I was going to edit everything out if/when I'm ever able to talk to her about MB.

I plan on counceling here, but not until I have control of my finances, I don't want to risk her finding her way here from seeing MB on the credit card transaction history.

I should have the funds anyday now.

Ok, here's the letter. Lot's of personal history coming out here, but I want to make sure that it's as effective as possible.

I'm sure that he'll share it with WW, so be that as it may, I'm asking you guys if it's an OK move to make:

"OM,

My name is Good Father. I know you know who I am, but I’m afraid that you don’t know the whole truth about me, my wife, and our daughter.

Here is our history. WW and I met online playing a card game named Euchre. We wound up being partners in the game and were chatting back and forth, within a day or two we wound up looking for each other specifically, and shortly after that we exchanged phone numbers and started talking and building our relationship over the phone. I lived in Tucson with the Air Force, and she was living in Toronto.
We were talking for seven months before we ever met face to face; I knew I loved her long before we ever met in person. She came out to Tucson to visit me for my 21st birthday, and things went so well that she never went home. We even bought a dog together (Beakie) within two weeks of her coming out.

Things were rough, she was not able to work because she wasn’t a legal resident, and I was an E-3 in the Air Force. At times we had to choose between buying her a pack of cigarettes, or buying gas so I could get to work. We lived in a loft apartment, with a futon and a 13 inch TV.

I proposed to WW a month later on the side of Mt. Lemon. It was tough getting her out there, because she is not a fan of heights, but it was worth it because it was the most beautiful place I knew, and she deserved to be proposed to in a beautiful, special place. We had talked about getting married before, but my proposal was to make it “official”.

We got married on the 20th of August 1999; the day before WW’s 26th birthday. About nine months later, a local radio station was holding a contest to win two Nissan Sentras. They called it “Shackled for Sentras”. The point of the contest was to be handcuffed to a partner, and each partner had to keep their other hand on the car. There were 20 sets of partners, and WW won one of the spots. She didn’t wind up winning, but that’s not the point of this story. It was during this contest that WW came to the realization that she was pregnant.

We both decided that the baby was going to be a boy. If it was, we were going to name him Aiden, and if we were wrong and it was a girl we would name her DD, for WW’s late grandmother who’s name was (grandmothers name). We felt that naming a girl (old lady name) in this day and age would be cruel, so we used her initials. Well, as you know, we were wrong about the baby being a boy, and the world’s most beautiful little girl was born on January 25th 2001.

In the December preceding the birth of our child, we moved half way around the world to Okinawa, Japan. This was a very difficult time for WW. We didn’t know anyone, and she was 8 months pregnant. The hospital was horrible, and made the DD’s birth far more difficult than it needed to be. To top it off, our shipment of household goods came from the States the same day (which we needed because our bed and the baby crib were in it), so I had to go let the movers into our house, while WW was in labor. It took less than an hour and a half, because I just had everything from the truck thrown into the living room. I made it back with less than 15 minutes to spare before our daughter was born.

WW stayed home with DD for the first year. We then put her into day care, so WW could start working. She really needed the interaction with other adults. This is where she met (ex-gf), and I’m sure you know the rest of that story.

A year after she started working, we petitioned the Air Force to move us back to the States, so WW could have a gastric bypass surgery done. They approved it, and we moved to Washington in February of 2003. We lived out of a hotel for a month while we waited for our house on base to be ready for us.

WW continued to work, and in July had her surgery. She was immensely successful. We have heard plenty of stories about people getting this surgery and within a couple years were back to being overweight. In fact, my sister had this surgery and now, a few years later is still struggling with her weight. WW used her very strong will and achieved some truly amazing results. But, a year after the surgery, she started having some really intense stomach pain. She wound up having to have her gall bladder removed as well.

In October of 2004 I got a vasectomy. I feared for my wife’s safety if she were to get pregnant again. Her pregnancy with DD was very difficult, and now that she had had her surgery, her body would have a difficult time nourishing both her and the baby. I had very little difficulty in making this decision, for that reason, and for the reason that I believed WW and I would be married for the rest of our lives.

Then in January of 2005, I left the active duty Air Force. It was obvious that my constant deployments were really impacting our marriage. Again, this decision, although frightening (because I would be giving up the job security), was not that difficult to make. I was willing to do whatever was needed to keep my family happy.

Now though, our family is no longer happy. My wife has found happiness in you, which I have failed to provide her lately. And that brings me to the reason for this letter.

I have always been there for my wife, through the difficult times when we had no money, to her recoveries after child birth and surgery. I have never strayed from my commitment to her and our family. My love for her has never waned. I truly care for my wife the way that no one else ever has. I’m sure that your feelings for her are strong as well, but you have not traveled the path that she and I have traveled together, and I guarantee that the feelings you have for my wife pale in comparison to those that I have. She is the reason I am who I am today. Every decision I make, I make considering her and how she would feel. She is in every thought…she is an integral part of who I am.

I’m sure my wife has said things to make you believe that we are breaking up, but I am telling you that I have no intentions of doing so. I also know that my wife has said things about me that are simply not true. First, I have not moved out of our bedroom, and secondly, I did not take a large sum of money out of our account. I’m sure there are others that have been said in an attempt to vilify me, making it easier for your conscience to come to terms with the fact that you are having an affair with a married woman.

OM, I want my family to be happy again. I no longer want our five year old to cry because mommy and daddy are getting separated. I want to be able to make my wife happy again, and I will fight to save our marriage. I am prepared to be the man that my wife deserves, and to forgive her for this mistake that she has made. Make no mistake, I will no longer sit quietly and watch you infiltrate our family, and our daughter will never call you dad.

This letter is a husband’s and a father’s promise to do everything within his power to make his family whole again. If you have a shred of dignity, integrity, or honor, you will remove yourself from our lives and allow us to rebuild our marriage with no further interference."

thanks, Jo -

Hey, I think I know this guy.

He can be observed at the primate exhibit at the Nat'l Zoo. Take the red line and get off at the Woodley Park station.

Well, it sounds like he knows about you, but he may not know that you have no interest in getting a divorce. He's "rescuing" your wife from something. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Jumping to the conclusion and setting aside the "letter" issue for a moment, this affair hasn't a chance, IMHO. These two idjits don't know what the he11 thay want. Follow your course and allow her to explore this Castle In the Sky and she could become the poster child for the MB Crash Test Dummy contest.

JMHO

WAT

And you were expecting to be painted by Klimt?

Of course you look a monster. Look. You could be the Mother Teresa of husbands (now there's a mental image <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> ), and your alien spouse would make you look like satan incarnate.



Bank on this. There is no greater truth. OP has nothing on you...and will never. HE can never say he did the honorable thing in their (gag) relationship....NEVER.

- Kimmy

GF - No.

I didn't even read it all.

Dear OM - I am lost lamb's husband. This is to inform you that I have no intention of giving up my family. Stay away from my wife and child. If you want to communicate about this, send all correspondence to my attorney who is prepared to take whatever legal steps necessary to purge you from our lives.

GF

Exactly Kimmy!

That was the point of this letter, to give him the idea that I just might not be a monster, but a truly concerned and loving husband and father.

In my opinion, the last paragraph is all you need to say if you send a note...actually I'd prefer you call him and tell him that so it isn't in writing...just that paragraph and tell him to butt out of your lives or you will do everything in your power to make him wish he had.

GF,

Wat's letter is excellent and contains all you need to convey to OM.

Please do not share the details of your M with OM. He doesn't deserve to know, nor does he deserve any further invitation into your M.

I like WATs letter, too.

It's very strong and to the point. Conveys everything (including tone) that the OP needs to know.

I concur with Frozen's advice NOT to let OP know any details of your marriage. If he doesn't scare away by the letter, then those details will be used against you - to jab at your weak spots. (from someone who knows - trust me - if he stays sniffing around, he's gonna use ANYTHING he can against you)


- Kimmy

I vote yes for WAT's letter too.

Oh boy, did I screw up!

No "Dear" OM. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Just "OM".

Sheese! What WAS I thinking?

WAT
---------------
Paristocracy: The class of people born to the lifestyle of the rich and clueless.

I'd like to echo WAT's analysis. That other man is not interested in your marriage. He's demonstrated that fairly conclusively. Brevity is an advantage here.

Sometimes WE even forget that politeness has no effect on the OP.

LOL.

What was I thinking, Wat?

I was over here selling your letter to that dear, sweet, heckuvaguy!

I just took the "dear" as a stock salutation, but you're right...just plain "Yo OM," sounds much more appropriate.

I agree with WAT, GF.

Don't send that letter. You have no idea what kind of machinations the OM's three functioning brain cells will go through reading that. 2 many damned handles.

I sent a "form letter" 2 Rat Meat when my W 2k our teenage son 2 meet him during the course of a field trip 2 his workplace 2 years ago.

It had "no handles" in it at all, and yet he interpreted this:

"I've seen recent emails between you"

2 indicate that there was "hope" of continuing their relationship.

He certainly didn't stay away from my son like I warned him 2.

Best thing 2 do by far is 2 ignore his very existence. You don't want him 2 get the false notion that he exists, do you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Your WW and her scrambled 3 dysfunctioning brain cells are the root of your problem, not the goof from VA.

-ol' 2long

Ok, so the concensus is this...short and sweet. Get in, get the job done, get out. Don't try to appeal to the guy, because he doesn't care.

So WAT's suggestion:

"OM - I am lost lamb's husband. This is to inform you that I have no intention of giving up my family. Stay away from my wife and child. If you want to communicate about this, send all correspondence to my attorney who is prepared to take whatever legal steps necessary to purge you from our lives."

One question about this...it is deffinately going to get back to my WW right away. And my lawyer said that I shouldn't let her know I've retained a lawyer until after she is served.

So I guess...I should wait and just accept things as normal for now?

Follow your attorney's advice. Don't send it .. yet.

Perhaps send it after your wife has been served with the LS papers at the end of this week.

Jo

GF,

If its okay to ask, knowing your wife is returning this evening, please let us know how you're doing tomorrow, or sooner.

We worry.

Jo

GF,
I'm going to go aginst the grain here, a little bit, and advise you to not even bothering to contact OM in any way sahpe or form.
I will tell you, from my own personal experience, that OM does not give two [email]sh@@s[/email] about you or your feelings. To him, you are a non entity.
I confronfronted my OM in person, and all he could do is shrug his shoulders in some dubmfouded idiatic way, with no answers to any legititmate questions or protests that you may make.
Let's consider the fact the he knows he is srewing a Married women, and then consider how much conscience he may actually have. What do you think the answer to that Q is?
If he had any conscience at all, he wouldn't be doing this, right??
The only consolation I got at all, was, I made him call my W and apologize for interfering in our M. It killed him to do so, but I was very clear about the consequences if he didn't. So for me, he had to eat dirt or face my ultimate wrath, and he complied. At least that felt good.
My recomendation is, don't waste your time or energy with letter, it will get you nowhere and may actually enrage your anger even further.
All Blessings,
Jerry

I agree.

Consult your lawyer.

The point is, the OM doesn't care, and confronting one is always a gamble (usually relatively harmless, but not always). Your WW will likely come 2 his defense and try 2 do damage control. This may work, or it may scare the dude off. Since he doesn't live locally, and he meets your W on travel, he may not perceive you as a threat even if you do confront him.

-ol' 2long