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Isn't it great when the WS turns exposure around on you and tries to make it look like you are the one causing all the trouble? I mean, a real husband would help keep this stuff a secret for his wife, right? Hah.
Sounds like your wife has a 'ballbuster' reputation around the workplace, eh? Exposure will have it's effect whether you believe it or not, but it takes time. It wont be for a few weeks or months that you notice exposures full effect.
Have you found out where this OM works yet? His family? You need to start getting finding out if theres a way to expose on his side as well.
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[color:"red"]*** EXPOSURE OPPORTUNITY *** [/color]
Quote:
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I talked to my DD's teacher today. She said that my D started crying at the lunch table yesterday. It seems that this whole situation is on her mind just as much as it's on mine. I told my WW about it, and I think it upset her a bit, though I don't know for sure, because it was over the phone and couldn't see her reaction.
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Expose the affair to the teacher and the school principal.
Say this in writing:
"Our family is in crisis. My wife is involved with another man and this creates horrible tension at home which I fear is having a seriously detrimental effect on DD. I am asking for your help. Is there anything I personally can do right now to help my daughter suceed at school while this crisis is going on at home? Please call me if there is any indication my DD needs special attention."
sign it with YOUR name only
KEEP a copy for your diary.
Pep
PS and DATE the letter and hand deliver a copy to the teacher and another copy to the principal
also ... add YOUR cell phone number to the message ... if you have your own personal phone ... AND YOUR email contact as well ....war is ****** I like Pep's idea, the only thing I would add would be to help you has evidence.... Dear Teacher, On such and such a day, you brought to my attention that my DD was crying at the lunch table. I think it important for you to know...[insert the rest of Pep's letter] This is important because it will tell the court why you are sending the letter Regards, BB
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GF...
When you exposed to OM's ex-girlfriend, did you get any information on him? Names of his family? Where he works? Why he would have refered to himself as "volatile and annihilistic"? If not, call her back and get the goods...Tell her that you are trying to save your marriage...GF, you can fully expect for most people to tell you to "kick her to the curb"...almost everyone says that, however, it is a fact that most people do NOT do that...let those comments roll off your back...
I am bummed that you let your source of information be compromised-the people that you exposed to did NOT need proof...a statement that your WW is having an affair and is currently staying in the same hotel with OM would have sufficed...access to her email would have been useful to you...Further, exposure should be done in one fell swoop to ALL targets so that it has it's maximum impact...Ok, I'm not trying to bash you, I know that this is rough...We move forward from here...mistakes can be overcome...Moving forward in this case must mean light speed at this point...GF, do NOT do anything further until you come here and get advice...
Do a search on that computer of all temporary internet files-you may discover deleted emails there...do you have any emails from him to your WW where others were included? A joke email that he sent to her along with other people for instance? You send a blanket email to EVERYONE in that list letting them know what their pal Brian is up to...heck, include the email where he talks of perhaps becoming the father to your daughter...that source is gone anyhow, might as well go for broke...
Remember to do the school exposure letter...Post it here, and let us critique it first...same with the blanket email...GF, we will help you and guide you, but you have to let us...stop running into the middle of the battle field with one grenade, tossing it and then running around waving your arms like a mad man unshielded...I know that this is your life, but you are VERY emotional right now, understandably, and you need to listen to people that understand the proper avenues where this is concerned, OK?
If the ex-girlfriend won't tell you anything about him, there are other ways to find out...you at least have his name, cell phone and email...Google him, and see what comes up. I believe that he will be very easy to get out of the picture...your WW is a toy to him...it is VERY obvious in his emails that he is NOT that into her...This guy is single...once things begin to feel in the least bit uncomfortable for him he will be history...Trust me, my OM was VERY similar...I know what I'm talking about here...
I would like the exposure experts to chime in on everything at this point, but I am wondering if a phone call to OM might be a way to go here...WAIT, and see what others feel...I think that he needs to know just exactly the extent that your wife has misled him...Tell him not to worry about what your daughter may ever call him, as he will never have the chance to find out...that you will fight to the death for your marriage and family...and that you fully intend to drag out a divorce as long as possible...Let him know how much trouble that being with your WW will be...let him know that you will subpoena him and so on...This could possibly send him running and screaming to the hills...AGAIN...DO NOTHING UNTIL A WELL THOUGHT OUT PLAN HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED HERE...
I am going to email MelodyLane and see if she can read here if she has time...GF you NEED her desperately on this...If she shows up here...DO WHAT SHE SAYS...I will be gone for while today...others will be on soon I am certain...Stop, Deep breath, regroup...BE STILL GF...
Best,
Mrs. Wondering
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Okay, WW knows you read her e-mails. She is now going to try to hide contact visa vie opening a new e-mail account and keeping it secret from you, changing her passwords, etc. TODAY, while she is still gone, get a keylogger - it will keep track of EVERY keystroke she makes and, whala, you will then have access to her e-mails again. BUT, you don't let her know that. I am sure others here can chime in on the best program to use...
Regards,
BB
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Since we are talkin to an IT guy .... I'm confident he'll have the keylogger issue covered pronto.
Pep
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GF has a keylogger guys...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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GF
exposure works
even tho you did not get the reaction you wanted
there are now ripples in the water
the affair will not be so sweet
it now has to be explained away by WW
and her lying mouth will not be enough to stop the ripples of rumor
there will be "looks" given
there will be "body language" spoken
she will feel eyes are looking
because they will be looking
patience and fortitude MAN
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Exposing just doesn't seem to have the impact I expected. Everyone is afraid of my WW and don't want to get on her bad side. GF, I don't understand what reaction you expect here?? Why are you saying it doesn't have any impact? Just the fact that EVERYONE KNOWS and your W knows they know has an impact. Removing the secrecy provides the impact you are seeking. Just because the person doesn't want to get involved, and most don't, doesn't mean that their knowing doesn't make the affair very uncomfortable! And this is the point. If everyone knows it is a SLEAZY AFFAIR then the affairees are forced to view themselves through the eyes of others. This inflicts great damage on the affair. So, KEEP exposing. Call the gf back and see if she will give you the OM's parents phone # and any other data she might have. Keep on the path, GF, and don't give up now!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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GF
exposure works
even tho you did not get the reaction you wanted
there are now ripples in the water
the affair will not be so sweet
it now has to be explained away by WW
and her lying mouth will not be enough to stop the ripples of rumor
there will be "looks" given
there will be "body language" spoken
she will feel eyes are looking
because they will be looking
patience and fortitude MAN Thanks Pep...I was just going to post that. GF...you have no idea yet what your exposure is doing.I guarantee, it is doing more than you know right now! You have to get moving on protecting yourself and daughter now. Now that it is out, she will try to make a move. Cut her off at every turn. Stay one step ahead of her...all the while, you Plan A where you can. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Exposing just doesn't seem to have the impact I expected. Everyone is afraid of my WW and don't want to get on her bad side. GF, I don't understand what reaction you expect here?? Why are you saying it doesn't have any impact? Just the fact that EVERYONE KNOWS and your W knows they know has an impact. Removing the secrecy provides the impact you are seeking. Just because the person doesn't want to get involved, and most don't, doesn't mean that their knowing doesn't make the affair very uncomfortable! And this is the point. If everyone knows it is a SLEAZY AFFAIR then the affairees are forced to view themselves through the eyes of others. This inflicts great damage on the affair. So, KEEP exposing. Call the gf back and see if she will give you the OM's parents phone # and any other data she might have. Keep on the path, GF, and don't give up now! Aaahhhh...the queen of exposure has shown up. Very good! In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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p.s. please follow MrsW's suggestions in her post. Those are excellent suggestions!
Do you have the keylogger set up to EMAIL the reports to another email address so you can access them? I would get that set up NOW by setting up a dummy email account on yahoo that you can access from any computer and retreive them.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Mortarman <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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GF,
It is very important you get all the papers your lawyer gave you filled on this weekend and in his hands on Monday. He needs to know that you need to move ASAP.
Regards,
BB
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Calling Mel "the queen of exposure" .... just too hilarious!
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just call me the Texas Flasher! **snort** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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just call me the Texas Flasher! **snort** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Guess I opened a whole can of something there, huh?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Really good job on exposure, GF! Like the others said, you more than likely won't see an immediate reaction you hoped for from the individuals you expose to, but the effects are impactful as this all plays out. Trust this.
Also, VERY VERY IMPORTANT. In the furture, DO NOT disclose where you are getting your affair information (i.e., reading their emails, recorders, spying, etc.) to ANYONE but us (MB).
When you expose just tell folks you know and what you know, but not where you got the info.
This is a WAR. Your spying tools are secret weapons.
Jo
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Wouldn't it be cool if the US would start an AFFAIR EXPOSURE DAY. You know, like Cancer Awareness Day.
Everyone in the US will be encouraged to expose affairs.
We here at MB could start one.
Jo
p.s. No, I haven't had too much caffeine this am. lol
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Ok, well I made a mistake with the first person I exposed to yesterday and told her that I had read the emails.
I also made a mistake when I discovered that I had access to her laptop. I wasted all of my time reading the emails and neglected to install the key logger before it was too late.
The only reason I had access was because she had left it on, and the screen saver password was not turned on. The morning she left she sent out an email and then shut the machine down...now I don't have access anymore. I will be looking for the oportunity again, but she is going to be much more guarded with it now...I may not get another chance...damn, I let my emotional reaction to her emails blind me from rational thinking and installing the key logger.
Me/BS = 28
WW =33
DD = 5
Found out about EA/PA = 4/07/06
WW moved to Virginia to be with OM = 8/21/06
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ok, GF, please focus on your task at hand and finish your exposures. Call the OM's gf back and see if you can get his parents info. Collect your wits about you and make a plan.
Who are good exposure targets? So far we have:
1. OM's parents
2. Wifes boss {?}
3. DD's school
What about the idea of sending out an email enmasse to your w's friends?
Did you see BritBrat's excellent advice about contacting an attorney NOW? She is an attorney and knows what she is talking about. In fact, you are very lucky to have TWO attorney's posting to you, Mr.W and BritBrat. I think UVA may be too.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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