oooooohhhhhhhhhhh

you have OM's cell number
>thinking wicked wrong thoughts<

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I would think she'd just tell him to F-off.

I don't think she has any respect for you, GF, anyway right now.

Hopefully, that will change.

I sure would try it though- and I definitely would NOT pay or help her pay her cell phone bill. Let him pay for it.

Yea, I have his cell number...I started tracking thier cell to cell calls since they met.

I need to get my hands on last months statement...February the talked for over 41 hours, that doesn't include any calls that may have been to/from our house/his house...or work.

I bet March was much more...and they were together for a couple weekends in March.

I'd be happy to post the number and you all could have a grand 'ol time at his expense!

Ok, now that that is over...can someone verify that I'm doing the right thing? I feel sooooooo lonely right now, and miss her dearly.

yes

and GF needs to stand next to WW whenever she is on the phone with OM and say "Go outside with adultery conversations."

she can yell
she can swear
and he can remaain by her side until she does go outside

She needs a huge dose of reality - in addition to some other things.

What's holding up the legal steps?

WAT

Nothing...expecting the lawyer to call me in for a document review sometime today.

Hang tight, GF. You have dropped the bomb from 30,000 (using your Air Force lingo!!). It just hasnt hit the ground yet.

Let's see that sucker hit (the suit being done by your lawyer) and do a BDA (Battle Damage Assessment) before taking the next step.

You are doing fine....

Now, let's just sit back with a cold one and watch. Tick. tick. tick...

In His arms.

So any thoughts on how this is going to play out? I mean the cold hard facts are as follows:

1. My wife is in a full blown affair with another man and travels the country with him every month.
2. She doesn't want to be a part of my life at all, and would prefer that she never see me.

Now you've said that my M is still very saveable, but how? I just can't see how this can play out to a good ending right now...maybe because I'm smack dab in the middle of it.

Outside perspective anyone?

I DO hope you have recorded in your journal, all the times she has gone away for the weekend to be with him, leaving DD with you. You should also be including the number of days she is gone and how many times she calls to check on DD. Good evidence in connection with custody.

Regards,

BB

Maybe I missed the details of what the pending legal action says, but is OM's name included?

If not, is there a legal impediment to include his name and as a result, sending him copies of any issued documents?

Seeing his name in print in an oficial document discussing adultery, child custody, etc. could make this cockroach scurry under a rock.

You're at war, man. Do not withhold your available weapons.

WAT

OR, apparently, DD's life. Weekends are when she should be spending quality time with DD, as during the week, DD is at school and WW is at work. Not to mention all the late hours she works (which should also be recorded in your journal, as well). Speaking from experience (I have a 4 year old), weekday evenings are filled with getting dinner ready, getting son ready for bed and putting him to bed - very little time for quality time in the evenings. BTW, great routine for you to implement (and make sure comes out in the custody stuff) is Bath, Brush, Prayers, Book(s), Sleep. Not only does my son thrive on it, he now sees it as "special" time.

Regards,

BB

Arkie's BE STILL!

Read that. Your insides are in turmoil right now. You cannot see the forest for the view of the trees.

Every step you take, you are taking for the good of your marriage. Period. Even when you have to be Barney Bad A$$. You believe? Then you believe that you and your wife are one. That she violates your marriage and herself with that scum means she is violating you. Do not allow it.

Always, tho, speak softly while weilding your big (HUGE, MONDO) stick.

You are going to become the lighthouse through her fog. You will be the beacon that guides her out of her chaos...but first you have to make certain she SEES the chaos that she has created. That is where YOU are right now....and it's only the beginning of this path.

When you begin a trip, do you see the destination? I mean, yeah, you can visualize it....but can you SEE it? Of course not....but that doesn't mean the destination has moved or isn't there. It's just not seen yet.

YET.

- Kimmy

The lawyer is writing up restraining orders to block my WW from introducing DD to any other men.

I don't know if I can name him specifically. That is something I would have to ask my lawyer. As far as adultry is concerned, in my state they don't really care.

Yes, GF. You are caught up in the ground war. All you can see is what is right in front of you. Those that have been thru this before, plus the experts like the Harleys, know something you dont (and we know it due to experience).

Once the legal stuff hits, all he!! is goign to break loose. Your wife is going to go off, threaten, go to her attorney, maybe move out, etc. She will tell you that this is precisely why she wants to leave!! She will run to the OM and cry on his shoulder, telling him how mean and hateful you are. She will expect the OM to provide comfort for her and to make things all better.

But the first rule of affairs is that the OP is incapable of meeting all of those needs...incapable of making things "all better." That is why over 95% of those relationships fail. GF, the odds are highly in the favor of that relationship ending, no matter what you do! The issue is, WHEN it ends...will she be looking for you? Will you have planted doubt in her mind about you? Will you have tried to meet ENs of hers? Will you have fixed some of the things wrong with you? Will you have enforced your boundaries?

The next step, she will realize that she isnt playing around with a doormat. So, she will try to bargain with you. To get you to see that the marriage is over, and it would be best for everyone. Get you on her marriage-ending team!! When that doesnt work, she will try to work the fence. To have you and the OM. But of course, you wont give in to that either.

Eventually, she will have to choose. But the OM by this point will have shown that he isnt much interested in her drama. So, he will have been LBing.

At that point, then we will see what happens. Until then, you have work to do in order to set yourself up as the guy she wants to spend her life with.

In His arms.

Good Father,

Please read and re-read Mortarman's reply above.

It is ALL TRUE!!!

Jo

GF,

I have read thru most of your thread, and all of your posts. As terrible as this situation is, it must be nice knowing you have this collective level headed knowledgable group assiting you.

The only thing I would add, is keep focus on your Intel. The more the better. Knowing her thoughts, and moves will assist your decission making process greatly.

Keep logging everything, with dates and times, and make sure it's protected. I use my laptop with file encryption (free software) cryptainer LE LINK

Do you still have a recorder on the house phone? Keep it running for your own knowledge. Set up a voice activced recorder in the space she typically makes the cell calls from home.

I would look into cracking her laptop password. It would be best if you find find our her password, and leave it in place. here's a link PCSTATS LINK for some options. If you are sucessful, and you can find her password. Install a good spy program suite such as SPECTORSOFT LINK.

I wish the best for you and your familty.

Thanks MM. That is exactly what I was looking for. I "know" all of the things that have been said so far, and believe them...it's the "feelings" that I can't detach myself from.

Last night it was so hard to be kind and quiet, after learning everything I've learned over the weekend. Especially when she was being so very cold and distant.

I actually developed some "ticks"...I could feel my right cheek twitching, and I had to cross my arms because my hands were shaking so much.

It was at this point that I knew I needed to leave the room or else a discussion that I wasn't ready for might have started. Plus she says that she feels that I "hover" and it makes her uncomfortable. That part is really hard too, because I want to be close to her, so I kinda just stand there waiting for the opportunity. (which of course never comes)

Also, I'm having a hard time talking to her. I don't really want to talk about OM, and I can't talk about the lawyer or LS yet. I've never lied to my WW before, and hiding the legal stuff from her feels like lying, and is really hard.

You're in a war to get your wife back from the alien, GF, and you don't reveal military strategy to the enemy. Don't feel guilty about this. You are reacting to something she's done; you didn't initiate anything.

How's your plan for exposure coming?