat. You're not doing it right. You should know and act better."

Not what bill collectors say, but definitely what some people can hear (I heard it).

"I'm thinking, if I something happened to me you would be able to get in the account, why can't you now."

I think you see the DJ in your mind. Get it out. Reality is, he couldn't get into the account.

Back to emotional charges...if you had heard what he heard (those made up sayings), would you calmly, with focus and clear concentration be able to get into the account to find what you need to call the woman back? What if his own doubts...which bill was it...dang it...was it that long ago this happened or that happened (medical bills take so long to bill, let alone pay)..."Now BTE is going to jump on me, if I screwed up...did I screw up again...is that stranger right? Am I defective?"

If what he needed right then was to get into the account...and that wasn't the time to reinstruct, clarify or engage...sometimes aid is that way...you have to wait to address so we don't compress...

Now...did you ask who it was as he was talking? To shortcut, to clear up something right then...fix it and get back to whatever you were doing? Sounds efficient...I found that speaking to anyone while they are speaking/listening to others was disrespectful. It created an opportunity for miscommunication and for me to feel rejection where it wasn't...and yes, it was my control master inside...wanting to not be interrupted...replaying in advance all the times of blame and accusations...in my own head.

"At the same time, I believe dh might feel that what he's doing at that moment is the most important thing, and it might very well be to him, doesn't mean it is for me."

If your H learned from practice to state his stuff..."I'm feeling really angry with these people. I believe this is an error and I want to correct them with proof as soon as possible. I feel really fearful, put down and accused right now. I feel frustrated and worried I've overlooked something, and I really trigger to that feeling." Would you then have felt it didn't mean anything to you?

"Even with the girls, he is very right now attitude, I don't like it much."

Fear makes force...funnily enough, it isn't one. Love is the force. Living reactively gives way to the "right now" attitude...evidenced in EO's thread today, as well.

If either your H's parents were the "force" of the family, possibly the father, with their own right now attitude...then these two men are role-playing power...and they feel powerless. They feel neglected, used and ignored. Aggressive words and behaviors come from the opposite of what they signal...power whispers, knows it's heard.

Now, that's all him...and this is about you...seeing him...if you're gonna DJ, go to the other side, 'k? Uninformed compassion will net you a little gain until your H CAN state his stuff...and he will...because that's the path to freedom, limited responsibility and love. I promise.

Your part...the DJs gave you reactions within yourself...you judged and felt resentment and anger. Can you see what point the resentment (you created through DJ) became anger (someone crossing your real boundary)?

You know I ask you (relentlessly) to clarify, acknowledge...seeking to understand, then be understood...and here I'm saying...

Don't.

Get a grip on your fixer...by asking who it was, stating it was paid...wait, if it was the other one, it wasn't...which is fixing by informing...you're giving him another message under the seemingly supportive one you might not be aware of...

"You can't do anything right." Which may be exactly what he heard the woman say when she said he hadn't done what he believed he had. And she wouldn't take his word for it, either.

Respect your H to do things his own way...until he lets you in on his mental and emotional processes, choosing that belief IS his truth. He is capable of taking care of the call...he took it. He didn't turn to you and hand you the phone and say, "Deal with it." He took it on. Hands off.

Wait to be asked for information, be consciously aware of your fixing (instanteous right now) urge, and find your judgments and kill them.

Deep breaths...know what you're feeling and why...spend the waiting time doing this...it is really all about you, I promise. You're such an achiever (I think) that it is very difficult to realize that doing less is more; support can come in NOT doing for.

If all he wanted was for you to get him logged into the accounts...why did you go through them to find what you thought he wanted?

Your belief that as partners, he should know how to do what he needs to do with the accounts is valid. I'm not saying not to write out instructions (sans passwords) for him to do it. I'm saying pick your timing and method of instruction.

The dance you both did was called escalation through justification...and out came abusive statements from both sides...neither of you putting the marriage above either of you...license to hurt was obtained, and it costs your marriage each time.

He wants what he wants done, no questions asked. Behind that could be that doubt kills...in his line of work, his inner self language, that may be his belief. Questions don't mean clarity--they mean conflict. We can hear constant DJs in our own thoughts and in the actions of others...even when they are NOT there. Our perception is fabulously important...which is what I've urged repeatedly in your thread...to choose your perception wisely, not reactively.

Now...what ends this dance? You going down and saying to him, "I DJ'd you tonight in my head, my words and actions. I chose to dance the same dance and I'm feeling upset about my choice. I felt pushed and disrespected. I felt a lot of fear from feeling your anger and believing I was causing it...from the time I asked who was it to the time I slammed the bedroom (if you say so) door, it kept getting larger. I love you. My desire is to honor the marriage even when I don't want to respect or honor you. I didn't do that tonight. I perceived the situation as you being dominating and demanding. I didn't come at you from love, but from fear."

Yeah, I tell you not to DJ and then I put words in your mouth.

What do you think? Can you see a bigger picture? Can you see how you may feel enveloped by what is not yours? His anger, fear, attitude...expand it out to see your own. Naming our fears is the first step to owning them...

I'm so glad you're here and you take time to post.

Thank you!

LA

"Wait...can you find the DJ?"

Is it the assuming that what I was doing didn't matter?

Would it not be another dj to assume that's what he is hearing? I can't read his mind.

"would you calmly, with focus and clear concentration be able to get into the account to find what you need to call the woman back? What if his own doubts...which bill was it...dang it...was it that long ago this happened or that happened (medical bills take so long to bill, let alone pay)..."Now BTE is going to jump on me, if I screwed up...did I screw up again...is that stranger right? Am I defective?"


That's just it, nothing drastic is going to happen if it isn't taken care of immediately. Tell her you will call her back ask me to help you find it. We can work on it, don't demand it be done right now.

"If your H learned from practice to state his stuff..."I'm feeling really angry with these people. I believe this is an error and I want to correct them with proof as soon as possible. I feel really fearful, put down and accused right now. I feel frustrated and worried I've overlooked something, and I really trigger to that feeling." Would you then have felt it didn't mean anything to you?"

Honestly, we had this problem with feelings in Retrouvaille. I know it sounds awful and it's probably mean, but I pretty much feel they are his feelings, deal with it, nothing I can do about it.


"Your part...the DJs gave you reactions within yourself...you judged and felt resentment and anger. Can you see what point the resentment (you created through DJ) became anger (someone crossing your real boundary)?"

I'm not sure. Basically when I let what he wanted be more important than what I was doing. Instead of saying give me just one minute to finish what I"m doing and then I will be there. or maybe I tried that, I don't remember. Usually doesn't go over well, when he decides he wants it done right now. I could have finished doing what I was doing, it was my choice to stop. I didn't want to deal with the consequences, him upset because I didn't do it fast enough. Although, he still ended up upset.

"Get a grip on your fixer...by asking who it was, stating it was paid...wait, if it was the other one, it wasn't...which is fixing by informing...you're giving him another message under the seemingly supportive one you might not be aware of"

I guess I don't understand why it's necessary to go through all of that. Had he said, it was for your bill, I could have told him no it's not paid, we need to pay it. It wasn't my bill, he said he handled it, ok, let's see if we can find it.



He asked me to look through them for him also. I use it more often so I know how to use it a little more than he does.



I can see the bigger picture, but the more I dive into all of this, the more I think it's easier to step away. Not saying divorce, just not deal with it.

So I was thinking some more about this stuff today. It dawned on me, ok, I'm slow, that dh isn't trying to hurt me or be mean or anything like that. It's a communication thing, even after 5 years we haven't gotten it all figured out. It helped me to realize that though, especially when we tried talking again and it got all messed up lol. I just reminded myself, it's not the end of the world, we are just miscommunicating with each other, we will figure it out... I really do love my dh, I am blessed to have him in my life.

Even after five years we haven't gotten it all figured out...

Thank you for that realization...we're almost to 20 years and it took a professional to help us figure out the communication issue. I'm passing it on. Free. Maybe if you pay me the $120/hour you'd believe me more.

LOL

(just kidding)

You saw your power in that realization...that dh isn't trying to hurt you or be mean...yet you see it that way...are ready to take it that way...make it real inside you...that's your awesome human power...slightly askew, don't you think?

Can you tell me the answer to his question (no assumptions used in the making of this post)..."Why can't you just do what I say and not question me?"

The answer...without assumptions...straight information (hard to read that for me and not hear the tone as an attack...try it anyway, 'k?).

I know you love him deeply and truely...it is getting to experiencing the true part more than the deeper part I'm after.

And here you remain adamantly honest...what a blessing you are to yourself, marriage, DH, children and life....and mine.

LA

"Thank you for that realization...we're almost to 20 years and it took a professional to help us figure out the communication issue. I'm passing it on. Free. Maybe if you pay me the $120/hour you'd believe me more."

lol, maybe, except counselors didn't like me very much either. I always question everything and even if they are right, I will still question and debate just for the sake of the debate, keeps everyone on their toes.



I'm trying, I really am. Just like when we fight and my first response, in my mind, is I want a divorce. Lately, I talk to myself and remind myself one fight isn't a reason for divorce, we will work through it, forget about it in a bit and be on our way.

"Can you tell me the answer to his question (no assumptions used in the making of this post)..."Why can't you just do what I say and not question me?"


Hmmm, because I need to know why I am doing something. Maybe there is a better way, or a quicker way, or a way to avoid it all together. To just do what someone says gives away too much power. I did that as a child, and was molested. Yes, I know my dh would not do anything intentionally to hurt me, but deep down, I distrust everyone some.

"And here you remain adamantly honest...what a blessing you are to yourself, marriage, DH, children and life....and mine."

Thank you.

Five years ago today...

Dh and I spent our first night together in our home as husband and wife. We were married July 19, 2001, but didn't live together until today, 5 years ago.

I remember when we found out, my Dad had called us to see if we ran into any problems. We had stayed the night in Az, on a air force base,with a u-haul full of my household goods.

BY the time we were leaving, the post was closing down, gas stations and stores closed, it was strange and scary. It was a scary beginning to our marriage and my introduction as a military wife.

Wow, BTE, I had no idea! What a scary way to start off your marriage!

How are you feeling today as you think back on that time?

Hugs!
HTBH

How brave you were and are, BTE...

Remember when we were little and we'd get so upset at our best-friend-of-the-week for some perceived put down or rejection? Our brains and hearts would criss cross and send us into a spin...and we'd say..."I'm not your friend anymore!!!" or "I never liked you anyway!"

And it would feel like a blow back, equal measure...our first resort as our last resort...because we thought nothing we could say could hurt as bad we felt...

I reached for "I want a divorce" or "Move out" just like that three years ago...the D word was my way of saying "I hurt this bad" and the initial shock wore off and it became the SD that it was...the shortcut in communication...communicating nothing.

Part was my perception I couldn't hurt back anywhere near as hard as he had me in that moment...because I was carrying ALL the hurts from him and my whole life in that moment...so I was right. Why did I not choose to trust he hurt with all the past hurts from me and his entire life in that moment, too? Why did I not choose to believe hurting back wasn't going to aid my marriage? Just as you said, the more intimate you are, the more vulnerable...

As adults, we learn not to go all or nothing...because life happens inbetween, around 90 degrees, not the extremes...rarely is it there...that's why it's a shock.

Changing our perception changes everything we feel, know and believe, BTE.

"lol, maybe, except counselors didn't like me very much either. I always question everything and even if they are right, I will still question and debate just for the sake of the debate, keeps everyone on their toes."

What if your questions are a distraction from revealing who you really are? Questions to anyone...keep them answering, so you don't. And how does questions to counselors aid you in finding them within yourself, if there is no listening, absorbing, sharing and giving back time? Can you trust yourself to know? Can you learn to trust that those in your life are there by choice, sincerely, as invested in you as you need them to be, to help, support, understand, enjoy and celebrate you?

"Hmmm, because I need to know why I am doing something."

Why? If I ask you for a glass of water, no matter how I ask you, urgently, in a whisper or crying full out--I'm asking you for a glass of water.

"Maybe there is a better way, or a quicker way, or a way to avoid it all together. To just do what someone says gives away too much power."

Here is the trick I've been trying to debunk with you...

As a human being...there truly is no real way to give away ANY of your power...only experience your life as if you did...you retain it...your choice remains...chicken and the egg kinda thinking here...because you have to CHOOSE to give away your power...and when to stop...choice is power...always yours...inherently...

And when you do something without question, you are consciously choosing to do that...you may reserve the right to ask questions later, sort through your assumptions and hold them until there is a time when someone isn't in distress to talk about them, or you...

"I did that as a child, and was molested."

Against our will and by choice are really two different things. As a child, you complied...and your adult self may believe you could have made Herculean choices and actions in hindsight...as a child, we obey...there is terror...it is against our will...it is. Accept that children do not have the power of full choice we do...and we spend our lives recognizing this power...a human journey.

"Yes, I know my dh would not do anything intentionally to hurt me, but deep down, I distrust everyone some."

First, your DH may indeed do something to intentionally hurt you...sounds like both of you do to some degree like the above scenario. Could just be my filter...that's what I did with my DH...Humans do damage. You can TRUST them to do damage at some point. You can also trust them to be upset, angry, in pain; full of fear, anxiety, love, resentment, frustration, joy, appreciation, admiration, sadness and remorse. You can trust them to be human.

What I see is you not trusting yourself enough to handle anything that comes your way from a human action...you don't trust yourself to not react...and you're changing that, and have been...building trust in yourself...knowing your power.

To not question seems weak, maybe? Like submission? Childlike? Woosy? We know you're no woosy...do you know that? We know you have weak spots and times...and if you respect, you will submit by choice...which retains your power, if you need to take a step on faith, because you KNOW you cannot protect yourself from life...only choose wisely your actions, not responses (you taught me that).

Knowing your truth...your real bravery, courage, fears, grieving points and insecurities is your journey. Looking to them, not others, to understand, acknowledge and validate yourself...you know that may very well be how you truly live securely in an unsafe world; where you get to thrive instead of survive...and be intimate because you choose to...no response required.

LA

Sorry I haven't been around much. I miss yall. I really have been trying to cut back my computer time. My girls are growing so fast, I am trying to learn to just enjoy time with them, be happy, not being busy, just to seem like I am accomplishing something.

Soccer started this week also. I am coaching my 5 year olds team. They had noone to do it. Unfortunately, her game and her sisters games are played at different parks on the same days. We are trying to work something out. Until games start dd7 is practicing 3 days a week, dd5 is practing two days a week.

Dh and I are doing pretty good. I think we react differently to each other now, seems to let us take a step back and not react as much as we used to. I am more ok now, if he tells me something, accepting it as his truth, not mine, and realizing that he doesn't define me. Not that he tries, but you know, he would say something, I hear something else, and accept it as the truth.

I have been struggling with my pain this past week. It's the worst it's ever been. In turn, he is struggling. He wants to touch me, be with me, he understands it hurts me, but it hurts him also. I try to give lots of affection to show I do love him.

I will respond to the other posts later this evening after the girls have gone too bed and dh is at work.

Hey you! I miss you, too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />



I can't think of a better way to spend your time! Are you having fun with them?



Way to go!! This is so awesome. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm so sad to hear that you're in so much pain this week. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

(((BTE)))

I'm thinking of you!
HTBH

Yes, I am. They are just awesome little people, they teach me so much! I don't know if I bragged or not, if I did, sorry. My 7 year old learned to surf a couple of weeks ago on a 10ft board. She LOVES it. It's so cool to see the pictures of her out there. I should mention that she is like 4.5 ft tall and probably weights 55 lbs lol.

We haven't been doing a whole lot, spent time at the flea market, playin with the animals, with friends, doing hair, watching t.v, reading books. Just enjoying the time.


Thanks, But I am sad to admit that I had a hard time with it this afternoon. Dh and I have been really enjoying each others acompany. No arguing etc.

Today he started to seem distant. Couldn't figure it out. He told me he feels rejected because I can't have sex. He KNOWS that it's physically painful for me, but sometimes he believes that I am doing it to punish him. I got defensive, I was/am hurt. I hear failure all over again. I get scared. I didn't yell and scream, didn't suggest, like in the past, that he go find someone to have sex with. The first part of the conversation I told him I would talk to him later and hung up the phone. I needed to collect myself. I called back, he said that he didn't feel safe talking to me. I really tried to just listen, I did better towards the end. It's such a sensitive subject. He needs sex to feel close to me for intimacy. I have sex with him and then end up in severe pain. He tells me we can stop, I don't want to because I want to be with my husband. Then I end up in pain can't have sex, don't want to be touched much at all, and he feels rejected. It's a vicous cycle.

He believes we have sex when it's convenient for me. I kinda understand that. If I'm feeling ok, I try to have sex, sometimes are better than others. If I'm feeling really bad we don't. I just wish I could rip my insides out.

My 4 year old came home from school sick today. Feel so bad for that one also. She got up this morning for school, said her tummy hurt. She was super tired, and everything hurts when she is tired. So I told her to go to school, if she still didn't feel good the teacher would call me. She gets to school, doesn't eat her breakfast and cries when I leave. I didn't hear anything until about 20 minutes before school is over. Teacher called, said she woke up from nap and has been crying ever since and felt warm. Wanted to see if I wanted to pick her up instead of have her ride the bus home. When I get there, they tell me that they didn't realize it but she had thrown up all over her nap mat. Poor Baby! We come home she naps, get sick some more, has thrown up a couple of times now and when she is throwing up well, it's coming out the other end at the same time. I want to get her some diapers, but I can't because dh is working, and I can't take her anywhere like this. Sigh,,, the joys of being a mom....

BTE, I am glad to hear that some things are working for you. And sad that the physical problem is there. Have you thought about taking a weeklong vacation to some place with a special hospital that can diagnose and treat your symptoms?


(((BTE))) Hang in there, girl!

Hey EO! Glad to see ya around. The girls are sound asleep and dh is working so it's kinda lonely lol.

I have been diagnosed, it's finding a dr. that knows how to treat it, or will try different things to treat it.

I haven't seen a dr. yet that specializes in what I have. I do have an appt with one in November at UNC Chapell Hill. It's a 6 hour drive one way, I just hope that she can start to help me.

I am on a list with women who suffer from the same thing. Some have found cures, others have been dealing with it for over 10 years. I guess because there is not just one cause, and noone ever really knows the cause, it's even harder to fix.

A little side bar tid-bit.

Yr's ago a company I was working for was having a total company process audit.
And one of the auditor's raised a question about one of the process's I was in control of.
I gave an answer to the question.

A few week's later, when the company was digesting the audit report, a meeting was called. I was asked to attend as there was a question about the question that was raised to me.

I went to the meeting with my documentation, I stated the question I was asked, and stated my answer back to the question.
I showed thru the documentation why the question was asked. And why my answer was what it was.
The other people in the meeting were then asked if they understood what I had just said. Nobody said anything.

I was then asked if I had an answer to why the auditor flagged this inccident?
All I could say was Miscomunication apperently occured.
I either did not understand the question that was asked, or the auditor did not understand my answer as it was said.

I did not think about that event for a long time,

But now I find I need to revisit that time point to clarify for myself "what did happen" that day.

I do have the answer, I alway's did, that is why the inccident did not raise my redlag at that time.

The auditor had entered my world, something I was very familure with. I did not enter the auditor's world, and how could I have? The auditor came to me, I did not go to the auditor.

Just a random thought in the space time continuim.

BTE,

I love hearing about you...thank you for your posts, for being here and being brave and true.

Had a question for you...would a partial hysterectomy be a cure, do you know?

I know you've been researching it a lot...Mayo Clinic online...is there an email section, I wonder?

Sorry about your YD...going into this change of season time, when all sorts of new and trickier stuff is out there isn't fun at all...and BIG kudos to DH for stating he knows his feelings don't make sense and stating them anyway.

Did you feel the distance lessen knowing he's feeling rejection and you're not doing it? That he knows and is looking at his stuff, not you, which you perceived was the way it used to be?

You really rock, BTE. You do. I think you're proving to yourself every day that you do learn and change, and so does everyone...even when you don't believe it or see it...you do it, anyway.

((((BTE))))

LA