"do any good"

if you mean will it wake her up

NO >>> confronting her with her lies will not wake her up to the damage she is willfully constructing

Your best action?

Stay calm
NO YELLING
If she calls OM from the house, go stand next to her... say "It is very insulting you make affair arrangements in my house. Go outside." ... If she does this behind a locked door, like the bathroom, stand next to the door repeating she needs to take her discussions with her affair partner "outside my home" .... persist in this. Don't allow her to do that in the house. She will likely yell at you for doing this. DO NOT yell back, but do not back down. Stand as near to her as you can and repeat "Talk to your affair partner outside my home." .... Then go document once she goes outside (she will go outside eventually if you persist ).... it will be a nasty dose of reality into their conversation that you are talking to her while she is talking to him.

If she talks to him from wherever she is sleeping (like the couch) ... get up and go stand next to her. "Do not talk to your affair partner in my home."[/i]

You may not have to kick her out. She might just leave.

DOCUMENT that you asked her to take infidelity phone calls outside your home and away from your child and she refused X number of times.

If this marriage has a chance ... she's going to have to RESPECT you .... and this is one small step in that dirrection.

Pep

PS

it is NOT a debatable issue that she's having an affair ... so, don't even try to convince her that you know the truth & you have evidence ... just SPEAK the truth without debate.

Let HER wonder what evidence you do have ... just let her wonder.

If she says something like"You cannot prove I'm having an affair."

you respond
"You are having an affair. Let's turn this marriage around."

don't debate what you know is true .... RESPECT yourself in this way

Pep

Good stuff by Pep!

In His arms.

Thanks Pep. I think you're right, but I do sooooo want to rub everything I know in her face and confront her.

But I agree that she built this relationship on lies, so I know she'll lie to protect it.

How about this for a mental image of yourself ....

instead of trying to humiliate WW ....

YOU start to frighten her

with your strength and self control and determination that you are not going to be buggered without K-Y <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

If you follow in Mortarman's and BobPure's footsteps ... your WW will be frightened that she's no longer in the driver's seat.... YOU ARE IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT

Because you are the MAN in CONTROL of himself

and she is completely out of control

Pep

... and her fear will be expressed with anger

When you see her get angry, secretly & internally congratulate yourself for a job well done <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> .... because he anger <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> means she's afraid <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Good morning GF- how are you today?

What's the update with the lawyers' appt?

Still trying to get a hold of her to see if I can get in there today.

I'm not gonna lie; the thought of starting down this path with a lawyer scares the bejebers out of me!!!

Hey, part of the paperwork that she gave me was to give a description of my WW for when she is served...it also asks where she should be served.

I can think of three places...home, work, gym. All three are hard to pinpoint because she is so sporatic for all three. She is so unpredictable lately that it's hard to say if she's even going to go to work, or if she's going to be home before 2:30 in the morning. She goes to the gym maybe once or twice a week, but usually not the same days, and the time varies greatly.

I'm leaning towards work, becuase it'll be exposure too, but what do you guys think?

For the description insert a picture if you can.

My vote would be to have her served at home. The work thing is just too vindictive appearing (not just to her but perhaps also to the court hearing your divorce and custody matters - you need to always be Mr. Nice Guy to them). You also may challenge her sense of bravada more by humiliating her at work. Plus at work she'll get support from her peers whereas at home she'll be alone to suffer the consequences of her actions. Maybe she'll break down and YOU will be there to support her. Until you are divorced you are still her husband.

Exposure at work is good but should be done separate and in proper form, now or later.

BTW, you are not racing to serve her before she serves you. You will both be filing in the same court so the first one to file will have the advantage. Serving is a separate matter and you'll have 30-90 days to complete service of process.

Mr. Wondering

That's perfectly understandable. But it sounds from what you've said that your wife has had absolute control of every cent that either one of you have made, that she's spending it and probably hiding it from you. She obviously doesn't care about what happens to you and she'll take everything from you if she can. It sounds a whole lot scarier to be without any protection where she can take your home, your money and your child from you.

It sounds like she's a control freak and won't like you trying to stand up to her attempts at destroying your life. She may accuse you of abuse and who knows what other things. She obviously lies about nearly everything to everyone. If you don't protect yourself, you'll regret it and your poor little girl will pay the price.

You are doing the right thing to get legal protection. Keep telling yourself that. When your wife comes home, she'll likely try her best to intimidate and bully you into letting her have her way. You have to do the right thing for your child and not let your wife trash your and your kid's lives anymore than she already has.

Think with logic, not with emotion or you'll be very sorry. Do NOT tell your wife that you are seeing a lawyer. Make sure that your lawyer knows what type of person your wife is, so that they can help you protect yourself.

Grown up is correct.

And your WW just might threaten "NOW I'm going to see a lawyer because of what you (said or did or whatever)."

.... and you just smile and say nothing ... knowing YOU already have your protection lined up

let her threaten "divorce lawyer" ... it will be amusing if nothing else

Pep

Ok, so now I'm really confused. I don't want her served? I just want to file? I'm filing because I want to protect my DD from OM, so do I just file for temporary custody, LS, or DV?

Please advise...I just don't get it!

If you file..she has to be served!

GF, what they are saying is that right now, have her served at home. File to protect your daughter...but have her served at home. That will allow less crap that yoru WW will use in order to justify her tirade that is going to come!

In His arms.

Please excuse this short T/J, but Mortarman, we have another army guy on our forum whose W is having an affair. Can you pop your head in there and see if you can give him some advice on surveillance? He is leaving for duty in a week and is quite distraught. His name is J1974. If you don't have time, I understand completely. thanks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The most important thing is that you file first. That is what the court will look at to determine which party, if any, will dictate the proceedings. Moreover, filing first will make it harder, if not impossible, for your WW to concoct a story and have you kicked out of your own home. So, file today and ask that your WW be served at home. She can file whenever she wants, but as long as you file first, you call the shots. Don’t worry about when she gets served.

As to what to file for, I would suggest temporary custody of your DD and legal separation. I am not sure filing for divorce is necessary at this point. But ask your lawyer what she thinks is best, and follow her advice. Please note that even if you file for D, that does not mean that your M is over. Whether or not your M succeeds will depend on your WW’s actions, not on what you file for today. So if your lawyer says that the best thing to do to protect your DD and yourself is to file for D, do it. Do not let this be another excuse for not doing what you know you need to do.

God Bless

Ok, just got off the phone with the lawyer. I have an appt. at 3:30 this afternoon.

She said that I can't just file for temporary custody, I have to file for LS or DV.

Now I'm really torn. Should I file for LS to show that I want to recover our marriage, or should I show her I'm serious as a heart attack and file for DV?

READ UVA'S response

makes a ton of sense

GF~ What does Steve Harley think you should do?

No problem!! Always there for my fellow grunt!

In His arms.