I'm planning on exposing to OM's work, so he can feel some pressure there, but lawyer says to wait until after the motion for temporary orders, so as my actions (although for the right reason) don't look vindictive.

I get the sense that the lawyer doesn't agree with me wanting to save my marriage, but she hasn't said anything.

My friends and family tell me to move on it's over, and I can't fix the damage that's been done.

Neighbors asked us over for Easter, me and DD will go, but I doubt WW will. I'll be telling them what is going on as well. With or without WW there (if I can muster the courage!)

Please ask your attorney about naming OM. I bet you can as well as refer to an adulterous affair. A RO blocking your wife from introducing your daughter to other men has "adultery" written all over it already.

Maybe Brit will speak to this?

The state DOES care about adultery - it can be the grounds for divorce.

In my final divorce documentation filed on the public record, I named OM and the fact that I believed my wife's REAL intention for filing for divorce was to carry on her extramarital relationship with him - instead of the "voluntary" grounds. (I hope he runs for public office someday.) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT

Your lawyer is focused on the legal side of this, which is fine. You need that. The fact she hasn't said what you surmise suggest 2 me that she understands you don't want your M 2 end and she's willing 2 work with you 2 save it (within her perview, that is). Sounds like a good lawyer 2 me.

Friends and family don't have the stake in this that you and your DD do.

Your M *may be* indeed over. But it might not be. The MB methods are the best 2ls you have at your disposal 2 find out... ...plus, they'll keep you sane during the process (which will keep on no matter what you do for a while), AND you'll come out the other end with relationship skills you never knew you needed.

There's no way but up.

-ol' 2long

Probably in contrast with other advice, I recommend you don't do this at all.

Why do you think he's gonna feel any pressure? Does the nature of the business suggest so - they ostensibly eschew affairs?

Workplace exposure hardly EVER produces the desired results - especially when coming from a faceless stranger - unless the affairess work together, are in the same company, or when a supervisor/subordinate relationship exists, thus defining sexual harrassment. In fact, "discriminatory" treatment by an employer for external conduct not reasonably affecting the business interests is prohibited in the government and possibly other jurisdictions. (Not that exposure will result in discriminatory treatment.)

Unless you have real good reason to think this exposure will yield results, I bet the downside for you - HUGE LBs and claimed "invasion" of OM's "privacy" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> will paint you as a crazed lunatic. The general public does not understand affair exposure.

JMHO

WAT

My state is a "no-fault" state. You can pretty much file for divorce because you feel like it. All you have to say is "irreconsileable differences".

Adultery might come into account when it comes to the parenting plan though. It can show that her judgement is not sound, and may not be in the best interest of the child.


Ohh, update!! WW just called as I was writing this. She asked if I had sent in the re-fi paperwork for our second mortgage. I told her no, because I'm not sure I'm going to do it. She is PISSED! here's the rest of the convesation:

WW: Well I'm gonna go then
me: Why?
WW: there's no point for us to talk anymore if you're not going to do the paperwork
me: oh?
WW: that's really great, so what? Niether one of us can do it on our own, so we get divorced and both file bankruptcy? That's really great. (Click)

Maybe a hint of reality creaping in there? Or am I just being too hopeful?

I'm not going to add another $40k in debt to my name so we can pay off all the CCs that she has rung up. Not until there is a dedication to work on us...not just our finances.

WAT...good points about exposure to OMs work. Any one else have something to add?

Can you show that she's been using her CCs to finance her A? Usually, you aren't held responsible for that...esp. if you can prove it....like um....I dunno...if you have emails regarding a trip she's buying to be with another person....

And yes, that little convo is reality slapping her upside the head. Do it again.

And I agree. DO NOT SIGN ANOTHER MORTGAGE JUST SO SHE CAN WALTZ AWAY SCOT FREE OF HER OWN DEBT!

- Kimmy

Ding, ding, ding!! The WW has added another clue! She needs you to absorb some of this debt so she can make the move that she wants. Or even better...wants to take some of the money and run with it (my wife did that right after the sale of our house...moved away from me and the kids, and then got a boob job two weeks later!!).

This is why you do NOTHING outside of your plan. You dont help her one bit. You dont react to her actions or words. Just sit back and watch. The WS ALWAYS show their true colors and will give you all the clues that you need to understand what they are upto.

Good job!!

In His arms.

GF - I guess I'm not being clear enough. I'll try again.

Please ask your attorney if you can name the OM in the RO or any other legal documents. This is not about grounds for divorce. It's about whatever logic applies to WHY you're getting an RO in the first place. OK?

If there's no impediment to naming OM, do it. Naming him doesn't create a legal argument for divorce, custody, or anything else - it's all about just naming him to infer his status as an accomplice to the potential breakup of a family. Understand?

Brit???

WAT

Let me get this right ... your WW is an "ACCOUNTING MANAGER" and she wants to refi your 2nd mortgage so she can pay off HER racked up CC excessive debt from all the $$ (marital assets) she has spent on OM and her affair (trips, gifts, primping .. and on and on).

Your response to her is the correct one. NO FRIGGIN WAY!

Reality certainly bites for a WW, doesn't it.

Jo

She just called again about the re-fi....she is pissed!!!

WW: What is your reasoning agian for not doing the re-fi?
me: I'm not going to get further into debt with you just to make it easier for you to leave.
WW: Well you are off all the CCs then
me: ok, I don't really use them anyway.
WW: you realize that you are going to be responsible for half of all the debt right?
me: yup
WW: and I'm giving you an easy out by getting rid of the CC debt.
me: I don't want an easy out from you.
WW: (good father) what don't you understand? We are over, we are getting divorced, and if you don't do the re-fi, we are going to have to sell the house.
me: I know that you truly believe that we are over. I do not. I can't force my belief on you, and you can't force your belief on me.
WW: well we're going to have to sell the house then. Is it ok for me to get an realtor set up to do that then?
me: no
WW: why?
me: it's my house too and we are not selling it until the court orders us to.
WW: Well by you refusing to sell the house or re-fi, you are forcing us into a bad situation, and you are going to have to leave.
me: no, I'm not leaving the house.
WW: so I need to get a court order for that too?
me: yup.

Now she is getting worked up, and I'm remaining calm because I know something she doesn't....I've already taken steps to protect myself and our DD by retaining a lawyer and filing for LS.

I think I handled myself pretty well...what do you think?

I think you deserve a medal.

No LBs AND you smacked her with some doses of reality.

Very well done.

"get a court order for that, too..."

SNORT!

Proof positive yet again that there really IS a Mothership.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

WAT

Whewwww,,,, not just a GOOD job,,,,

That was GREAT!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Umm...she called about it again...long conversation

Wound up with her confronting me about talking to the IT guy at her work, and reading her email from a company owned computer, as grounds for going to the sherrif's office this afternoon to have me removed from the home.

Complete BS...tell her to have at it.

After all, she left the computer on, opened to her email and told you that you could read it if you were suspicious. WW must have thought you wouldn't do it. How is that illegal?...she consented to it.

Cops and prosecutors DO NOT get involved in these matters...period.

Mr. Wondering

Bullcorn....she's talking out her .... um .... er .... tush...yah...tush.

She's all bluster and bluff. Reminds me of what happens when you poke a frog with a stick. They puff up and get bigger in hopes you will back off.

Keep that mental image in your mind, will ya? But try not to lol when she does this...blows their whole image.

Only the company she works for will have issues with you being on her 'puter. Let THEM take it up with the SO. Furthermore, the SO will dub it a "civil" matter if she tells 'em, and tell her to take it to her lawyer.

(it's good to know the law)

- Kimmy

BTW, do not even mention figuring this out in court. If you get the chance and she bring up court again try to indicate that you hope you two can discuss this civilly just between the two of you. Indicate you have NO INTENTION of going to the courts. You want her and her attorney to think they have time right now, just in case she's got her documents ready or nearly ready to file. I doubt she does but you don't want a race to the courthouse steps. Give her NO INDICATION you want anything to do with the courts right now.

Mr. W

the alien azzhats are sooooo stupid



duh

she used company puter to send adultery LOVE letters

oops >slaps head<

Just wanted to restate what I said earlier today:


Great job!! This is all par for the course.

In His arms.