I'm not convinced that she has a lawyer after all. She won't give me his/her name. Hmmm. Anyway, my appt. with Steve Harley is tomorrow at 10:30 PST.

Glad you have an appt. with Steve..... he will help you so much ..


Hurting

SEARCH the phone records ... if she has an attorney there should be some calls.

Search the money trail ... she'd need to write a check.

Snoop everywhere.... has your aversion to snooping been sufficiently squashed ?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />?

Ladies keep their love letters in their underwear drawer or their jewelry box...

swoop
snoop
copy
secure

Take photographs of the pages in her diary or her calendar or her address book.

Funny (or perhaps not) how that works Pep. Is this some kind of "Freudian thing"?

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar ...

always wanted to say that on MB !!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I donno why ... I think it is just a "private" place... but let's ask Freud~ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Hey quick question. I'm worried about my WW finding my posts here.

She still maintains the account for the card I used to schedule my appt. with Steve. How does it show up on the statement?

If it says anything about marriage builders I need to change how I pay.

Like any other business would.
Take over the checkbook by the way....

So it says Marriage Builders = $185?

I'm taking over my checkbook...the problem is there is no money in that account yet!

GF:

Can you have your paychecks electronically deposited in2 your new account?

-ol' 2long

Just changed it over this minute! And I changed my Reserves direct-deposit over yesterday.

I feel so empowered now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

But that's not going to help with my appt. tomorrow. I think I'll just have to delay a couple days until my reserve's pay comes in from this last weekend.

GF~
All right!!! You have an appointment with the best in the biz....
Before your phone call take the time to get a note book ready and couple pens or pencils... I highly recommend that you tape record the conversation and replay it once you are finished. Steve will tell you A LOT of information that may be hard for you to digest.
In order to bring Steve up to speed. Please write up a summary of everything that has happened.
Do not get caught up in the details. He will need to know the high points leading up to now. Then he will ask questions and have you provide details as he see's fit.

Very good with getting this meeting set up..... Good work!

Your WW may just have been bluffing about the lawyer thing to see what you would do. Mine did the same thing to me. I rushed right to the lawyer and all but filed for the divorce. Then my WW found out I retained a lawyer and guess what... She filed because she thought I hired a lawyer and her OM helped her believe I wanted a divorce.
You see perception to your WW is so very important right now. She must precieve you as strong and really believe in protecting your family and save your wife all at the same time.
You filing for the divorce may be telling her your done and YOU will be giving her an easy way out. Mine also pushed me to file just so she could use that as the excuse for getting divorced. My wife even fogged out did not want the guilt of being the one to file first. This added tremendous pressure to her and tons of guilt by being the one to end the marriage.

Because this divorce thing has really put things into hyper drive, we have yet to figure out what emotional needs YOU were not filling for your wife.

This might be tied to you being strong and making her feel you CARE about her by saving your marriage.

What is your thoughts on what EN you were not meeting for her?

GF~
DO NOT DELAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You had better not cancel your appointment.........

Ok, what is the worst that can happen by her finding out???
She will see this as you REALLY working to save your marriage.
She may get mad and complain right now, but she will see this as you really do believe there is a way for your marriage to work and you are doing just what you say... You are fighting for her..........

Ok, I'm getting conflicting advice from people that I have come to respect. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Dazed says it doesn't matter if my WW sees this thread, but a few pages back Pep said:


I'm leaning towards Pep's view on this one. I don't think my wife will be ready to see this thread, and she would just use it as amunition against me. Right now my WW does not care what I want, and no matter what I show her, she will just keep saying "too little, too late. It's not going to work, because it's OVER!"

I don't want to give my WW the impression that I am giving up on our marriage, and I spoke to a different lawyer this morning who said that ideally it's in a father's best interest to file first. But she also made a few good points.

First off, I may be concerned about my WW makeing false allegations, but that is easily rebuted by the simple question "If I'm abusive or a bad parent, why does she trust me to watch our DD while she fly's across the country every month, and to Vegas this weekend?" Also why do her friends from work trust me with thier kids? (The lady that is getting married next weekend...the reason my WW is going to Vegas in the first place...trusts me with her kid; I just watched her on Friday!)

I can also easily get proof that I have been doing everything for my DD already, sign in sheets for daycare will show that I always drop her off and pick her up. Statements from coaches for swim and soccer lessons will show that I am the one that takes her to these events. I even have ticket stubs to the movie that my wife didn't see with us.

Secondly, my WWs frequent trips and constantly working late (she didn't come home until 2:30 last night again) are verging on abandonment.

So in short, though she feels that it helps to be the person to file first, in my case it won't make or break the case.

I'm going to try and talk to my WW tonight and get the name of her lawyer.

Hi GF,

personally, I would not bring her to this site while you are seeking help with your strategy. You wouldn't give the enemy your battle plan, would you?

When she is ready to work on her marriage, I can think of no better place for her to be, but not now.

JMHO

GF~
It is okay if she see's your billing statement for counseling....
DO NOT show her this thread.... I said this a few post back to you. She is too fogged over to understand.... Do not bring her to MB until she is ready, and she is not no where near ready yet.
Do not show her your plans for action...

Hi GF --

This is my first post to you because you are getting a lot of advice, but I'm wishing you the best. It's very likely that Steve Harley will ask you to ask your wife to talk to him. So, she will know about marriage builders, but he won't talk about this site. He won't expect to talk to her tomorrow, but will likely want you to ask her to consider talking to him.

We counseled with Steve and this is what he did. He will guide you on what to say to her, so I wouldn't sweat the payment on your bill. Besides, there's nothing wrong in telling her you're talking to a marriage counselor to see how to improve yourself. I can't exactly remember what the billing says, but it doesn't say MarriageBuilders at any rate -- at least it didn't on ours. Good luck!

Shellybird

ditto

don't direct her to this site

but who cares if she sees the bill

not I said the little red hen

Ok, thanks for the advice Shelly. I know the possibility of her finding the forums, choosing this particular forum, and then finding my post under a screen name that I've never used before are very slim, but the damage that would be done to my plan would be very bad if she by chance did find it.

I called the office to try and reschedule, but they closed early today. I'll see what they say tomorrow, but if they say I can't change it, I won't view it as the end of the world, and I'll just hope that she doesn't trace the bill back here and find this thread.

Sound like a plan? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

GF

I think you may be okay considering we're hearing the cc charge doesn't display "Marriage Builders" on your statement.

Just be careful, from what you've told me of your wife she is highly intelligent and can connect dots quite easily. So her finding your posts here would only add more info to manipulate you with or to be used against you.

This is your safe place for support. Protect it and do not underestimate the alien your WW has become.

Jo