Lost, I really thank you for that advice. It makes the most sense to me.

Maybe he needs a couple of cool down days. I am not sure how he would get to school though seeing how OW comes to work at 5 am ..... and I get off work at 4 am ....

I will consider this approach ... Thank you

Hurting

Hurting:

I hope I did not hurt your feelings.

I'm recalling going through all this my own son and I remembering the ways that he dealt with HIS HURT..

I do think that ADOLESCENT BOYS are a special breed..

It is not OK for them to CRY...

As you know, they rebel, rant and rave while dying inside...my son did and like his D..is just now becoming NORMAL again...

I had to STAND UP TO FIGHT THE DEMONS WITHIN HIM..trying to encourage you to do that out of my care and concern for you...not to YELL at you...

Mimi,

I know you are concerned and I appreciate it.

I am so hurt right now that I feel like i am being beaten up because my c hild has choosen to do this and I ca't stop it.

I know its not where he should be and I don't like it at all but I have to let him make his own descions about this and see its not what he thinks it will be....

It kills me to think of it and I just want to take him and run away but I c an't.... this is reality and I have to deal with it...

I don't want ot fight or demand anything from him right now bcause that will just push him further out there. He needs to see this for himself.....


Hurting

I'll just say that this has not worked for MY CHILDREN. They haven't been able to see for themselves WITHOUT DIRECTION from us. I don't understand you feeling like your son is capable of making his own decisions. This is my POV and has been my experience. I understand that everybody's different and I should not assume that the same would be true for your children. Plus, you know me, Hurting. I feel that there are EVIL FORCES over there. He's LIVING IN HE//...

I wish you wouldn't feel BEAT UP...

ALL OF THIS CRAP IS AWFUL..

I am so sorry that it is happening to you...

Mimi,

I know its evil over there and its a ****** on earth he should not have to see or live in.

But I also know he is such turmiol right now that me pushing or demanding anything will just psu him further away. I have to be his mom and beloving and let him know I am here for him and he can come home anythime he wants to.

He needs to know I will not ever leave him no matter what he choses to do. I really feel I have to let this play out. I know it won't be long and he will see it for what is truly is. The OW truing to tell him what to do is not going to go well for him.

Plus her DD being there is not going to be good either. Fighting fr attention will cause problems as well....

I just have to be his lighthouse as well....


Hurting

Hugs to you, Hurting!!

You and your family have already especially been in my prayers today...

Thanks Mimi we need them....

Hurting

Have you heard from DS yet?

hurting,

I haven't ever posted to your threads, but wanted you to know that I have a great deal of respect for you.

My WH recently began making noises about ds15 coming to live with him (800 miles away), and ds seemed to like the idea. This is what my lawyer to told me...

The idea that a child that age "gets to decide" is somewhat overstated. A judge will give it weight, but first and foremost the child's best interest is always the most important thing. My sitch is similar to yours in that WH's job requires a great deal of travel. In that circumstance, my lawyer thought it was highly unlikely, that a judge would allow ds to live with his WH, even if he wants to, without a very good reason. "Because I want to", generally isn't a good enough reason. "Mom is a crack wh*re", is, lol...if you get the idea.

My lawyer suggested that I approach the situation to my son as if it was not my decision and that it was up to the judge. He said that in his experience, in these situations, when the child is simply acting out, playing one parent against another...they tend to "chicken out" when they realize that they have to explain the reasons why they want to leave to a judge. They are forced to trash one parent (which they really don't want to do)and fold under the pressure of having to explain exactly why living with mom is so horrible to a perfect stranger.

Anyway, I know we live in different states, and the laws might be different, but I do know that the best interest of the child is always the overriding concern in any custody situation...and a living with a traveling parent and being raised by a complete stranger is definitely not in any child's best interest.

To everyone,

I have read and re-read all of this thread tonight. I see where everyone is coming from and I do agree that my DS does not need to be with WH ad OW. With this being said I do hope eveyone will understand my descion in letting this play out.

I do believe that maybe DS needs to see that living with his dad anf the OW will not be what he thinks it will be. As th OW has her own DD living there who is uded to being an only child who will now have to share tme and attention with another. We all know that for now the OW will be welcomingand be in her best behaviors, but we all also know that won't last.

I also know my own DS well enoguh to know he will not stand for her trying to nbe his mom and telling him what to do. I spoke wit my MIL and SIL'S tonight about this and they all agree and say it won't last we just need to let him see it for himself.

Now on thing for sure if this does go to court I weill fight to have my son back and will let the judge make the descion.

I did speak to DS this afternoon and he told me he wants to move back with me once I move from this house. He does not like it here anymore and that is b ecause of so many things. There are some kids who pick on him all the time and he fears leaving the house. He also hates that I have to work so much and am never home with him. So there is a combination of things working on DS right now.

I came home tonight from work and knowing my son is not here is the worst feeling. This is my baby who is now gone. I never thought I would loose my husband mor or less my child. But somehow, someway I wll make it through this and continue to show them both I love them. God grant me the strength to do this.....

Hurting

Orchid: Pay attention here Hurtin'. It looks like your son wants to exercise control but he will hurt you and lose control. He won't come back until you move out of the house? So he wants to add to your burden? Ask him some straight querstions. Ask what his agenda is. Does he want to render you homeless so the WS will take you back? Make sure you know his plan. Your son's plan. It seems like he feels desparate and wants to force his father's hand.

That w/b one hard fall for that boy if he thinks the WS loves him more than that stinky crappy OW. Let your son know that if he is trying to make you seem desparate it won't work other than make matters worse. Let him know there is a way to work things out but it w/b better if u 2 c/b a team instead of him on the OWs team.



Orchid: This bothers me. What is the WS implying is going on with your son? Ask the Ws, what info r u holding back from our son's mother? Don't let him make u feel guilty. Know the WS will try, just keep throwing it back.

Hugz to you and your children. Let them know we feel for them all. Not for the WS and OW though. But we do know their dad and your H want out from captivity. Ask your children to work with you not against you to help their dad escape.

take care,
L.

Hurting,

How are you doing?

Has DS come home yet?

Lady